It is not that I forget, it is most likely I never got the chance to remember

The way I remember to spell the word 'their' is to tell myself that the word 'the' is how it starts.

I do not think that my brain stores information like most people's but I haven't really ever investigated it.

There are times that I will tell myself that the word that I want to spell is spelled the opposite of what I think it should be but then when I get more familiar with the word, I forget which way is the opposite way.

I usually have to anchor my memories to some existing memory to get myself to remember.

Strong feelings

I cannot believe that I am advocating for soup.

I can understand not likely certain soups but to say all soups everywhere suck is something I do not understand. I am not a love of soup but I have eaten some good soups which include chili's and stews.

(this one is about you)

...

Things have not been too delightful lately and I am most likely over stressed and I deal with stress by reducing myself to the size of a few molecules which means my world gets very tiny, so tiny that I cannot work a keyboard.

Keep an eye on your old folks

My desire was to just get home and do some laundry; staying late and working weekends were starting to take a toll.

At the trolley station an old woman was having trouble getting through the turnstile and what looked to be her adult children were already on the other side. The old lady seemed a little panicy and confused. Her problem was simple though, there was not enough credit on the pass she was using but her family didn't seem to be offering any help.

I was only there a moment and in the moment she failed to get the gates opened twice and she tossed her hands up.

I have a monthly pass which pretty much lets me ride and local train, bus or trolley but I cannot use it at the same station after a fifteen minute wait.

I told the lady that I would get her in and pressed my pass to the sensor on the turnstile an dit opened but she didn't step through, she was still confused so I gave her a little push and told her to hurry.

I wondered whose idea it was to leave this confused lady on the outside of the station while they went through first.

I then turned and left the station and walked to the next closest.

Keep an eye on your old folks.

On the bus

Pride

Memorial Day weekend plus Tuesday

It has probably been over a decade since this room has had a ceiling.

On top of the bookshelf with all the cookbooks

The cats are limited to two rooms at the moment and this is one of the only places where they can get direct sunlight.

Monday

The new copier seems great but when the office is quiet you can hear every beep; and it beeps a lot.

…

My patience seems to be gone.

…

I wanted mason jars and was having trouble finding them so I went to the supermarket where I had seen them last. It was about five o’clock in the evening.

There was an area by the front of the store that looked like a small tornado hit and I noticed a couple of Mothers’ Day things about. Also about were a couple of people waiting for what turned out to be balloons and flowers which were brought out from some back room.

In my head, I ridiculed all of those people who had forgotten about Mothers’ Day; even though I sometimes forget what the present day is.

…

I brought my lunch with me today. I figure that it will save money and also make it easier to eat better and also to eat less. I have a hard time remember that I do not need to “clean my plate” and that paying for and leaving food that will be throw away is not as bad as overeating.

I am trying to pay more attention to a few things.

I rolled a slice of Black Forest Ham, Genoa Salami, and Harvarti Cheese into two leaves of Romaine Lettuce along with a little bit of red onion in the middle. I also have carrots and a dill pickle.

…

We celebrated Mothers’ Day a week earlier because we did not want to deal with the unnecessary drama of Mothers’ Day on Mothers’ Day but we did also do a little something on Mothers’ Day just because mothers can be strange sometimes.

Wednesday

I don't remember the last time that I was that angry.

I wanted everyone to shut up. Their voices seemed to be driving me crazy. My iTunes were also making me angry, I hated every sound coming from the computer speakers.

I tried to take a mental step backwards; the situation taking place should not have been enough to cause me any concern but yet I was as angry as I have ever been. I was in the office so I really couldn't tell everyone to shut the fuck up which caused me some frustration which then caused a strong desire to escape the area.

I leave my desk frequently, I get coffees, make copies, ask questions of people in other offices, go to Staples and other do other things that get me away from my desk but at that exact moment, I had no place to go and for some reason I was refusing to be driven from my desk.

My anger subsided even though the noise of the office didn't.

I then started checking dates for when I could take a vacation.

Next

The meeting was scheduled for 1PM to 5PM. My work day is from 8AM to 4PM.

A contract was being negotiated.

Every time the other side would leave, I would think about how much I didn't want to be there. My mind would wander to things I should be doing, things that have been holding me back. Things that have been causing my life to stagnate.

I wondered if "stepping up" was a mistake. I tried to reconcile my expectations of others and those of myself. I think more people should step up and do things but if I do not step up in certain ways then how can I expect other to step up? I thought more people should get involved in the union, even though I am not a huge fan of labor unions. The union is there, it is a closed shopped, if you have to exist in it, you should try to make sure it works to the collective benefit of the membership.

It was that thinking that caused me to run for office. It wasn't much of a run, there was just one nominee, just like most every other election where the 'leaders' end up pleading with folks to fill the offices.

I fell into vice president. I figured that it would be easy and it was until the president quit. I still hold it against him somewhat. But "people need to step up" was still my stated belief.

I watched the time change from my normal work day into my free time. I watched the time go past the end of average work day, the scheduled end of the meeting, and further into the evening. I watched the time go past other unclassified periods and then I started to worry about whether or not the public transit system would still be running when we finally would get to leave.

Progress was slow and stopped on occasion. I entertained the thought of quitting, just to be finished for the day but someone would always start things back up.

We ended up with an agreement that some people hated. I thought the agreement was livable, probably fair and maybe in some instances approaching good.

I signed the line some time after 9:30PM and I was glad to be done with that portion of it.

I would say that it is down hill from here but it is really more of a plateau but I can at least see where the downward slope begins, and once I reach the valley, I will soon be done. And then I can focus more on me and those things.



I wonder how you are.

Internet is in and out

The Internet connection is in and out more than usual today but then my thoughts are more out than in today.

my nerves seem to be bare today.

I want everyone to shut up.

Dozen plus six

I just wanted some eggs and what I do when I want some eggs I go get eggs.

I purchased a couple other things while I was at the supermarket: whole coffee beans, chicken breasts, bread and such. I noticed a shopping cart in the parking row next to mine. I noticed it because there was a dark heap lying next to it. The heap had the shape of a person. I watched the cart and the heap as I went to my truck. I watched at least five people pay no heed to the heap. I thought maybe the heap was something similar to a discarded trash bag of laundry. I loaded my truck and put the cart into the corral. I noticed another person do nothing about the heap. The cart next to the heap was loaded neatly with what looked like items from the supermarket.

The area is not known for vagrants.

I walked across the lot to the cart and the heap. The cart was still a cart when I stood next to it but the heap was a woman.

She looked like she was asleep. She looked to be about mid-thirties. She looked clean. She looked pale and a little bit shiny. I thought there was a chance she was dead. "Miss, are you okay?" I asked and received no reply. I asked again and shook her at the upper arm and received no reply. I repeated my actions a second time and again received no reply. I thought I was committed. I could no longer just just walk away.

If she was dead she wasn't dead too long because she wasn't cold.

Then she moved a little. I asked again if she was okay and by now there was a couple nearby. The man had a posture as if he was willing to help but there was really nothing for him to do. She said, "Yes."

I watched her roll over a little as if she was going to get up but she didn't get up. I asked if she needed help. She said, "Yes," but her body language indicated that she meant to say no.

She then tried to get up but she couldn't. She was acting as a person who just woke from a deep sleep. I wondered how long she had been sleeping there. I wondered how she ended up passed out in a supermarket parking lot. She reached her hand out indicating that she wanted help up.

I remembered that I merely just wanted eggs.

I grabbed her hand but I have lifted enough people off of the ground to know that it is difficult to for a person to get up by just being lifted by the hand so I stepped a little closer and placed my other hand under her upper arm. The guy close by stepped a little closer to help her if she needed more help or maybe just to be ready in case she was going to fall back down.

She looked a little unstable on her feet but she also seemed to be done with receiving help. I headed back to my truck and the couple proceeded to their car.

I watched her through my windshield. She was just standing for a little bit. She seemed to be trying to get her body to work and then she walked away.

Point two

In the course of three days I walked by this spot over from beyond the finish line a dozen times.

There are times when I just have to wait.

I have to be somewhere before the roadways get closed for some special event and then I have to wait for that event to happen.

It is usually not a long wait but I usually end up drinking more coffee than I probably should but I also try to check my email and other Internet related things; I seek out the free wifi.

She was sitting with her father who seemed to be constantly checking in with his wife. She seemed to be smoothered by his attention; her personal freedom seemed to be infringed upon. He would leave her alone for a moment and then he would ask her how she was doing or some other unimportant question. She was looking about probably trying to figure out the reason for the slight increase of energy on a Saturday morning. The type of energy a 5K race brings about.

I think she knew I was doing more than just checking my email.

Sometimes I just try to breath

painting of paintings

I feel someone is playing a joke on me

I just want to sit and be alone and gather my thoughts.

I started in the cafe and sat at a long table by myself. I ordered a coffee just to make it look like I had something to do. I chose the table as a second choice because some old lady beat me to one of the little tables.

I didn't think it was a big deal because if someone else sat at the other end of the table, I would still have my privacy. Someone did sit at the other end of the table and it so happened that she had five friends. There were six seats at the table.

I sat at the crowded table drinking my coffee and checking my schudele for the next two weeks.

I noticed that there are something's missing from my calendar.

It wasn't going to be practical to wait those folks out so I headed over to the Shirpiro Courtyard were I knew there would be available seats.

I sat in one of those available seats. It was at the end of a long bench that had a young lady sitting directly in the center. I thought it wasn't a big deal because I would still have my privacy. I could sit with my iPod in my lab and type with two hands. It would not be as comfortable as typing at the table would have been but it would be doable.

I pulled out my tablet and opened a window for a new post and then three ladies sat right next to me. They sat so close that I had to move my messenger bag so that they could fit.

Being alone should not be that hard.

And now I forget what I was going to complain about.