I tell myself to "Just shut up" frequently but I never do

Posts like that usually make me quiet for awhile, I sort of feel empty afterwards and not like an unburdening of the soul, more like my value system, the one I actually live by as opposed to the one I wish to live by, has had a successful clearance sale, nothing left but dust and shadows.

I could line up folks that know me and I could have them sing my virtues because to those I know I can be genuinely giving but that just brings me even at best.

“And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others?”

I wish I could say I didn’t wish to subscribe to that but somehow a version of that question is commonly posed to me. And I'm the one asking the question.