Cars

She called me a hoarder and it is true I keep a lot of unnecessary stuff around but I think my problem is more about a lack of focus but she did get me to think about.

My thoughts took me to my books. I don't have thousands of books but I definitely  have hundreds of them and most of them are sitting in high stacks on top of my marble mantle.

I asked myself why I didn't put them away. My answer was because then I would never read them.

I didn't ask why I haven't packed up I ones I have read. But it did remind me that hoarders don't put things away because they want to see their stuff because they don't want it to go missing.

And then I asked myself, what of mine has gone missing. I answered rather quickly. It was my cars.

When I was little my uncle would usually give me a Matchbox car whenever he would visit. By the time I was seven I had a pretty good collection and then one day I could not find them, so I asked my mom.

She said that she had given them away because I never played with them anymore.

I said, "But they are mine."

She sad, "Well, we can't get them back."

I don't know how accurate that story is because it is remembered from a seven year old's mind but it is true in my heart.

I should ask her about it because I did grow up poor and maybe my parents sold them which still would be wrong but at least a little less callus.