Saturday, September 29, 2007

He'll say these things that are absolute and I will tell him he is wrong yet he'll still say the same thing over and over again. My reply was an emphatic "You can run a business out of your house."

Granted you probably would need some sort of approval to manufacture pharmaceuticals in you living room but a lot of business' can most certainly be run out of your house.

His reply is usually "Oh, I didn't know." Then why are you shooting your mouth off like you do know.

My reply to his reply is usually "We've talked about this before."
I thought it would be a good idea to shoot off a few letters on my laptop and it would have been great if it weren't for assholes and hot air.

Of course the lunch crowd probably wasn't too enamored with me and my venti ice tea and laptop. Free wifi, so up yours lunch crowd. Actually, I still don't like folks hogging valuable space during lunch, trying to look important by laptopping but I wasn't trying to look important; I was avoiding the office and I was in a corner out of the way.

I just had to look at what a couple different people were eating because it smelled kind of vile. I had wished I had my camera with me because I would have photographed the noxious mess and said "I'm so going to blog about this. That stuff stinks."

At first I thought the search was for elderly assassins but I guess that was just wishful thinking because once I actually read it, the search was for elderly Asians. I don't remember writing about either but the old assassins would have been cooler.
It just seems like everyone is trying to win with an ends-justifies-the-means type of attitude. I've never put much stock in winning.

Maybe I'm too arrogant to enjoy winning. Maybe I've been exposed to too many ungracious winners.


I watched as he fixed his gaze in such as way he didn't need to say "Get a look at this." I turned to see the high slit on the shirt of the leggy olive skinned young woman walking towards us. I pointed across the way and said "She's going to go into that door there."

"Oh my gosh, that slit, it goes all the way up," he continued as she disappeared into her building. He then called me a creep for knowing where she was headed.

I'm not certain science would prove it but height-wise, she seems to be sixty five percent leg.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Shut up and deal

I watched him in amazement as he misdealt five card draw for the second time in a row. He threw the cards down in a quit when I pointed out that he fouled up yet again. Joe started laughing which caused Dick to get angry and shout "This isn't funny!" I straighten out the cards and finished the deal and gave him back the cards. "You're finishing this deal," I said and added "And it is funny when someone can't even deal five cards to everyone."

I asked to draw one card and got the two of clubs. It was one of those nights where I was hitting most of my hands; that little black two completed a full house.

A couple hours later, I left the table with a hundred and forty that I hadn't walked in with.

fly hungry

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She sat in the chair beside my desk as she asked about some description she wasn't happy with; what she had, I couldn't fix so I just sat quiet.

"Who's Lenny?" she asked.


"Who's Lenny?" she repeated and pointed to the table tent

"Oh, that's Jenny. It's a bartender I know. She was having a birthday and one of her friends was giving her a hard time about it."

"They must have be all over the bar."

"Yeah, and in the Ladies' room and on the stairs. I hear they were everywhere."

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cone shaped web

Today I'm ahead of the game. Tomorrow I will be behind.

It was the fourth quarter when the phone ran. She told me who she was with and what they were trying to do and said that they needed a man. I let out a sigh and said that I would be there.

They were in the first floor kitchen when I got there; we then walked up to the third floor where the queen size sleep sofa was lying on its side just inside of the doorway. I was told that it was about two inches too large to get it through the doorway.

After a moment of staring at the sofa I was asked what I was doing. I gave the answer "Thinking" which wasn't untrue. I was thinking how I always get stuck in these situations. Once I had a plan, I heaved the sofa to stand it on end, turned it a hundred and eighty degrees and twisted most of it through the doorway. What still remained in the hallway took a lot of coaxing to get it passed the jamb.

"That wasn't too bad," someone said. "Yeah, I much rather move sleep sofas instead of watching the Patriots win."

it was good

I was sipping a 12oz red tea sweetened with two sugars when the fire alarm went off. I was watching from across the street; I had decided that I didn't want to walk down seven flights of stairs so I left early.

So, I was jerking the Pringles can in such a way as to shuffle the chips to where I could grab them, when she asked "Hey, do you like potato salad?"

I would make more money by not working

I handed her a $200 check to sign and I didn't answer after she asked "Oh no, what's this?" She didn't know the check was for me.

She told me things would get better. I told her that I've been waiting seven years for things to get better and that they have only gotten worse.

Later, she told me "I don't want you stressing. I stress because I have to," I just lowered my gaze. "There are ten more of those upstairs," I said with a nod to my check. "And that's not counting all the expenses I'm incurring." As she didn't answer, I continued to wonder how she thought I could stop stressing, I'm the one people call when they want a check, and I'm the one they call when the checks bounce.

She laughed when I said that I had to get a day job to subsidize my night job; I remained stone faced.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Rain on Saturday changed my plans. I knew rain was forecasted for the morning but it seemed to hang around into the afternoon. I had wanted to mow a lawn and cut down some incredibly large weed-tree. I pulled out the laptop instead and started to rework a webpage and a brochure, instead.

I also forced myself to read one of the several books on web design I have lying about. I know some basic stuff but I lack a good foundation of knowledge. I know a few whats but I don't know enough whys. I get bored easy.

I've decided to make an effort at getting better at what I do, as opposed just getting by. I've invested in Adobe Creative Suite 3 Web Premium for Windows

$1600 bucks but I was starting to need Photoshop ($999 for the extended version) and starting to need Illustrator ($599) and I wanted Dreamweaver ($399). I'll let you do the math.

By the time I post this, I should already have it at my door.

Pansy Spoon

It's tough to be a hero when you don't think people are worth saving.

Probably around seven years now, I've been waiting for things to get better.

I've heard "Next time you're in, I'll have it for you" three times in a row now. I think that I shouldn't be the one trying the hardest.

I sat at my kitchen table and made changes to the webpage while sipping from a mug of Chinese Oolong tea from Bigelow.

It used to be named Chinese Fortune.

I was also listening to my iPod.

It was so exciting, I had to do some meditation exercises to calm myself down.

I read that when authoring a wed page and you're typing in text and you get a double space after every enter when you don't want a double space that you might want to use a "Shift-Enter" instead of just "Enter," but my computer was already off by then. I'm really, truly ignorant to certain things.

A pansy spoon makes me laugh.

cluing? that can't be right.

The order gets all screwed up sometimes but that's life in the fast lane for you.

I got that software just fine but loading it was a little problematic mostly because Vista does all this installing stuff behind you back without cluing you in. So, after waiting fifteen minutes for my hard disk drive light to stop flashing, my computer finally did what I wanted it to.

The software on my computer is now twice as costly as the machine itself (not counting the bootleg stuff). The bootleg stuff is things that I could not possibly ever afford; and was installed by software fairies and I don't know how to get it back off, so you see: it's not my fault.
He gets a backbone when it does him most harm. He never gets one when he needs it. I tell him he didn't hear because he was too busy yelling about stupid stuff instead of waiting for them to say something that we could have a legitimate complaint about. Now he looks like the dumbass.

juicing the clam

We used to dig clams every once in a while. I'm kind of surprised that we didn't catch rats as I look back on it, although I don't remember any rats running around in my youth. Fortunately, I don't remember any strange chicken either.

What I do remember is a lot of spaghetti, mac and cheese and hot dogs. The hot dogs weren't eaten with the mac and cheese like I've seen some folks do. And tuna fish, when I was young we would always get the chuck light in oil until my mom realized that that stuff is the most sucky type of tuna and we graduated to chuck light in water. Today she eats the solid white in water. I still eat the chunk light because it tastes less like fish to me.

I should charge a fee for these stories.

According to the internet, my software is sitting on my porch, and I'm not too comfortable with that.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

hopper = toilet

It should get here by September 19th.

More money down the hopper.

Towards the end of my morning coffee, at the point where the cup is empty enough to see the bottom of the paper cup, I notice a hair clinging to the bottom. The only guy that works there saves his head, so I assumed it was one of the girl's. I dumped the rest onto the cobblestones.

nine twelve

So, I chanced it and went sans umbrella and sans rain jacket yesterday and was fine until I wanted to go home. I regretted a little not bringing the umbrella but I hate carrying it and I would have regretted not wearing a rain jacket if it were not for the fact that I don't have a rain jacket.

I was just doing some math in my head and thought I haven't had a rain jacket in over twenty years. I had a rain jacket when I use to do some lobstering. And then I thought "Twenty years ago? No way," but then I remembered that twenty years ago, I was twenty years old.

Anyway, I used the extensive subway system to limit my exposure to rain from my place of work to the place where I purchased a waterproof jacket. The jacket had no hood so I bought a ball cap as well.

It was an exciting day.


So, I made my way to the second job where I proceeded to go from okay to angry with one request.

I need to relax

or quit

or both


Sometimes, what I write ends up as fiction.


Lately, I've just been phoning it in.


There's a choking warning on my can of mixed nuts that commands the reader not to give nuts to children under six. I give my nieces nuts frequently, so screw you Mr. Peanut.

Planters Healthy Heart Mix has the blandest tasting pistachios I have ever eaten.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

That's right, real food.

I was surprised that the recipe for Buffalo wings were to simply deep fry them and then toss then into hot sauce. But that was years ago.

I had wings and I had that recipe for hot sauce that I clipped from the newspaper. The recipe for the hot sauce is something like:

three tablespoons of kosher salt
two teaspoons of cayenne pepper
one tablespoon of crushed red pepper
cup of melted butter
two cups of Frank's Hot Sauce.

You blend it all in a food processor. It's good. I added a clove of garlic, mostly because it had been sitting unused and I like garlic on occasion.

I only had a twelve ounce bottle of Frank's Hot Sauce so I rounded things down a bit. I'll post the video of my hot wings making experience on youtube later.

The point of this post was merely to say that I think deep frying chicken wings for twelve minutes seems excessive but that's what the cookbook said to do and they were nice and crispy.


My uncle and his girlfriend were over on labor day and my mom told her that I cook and then when she found out that there was more than just burgers she said "Oh, he cooks real food."

nine one one

I'm not feeling very inspired today but then that's not unusual.

I'm having trouble lusting after her. I still love her, though.

I don't believe praying for the dead does any good. I believe prayers are for the living.

I got a seat on the subway and started reading my paper, with every page turn I have a habit of looking around just to see what about. After about the fourth page turn I realized that it was September 11 and wondered if I should be more worried than usual about taking public transportation. I decided that I shouldn't be and went back to reading my paper.


After leaving the largest magazine rack that I know of, I got on the trolley that would get me back to work. A few stops into my trip, we were stopped by some transportation official and I heard a familiar voice. I was going to yell out that my trolley shouldn't be delayed but I'm not certain that all the passengers would enjoy my sense of humor, so even though I was running a little late, I hopped off. I followed her to her little office which is a lot like a box with windows all around.

While we we're talking, she leaned back in her chair and pulled out her shirt tails complaining that something was bunching up. Later, when I was leaving she stood up, unzipped her pants and tucked them back in.

"That's all we need for folks to talk, you dressing while I'm leaving."

"Hey, let them talk; at least you're cute."

focal length

Monday morning frequently seems like a week from Sunday night; my mind resets somewhere in between. My weeks run from Monday to Sunday; Sunday is last week.

Lately, it's been getting more difficult to just float through life while having things fall into my lap. I may have to start working a plan or something.

I have trouble reading because my mind tends to wander; phrases trigger memories and ideas which start a new mental trip even though my eyes will still follow the words on the page. I'll hear a voice ask "What did you just read?" and I'll think, "Those words there." "Yeah, but what did they say?" the voice will continue and I'll have no answer.

I took my Canon Powershot on the day I was helping with the move and I only took it out once a dragonfly had landed on my antennae. I remember telling myself to use the zoom so the background would blur because I read that somewhere.

impulsive is different than spontaneous

We were sitting having coffee just like we do most every weekday when we were approached by a casually dressed young man who handed us each a religious tract. After he left I said "I guess we look like we needed to be saved."

Later, I read some of six paragraphs. It was scripture verses straight from the King James Bible. It's not an easy modern day read.

In the small print it states, "All tracts free as the Lord provides. Not to be sold." I think they would be a hard sell.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Such is life

During the tour of his newly purchased home he asked me what I thought of the rug in the family room. I told him that it looked durable.


It was a short night.


Recipe courtesy Alton Brown

1/2 head green cabbage, thinly sliced
1/2 head red cabbage, thinly sliced
1 carrot, thinly sliced
1/2 cup buttermilk
2 fluid ounces plain yogurt
2 fluid ounces mayonnaise
1 tablespoon pickle juice
1 teaspoon dry mustard
1 tablespoon chives, chopped
Kosher salt, as needed
1/2 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
Generously salt the cabbage and drain in colander for 3 hours. Rinse thoroughly and dry.
In a separate bowl, combine all of the ingredients except the cabbage and carrot. Whisk to combine evenly. Toss the cabbage and carrot with the dressing.
Preparation time: 3 hours and 30 minutes
Easy of preparation: easy

All in all it wasn't too bad a day. Sure I spent one full day of a three day weekend moving furniture and boxes full of personal items and pots and pans and stuff but I survived and was driving home by six thirty in the evening.

I stopped at the light at the end of the off ramp in the right hand lane, at the curb on the left was a seemingly homeless man with a cup. I briefly thought of that little girl that was selling lemonade for half the day; on the last trip from the self storage place, when time was no longer an issue, I stopped. Someone was with me so I bought him one too. I asked the little girl how much they were. She answered by pointing at the sign that said twenty cents as I handed her two singles.

It seemed like I was on some sort of good deed roll so, when the light turned green, I let the traffic on the left pass me and I moved over to where the guy was and handed him a five.

I figured my day wasn't the worst but it still wasn't good and if I couldn't make myself happy at least I could try to make a few people's day along my way.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

1, 2, 3...

I could hear his voice in the background; she called to see if I would be coming in. I said I wasn't and then found out why she was asking. He needed more tickets; eight hundred more than the eight hundred I already gave him. I guessed that he was being too generous in handing out the tickets but then I guessed that maybe I didn't actually give him eight hundred the first time.

I recalled the size of the stacks of tickets I gave him; it had to have been eight hundred.

Just for fun I decided to number the second batch, starting with number 801. It took me longer to number them than it did to print and cut them, about twice as long.

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fly of dragon

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She asked "Can I use your camera."

I asked "Which one."

my blog manners are atrocious

I asked who because I didn't hear who died. It was someone who I met over twenty five years ago; the son of a single mother. We used to go to the same church. I saw him for the first time in three years, just eight days prior. He said he was in a program and felt it was necessary to say in a whisper that it was for substance abuse. He showed me his new tattoo commemorating that he had two young daughters. I remember thing that he should show his daughters that he loves them by actually loving them. He seemed to be hiding something behind an upbeat disposition. I thought nothing much of it at the time; I figured he was just worried about making the same mistakes his parents made.

In parting he asked that I would tell my family "hello" for him. I hadn't gotten around to it before the call came in that he was found dead, cause unknown.

Thursday, September 06, 2007


back from a week off.

people are talking too loudly.

i had to cover for someone coming in late.

the computer i was using was even slower than before. it actually takes minutes to do its simple task.

just too much noise.


After one trip to the self storage place, one guy and his truck had left. The guy that had a house worth of stuff in storage then turned to me and asked how long I could stay. The original plan had not been to move things on the three day weekend but the week before but fate has a nasty habit of changing schedules. Since eight, another guy was supposed to be on the way but by eleven and he still hadn't showed. I calculated how many trips it would take us to finish and guessed at five and it had taken us over two hours for the first trip. I hung my head a little bit, I had hoped to finally relax after wasting five days of vacation but he was in a tight spot. I quietly told him that I could stay the whole day.


It was the last of the coffee time for the season. I usually avoid the coffee time because social crowds aren't really my scene but I something I needed to do had kept me there. I was sipping a bad cup of way too hot coffee when someone walked up to me.

"Hey, have you cheered up at all yet?" I smiled as a shook his hand after I maneuvered my coffee to the other hand.

"Maybe a little. I don't know yet."

"All you ever do is laugh; you and your whole family."

I just shrugged my shoulders. I do laugh a lot but I don't feel cheery.
The cure is worse than the disease

He thinks he's protecting himself from the first danger; he doesn't know of the dangers he's creating.


I had quite a few regular things to do and two irregular things. Posters and tickets were the anomalies. The posters and the tickets are for a fundraiser for a scholarship fund. I knew about the posters; the tickets were an add-on.

She was away, so I was dealing directly with her cousin. He wanted one hundred posters and eight hundred tickets. I told him I would have the posters done later that day and at least some of the tickets.

I got eight tickets to fit on an eight and a half by eleven sheet of card stock and printed a hundred sheets. I hadn't planned to cut all of them but I did.

smells like old

At three o'clock I was done. I still had many things to do but there wasn't any discernable chance of me doing them. I guess staying up past two in the morning wasn't conducive to me working through the day.

Whatever. I'm old.

(I don't feel old)

Maybe there are parts of me that feel old. I don't really know. It's hard to get people to give you a second opinion on whether or not you feel old especially you when you're like pinching your arm asking "Does this feel old?"

I think I'm going to start whoring myself out to old ladies.

I got a call asking about how to remove the strikeout effect from text that was struck out. I don't know the precise procedure off the top of my head. I had to open up Word.

I'd whore myself out to young ladies too but I don't think too many young ladies would be too interested.


Everything on the grill because I don't want to heat up the house

burgers, small white potatoes cut longwise dressed in olive oil and herbs, corn on the cob cut into pieces no larger than two inches long.

homemade coleslaw

things were good