I'm rather unimpressed with myself

I'm rather unimpressed with myself...

I typed that title and then had the urge to change my blog template because my titles don't stand out too much but I would want to save my current template which is only just a little bit more work than a cut and a paste but then I would have to come back and retype the title or save this post as a draft.

So, I saved the post as a draft and here we are: new template.

I'm still rather unimpressed with myself but the thing of it is: my past self sometimes impresses my present self.

I'm not the best at anything I do and I don't strive to be even though occasionally I do give it my all.

I'm not the best story teller
I'm not the best code writer
I'm not the best paper pusher
I'm not the best graphic designer
I'm not the best bookkeeper
I'm not the best house painter
I'm not the best carpenter
I'm not the best electrician
I'm not the best note taker
I'm not the best at paying attention
I'm not the best at typing

I'm not the best at a lot of things.

But probably what I'm best at is: jumping in when someone's Plan B has failed.

That's where I was, or probably more precisely, where I am; because I don't think things are going to change tomorrow.

I've been plugging holes. I've been doing other people's job while my own job goes undone and I know when crunch time comes, there will be no reciprocation.

But such is life.

Such is my life.

A fantasy of mine is that there will come a day when all my co-workers will reach a point when they will all just do what they have been hired to do.

I just want them to do their jobs.

I just want to do my job.

Destiny - Fate - Circumstance

It's hard to get into rhythm when the band is playing haphazardly which is why I hadn't made any plans for making changes until the holidays were over but then I didn't want it to look like I was making any New Years resolutions so the plan was to ease into things quietly.

Circumstances have brought certain planned changes about hastily. It as if fate over heard my plans and stuck its nose into my business. It taunts me and points out that this is what I wanted; it neglects any mention of my original time table.

I want to buck the changes and start over. I don't like fate telling me what to do. I've flipped off fate in the past. I've watched it go whizzing by while others around me were tripping over themselves trying to grab it by the tail, I refused to budge.

I like to avoid the crowds. I like to wait for the second show. It seems most people have been brainwashed into thinking you only get one chance. I don't know, maybe I'm different, but I see chances everywhere.

Sometimes, I wish I only had one chance that way I wouldn't have to choose which chance to take. I never actually wish that because I fear that it may come true so I only think about the thought of wishing it.

I'm always careful about what I wish for. A lot of my wishes come true.

Be careful what you wish for.

I'm in constant listening mode for that damn other shoe.