Saturday, June 28, 2008

We were swapping vehicles; her Cadillac for my Dodge truck. She took a phone call and I watched. She roamed around a little. She circled me. I tried to memorize her form. I’ve known her for over twenty years. Her beauty has changed over time but just in style and not in substance.

I’ve been kind of angry with her lately. I’ve felt disrespected and taken advantage of; I’ve felt that knowing her is more trouble than it is worth. Outside of her family there has been very few of her relationships that have survived, since we’ve met. I’m one of two.

As I watched her, I wanted to find fault. I wanted to add more to my list of grievances but natural sun light and true beauty are usually error free.

She was engrossed in her phone call. I just stared when I wouldn’t be caught.

My heart softened a bit.

It mostly wasn't about pirates at all

I don’t read fast. I can but I don’t. When I read fast, the words become just words and I lose the story. So, I read rather slowly and let the tale sink in.

I finished “The Pirate Coast: Thomas Jefferson, the First Marines, and the Secret Mission of 1805.”

The main character was William Eaton

He is stated to have said something along the lines of – We need to stop worrying about whether it’s good for the Federalist or whether it’s good for Republicans and start worrying about whether it’s good for the United States.

Eaton risked life and limb for what he thought was best for his country. Fate took a limb quickly and his life eventually. He died a disappointed patriot.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

years ago, today

I now request you all go read something you wrote at least a year ago.

yeah, it's seems crazy now. - 2004 June 21

I was asked if I had any of the bacon wrapped shrimp. The answer was "No, I'm not a fan of seafood". I was told that I grew up in the wrong location, I should have grew up in Chicago. I would have to agree that the capital city of the Bay State is probably better suited to those that enjoy seafood.

The conversation continued further and it was revealed that I used to fish the ocean as well as lobstering for a few years but I never ate anything that was caught. It was all for fun.

I told the listeners that when I was about six that my dad had this rubber raft on which he put a motor. I assured folks that it was a good rubber raft much like the armed forces use. Nevertheless, my dad had all his young children in this boat of rubber, everyone with fishhooks. We fished with droplines so we sort of had to hang over the side. It seems a bit crazy looking back on it now.

you forget - I saw the damn thing - 2005 June 21

“that presentation looked great…”

she elaborated further but I missed it or rather I can’t recall or most likely I don’t care to remember

“Thanks but I disagree”

“No really…”

she said more stuff I can’t recall

“I saw it. I didn’t like it”

“Well, I did. …But you still disagree?”

“Yes. But if you liked it, that is all that matters, I guess”

there are things I do, that at first I don’t like, but later, after the fact, I’ll warm up to it. I’ll see the thing later and think “That’s actually pretty good. Why can’t I still do things like that?” But that presentation I don’t think I will ever like.

I could have rocked the cover if I just changed the shade of one color but the shade went unchanged.

2006 I had no post on June 21

so - 2007 June 21


I'm a talent.


At least she admitted it last night when I asked her outright.


I need to do more things on the sly.


Remember the old days when things were short and sweet?
I wonder about her happiness at times




Whenever she asks for the camera, I let her use it.

She took this one when the telephoto lens was on the camera. She had to lean back to counteract all the forward weight.

Thursday, June 19, 2008


At least part of it has ended. It actually ended yesterday for me; it's just that people got to see it today.

I survived but my reputation got a little tarnished. I'm no longer consider fail proof, but I'm still known for getting the job done.

I remember driving around trying to calm myself; my mind was racing and it reflected in my driving, even though I had had ample time. Slow down got repeated over and over; it mostly didn't work.

After my eight hours, I walked down the street which isn't really in my character, any more. I usually, only visit there after work on Fridays as of late but I figured I deserved a beer or two. Mowing my lawn could wait further.

After the second beer she asked "What now, Timmy?" I usually, don't have to choose my own drinks. I usually let them mix whatever they want because they often get tired of pouring draft beers but this bartender wasn't playing my game so I ordered a Stoli Raz and cranberry. I watched as she reached up for an eight ounce glass. After that I had another. After that I asked for a suggestion. What she suggested was what my favorite bartender often mixes but I could not remember what was in it so she called my favorite bartender on her cell phone.

She got the recipe and served it in a pint glass. I tried to hide my smile. My favorite barkeep looks out for me even when someone else is serving me drinks. I drank two of those and left soon after the next shift change.

I got home and racing against the darkening sky, I mowed the lawn. I checked the quality of my work the next morning, wondering if the lines left by the mower were going to be uneven. But things were true.

Things are better. And even though I nearly took it on the chin, I did keep my head up.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Living and exisiting

I see him every day. He’s a small man, easy to miss. He wears a light blue jacket on the days he wears a jacket. He checks for change in the return change slot of the pay phones. He drinks Starbucks. His hair is still a dark brown. His face is old.

: | : ) : |

I grew the goatee back. I was tired of looking younger than my age.

She was walking in as I was walking out. She said "I miss your smile," which caused me to flash it. "It'll be back, just not soon," I replied as it disappeared.

I miss seeing the things to smile about.

Emoticons made more sense when your world is askew.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

could be

If I didn’t see them with my own eyes, I’m not certain I would have believed I could have made all those mistakes.

They were all little mistakes but they were all mistakes that needed to be fixed and thanks to the instant nature of email seven people got a sample of my errors a moment after I had made them.

I always have been of the believe that it’s better to do one thing well than a few things not so well.

Maybe I didn’t respect the tasks. Maybe I’m overtired. Maybe I’m bitter. Maybe it’s too much.

None of those sound right.

Maybe I got cocky. I think that was part of it. Maybe my luck ran out.

Who knows?

This week blows.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


Everything is loud as I try to finish the ads: the AC, the iPod, the TV.

The NBA Finals are on because if the east coast team wins then it’s more work for me. If they don’t win then it’s possibly more work in the future.

I’m not digging either job at the moment.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

But I did get a kiss on the cheek as I left

I laughed a little as I took a step back from the scene. It wasn’t a physical step because I still stayed in my stool.

It was much like a lot of Fridays after work, I walked down the street to let her serve me nice size quantities of mixed drinks while we talk about what’s going on. Things were working out nicely because a seat next to me cleared out just as her shift was ending. I was trying to play it cool; trying to make it look like I don’t get a little charge out of the fact that she gives me all her attention once she comes to my side of the bar. I was pretending I didn’t notice the empty chair and she pulled it out slightly.

After a quick moment I turned to speak to her but she wasn’t there; there was a slight “What the fuck?” moment. I quickly looked around and noticed her three seats over talking to someone younger and possibly better looking than me. And that’s when I evaluated the situation and smiled. I had felt a twinge of jealousy. I felt what it’s like to be all those other regulars who get mostly forgotten when she sits next to me; and I can tell you I would much rather be me.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

They are sisters

She's having a ball

no stopping
I stopped a little

He's a famous Photographer

I was waiting for the wind to blow the flag but I left

He asked who I was after I took this and he was satisfied with the answer