Monday, December 31, 2007

The receipt was for thirty eight, over three twenties were left.

I dropped by to catch up only I was alone so I was chatting up one of the other regulars. The bartender wasn’t who I thought it would be, I later learned that they switched shifts. She knows me but not my daytime friends so much, so she carded them all.

Bottle of beers were ordered but we were only charged at the draft beer price. There are some benefits being know as a friend of Tim’s. I think we tipped her 150%.


So, I guess I’ve run out of things to say. Most likely though, I have just stopped doing things.

I’ve been making my way through some book on Adobe Flash and through some novel I had started eight months ago.

I set up a wireless printer so at least there are two reasons for having that wireless router.

The sparrows are chasing the other smaller birds away, the chickadees and such. When the feeder has feed, there are approximately fifty sparrows that hang around. I wish for other birds and then I question how I value life. Are the prettier, less common birds of more value? The markings on a sparrow are quite nice, a perfect match of shades of brown but I’ve become jaded to their simple beauty.

So, I have a laptop that hooks up to the internet through a wireless connection. I have the latest programs from Adobe and Corel. I have a printer. I can sit at my kitchen table and do whatever I want computer-wise; design-wise. I remember wanting all those things when I didn’t have them. Now that I have them, they mostly just sit, mocking me.

He Does Contempt Very Well

I shaved

This is what it looks like when I shave - Photo Hosted at Buzznet

Wednesday, December 26, 2007



from the 20th


I've got nothing. I'm a pathetic loser with nothing going on and I just want to disappear.

That's actually not true despite that my routine posts do not belie that statement.

Losers don't use words like belie.

Or gainsay.

I've degraded, or so I think. The trouble is: I think that I can always turn it back on. Whatever 'it' was.


I was assaulted with holy water today. She came by saying that she was continuing her tradition and wiped her whetted fingers over my forehead, without even asking.

That is not proper. Nor is it Christian. And I don't consider it a blessing. That water is no holier than the stuff that shoots out of my water through the door refrigerator, if I were to pray over that.

so from the 17th

So, the plan was to help out an elderly neighbor a few doors up from me; I was merely going to run the snowthrower over her sidewalk. The first hiccup in the plan was a known problem and that problem was that she lives six houses up from me. I had enough time and I had enough gasoline so I ran the machine from my house to hers. When I got to her house, her neighbor was shoveling him sidewalk, so I did his and then I crossed the street to help out a guy I wave to once in awhile when he's walking his dogs. While I was helping out that guy, someone asked if I would do the driveway for an elder lady in the next house over.

The snow had changed to rain by the time I had crossed to the other side of the street and I was soaked through in a lot of places. I really just wanted to get back home. I wasn't too joyful doing the old lady's drive. She called to me from her window to thank me and I said "No" when she asked if she could pay me. When I was just about done, she came out and shoved something in my gloved hand. I refused again but she insisted and I shoved whatever it was in pocket.

When I got back home I had done fourteen houses and three driveways. The dog walker guy gave me some gasoline and what that elder lady ended up giving me was a fifty dollar bill.


I really don't want to be in work today.


It's dying now; the arrangement of plants that someone had sent him. It must have cost a bit of dough. I watered it while he was out; but now he's back. He can water his own damn plant.


"Was it a cold walk in?" He asked from his desk as I walked by.

"Yeah, a little bit."

"I was going to give you a ride in but I was falling asleep at the wheel. I've been working all night."

Unfortunately, he doesn't know how much of an asshole that same exchange makes him appear.


He complains if you do and he complains if you don't.


"If it's not at the end of your elbows, you do not give a shit."

also from the 17th

I check them every once in awhile, the blogs that have gone silent.

Often there is just that same last post but sometimes, there is something new.


I was in one of those arguments that happen inside of my head, sort of like practice for the real thing, which usually never comes. I remember responding "How could you embarrass me like that?" which is an out of character reply. I then stopped the phony discussion and thought about embarrassment and how it is totally up to the individual on whether or not they will be embarrassed.

So from the 13th

Verizon from Boston, that's me sometimes. I hit up sites from other ip's too, but last night I was Verizon from Boston.

I installed the wireless router so I could access the net using my laptop. I have business reasons for waiting internet access but recreation reasons would be utilized as well.

It was hooked up after I dealt with the ten or more inches of snow and I didn't have all my FTP info with me so my business reasons couldn't be realized so I went to my MySpace account where I had a comment waiting for me. It was from a 'friend' so I click the link that said "check out the awesome pictures of all the hot chicks I saw at this great party I was at," or some such bullshit that didn't sound anything like the guy.

Once I click, I was greeted with a message that said "you need to be logged in to do that" so I logged in, even though I had already thought I was logged in. I figured the router and me not using the 'remember password' feature were to blame but every time I hit the link I got that same message. I quit after three tries.

So, this morning I was lying in bed recounting the previous day when I realized I had most likely had just fallen for one of the classic password obtaining scams; the dummy login page. So, I pulled my laptop from it case, put the battery in it and logged on to the internet using my wireless connection and changed my passwords.

And then I looked for porn.

That is actually not true. I checked my email accounts and then looked for porn.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

So, it’s not quite the utopia I thought it would be.

And now I have a horizontal white line running across my screen.

It took a hour and a half to get all that snow out of my drive and off of the sidewalk and I was using a 22" snow thrower. I used to shovel that stuff by hand.

Well, a hand with a shovel. O.K. maybe it was two hands.

That's too much drive to shovel.

Dude, honestly, I'm not just talking out of my ass

So, I asked him why he wanted to know, and my supervisor told me that so-n-so asked for it. I then said if that's the case then so-n-so should ask through the proper channels and "That guy," I said pointing to the boss's office should answer it. "No, you're right," was the reply he gave but then he went and dug out the information.

So, later when the boss walked by, my supervisor brought up so-n-so's request and the boss said "Then so-n-so, should be making a proper request in writing and then we can ask that guy there (pointing to the big boss's office) what he wants us to say."

I love saying "I told you so," even when I do actually say it.

So, back again

A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
- Walter Bagehot

Ever read those quotes and wonder if that person ever really said that?


Everyday is a new beginning, so is every afternoon and every evening.

I used to carry stamps around in my wallet. I used to use one stamp once a month to mail in my car insurance. So I, myself, had no real pressing stamp needing issues but I took to carrying stamps because people seemed to always ask if I had one. I would feel bad when I had to say "No" so I started carrying stamps.

After the cost of postage went up, I took it as an opportunity to stop carrying stamps. I figured it's not my responsibility to be a convenient seller of stamps to all comers. I figured people can get their own stamps.

I'm trying to worry more about me. I sometimes worry that I'm an enabler.

People don't need to worry about certain things because I'm worrying about them for them. I need to let folks worry about their own worries.


I threw away his hastily construed note. Later, he came by my cube and I half hoped that he could see his note in my trash bin. He was there to let me know that he had answered his own question. I knew he could.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

So, something to lose your head over

I've read this is good stuff but I read that on the internet

I read my old posts only rarely but when I do I wonder what went wrong.

I'm pretty sure I could solve my own problems by exerting a little bit of effort. Maybe I'm a masochist.


I had noticed something stuck in one of the holes to the bird feeder and wondered what some smart assed squirrel had shoved in there but had done nothing of it until yesterday. I slid open the window and noticed that the mystery was feathered as I pinched the littlest potion of it to pull it out. I dropped it immediately and shivered a bit as I tried to erase the vision of a severed bird head between my fingers.

This bird feeder is of the type to prevent squirrels from feeding from it. It's has thin metal in the shape of leaves that slide over the holes whenever something heavy hangs on it. I guess the bird didn't see the squirrel coming and was guillotined.

I was surprised at my level of remorse. I put the feeder up to help the birds out, not to thin out the herd.

So, like a sucker

So, I had this coupon for 25% off almost any book and I bought a book that had nothing but webpages in it, no critiques, no instructions. It was wrapped in plastic before I bought it. Webpages are free on the internet.

A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
- Walter Bagehot

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

So Many People In My Space

So, I have less confidence that the lilies and those two other plants will survive the winter. I planted those after work yesterday right before I went to work.

I'm good with a shovel.

I wanted all the botanicals in the ground before it good really cold. We've been having a rather mild time of things here; it hasn't dropped below freezing too many times but according to the Weather Channel: things were going to change so it was either get those things in the ground or keep them in the house all winter.

I wouldn't mind digging ditches all day long. It would keep me in shape and it is not very mentally taxing. I could be thinking about other things while digging. I could have ladies on lunchtime lusting after my toned sweaty body while I'm composing sonnets in my head.

But ditch digging would not afford me the high life style I am accustomed to.


She leaned in like she usually does to kiss me goodbye. She usually aims for the cheek but this time she did a quick little move to the right and planted a slightly moist one right on my kisser. I felt I should feel possibly violated but it was just a kiss and once she was passed the windows I wiped her kiss onto my sleeve.


So, I was in the painkillers isle holding a bottle of Bayer. I was looking at the Tylenol PM when someone joined me in the isle. I think his boyfriend was at the pharmacy counter. It's a 24hr CVS; I'll often swing by on the way home from the second job and I've never noticed a normal crowd there after 10PM.

He was standing closer to me than I liked. I felt like he was trying to bump me out of his way by violating my personal space. I held my ground as a furrowed my brow a bit. I was working out a grand decision. I don't like the thought of sleep aids but the advertisers keep telling me that there is more harm.

My sleeping problems are created by myself. I don't make time to sleep. I make time to watch the History Channel all night knowing that eventually I'll doze off. I don't know why I don't just shut the damn things off.


I did a redesign on the front page of the website and then the morning after I realized that I forgot to put that script in for tracking visits.

So Evergreen

So, maybe it's half done. It took me longer on Saturday and Sunday than I had hoped. Saturday I produced a design that would work and that I wouldn't be ashamed to put my name on for one section of the site and then on Sunday I updated all the pages in that section and then fixed all the hiccups I found.

There are four other pages I have to do but they should be easier, so I'll take longer with them and then throw some crap up because that's what I do when things are easy.


I set up her tree for her just like I have done for the past twelve years or so. It could be more. She asked me to follow her to the kitchen because there was something she wanted to show me. She sat in front of her laptop which had the first run of the new design on it's screen. She didn't say anything at first. I leaned in to see the small type which wasn't legible four or five feet away from the screen. I was worried I would have to increase the font size which would possibly force a design change but as I leaned in to about three and a half feet, I could read every word. I think she wanted to ask for a larger size type and if she had asked I was going to protest.

She said that it looked good and that it would work. I agreed with a "Yeah." I wanted it better but it's okay for now.

After I finished with the tree, I walked back to the real estate office. The little space heater I left running was managing to keep a chill out of the air but couldn't manage to get my space warm. I felt my feet get cold, while I changed the font size to one pixel larger.

The forced hot air system really needs to get fixed.

So long ago

I think it's still there: the writing ability. I started to type the righting ability; I think that is still there too.

Part of me just wants to roll over and die, that want has always been there but I dislike quitters. I dislike quitting. Sometimes, it's a fault. It is advantageous to know when to cut your loses, at times.

I like to try all my options, that is, when I am trying.

I need to stop walking by things. I need to stop putting off things until tomorrow. I need to start changing the things I can.

I need to learn to say "No." Once you start, there is no stopping, not if you're me anyway; that's probably why I don't like starting things. Everything is a long haul, if you're me anyway.

I want to see how far that upper limit is or at least take another step passed that last furthest step. I have that scheduled for tomorrow.

Lunch Time