Thursday, June 30, 2005

that’s so weird she said

so, I looked at weird

that’s so pretty she said

so, I looked at pretty

that’s so like you she said

so, I looked at nothing
talk radio gets me so angry


so, dude's phone is ringing

so, I'm not picking up dude's phone because - screw him

so, his phone is ringing over twenty rings. Why someone would call and let the phone rings twenty times is beyond me.

so, the next call to his line gets bumped to my line because his is busy and it's his girlfriend/mother of his child.

"Hey, dude. Your girlfriend is looking for you. She's on my line"


I have hill-billy tendencies

there is a need to say something but I have nothing to say

i search and find nothing

i go down the list of how-about-this

and only come up with at blank page

so i'll share a quote of mine from yesterday

"If someone is buying copper line and a fifty pounds of yeast, they ain't installing a hot water heater and baking bread"

it was inspired by

Copperhead Road
(Steve Earle)
Well my name's John Lee Pettimore
Same as my daddy and his daddy before
You hardly ever saw Grandaddy down here
He only came to town about twice a year
He'd buy a hundred pounds of yeast and some copper line
Everybody knew that he made moonshine
Now the revenue man wanted Grandaddy bad
He headed up the holler with everything he had
It's before my time but I've been told
He never came back from Copperhead Road

Now Daddy ran the whiskey in a big block Dodge
Bought it at an auction at the Mason's Lodge
Johnson County Sheriff painted on the side
Just shot a coat of primer then he looked inside
Well him and my uncle tore that engine down
I still remember that rumblin' sound
Well the sheriff came around in the middle of the night
Heard mama cryin', knew something wasn't right
He was headed down to Knoxville with the weekly load
You could smell the whiskey burnin' down Copperhead Road

I volunteered for the Army on my birthday
They draft the white trash first,'round here anyway
I done two tours of duty in Vietnam
And I came home with a brand new plan
I take the seed from Colombia and Mexico
I plant it up the holler down Copperhead Road
Well the D.E.A.'s got a chopper in the air
I wake up screaming like I'm back over there
I learned a thing or two from ol' Charlie don't you know
You better stay away from Copperhead Road

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

hair today gone tomorrow

oh wait, that was yesterday that the hair was here

I had already decided to grow it back even before it came off

we'll know more tomorrow

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

I’ve been kinda in a funk, or is it a phunk now because of the blackeye peas, either or I’ve been in one or both.

I don’t know why. Things are going pretty well or at least should be.

So, I other day I was trying to decide how to get out of it.

I figured stay away from here (and by here I don’t mean this blog)

I figured stay away from there

I figured stay out of that place

I figured stay away from her and her and them

Then I looked over the list.

The list in total is my own doing.

I placed all those items into my life – free choice

The ‘problems’ on that list are my creation, created by past practice, created not by those individual parts but by how I handled those parts

or maybe how I didn’t or don’t handle those parts

or so I thought

then I asked what are the specific ‘problems’ with the people and places on that list and then I hemmed and hawed because at the end of the day I’m still rather fond of that list in total.

my problem is not with that list

the problem is with me

and the problem with that - I’m no good with me

I don’t think we’re on speaking terms

I think the goatee or whatever the heck you call it is going to get shaved off tomorrow

anyway you might get to see why I wear the goatee or whatever the heck you call it

oh, yeah - I don't tan well
I need a vacation from myself
I can't win my own argument yet I still argue with myself

Monday, June 27, 2005

no no no, okay I'll do it

I'm there too much

I'm there because sometimes I don't want to be bothered

I'm rarely asked for favors when I'm at the bar

"I need you" I'll hear coming from my cell phone

"I'm downtown. What do you need?" I'll say back into my cell phone

"Oh, never mind"

all because I have a hard time just saying 'no'
"You were right. That smudged all over the place."

dude, I know my shit.



"You have to be yourself."

"But what if you're not a nice person? Shouldn't you try to change?"

Sunday, June 26, 2005

I finally got off my ass and mowed the lawn. Well, just the front lawn because it was damn hot, then I went inside and tried to stop sweating my balls off.

It took awhile.

I was laying on the bed face up with my feet hanging off the side, planning out the rest of the day.

clean Lady G’s turtle tank (because the kids are away and she won’t touch the thing)
take care of some mold growing on her bathroom ceiling

and that was it except for maybe swinging by the regular place to say “hi”

I was just about to get up and put the plan into play when the phone rang, it was Lady G.

She asked me what I was doing. I told her my plans and then she asked, when I was finished, to bring her some things because she was stuck in some remote location and couldn’t leave.

I hung out with her for two hours or so and then one of her co-workers showed up and we were all talking for a bit and after Lady G and I discussed our plans I left. I was no longer needed at the moment.

I left for the normal place to say “hi” to Jen. Jen used to work a couple day shifts during the week but now she only works Saturday day and a few nights. I’m really there late at night so I don’t see Jen too much but every time she sees me she asks me to come by on Saturday. I try to accommodate her by eating lunch there, or having a couple, whenever I’m traveling near downtown.

When I got there I noticed a few familiar faces. I worried I would look like them soon. One guy had a blank stare, straight ahead – a look like everyone he knew had died on him but then he always has that look. He perks up when the barkeeps are serving him. I met his gaze as I was looking for a place at the bar and I’m petty sure I saw dislike. Another dude also had a blank stare but his stare was more of the kind that says ‘the lights are on but nobody is home’ and his look has little to do with alcohol. Both guys were sitting alone even though the bar is full.

All the seats at the bar were taken but then a different regular, a young guy who still shows signs of life saw me and slide his chair over as he greeted me. He was going to make enough room for a chair but I told him I would rather stand just as a Bud Light draft was placed in front of me by a smiling Michelle.

Jen then came over and I told her I couldn’t stay long.

“So are you going to have a real drink or are you going to keep drinking that pussy beer?”

I just smiled at her and then purposefully looked at all the draft beers on the bar.

She then realized that everyone around me was drinking the ‘pussy beer’ so she then said “HA! Sorry guys” and laughed at us all as she walked away.

After the first pint some folks left and I got to sit were I usually sit and I got another pint, when that was three quarters gone, Jen made a motion which indicated she was still waiting for me to answer her original question.

“Well, what do you suggest?” I asked

She thought for a moment and took into consideration that it was hot outside and then she said “a Margarita” which surprised me because if it’s not a huge shot of straight Vodka, she usually picks a more involved, more exotic drink but my worry was somewhat allayed when she added “a raspberry one”

So, I had my first Raspberry Margarita and after that I had my second. Then I left.

I met back up with Lady G at her remote location to further hang out, until her quitting time.

“So, did you get any free shots today?”

“No, but I did get a free Raspberry Margarita”


Posted by: greencatfish.
I used to fish from the retaining wall

those guys in the distance are fishing from the 'sugar bowl'


Posted by: greencatfish.

Friday, June 24, 2005


you’re like penny wise and pound foolish

only you’re foolish with the pennies as well


so, I walked around the Island today. That’s what the locals call it, they call it the Island, the state preservation department calls it something different. Anyway, I walk around the Island but to get to the Island I walk around this walkway that surrounds a small bay. The bay is completely surrounded with walkway. The whole trip is... I don’t know how far but it’s a trip probably over a mile and a half. And, on this Island is a public restroom which made me think of a story from my youth.

Here’s the story.

I was probably eight and one friend is telling a story of how he and this other kid climbed on top of the public restroom and where looking down the skylight on the women’s side of the small building. Why they built this thing with skylights – I don’t know but there where at least two large skylights on either side, they are no longer there today. He said “And you could see everything!”

First I didn’t believe him because from below the skylights looked pretty well frosted. Another thing is that the restroom building is down the hill from an upper walkway and if anyone saw someone on the roof, they would tell somebody something. And lastly, at eight, I was no peeping tom expert but I thought the angle of view would be all wrong for seeing everything for the nature of the building. At eight I'n not even certain I knew what everything was but I knew where everything was located. But I didn’t say anything but the other friend I was with did say something.

“Tits?” is how the other friend phrased his question.

“What?” the first friend asked.

“You said you could see everything. Could you see tits?”


“Well then, that’s not everything. Is it?”

And that is one reason I try to tell my stories in the style of believable

cause I don’t want to be asked “tits?”
so, today’s a vacation day for me

so, yesterday, while it was most likely a Thursday to you, it was a Friday for me

so, after work, I walked to the bar

so, I had a few beers

so, then towards the end I’m sort of just looking about

so, then I notice the three barkeeps are all in front of me

so, then I further notice one is pouring shots into plastic shot cups

so, then I think - it’s kinda rude they didn’t ask me if I wanted to join in

so, then I notice there is already a shot sitting in front of me

so, I smiled and we all clinked the plastic cups the best we good in toasting like fashion and threw them back.

so, that happened three more times

so, that’s why I love that place

so, one of them asks me to come by on Saturday when she is working the day shift

so, while I’m thinking of a reply, another one asks, if I’ll be by on Sunday when she is working the day shift

so, then they both see me thinking

so, they both say “If it rains you’ll be here” because that’s what I said the last time they asked.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Hottness cuts you some slack - but just a bit

"her perfume is too strong"

I just shrugged my shoulders

her perfume is noticeable but it's better than that air freshener that you spray about the office forcing your chosen odor on all in the office

and at least she is hot and not a bitter old bag who talks about folks behind their backs

holy shit!

she just got up and sprayed her air freshener

*time adjusted for better literary flow

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I was going to say that he helps with the little things because some big things in his life are broken and he can't fix them

I was going to say that he uses the little things to help him find purpose in his life

I was going to say that the little fixes don't make the big problems go away

I was going to say some other things about him but somehow I heard those words in my own ears first

so I only said 'let him have the little things' and I said it to myself


his conversation had been reduced in my ears to a low hum by the time I heard him use the word stalworth.


I'm sorry I missed the content.

come back on a bad day

The knock on the door was caused by the Jehovah Witnesses doing what they do when they knock on the door of a home.

After their introduction they said that some people today find their jobs to be a burden and something they wish not to do and that some people find their job a blessing.

"What do you think?" I was asked

First I thought it was a poorly phrased question. Was he asking did I think that some folks like their jobs while others dislike their jobs or was he asking whether I liked my job or not.

"I would agree that some folks dislike their jobs while others count their jobs as a blessing." My statement was met with silence but then I knew that wasn't the question he wanted an answer to. I smiled because I was politely giving them a hard time and then I said "I think my job is a blessing"

More silence ensued but it was brief.

"Most people don't say that" the guy number two said.

I thought, I'm not most people as I looked down at the Watchtower he was holding which showed a man toiling in front of a computer while showing a happy woman working in the field gathering crops.

I know my job, on the whole, is a blessing. It's just that I don't like to go around saying such.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

you forget - I saw the damn thing

“that presentation looked great…”

she elaborated further but I missed it or rather I can’t recall or most likely I don’t care to remember

“Thanks but I disagree”

“No really…”

she said more stuff I can’t recall

“I saw it. I didn’t like it”

“Well, I did. …But you still disagree?”

“Yes. But if you liked it, that is all that matters, I guess”

there are things I do, that at first I don’t like, but later, after the fact, I’ll warm up to it. I’ll see the thing later and think “That’s actually pretty good. Why can’t I still do things like that?” But that presentation I don’t think I will ever like.

I could have rocked the cover if I just changed the shade of one color but the shade went unchanged.
I'm sorry. I forgot you were there.

Actually, I didn't forget it just that not much has been happening.

I have a great ability to accomplish nothing in vast amounts of time.

I believe the most constructive thing that I managed to get done was to grill burgers on one of my five days off.

That's not entirely true.

I would tell of one of my other accomplishments but it involved the actual creation of beads.

I read 'The Pearl'. I, like my youngest sister, wasn't impressed with it either but it still sits amongst my other books.

I don't like reading library books, I prefer to be the first to turn the page on the books I read. I'll buy the book from the back of the row.

But I will read a book loaned from a friend.

I can read a paperback without creasing the spine. It's one of my skills. I have yet to parlay that skill into cold hard cash.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

sometimes, I'm not on the ball

“I was at the library yesterday” – that’s how I started a conversation with my youngest sister who so happens to work at the library.

“And you didn’t come by to see me?”

“Yesterday was Saturday and it wasn’t the main branch I was at it was a local branch”

“That’s right I wouldn’t have been there. Which branch?”

“The South End”

“What were you doing there”

if I were on the ball I would have made up some story about how I wanted to go to their book sale while enjoying the live classical music they were playing that day but instead she got the truth.

“Little g needed a book”

“Which one?”

“The Pearl by John Steinbeck” she made a face of dislike “You don’t like that book”

“Not so much but it’s short so Little g won’t have too much trouble getting through it”

“She gave me her card to check it out”

“And they let you use it?”


“They’re not supposed to”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, that’s why I checked to make certain I had my card with me. I also had to pay a 15 cent fine. I gave them a quarter and told them to keep the change”

“Gee, that’s nice of you”
I was on the cell phone and holding two quarters in my hand to place in the parking meter, he was at the parking meter two spaces behind me holding a dollar bill and a perplexed look. I met his gaze and raised my eyebrows as a moved my chin slightly upward, this was my signal that he could ask the question I was certain he wanted to ask.

“Do you have any quarters?” he asked which was just the question I thought he would.

I handed him the quarters I had in my hand and he tried to hand me his dollar, I waved my hand and shook my head. I was just giving him the quarters.

He was about late fifties, he had his twenty something year old daughter with him.

“No? That’s alright I’ll find a store” – he was refusing my gift. He started to walk away but his daughter sort of just stood there. I knew he wasn't going to find a store.

I had just wished he had taken the quarters because now I had to speak to him while I was conversing with someone else on the phone, which I know is rude to all the parties I was dealing with but so far the person on the other end of the phone was none the wiser until I said “No, wait”

I asked to call my caller back as I opened my truck door to fetch more quarters at which point in time the guy in need of quarters informed me his daughter had just gotten engaged that day.

That’s great dude but I would have been even happier if you had just took my quarters and called it a day.

When I finally made it to my own meter to pay my fifty cents for a half hours worth of time and the digital display indicated that I had forty three minutes of parking time.

I put another quarter in anyway.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

“I’m not pissed at you. I haven’t that kind of time”

that was said to some dude next to me at the bar the other day.

dude ordered the stuffed jalapenos and asked for some salt as Danielle already had her hand on the shaker.

“I know how you like them” she sounded a little pissed

“Maybe he was trying not to be presumptuous” I offered to try and make some peace.

“Oh, no - I was trying to piss her off” dude said.

he was on his own after that.

I threw the carryons behind the driver’s seat of my extended cab and waited. The smell inside the truck changed from the faint smell of freshly mowed lawn to the fragrance I associate with her. I thought I haven’t been experiencing either scent much lately, one because I’ve been lazy and the other because she’s been busy.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

I read stuff like this
"A Perfect Red: Empire, Espionage, and the Quest for the Color of Desire."

Lane Smith - dead

Lane Smith who?

Oh that guy.

he died monday

I liked him
I was late getting to work, the subway had switching problems and I was meandering too much that morning anyway. I would have most likely have been late regardless.

The guys were in the usually spot having coffee, I grabbed a cup and joined them. After the comments about me being late and how cold it was, one of the guys reached into his pocket and produced a blueberry muffin wrapped in plastic wrap and held it out towards me.

"Can I interest you in a muffin?"

"Sure. It's a little odd but..."

"Yeah, somebody was just passing them out down the street so he just grabbed a few" another fellow said.

the muffin wasn't bad.


so, I'm still letting the little things drive me crazy.

like people talking louder than they have too

like folks leaving a computer running in an un-air conditioned room when the temperature exceeds 85 degrees.

like folks leaving me voice mail at 9PM at night for something that seems a lot like jibber jabber

like hearing people chewing on an apple

like people wanting me to do what I get paid to do



any way

meg writes


I pulled my watch from the compartment in the armrest console of my truck and while I was putting it on I noticed it smelled like cinnamon. The watch had been there for three days leaning against a pack of Orbit cinnamon gum.

Flavors impart

Flavors fade

For a split second, I wondered if the gum smelled a little like wristwatch. I didn't bother trying to check because I've never been able to smell wristwatch.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

here's one more like normal... well normal for me

Tracy mentioned an ice cream cone which made me remember…

I was standing with Lady G in her parking lot just talking about this and that we had just gotten back from doing something and neither of us wanted to depart. Little g was there and at the time she was about six years old and the ice cream truck comes by and Little g asks her mom if she can get an ice cream.

“I’m outta money ask you step-dad” is what Lady G said and then she pointed to me. Back then I was just a step-dad. I have since graduated to just ‘dad’.

“Sure” I said

So, we walk over to the ice cream truck which is now surrounded by kids, some with money some without.

“What type do you want?” I asked of Little g.


“In a cone or a cup?”


“Would you like it in a cup with a spoon or in an ice cream cone”

“In a cone”

“What type of cone?”


“They have the sugar cones or those type” I said as I pointed at a cake cup.

(click here to see the different types of cones)

“The other kind” – a sugar cone

“A sugar cone?”


So, we get a vanilla ice cream in a sugar cone and it’s like blazing hot and the thing starts dripping and Lady G says “Make sure that doesn’t drip on you or you’re both in trouble”. So, I go get some napkins which I had forgotten to get and come back. Little g is having a heck of a time trying to stay ahead of the drips but she getting the job done but she’s stressing a bit and it doesn’t help that Lady G is watching her like a hawk.

I forget why but Lady G has to go do something so I’m left alone with Little g and she’s still have a tough time with the ice cream and she sees me watching her and she says “You should have gotten me a cup”

And me - I think “Just moments ago you didn’t seem to know that much about the various ways of getting ice cream served to you and now you’re giving me crap? You asked for a cone!” but I said nothing because she was just six years old and she was actually correct.

So, in the future we got our ice creams in a cup with the cone stuck on top
it's a defense mechanism

my buffoonery is
"How the HECK am I supposed to know?!"

that's what I say rather loudly from time to time

"I dunno? but you usually know those type of things"

which is true - I really should take my chill pills more often.

I don't think I've ever refrigerated my peanut butter

so I worried and then I had check

which is probably one of the reasons I know those type of things
"Tim! Pick up your intercom" is what I heard yelled from downstairs.

Yelling about an office is one of my pet peeves but then again I did have the "Do Not Disturb" function engaged on my phone so, what did I really expect of her. I always have that function engaged.

I disengaged the function and the intercom light lit up followed by the ringing of the phone.

"Hey! Timmy?"


"You've installed the owner's AC's in the past, right?"


"And you have installed all of them? In every room that gets an AC you put the AC in by yourself?"


I thought there might be some part missing, some screw, some external support or something so I'm willing to help with information because putting those AC's in are a pain in the ass and I was glad not to be doing it, but then he asked "Even the big ones?"


"the owner said you did it by yourself and I didn't believe her. I thought she was lying to me just to get me to do it. Well, you're a better man than me. I couldn't do it. My son couldn't do it. We had to wait until the both of us were together. I honestly thought the owner was wrong. Hell."

"Yeah, I've told her how difficult it is to put those in but she kept on asking me to do it. At least know she knows"

"Well, I'm impressed"

I try to keep my super powers secret

When's the last time I stated a post with So?

June 5th - if you where really wondering - was the last time the first word of a post was so.

So, anyway...

I finished at about 2:30AM. I didn't know it was 2:30AM at the time, I thought it was closer to one. I was there doing a proposal for a good cause but I really didn't care.

I usually care.

I shut the office's central air conditioning off at 11PM because the noise causes the neighbor problems. At midnight it was still 83 degrees and humid. He should just buy his own AC is what I think, but he's kind of old and he's kind of a tight wad. I accommodate him anyway.

The proposal concerned a private school, grades K1 to 8. They need a permanent school building - the proposal demonstrates the feasibility of a building purchase.

The owner is the president of the school. She used to be just a parent of a student but then the powers that be tried to close the school, the owner made sure it stayed opened.

It hasn't been too bad for me though, for this cause, I have only had two nights where I haven't seen a bed, and only a dozen or so of long nights. A long night for me is past 2AM.

I usually like helping out because it gives me purpose - purpose greater than myself.

But last night I didn't really care. The proposal came out okay, it looks good but it could have been better. I could have made it look sleeker but...

But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.

hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees?

Lately, I've been seeing too much, I think.

I'm not comfortable with comfortable

Monday, June 13, 2005

there is a lot of pressure when dating a goddess that is why I stick to the mortals

you sometimes see things that aren’t there

you see things greater than they are

I think I just see things differently

you’re most attractive when your flaws show

because you’re most attractive when you’re human

without flaws - pearls would not exist

I treasure the flaws because I treasure the pearls

I truly wish I could think of some titles sometimes

with some B.S. holiday and a use it or lose it vacation day, this week is down to three days for me but i don't think i'll be able to make it.

short fuse

dude, you're the poster boy for haste makes waste. Can you just relax a bit? And there is no way I'm walking that fast in 82 degree weather with humidity through the roof. Slow the heck down. I'll get there quick enough without being drenched in sweat.

I've found out that I write typos. I'll write 'hard' for 'have' and stuff like that, I used to blame it on spell checking but writing with pen and paper the only spell check is in my head. That's not even misspelling. I don't know what that crap is.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

There was going to be waiting involved.

I had a choice of either reading or writing.

I wrote.

Usually our group is small, last night there were eight of us, double the usual size.

Cathy was there, she incorporated herself into our group. Cathy is the one who took me to her home one night.

When the time was near for some of us to go, we ordered a round of shots and because I was the one most familiar with the place I was asked to choose the shot. It was mixed company so I chose a Washington Apple.

Everyone seemed to like the shots so we ordered another round. Cathy was having a cigarette and wasn’t there for the first shot so I let her know she was welcome to do the second shot with us.

“What’s in a Washington Apple?” she asked

“Whiskey, cranberry juice, apple pucker, something else …I don’t really know”

“Well, I don’t like whiskey.”

“I don’t think you can taste it”


After six of us down the shots she said “I think I could taste the whiskey”, I just shrugged my shoulders and gave a sorry-about-that look.

After that, some of my group had to go, Cathy choose to leave as well, she was going to the bar next door and she offered to share a cab ride home and that if I was interested that I knew where to find her. “Let me know. We’re practically next door neighbors. There is no reason that we can’t just share a cab ride home” was what she said as she was leaving.

“It’s so obvious she wants you” Jill said after Cathy left me with a kiss on the cheek. I was a little surprised by Jill’s statement. Cathy was rather subdued that day and she was talking to all the guys in the group, it seemed to me she was almost ignoring me until she was leaving.

Jill’s a statuesque brunette, who often asks personal questions. She’ll answer them as well so, if the question isn’t too personal I’ll answer them, plus we’ve built up a trust between us. I know she isn’t a gossip.

I took a moment to try and figure out how much Jill might know about Cathy and myself. I know she’s often at lunch with one of my poker buddies and I know most of my poker buddies know that one night I left the bar with Cathy. Jill’s no gossip but that poker buddy of mine might be, so I figured Jill might know something, so I decided to tell her everything.

“I went home with her once” is how I started and I watched for a reaction. The reaction was one of surprise.

“But nothing happened” I continued. I told her there was kissing and touching and some nudity but when it came right down to it all I could think about was her relationship, my relationship with Lady G, and how it would be for us the next morning.

“So, then you admit you have a relationship with Lady G then” Jill asked.


Jill has met Lady G and she often tries to establish what type of relationship the two of us have, I would be more helpful in telling her if I knew for myself. Our relationship isn’t exclusive by design it just often works out that way. When pressed hard I usually just say we’re good friends, even though I think the bond is greater than just friendship.

“And you are sleeping with her, right?”


“You haven’t slept with her yet?!”

“No. We’ve been to London, Paris and Mexico together but I still haven’t slept with her yet”

I stood back up straight because this whole conversation was being discussed by me leaning over a bit and talking into her ear and letting her talk into mine because the bar was loud and the conversation semi-private.

I was still standing straight up when I more saw than heard her say “You’re a good man”

I leaned back in and explained “I had every intention of sleeping with her” as I motioned to the still empty bar stool next to Jill, the stool that Cathy had just been occupying.

Jill again repeated her statement.

“Lady G has trust issues. Most of the men in her life have left after some point in time. I just try to be patient”. I didn’t mention my own trust issues.

I forget the rest of the conversation, my mind was elsewhere. Our group was down to three and the three of us all take a similar route home, we took that similar route together. Jill had no further questions. We walked to the trolley station, took a trolley one stop and then got on the subway. My stop is the furthest down the line so, by my stop, all the goodbyes were already said, it was just me and my thoughts.

I was debating on whether to read the book I had with me or just do some more thinking when my cell phone rang.

It was Lady G.

“Can you pick me up at the airport?”

I had questions but I put them on hold and just said “Sure, but it will take me about fifteen minutes.” It was actually more like twenty five.

From the passenger seat of my truck she explained that she was trying to escape the kids for a couple of days but her flight out fell through. She then pulled out one of those little single person size bottle of Pinot Grigio from her carryon bag and started drinking. She told me she would have offered me one but she didn’t think I should be drinking and driving.

“This is good stuff” she said

“I know I like Pinot Grigio”

“Where do you get wine?!”

“At the liquor store, I get a bottle from time to time”

She then told me she would have to change her wine to something different because some rapper had just mentioned Pinot Grigio in one of his songs.

By then I was pulling into her parking lot and by then she had finished off bottle number two. I put the truck into the parking gear and reached for the door.

“Can we just sit and talk?” she asked as she went looking for her third and last bottle. I don’t know how she does it but she can speak delicately with out speaking softly. I think it’s in the tone, or something.


There was silence after that but not the awkward kind, it was the comfortable kind, the kind where two people can just be with each other without having to speak.

The silence was edged out of the truck when she asked “When are we getting married?”

“When do you want to?”

“When the kids are out of the house” she then told me of her plans of a single family home and worldwide travel. We talked about some other things, some more immediate things and that she still might try to catch a flight out before I carried her luggage into her apartment.

I placed her bags where she usually drops them after a trip, and she had me check on a couple household chores that she has been asking me about for some time and for an equal amount of time I’ve been putting off. I had my head in a closet when I heard her say, “Tim, come help me take my pants off. I’m drunk.” I helped her take off her pants.

The rest of our conversation took place at the foot of her bed, she was sitting in unmatching underthings, a black lace bra above and below something with cheetah spots only the spots where quite smaller than real cheetah spots.

She asked for a ride to the airport for the next day and a couple other favors she needed because she wasn’t going to be around.

“Is that all right?” she asked

“How can I say no to the requests of a beautiful, semi-nude woman?”

“Yeah, I know. Why do you think the pants came off?”

Her flight at that time was still in question but she called me in the morning. Driving her to the airport, I pulled out one of those plastic bubble container things you get from a gumball machine, from one of the trucks cup holders and handed it to her.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a ring”

She took the ring out. It was silver toned and had a white heart shaped something sitting in the setting. The white heart had a smiley face painted in purple paint. She handed the ring to me and held out her left ring finger. The ring fit.

“Is this a promise ring? …a promise for something better? she laughed.

“Yeah, the next one will be gold toned”
"Do you even have any dreams?"

"Do day dreams count?"

Friday, June 10, 2005

I'm linked here - under

it's like a dull hum, duly noted (a former title)

i just like saying duly noted

"Are you listening?"

"Your remarks have been duly noted"

sometimes i like being a prick
if i'm telling you to relax then you really have a problem


"How long was I out there for?"


"And guess what I was doing. I was still talking to him about the same thing"

"I know. I told you he needs the attention."


so, here's the deal officemates

sometimes, i bust my ass, bust it more than i'm required to, that is what brings me my fame and fortune here in our little world but sometimes, i will just goof off a bit and while i'm goofing off, i don't like to be bothered with your little portions of self made drama. if i wanted drama i would delve into my own

and you of all people shouldn't bother me because i certainly don't goof off as much as the lot of you do.

So, please just f*ck off


bitter much?


i understand the need to pretend that you are something that you are not but please save your i'm-all-that attitude for someone else because even though i sometimes enjoy that type of attitude, you have done nothing with what you do have and believe me what you have ain't much.

in short
have not
that attitude

Thursday, June 09, 2005

looks like

i went insane at 3:37PM

i would blame the booze but i'm sober

a, big, cat, donning, enormous, flaky, green, hotpants,

insects, just, kinda, lurking, maybe, not, openly, possibly, quietly, running, somewhere,

telephone, unringing, violently,

what, xylophone, young, zealot?

Ziti-loving, yeoman, Xerxes, who, very, unkindly, told, Sally*, running, quickly, probably, orphans, nieces, most, likely, kept, jumping, invariably, haphazardly, ghoulishly, from. every, disproved, comment, boastfully, announced

*editted from something different :)
watching the dead crow on the shoulder of the roadway

I noticed that every time a car went by

the left wing still tried to fly
it's the difference between a caress and a grope

23 minutes to go

it's the color white

and meow - it might

yeah, that's how bad it is

45 minutes to go

I am so bored right now

I want to go home and sleep

but I have things to do

I bet I could sneak out early and nobody would say nothing

I got two winks at lunch

what? sometimes I am wink worthy

okay, so I just wanted to say wink worthy

I'm an alliteration lover

but I really did get two winks

blah, blah, blah and shit

the New England Aquarium is shaking me down.

"Hi, this is so-n-so from the New England Aquarium. I'm calling about a fund drive which was mentioned in a letter from Director Whosey What-its. Did you get that letter"

"To be honest with you, sometimes I don't open those letters. Maybe"

"Are you still an active member?"

'heck, you tell me' is what i think but what I say is "Yes"

"What do you like best about the aquarium?"

"I don't know...the exhibits?" the ones that haven't changed for the past twenty years

"Well, your membership fee doesn't really even cover the costs..."

I sort of shut off, i don't know what she said but she was looking for a $1000 donation. I'm glad she understood my laughing was an indication that I wasn't giving a grand. The amount requested dropped down to $50 eventually.

"I don't have it right now"

"Do you know when you could make a donation?"

"Later in the month"

"Can I send out a pledge card for the end of the month?"


"For how much?"

"A hundred"

"Thank you ...blah, blah, blah and shit"

yeah, whatever.
at some point yesterday, a couple of us grabbed a couple beers but after a couple I left, I had things to do.

at home I was calculating if I could follow through on my plan of getting inebriated, I hadn't received any word on the item I was waiting for and the time I set to call and check on that thing hadn't arrived yet so I just waited.

Then the cell phone rang

"Hey, just to keep you updated. I haven't heard from that girl yet"

I waited another ten minutes before I figured I was most likely off the hook for making forged invites, it was getting too late, so i drove to the local train station and caught a train to downtown.

"Hey, your buddy was here looking for you but you missed him" is what the barkeep told me as she passed me a beer.

The start of my plan was underway but when the staffing switch came at seven, none of my regular barkeeps were working. None, not one of the five.

"Hi Tim, your partner was here earlier looking for you" - a regular who surprised me by using my name but then I know his first and last name so I don't know why I was surprised.

There are a few different groups of regulars, he's in a different group, his gregariousness was unexpected but then he like me was the only one in his group.

After beer number four, I was thinking about switching over to something distilled when I saw a silver Ford Explorer drive past the window. I thought "Lady G drives one of those" and then a minute later I notice Lady G who, at that moment, was noticing me. She didn't come in, like I thought she might instead she called me on the phone.

"Do you ever go home?"

"I was home but then I got so free time and came back"

"I had a strange feeling I should look inside when I was walking by and there you were. I have some returns to make"

I knew which store she was returning at so I finished the pint, cashed out and started to make my way over there.

On the way out the manger spied me leaving and looked at his watch. He was hanging out in a small plaza area across from his bar.

"Early night?"

"Yeah, I know who drives that and I know where she is" I said as I pointed at the Explorer while making my way to where she would be

We talked a bit and then she handed me her keys and asked if I would make certain she didn't get a parking ticket. I really had no other option than to watch her ride so I left with her keys, wondering if there should be a need to move her car whether I should be the one moving it. I decided I would cross that bridge when I came to it.

The manager was still outside his bar, but had since moved from one park bench to another. It probably had something to do with the stench of horse urine because the horse carriages start and end their route on the same corner as his bar. The horse carriages are allowed in the city because the politicians think it brings the city one step closer to being 'world class'. I think it makes the city look like a bunch of pretenders.

I sat on the bench opposite the manager.

"I was asked to keep an eye out for parking enforcement" is how I explained my. We talked about parking enforcement for a few when Lady G approached.

"The manager kicked me out" - my quasi introduction for the both of them

"I had to. He was drinking everything"

Then they preformed a more formal exchange on their own with actual names and stuff.

"Do you want a ride home?" she asked as she turned to me

"Sure. I would love one"

Which was convenient because the novelty of getting hammered had worn off.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

i'm forty fifth on the list for the search for 'see through panties' according to

the grave has never frightened me

i don't know what it was about last night but hate and despair were battling it out

the work load was actually light, comparatively, but the whole place bothered me. i'm glad i was by myself.

after i finished i thought about getting hammered which i never really thought about before there have been times when i've gotten cocked but it always just sort of happened. it was never my goal.

I don't drink locally, so I drove downtown. My regular place is on a one way street off of a rather busy roadway. I looked down the street to see if there were people waiting to get in, it gets busy on occasion. There wasn't a line so I drove around the block so I could drive past the windows to look inside. The night manager was talking to the staff at the next door establishment, inside karaoke night was underway, the bar area was packed, the floor area - crowded, but still I thought about going in. Possibly upstairs was less busy. I'm starting to like upstairs.

I could have parked in a zone whose restriction didn't become active until the next morning and just pick my truck up then, I could have parked by a local train station and taken the train in and worried about the truck later but it all seemed rather too involved just to get drunk for a reason I wasn't even certain of. It's hard to forget when you don't know what you're forgetting.

I ended up just driving home, the Deadliest Catch was being replayed on the Discovery Channel when I turned on the tv. I agreed to put off the heavy drinking for the next day until I got a call right before midnight.

"You sleeping yet?"


"I need some invites done up. They thought they would have gotten more invites than they did, so they need more"

"Can I change them a bit or do they have to be the same?"

"They should be the same. They need to look the same. Nobody is going to really examine them but they have to be close."

"I may have trouble getting envelopes"

"I don't need envelopes"

"So you mean, you need the invites forged"

"Yeah, I guess, if that's what you want to call it"

"Well, it's just that I need to know you want it forged. It makes a difference."

"Right, I see. You don't sound happy. If you can't do it, then you can't do it but I told the guy if anybody can do it, you can. I'll have an invite tomorrow, they need to be done by tomorrow night"

So, I'll be by the second office tonight. I'll also be able to get a start on printing more of those brochures which I should have started last night but didn't.

If I finish early, I'm definitely drinking tonight.

I have the cab money home already separated.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

i don't want to be here today

it's the most i hadn't want to be here in quite some time

i tire of being the one, some times
i've heard that the average American reads zero books per year

i guess i'm not average


i called the house, she wasn't home

i waited a couple and then called her cell phone

someone picked up but it seemed like not of purpose, it turns out she didn't know i was on the line

i thought maybe she was busy and just could talk at that precise moment so i waited. i could hear a conversation but i couldn't make out what was being said, it seemed like she was at work. i listened for about a minute and a half and then hung up.

while i was waiting on the line i got a call on my two way, someone wanted to know if i would join them for a coffee. i left my desk and worried i would miss a returned phone call. i also worried that there wouldn't be a returned phone call.

outside my cell phone rang. it was her

where'd the titles go?

i started reading while walking the eight tenths of a mile to the train station

i started reading while on the train

i started reading


i called her yesterday at her house and heard the start of her voicemail message

i called her yesterday on her cell phone and heard the start of her voicemail message

i'll call again today.


i opened the Champaign that was in the frig for the past year and a half.

the three of us finished it off.


"Me no like that" - one of my niece's favorite things to say

she'll say it while shaking her head and scrunching her nose.

it's just ahead of "Hey, guys that's not funny!" usually accompanied by a foot stomp
she promised to show her tattoo today, the tattoo that was peeking out from above her waistline.

"The whole tattoo?" i asked

she nodded in the affirmative

i think it will just distract from a hip that was perfectly fine without any ink embedded adornments but i find out for sure later

Monday, June 06, 2005

Monday nights I usually have nothing scheduled. I normally work Sunday afternoons so I like my Mondays with nothing to do.

My friends know that it’s not uncommon for me to spend Monday nights at the bar, although with a recent staffing change I’m not there too long, if at all.

Lady G works nights, Monday is her Friday, her weekend begins on Tuesday. My Tuesdays are always busy – ads are due.

Tonight though I came home, sat down and fell asleep, woke up and finished a novel.

After the novel I looked at the silent dark 52” tv then went outside after I found the cigars I’ve had around for over two years. I sat on the front stair off the little deck that over looks the great expanse of my front lawn.

Across the street there were a couple of regulars playing tennis. The male portion of the couple, shouts whenever he does something he isn’t pleased with, his shouting reminded me of when I used to fence.

In competition there were always these fencers who behaved like every point was life or death, like every touch was some great victory – for me it was just a game. I never had a winning record but I did do well in some competitions. I had a few medal awarded to me.

I can’t tell a good cigar from a bad one – so I buy the moderately priced ones, just like I do with wine.

I used to play tennis, was actually undefeated in competition. I only had one competitive match and then the guy I beat was teamed up with me for a doubles match, a match he didn’t want to play, so the match went unplayed. I remained undefeated.

My classic move in fencing was to let the other guy attack, I would retreat and in retreating I would flick my sabre and try to catch the guy’s wrist. It only worked about forty percent of the time but it really pissed the other guy off. I think it pissed off most of the judges too.


it’s just a


I smoked the last of the cigar holding it like a joint, I could feel the heat of the smoke through the tobacco leaf wrapper.

There was an attractive woman on the trolley, she was sitting, I was standing. Her left ear was double pieced but she wore no earrings.

Sometime, I just like to smoke.

Please don't read that paper there

Dude if you knew how much i hated folks reading the newspaper in that vacant cube across from me, you would be checking on the welfare of your wife and child right about now.
i have this need to be everyone's favorite.

it bothers me when I'm not.


so, i was asked to help move a small clothes dryer.

so, i helped move a small clothes dryer. she had a two wheel truck available but i just hoisted the thing.

"How was Kathy?" my sister asked later

Kathy was the owner of the dryer

"She was alright. She got a hyperactive towards the end but she was okay for her"

"She says you're a heart-throb"

I think "Now you tell me. That's the kinda thing a guy needs to know"

i had to think over what i did, just to make certain i didn't do anything to encourage her.

it did stroke my ego. later, i came back to earth.

i probably should have made moving the dryer look like it was a bit more of an effort. i was actually trying to make it look easy because my back was still giving me trouble from the day before when i was gutting that room.

why didn't my sister tell me that before? what the heck was she thinking? where is that girl's head? I know she rather not be telling me those things but in matter such as this you need to put your own personal feelings aside.


i was at an old lunch place, it bothered me that i didn't get any special treatment, it would have bothered me more if i thought i was due special treatment.

it bothers me that sometimes i think i'm due special treatment.

but it was kinda nice just to be a nobody

yeah, i got it rough

Hey Tim,

I just want to remind you that you have 28 hours of vacation carryover that needs to be used before the end of the month. Please use it so that it isn’t forfeited

Sunday, June 05, 2005

so, I helped the guy out

he just needed to gut one bedroom and the adjoining bath

I got there at nine, the other guy showed up fifteen minutes later

the homeowner had Dunkin Donuts coffee and donuts out for us. I really didn’t want either because I can do without the donuts and I was trying to hold off on any drinking until I found out what the facilities were, I like my facilities to be of the flushing kind.

I concluded that he and his pregnant wife where still living there during construction so I helped myself to a cup of coffee.

Things went pretty good. The guy seemed to know what he was doing for the most part despite his desire to wear a hard hat.

We probably had an hour worth of work left when I got a call

“Booze bag, do you mind if I sit in your seat?” – it was my buddy Joe

Joe was calling from our regular place, he told me Jen, the barkeep, was asking for me and wanted to know if I would be showing up.

After I was finished with helping the homeowner, I went home, showered, filled the truck up with gas ($40 dollars worth) and gave Joe a call.

“Hey Booze Bag, you coming down?” – Joe has caller ID

“I’m heading down there, now”

“Alright, I was about to leave and then come back but I’ll wait and have a quick one with ya”

We had a one beer together, and then a 5oz shot of Skky Melon Vodka, I ordered lunched, Joe already had ordered onion rings, we sat a bit and after some discussion he picked up the bill. He left but said he would be back.

I started talking with the regular to my right, he was still impressed with the Godiva Chocolate episode. He was sitting next to me that night, so he was a first hand witness.

“That’s was class, man. You left, came back, just dropped the chocolates off, then you downed that big woo woo or whatever it was Lauren made for you and just left. That was cool”

He started telling me about how others who have brought stuff in previously wanted to know why I got such a big reaction, he answered their question by saying “It’s because of what was brought in, that makes all the difference. It was a huge bag of Godiva Chocolates!”

I started to worry that he needed to get a life because that seems like it was forever ago to me even though it happened May 13.

Jen joined the conversation as I was explaining why things went the way they did that day.

“I had money in my pocket, because I was playing poker the next day…” I also told of how I could not convince myself that 3x6 was eighteen while I was estimating the total price for everything. I also said I lost at poker the next day.

“Yeah because you were…” and Jen made like she’s smoking a joint. “I know all about it”

“Yeah, all said and done I probably dropped $500” (which now seems crazy to me but it was a good time)

Then the dude started talking about baseball and pitchers and sliders and sidearm pitching – things I really don’t know much about and then Jen, stands right in front of the two of us and looks at me and says “Do you care about any of what he is saying? Anything at all?”

“Some of it is interesting” – which may have been a half lie because I thought someone might find it interesting, just someone other than me.

“No, really don’t you just want him to shut up? Because I know I do”

and then Jen turned to the dude and said “Just shut up. Shut up. Shut the fuck up!”

so I turn to the guy and said “Wow, dude, that’s rough”

during the whole shut up episode a female patron approached the bar for a drink, she was right next to me, and I noticed she looked a little shell shocked so I said “She really very friendly, just not to this guy” but I don’t think my words convinced her.

The dude and I still talked after that but he didn’t have much left in him and as he was leaving Joe came back in.

“Yeah, and Timmy’s over here being nice to him and just lets him go on and on over something NOBODY cares about” I heard Jen say to Joe as my attention made it’s way back to them.

“What’s wrong with you?” Joe asked of me.

I just shrugged my shoulders

Jen then looked me in the eye and said “He’s the enemy. I don’t like him. Nobody likes him. He’s not even a chef. He works in a cafe-ter-i-a. He’s a loser”

The barkeeps refer to him as ‘the chef’ mostly as a joke, it appears, he’s told me he has gone to some culinary school and I know he does catering. Is he technically a chef? I dunno.

I just shrugged my shoulders again which exasperated her.

hey, what could I say? I’m a loser too

Friday, June 03, 2005

"I called to see if you were working for that other bitch"

"I don't know any bitches" i said

"Anyway, I need a favor. I might need you to pick Danielle up at the airport I said I would but I'm running late"


"I'll call you in forty minutes to let you know. Sometimes that flight from Miami is late. Can you check online? Let me know when I call back"

"Why don't I just agree to pick her up now?"


"Instead of you rushing around and me checking shit and you getting back to me, why don't I just agree right now to pick her up?"

there was a slight pause, the connection wasn't great so i didn't know if she heard me or not.

"Listen, you do as I say. If I say do half a thing you do half a thing and nothing more" - said with a ghetto attitude and I'm certain there was a particular type of head movement with it as well.

"Excuse me? Have you forgotten who I am? I don't let my women talk to me like that"

"I'm sorry baby" she said so sweetly and then continued in her normal tone "But for real, I'll call back. I would like to pick her up if possible. I just might need your help driving her to my house"

fifty minutes goes by - no call - so i called

"Hey, it's Tim. The flight's on time. Do you want me to pick her up?"

"Yeah, you can drive her home if she wants, too. I'm stuck in traffic"

great, this is all i need

search for iplay with my sister's tits

the problem with tearing stuff out is that stuff has to go back in

so, i don't know why i'm here but i seem to be pretty consistent with it at times, i figure i could live with or without blogging but most every weekday i choose to live with it.

i've said before i usually come here, or visit others, when i'm bored. i often get bored

the rumor that Envy the Rain had started shipping is no rumor I got mine Tuesday.

i've been out in the field for work so writing notes and stuff on things to post have really been reduced in frequency.

to my surprise i have missed it.


I obligated myself to help a friend of a friend with house rehab, the friend in common will not be around.

it was last minute sort of, i got the call wedneday.

"This guy is looking for help. He should have mentioned it before but.." i was told

the guy's wife is pregnant which all of a sudden made everything a priority.

"I don't think i have any plans. I can help"

"Well, why don't you let me know tomorrow, think about it"

"All right"

On Thursday i called the friend in common, i got voice mail

"Hey, It's Tim, I'll help the guy. Give me a call"


"Hi, Tim. I think others will show up at 9AM and stick around until 12. Don't feel that you have to stay"

if there is work to be done, i will feel obligated, the friend in common knows this but what can he do about it?

"Give the guy a call to find out if they're still on for Saturday morning" I was further told


"Hey, it's Tim. I was told that you might need some help this weekend"

"Yeah, I'm tearing down some walls and stuff. Some folks are showing up at 9. If that's too early feel free to come later"

"I'll shot for nine"

Thursday, June 02, 2005

so, i've been busy at works

which cuts into my time here

because i usually come here when i'm bored

or trying to avoid boring work

today i'm here though because i have not posted


more of the saga of 'i'm a spaz'

in an email i wanted to express some more than free, greater than regular free

i wanted to use the word 'freer'

i wanted to spell it freeer, you know 'free' plus er - but i wouldn't allow myself to do that because i knew it was wrong even though it fit regular convention

"Freer? Is that a word?"

"I don't know what about more free?"

"More free? That's stupid"

"But it saves you from using the word freer"

"Just check the dictionary - i know it passes spell check but just make sure it's the word you think it is"

"What else would it mean?"

"I don't know, just check"



but i still don't like it

i think that's the first time i have ever used the word freer

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

so, i'm being good and not chewing my butterscotch candy, well not yet anyway but eyes gots to pee, so i go to pee

i'm there peeing, keeping an eye on things when a buddy comes in and says "Hi"

i don't like small talk when i'm peeing but i go to say hi and the candy falls from my mouth into the urinal

i was then finished with that piece of candy


Posted by: greencatfish.