Thursday, August 30, 2007

i have no magic

five phone calls when zero is the average, that was my wednesday

the trouble with making things look easy is that people think things are easy for you

i need to learn how to vacation

monday morning i woke up and foresaw the week ahead and realized that i was just about to waste a week's worth of vacation

Saturday, August 25, 2007

It's a delicate dance at times around a cluttered hardwood floor. I'll calculate where all the hazards are and choreograph accordingly and the first time I see her in days she throws another chair in my way.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

the company you keep

I was surprised to see her at her desk, her back must be feeling better. She told me that "The second deposit should be going in tomorrow." I hadn't a clue of what she was talking about so I just nodded. I asked what was the deal with Kevin. She said that she would have to call him tomorrow; that's when something died a bit inside me.

She had told me that she was going to call him on Wednesday and here it was Thursday. Kevin called me on Monday as a courtesy. I relayed his message to the owner. He wants to do the company a favor but he needs to hear from the owner.

I dropped my eyes to continue to gather my files. It's not my company. I really shouldn't care. I said "He needs a check by Friday," which made it the third time in four days and then turned and walked upstairs to my office.

Thursday still would leave us time to overnight a check; Friday would be too late. It's too late.

It's not my company. I really shouldn't care. I wonder what keeps my here.

four letter 'S' words

Sink or swim.

Everyone expects me to swim but sometimes I lust after the sinking.

I'll post a picture later, maybe.

I just walked through the copy room which I actually think is too small to be called a room (unless it's in New York) and on the cork board is a banner style sign that someone requested that I make. The signs says "Message Center - Check it Out." I remember refusing to put an exclamation point.

But for real, it's a huge ass bulletin board does it really need to be labeled.

Now I'm angry.

That guy was downsized. I should take that ridiculous sign down.

Sometimes, your stomach just says "Do you know what? Screw you!"

I ordered the chicken tenders and when they came up the waitress asked if I wanted to hear something disgusting. Because, I'm brave, I told her "Sure, why not?" She then told me that the last two times that she ordered the chicken tenders she threw them back up.

"Fantastic!" I said.


After I was finished eating, I bused my own 'table.' When I sat back down, the bartender said "I should start tipping you." I smiled and said "You do in your own way."

63 64

I was measuring waitresses last night.

One was five foot four and the other was five foot three.

I was damn serious while I was doing it but in hindsight it seemed quite silly. Some dude came over, mostly cockblocking I think, and said "You guys must be awfully bored." I didn't bother to look at the guy as I said "We're not bored. This is science."

First off, I consider them friends so cockblocking is a wasted effort. Second off, they consider me a friend so I get to measure them and they are comfortable with that. Third off, the place was a little bit busy, so folks were not bored of any degree. Fourth off, I was just helping them get a precise measurement, it wasn't my idea, I just hate to see faulty measuring. Fifth off, if it were some sort of a hook-up competition, I would kick your sorry ass at it. Sixth off, you're a retard, go screw yourself. You interrupted us and didn't even order a beer or anything.

The shorter one had said that she grew an inch.

An ear or two

Sometimes, I'm there just because the food is decent and I know I want be bothered. I was running later than usual because I had to do someone else's job for them. I was so late that I caught one of my friends visiting after work. It wasn't actually after work, seeing how he had left early but the point is that he wasn't leaving anytime soon.

He seemed to want to talk but I had to leave. I had only planned on dropping by for lunch but seeing my friend caused my plan to change. I told him that I would be back in twenty minutes.

We had a couple beers and helped get rid of the nachos that the bar put out for the free 'buffet' so that the empty tray could be sent back to the kitchen to get filled with pizza. We did so to help the bartender who likes the pizza but not the nachos. We're good like that.

My friend settled down after awhile and decided to leave while I had most of a beer left. I stayed to finish my pint. Before I could finish, another friend walked in. He was in worse shape than my friend that had just left.

"I don't think I've had a worse day than this. I just walked out of my job. I told my boss that I had to leave and he took one look at me and said go. I've been walking around, trying to settle down and when I walked by here I looked in the window to see if you were here because I needed something that was normal."

I listened, nodded and asked a question here and there. He wouldn't go into specifics and that was okay with me. He stayed around for four beers and left while I still had most of one beer. I half laughed at the trend that was developing.

There was a regular at the bar who knew that last friend of mine and we were all talking and buying each other beers. He turned to me and said that I was the man and he repeated what Dave had said about needing something normal.

I smiled a little; sometimes I'm a good friend but I don't know about normal.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

You probably don't give a shit

I look at what brings folks to this site, mostly just to make certain nobody that knows my flesh and blood knows these words within. In looking for lead-in links, I'll read my old posts; but all this is a old story.

The point: sometimes, I like the way I write, or more precisely, the way I wrote.

four days of shoulder shrugs

Saturday, I made two banners celebrating someone's birthday and I made twenty table tents to match.

Sunday, there was a mostly-pain-in-the-posterior church picnic.

Monday night, I mowed a friend's lawn that hadn't been mowed since the last time I mowed it but this time I used my new mower and bagged all the grass.

Tuesday, I met the new sales agent. I was introduced to her by someone saying "This is the famous Tim." She seems sweet and levelheaded; I'll miss her when she's gone.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

That image makes me laugh (almost)

Most of the seats were filled; I had my choice of two: one next to the Jager machine and the other between two regulars. I chose the Jager machine. Unfortunately, the guy to the right would not shut up and he smelled of body odor.

The guy dropped every name in a fifty miles radius from a quarter of a century ago. I just wanted him to shut his mouth but I always try to be polite. I didn't know it at the time but he was a local celebrity has-been. He would occasionally leave his stool to talk to other patrons.

"Hey, do you think she's Indian or Pakistani?" he asked chin pointing to an attractive woman with a cocoa brown skin. I was doing my best not to engage him in conversation and I thought it was an impolite question so I answered "I don't know the difference." He left his stool and approached the woman and asked which she was. She got a little indignant as she informed him that she was Indian, he then pointed to me and said "Then he just lost a bet."

I smiled, my smile, the one that all my friends know, that means polite Timmy has just left the building. Still with a smile and loud enough for everyone involved to hear I said "Dude, you just threw the wrong person under the bus."

He sat back down next to me and asked "Hey, what's up with the plastic cups" after the lady left him standing there.

There is this thing I do when I'm irritated at someone who is talking to me and that thing is I will completely stop looking at the person and focus on an imaginary point about eight inches from them. I turned a little towards his voice and looked at something that wasn't there and calmly said "I'm not telling you anything. You just threw me under the bus. You just put yourself on my bad list."

"Timmy you have a bad list?" the bartender asked with a bit of excitement.

"Oh, yes and Bob is on it."

"I didn't know you had a bad list."

"Oh, yeah. It's short but it exists."

"Timmy, is that you that smells?" the other bartender asked which knocked me out of the hardass mode I was in. I nearly laughed at her expertly asked question. What was Mr. Smelly going to do, complain to the manager that she was being rude to me? The bartenders always have my back.

Bob just sat quiet for the rest of his beer. He wished us all well as he left and then we all had a good laugh at his expense.

Later, I googled his name and remembered some news stories about him and also read that he was nominated for Boston's Most Annoying Person.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

I actually haven't written a letter of any kind in quite awhile.

My newly written letter needed to be filed. I actually hadn't filed a letter for longer than I had written one. The lady the used to file our letters passed away in May; her filing system had been neglected. She would file the letters by the month in which they were written and she would keep the most recent months on the floor by her desk.

I went to the cabinet and noticed that the files stopped a February. I went back to her desk and found March, April and May, all undisturbed in the little rack on the floor. She was rather consistent, a manila file folder for each month marked with an orange label. After a month's file was three months old she would place it in the file cabinet to sit in a hanging file with a neatly typed year month year.

Seeing how it was August, I had some file folders to prepare. I went to the supply room looking for orange labels and found none, so I just grabbed some manila files and hanging file.

I sat at her desk and looked through the drawers for the orange labels. I found a package with one partially used sheet of labels left, enough to get me to September. I turned on her type writing and put the white labels in for the hanging files and tried to type. Only faint letters appeared on the labels. I replaced the ribbon and started again, this time with the labels facing the right direction. I had put then in upside right but in a typewriter you need to put then upside down.

I actually haven't used a typewriter in over a decade. It took a moment for me to get my bearings but I typed enough corresponding labels to get me through all the months I needed, plus one.

I used to be a fair typist, a little slow but things would be lined up expertly; another skill mostly unneeded and mostly forgotten.

"You can type?" surprisingly he asked.

"Hell, yeah. I can sew too."
While I was grabbing things from her desk, I took her dictionary and her Swingline 747 stapler. We would often consult her dictionary and make gentlemen bets on what the meaning of words were, even though none of us were gentlemen.

I took the dictionary even though I get all my definitional needs from an online source now. I took the stapler because it's hard to come across one made of metal. Both would have found their way to undeserving hands.

I felt a little remorse filing away her files. It was not unlike when I untied a knot my father tied, he had been dead for three years. I felt like I erased a little of what remained. I remember saying "Goodbye, dad." and when I had picked up the files I said "Goodbye, Joan."

Often it just takes one generation to forget. One story not retold. One thing learned not taught.

"It's all here. Everything marked. Everything 'membered."

It merely takes one quiet storyteller for things to vanish.
I don't know why someone would google "" instead of just typing all of that into the spot for URL's.

But then I know someone who types everything into the spot for searches, even if they are URL's.

I forgot what I was going to say; that was just a side rant.

That's right I did bruschetta on the grill. Well, the toasting part of it, anyway.

I like spelling grill with an 'e' on the end even though I'm not doing it right now or possibly ever.

She remembers everything or so it seems so of course she's dangerous.

For some reason our conversations will often get cut off so I'll make it a point to start up where we left off mostly just to let her know that I'm paying attention.


The last time I saw her, she was working a waitress shift and I mentioned that I was surprised that she wasn't bartending on the Wednesday day shift. So, when I walked in today and she was the bartender she said that I was either psychic or that I was setting the schedules.

Some folks think I run the place. I don't but I'm there enough to know how it runs.


My stocks are taking it up the butt, but there were soaring just a couple days ago. Patience is a virtue and often a money maker; so I wait.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I made her smile by ordering the iced green tea, so I asked her out on a date.

That's not true but she did smile.

I think I found another place to put on the lunch list and it has free wifi.

Is forty five minutes too early to sneak out of work?

I have to go to the second job.

Is thirty eight minutes too early to sneak out of work?


She came up to my office and asked if I was staying long. I said that I wasn't. She told me her problem: there was a dead bird in a unit we sold that was going to be home inspected in an hour.

She drove me to the unit so I wouldn't lose my prime parking spot. I bagged the bird and left with her. On the way back, she brought up the multi-million dollar deal. She wanted to know why I wasn't excited, so I told her.

"Well, we won't see any of that money until two years out and even when we do see it, I'm not going to be getting any large bonuses. The best that will happen is that I might start getting compensated close to what I'm worth--"

"So you'll break even."

"Exactly, so in two years after a lot of hard work, I might start to break even, and it's hard for me to get excited about breaking even. I should be doing that now. Don't get me wrong, breaking even is better than the hole I'm digging now but still..."

"Yeah, I know."

I was trying for the shadow
So, I have a problem.

I have a need to buy things; things I don't really need. Sure I'll justify the purchase and tell myself of all the grand and wonderful things that the new purchase will afford me but the truth is: I over buy. I could make do with less. I could make do without.

But anyway, I have a new laptop (which I think they call notebooks now - I didn't get the memo on that one) and a new Weber grill.

It was a tax-free weekend in my state. Sales tax is only five percent and a sale that offers five percent off is really just a waste of advertising but I bought into it anyway to the tune of $2100. So, I saved over a hundred bucks for the event and I also save ten percent off the computer because I charged it on a brand new Best Buy credit card.

I wasn't going to get the three year accidental coverage on the laptop because it would cost about a third as much as the machine, and the machine was depreciating even as I was thinking about it. But, a fine amount of new credit makes me crazy. I figure in thirty five months, I'll just drop the thing from the rooftop.

"Yeah, it was the oddest thing. I was up on the roof, trying to locate star systems from and this owl spooked me and down it went. It was a total accident. It's a good thing that I had just backed-up my documents and that it happened while the machine was still covered. I'm lucky like that."

I'll have to check the agreement.


I had the grill showing a temp of 700 degrees. I'm pretty certain I can get a pizza stone to fit in it. A pizza cook-out would be fantastic.

I'll let you know when.

Quitters and Miscreants

The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.
- -- Joseph Joubert

Which is why my head will spin if someone just walks away from a discussion.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Shove that in here

So, you see there is this new laptop in my life.

I think we'll be best friends.

I have posts on the flash drive but I don't feel like shoving that little device into the USB port just yet.

I don't know you that well yet


Emily was by my work today. I helped her out and hooked her up. She said to me "Timmy, are you a big shot?" I laughed a little and said "No. I'm just trusted."

After she left the busy-body receptionist asked if I wanted to 'get together' with Emily, as if she could help me with that endeavor. I said "No, that's alright. I have no trouble meeting women."


I'll have to get a wireless network at the house, and at the office.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

but beauty is on the inside, squashed in the middle of cleavage.

So, the rumor is that she has the best tits in Boston. This may or may be true.

"So the last time we were here, someone said that your ass was catching up to your tits."

"Oh, really? Thanks for letting me know, I hadn't heard that."

"Yeah, so congratulations."

"Who said it?"

"I'm not naming names."

"It was Joe."

"I'm not naming names."

"What's that supposed to mean anyway?"

"It means your ass is huge." I said but I could tell she wasn't enjoying my humor. "It means that, it's been said that you have the best tits in Boston and now you are getting close to having the best ass as well."

It wasn't Joe that said it.
So, the owner should be back from Chi-Town, after closing on a huge size deal for a small company. The deal is big league large.

I'm sure folks are wondering why I'm not too excited about it. If those folks were to ask I would just shrug my shoulders. The truth is that I've been to 'the show' before and when you play at the top, it's more about the game than it is about the playing.

I'm not certain the larger reward is worth the larger effort. It's a matter of percentages, for me I guess, anyway.

Also, my arrogance affords me a certain amount of dispassion for proving myself. I know I can do a thing so why waste the time and effort in actually doing it, if it mostly just proves that I can to others. Screw the others; let them think what they want. I know the truth.

Proof for proof's sake; I have no need of that.

I'm a medium size fish in a small pond laughing at the big fish.



Sometimes, I go commando.


I think I got some decent sleep last night.

Sometimes, I worry about my English when I'm typing out my own dialog. Part of my problem is that I'll change my speech to match my audience.
So, I have an opinion of Dunkin Donuts' Iced Tea, and that opinion is: go to a Seven-Eleven and get an iced tea from the fountain drinks instead and save over half your money.


sweating with headaches

but then I haven't been sleeping too well


I'm probably done for the day.


I just walked by the receptionist's desk as she was saying "There's nobody here. They all take three hour lunches. It's ridiculous."

First off, only a few of us can pull off a three hour lunch.

Second off, she doesn't know whether or not some of us are in the field or not. Is that too many 'not's'?

Third off, she's always late: late coming in, late coming back from lunch and late coming back from breaks.

Fourth off, she rarely picks up a phone line that's ringing, which I think is a primary function of a receptionist.

Fifth off, she's a self-righteous, stinky and worthless, and friendless old broad.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

I know you missed your bi-daily dose of catfish

But life sort of caught up with me and,


I was writing a little (see those posts below)

I just wasn't posting.

I wasn't picture taking either.


I still don't know what I am. Maybe I'll all things. Maybe I'm no thing. "Well, what do you do best?" I'll be asked. I dunno. Is being a smartass what you're looking for? "Well, what do you like to do?" I dunno. Does sleeping on the sofa and mostly only getting up to eat steak & cheese's count as an answer?


If I wasn't such a sweetheart of a guy, I'd have no redeeming qualities other than modesty.

editor's note: I had to go back and add two more older posts because I hadn't realized it had been that long.

Yeah, whatever.

I finished those brochures. I knew I would but maybe I was just writing a bit of suspense.

How often do I use the word bit?


Talk about Boston accents. There are certain words where it's still pretty damn thick.

I have a friend who ever once in awhile will make fun of the way I say breakfast. I always thought that I said it just as properly as he did but then the last time he was giving me a hard time about it, I replayed the audio and found out that in the heat of the moment I say break-fust. I would often ask him how I was say breakfast wrong but that prick would never tell me. Now I know.

And then I released that my mind will often record dialog that I can replay at a later date sound for sound and thought that was pretty cool.

Maybe I'll do a video of me saying all those heavy accented words. I'll have to work on the list.

Holy, crap! I hadn't posted since the first.

I do not understand why people don't just read.

"What's this warning mean?"

"What's it say?"

"I don't know; I didn't read it."


She was going to be flying out to Chicago the next morning and she wanted to take some of our better marketing materials with her. The notice she afforded me was mere hours when she could have giving me days.

We print a lot of the better pieces on an as needed basis and only a couple at a time; because some pieces are costly to produce and, in the business of real estate, things like prices and amenities can change frequently.

I had just handed her the last of the pieces at a half hour until midnight. She was telling me how good she felt about the materials and that the large development company would be impressed with it.

I was mostly silent. It's a huge deal which could gross the company six million dollars. I would like to get excited about six million dollars but I don't because of that one small word - gross.

She goes on to mention that by the end of September we should gross $200,000 from one project and then by the end of the year another $500,000 from a different project. I still offered no reaction. I've heard promises of money before; sometimes they happen and other times they don't and still other times they happen but then the money gets swallowed up by expenses.

She also mentioned a couple other things that should produce another quarter of a million dollars. I tried to look a little enthused but I'm pretty certain I failed at it.

There are still no guaranties; things are still just talk, even with signed contracts.

When she called me from Chicago, she let me know that the deal was done and that things went very well and that folks wanted to meet the "creative genius."

I think I might be dead inside because I wasn't the least bit excited at a multi million dollar deal and praise from well respected and successful people in the business.


They come in every once in awhile, never before four o'clock. They always sit at a table. They always get margaritas.

"Two margaritas, please."


"Two margaritas, that's what those old ladies standing around looking for a table are going to get."

"Oh, your girlfriends are here?" she said while straining he neck a little to find were they were. When she found then she said "No, that's not them."

"Yes it is."

"I think you're wrong."

The ladies finally settled on table eleven even though they would have preferred something further from the bar. I turned to the waitress and said that I would pay for the two margaritas if that was what their order was going to be.

The bartender and I watched as the waitress talked to the ladies. She turned and smiled and when she out of ear shot she said "It looks like Timmy is buying two margaritas." I turned to the bartender and smiled and once she stopped rolling her eyes, she said "Maybe, this time you'll get lucky."

I don't know how old they are but one of them has told me that they are retired. My guess is that they have been retired for a long time.

They will spend the day shopping and then go for drinks. More than once, I have sent margaritas over to them. One usually will wave a thank you and then later the other one will walk over to say thanks. It's always the same one that walks over.

She again told me that she was retired. I said that it was good to see them, commended her on her faithful patronage and that I was also a fan of margaritas.

It was slightly awkward, for me anyway.

He's getting crazy all over me

He's letting the job drive him crazy

I'm letting him drive me crazy.

Birds of a feather flock together but there are only two of us.

I tell him to how he can be not so crazy and he can recite it back to me in agreement but he never does it.

"Do you like being upset?"


"Then why don't you tell him to send the request in email to the director. He's not supposed to come to you direct, so don't get upset, tell him to email the boss. That's the prodecure."

"Yes. Yes, I know, you've told me that before..."

"But I don't understand why you don't do it."

Rape Cases on Indian Lands Go Uninvestigated

I've read that headline before and I've wondered if that's a form of self hate.

She really likes her croissants

I got to hangout with her for most of the day and she suggested we go to Panera for sandwiches. I placed my order and then she placed hers. She wanted it on a croissant but they were out of them. She then asked why they always ran out of croissants and not just in this Panera but in all of them.

The kid at the counter had no answer for her. I asked if she wanted to go elsewhere but she wouldn't; she said she was just going to watch me eat. I thought 'Fantastic.'

After my order came up she caught the manager and asked him about his consistent shortage. I couldn't hear their conversation but when she returned to out table she said they where making her a croissant.

I don't like making scenes and I was a little annoyed that she was making one but she did have a point and if they could just all of a sudden bake a croissant then I didn't know why they wouldn't be baking more whenever they ran out of them.

She got her sandwich to-go and she got me another iced green tea, free from the manager for our hard time.

Still I wondered how much spit was in her food.

What?! Really?

I went by the usual place for lunch. They were a little surprised to see me, not so much because it was Sunday afternoon but because I had stayed late on Friday.

"You were the funniest that I've ever seen you, Friday night," I was told. I recounted what I could remember and then they told me a bunch of things I couldn't.

Women lie to me all the time

The waitress asked if my friend and I wanted any onion rings as she popped open a take-out tray and pushed it towards us. They will often share their orders with us because the portions are too large for women worried about keeping skinny.

"Sure, I would love some onion rings. You don't want them anymore?"

"Some guy ordered them but they didn't come up quick enough for him."

"What?" my friend asked.

"Some asshole stuck her with them." I said to him and then asked her if she had to pay for them because the house allows little room for mistakes.

I was looking her in her blue eyes as she said "No."

I smiled a little and then quietly said that I didn't believe her. My plan had been to later leave her money for the rings but by later I was a little too drunk and she was a little too quick. I saw her on the following Sunday and left her a tiny origami shirt and a tiny origami pair of pants made out of two five dollar bills and told her why.

I don't mind taking the extra portion of something that she orders on purpose but I would rather she not get stuck with an order she had no plans of getting.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

nine thirty at night is no time to call asking for stuff

I was waiting for two different calls and by the end to the work day, I called to see what was up with one.

The call I made was to my sister. She has her Jeep in the shop and there was a chance she was going to get it back and she was going to need a ride. The Jeep wasn't ready so I wasn't needed.

I didn't bother with the other call; if they needed something they should have called before the end of the day so I went to the bar.

"Hey, giggles"

While I was explained that I felt it was more of a snicker than a giggle another bartender said "Who, him? He'll laugh all night," which caused me to laugh a bit every time she looked at me. And I wasn't even drunk.

The Bud representative was having a private party upstairs with free beer and free food. She gave me two tickets for beers. As I was walking out I put them in front of one guy sitting with a friend who was talking on his cell phone. I started to explain what they were but he nodded like he already knew, so I gave a slight bow and went about my way.

Walking to the trolley station my phone rang. It was the second call I was waiting for, only way too late.

She needed "a few" brochures by the morning. We settled on three. I most likely got them done.