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I was measuring waitresses last night.

One was five foot four and the other was five foot three.

I was damn serious while I was doing it but in hindsight it seemed quite silly. Some dude came over, mostly cockblocking I think, and said "You guys must be awfully bored." I didn't bother to look at the guy as I said "We're not bored. This is science."

First off, I consider them friends so cockblocking is a wasted effort. Second off, they consider me a friend so I get to measure them and they are comfortable with that. Third off, the place was a little bit busy, so folks were not bored of any degree. Fourth off, I was just helping them get a precise measurement, it wasn't my idea, I just hate to see faulty measuring. Fifth off, if it were some sort of a hook-up competition, I would kick your sorry ass at it. Sixth off, you're a retard, go screw yourself. You interrupted us and didn't even order a beer or anything.

The shorter one had said that she grew an inch.