Thursday, September 30, 2004

Lincoln was one of the first of these...

I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong.
- -- Abraham Lincoln

I think the ones today are a different, lesser, breed. ...well, not all of them.

Hey, how you doing?

Me? ...I'm okay.

You sure?

Yeah. Why what have you heard? ...No, really I'm alright.

You seem a little quieter.

Yeah. I guess I have been. Been thinking.

I heard you got that feeling again.

...Yeah, but it only lasted a couple hours.

It kinda came out of the blue, didn't it?


You worried?

Naw, not really. ...Ain't nothing new this time.

We all make mistakes...


Due to incorrect information supplied to the Herald, one of the people charge with prostitution Friday night was misidentified in a story yesterday as Joy Marie Janko wski. The suspect's actual name is Cherie Mean ey, 28, of South Bos ton.

I found this enlarged and taped in the subway. At first I thought "Poor, Joy Marie" then I thought "Poor, Cherie" after that I thought "What was Joy Marie actually charged with?" it had to be something.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Yeah, I'm me. (I'm trying to deal with it)

I often wonder if what is normal for me is normal for most.

Yesterday, I emailed myself and I noted it as 'todah' instead of the normal 'today', because most days I email myself stuff I might post. But the previous day I didn't post the post I emailed and it remains unread, so I would have had two unread emails with the subject 'today' so I changed the second one to 'todah' and it's pissing me off. And I'm the one that did it.


I don't want to be famous but I do like being known.

Usually, I'm behind the scenes, unseen but not unknown.

"Oh, you're the Tim I've been hearing about!"

I love that stuff but usually I'm referred to as Timmy, which I don't love as much.

I don't mind friends calling me Timmy but I prefer if strangers called me something different.

Timmy just doesn't have that tough guy, hard ass image I like to portray.


So, it's either worry or boredom that has caused my candy supply to be lain to waste. Or is it laid to waste?

And it wasn't me this time, except for what was left of the jawbreakers but they had it coming. Chewed every last one of them. Jawbreaker my ass.

emails, I get emails...

I got an email from John Kerry. Yeah, I shit you not. He writes emails that look a lot like a form letter or whatever you call it's email equivlent

Oh, and please John, please stop calling me a Democrat because I'm still technically unenrolled, you know an independant, but I guess you, and the rest of this two party system, thought independant sounded too cool so you folks changed it to unenrolled so it sounds like I'm not so involved.

You can't sweep the floor from outside the house

Hey, did I mention? ...nevermind, forget it

Ignorance is bliss or so the saying goes.

Sometimes, I almost wish I didn't know what I know, I never actually wish it though because what if that wish were to come true.

It's easier for me to remember the bad than it is to remember the good.

I hate politics ...and they most likely hate me.
Politics, we coexist - me with thee and thee with me. I wish I could be done with you.
Politics is like a stone being moved on an incline.

I wish for heroes. ...and maybe a wedge.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

I'm sorry but I can't make the shareholders' meeting...

Sometimes I see things differently then other people. After nine eleven the stock market crashed. I still don't understand quite why it dropped as much as it did but then again I'm no expert. My guess is a bunch of folks panicked.

I'm not a big stockholder but I do buy stocks. I opened an account to buy stocks mainly to give stocks as gifts. Stocks aren't the best gift in the world but at least I know that stuff doesn't get thrown away and I think stocks, although more risky than bonds, are a bit more personal than savings bonds. There was a time you could have owned a piece of the Bos ton Cel tics, the Cel tics aren't the team they used to be, but I think it was cool how some know-nothing could walk up to one of the stars and say "you work for me." ...The 'sucker' would be implied.

Anyway, the market crashes big time. I say 'sweet.' I say sweet because I figure if the stock market is no good then paper money is no good. Why is that sweet? Because I figure that the paper money is still going to be good, it has to be or the United States is finished, so conversely, I think, the stocks will be good (someday), so I spend all can on buying stocks. After a few months, the grand total was only $2400 so I'm hardly a player but the thing is those stocks are worth $4100 today. So, to all those folks who dumped their stocks, I would just like to say "thanks" and that you were a bunch of 'suckers' and ask where was your faith in America?

My lawyers say I should add, please speak to your financial advisor before investing any money in the stock market.

( I don't really have any lawyers)

“I can’t. I’m working tonight. It’s Tuesday. And I have to set some mouse traps.” I said.

“You know, I sometimes can’t figure you out. I’ve seen you pick-up an earthworm from a puddle and toss him to safety but you seemingly have no trouble breaking the necks of mice.”

“Weird ain’t it? …Don’t worry, you have earthworm status.”

“That’s good to know.”


I had lunch with my supervisor and we started talking about the poker game scheduled for this Friday, we both need to budget money for the game. My supervisor said “What’s Friday? The first? Because that’s when I get my cuckoo check.” I asked “I thought you only get compensation for the physical?” referring to his damaged hand and arm, it’s not too bad but he has lost some mobility. He answered “Yeah, they say it couldn’t be proven that it was the war that made me crazy.”

Yeah, I know.

It was determined that he has post traumatic stress syndrome and they don’t dispute that he was in the war but they won’t commit to saying it was the war that caused the traumatic stress.

Yeah, I think he was on holiday in Vietnam.

The point of my question was stop kicking the shit out of yourself because you get a little bit of money every month for permanent damage done to you by the war. The U.S.A. caused you damage, buying you a beer every now and again is the least they can do.

The least I can do too. I bought lunch. He left the big tip.

Monday, September 27, 2004


Sometimes, I'll argue a point I don't really believe in.

Sometimes, I do that because am I asshole.

Sometimes, I'll do it to see if you know what you are talking about.

Sometimes, I'll do it to make sure I know what I'm talking about.

Sometimes, I don't know what I'm talking about.

Sometimes, I change my mind while I'm arguing a point I thought I didn't believe.

Sometimes, I just want people to talk about stuff.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

inee or outee

It’s Sunday 6:30PM or so, I’ve parked the truck and I’m walking to the second job, on her stoop is an old friend, old meaning we’ve been friends for awhile, and old meaning that she turned 80 three months ago.

She greets me with a smile, she gets one in return, she tells me she was quoted in the paper, quoted about politics. She knows my political history because her daughter is the one that got me involved. She tells me about the questions she answered, she tells me “Even the crooked politicians used to help you, but not anymore,” that quote made the paper. She tells me how some good have gone bad and of how one that was bad is now good. I confirm her last statement. I know the guy, I’ve typed out press releases for him & created cutom invites for fundraisers, usually in the dead of night because that is when he has his free time. In the early days, I couldn’t stand the guy, he epitomized everything I thought was wrong with my city and society in general. But he’s different now and even if he doesn’t like you personally he’ll still try to help because that’s his job.

Then I shake my head, not physically because I’m still talking to my old friend, I shake my head because I just had a private thought. I thought I was out of politics.

Politics – it seems I can’t stay away from them. In a previous post I reminded myself of dangers of a cause (I meant politics, specifically) and someone tells me “This seems relevant,” I think “No, it don’t. I’m done with politics,” I thought I was but here I am. I’m where I most likely vowed I wouldn’t be again. Politics.

Earlier, I remember a few checks written, a few fundraisers attended, a few standouts where I was out standing. I could always say I was just helping out a friend but I realized I never left, just toned it down a bit.

I don’t like politics, I don’t like that the best candidate doesn’t always win. I don’t like that most voters just vote for the best show without knowing much else. I don’t like that elections can be bought, or rather if you spend enough money you can win.

Even, if I don’t like to admit it I’ve stayed involved. I’ve stayed involved because if you want change you have to do more than just vote. I’ve stayed because I want change.

That post below this one is my result from some online ink blot test.

“You have a deep desire to use ideas to change the world around you. This drive influences you far more than you may realize on a conscious level.” I read that sentence from below and said “Screw you!” but then I realized I meant “Screw me.”

Saturday, September 25, 2004

ink blot test result

Timothy, your subconscious mind is driven most by Imagination

You have a deep desire to use ideas to change the world around you. This drive influences you far more than you may realize on a conscious level.

You love to brainstorm and imagine new possibilities. The world is a fuller, richer place because you can contribute new ideas to any experience. Your natural curiosity inspires those around you and encourages them to come up with ideas they wouldn't have discovered without your help.

Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.

now I have ink all over my hands

Tim, this is your subconscience mind. I imagine this test is a curious piece of crap.

Little g was with me. We decided that we would take photos of each other without looking through the viewfider or the video display.

I so kicked her ass.


Do you want to hear a joke?

You know I don't like your jokes.

Are you still upset about the military personnel? …Come on they had it coming. How many years have they been paid for little or no effort? They're trained to fight, so they should fight.

I thought they were mainly for protecting the United States and mostly by just being big and ready, the whole ‘peace through strength argument,’ not some 'peace through kicking ass' argument.

Whatever. But you weren't pissed off before. So, it must be something else... and your heat level rose when the military was mentioned… Is it the cut in veteran benefits? You're big on keeping deals, or so you like to think. You think some deal was broken with the people in the military.

Well, when you have people sign up for the military and the benefits are one thing and then you change them to something lesser while those folks are actually in military service, that’s a pretty ignoble act.

Listen, the veterans have been screwed over for years and years. This just makes it easier. In the old days people were convinced that only physical injuries were worthy of compensation, if you complained about the psychological problems you were called a ‘wuss’ and told to get over it. But, now people are more aware about the mental anguish of war and realize that the damage caused to the mind can be more harmful than most of the physical damage. You know the cost of mental health, that's pricey stuff. Costs had to be cut somewhere. You would probably not care so much if you didn’t have a Vietnam vet as a supervisor. And when did you start using the word ignoble?

Well, there seems to be a problem when you have to make certain your supervisor hears you coming or he might 'put you down' because for a few years, decades ago, hearing people sneaking up on you meant life or death. And, then when he finally goes for compensation, he's told it can't be proven that his time in the service is to blame. And his situation only gets worse when this country is at war.

You knew all this before, what's the big deal now?

Maybe because it's harder to look away without seeing something else I don’t want to see. You know the whole “if you’re not part of the solution, then you must be part of the problem” argument.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

My dad was magic

There was a time I thought I had a magic bed. It was magic because there were times I would sleep under the bed but wake up on top of it.

I would sleep under the bed because sometimes when the moon was just right the shadow from the curtain and the window frame would look like a huge spider’s web. And me I was no dummy I knew that with spider webs you get spiders, usually hiding somewhere that you can’t see. I also knew that spiders cannot see through beds, no matter how many eyes they had, so under the bed I would go. I would start off under the bed but end up on top of it by morning.

So, I had this magic bed but I couldn’t tell anyone because I only found out about it because I was hiding from a huge imaginary spider and folks just wouldn’t understand. I kept the magic bed a secret.

I soon realized that there was no spider but that the magic bed was cool, so I kept sleeping under the bed. I liked it.

Then one day my dad, out of the blue, asked me “Why are you sleeping under the bed?” I told him “I like it under the bed.” To which he replied “Well knock it off because I’m tired of pulling you out from under the bed when I go to check on you at night.”

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

here and there

I'm at the second office again on an off day, that's twice this week for those of you counting. The webpage update is getting there. Someone used to say that the webpage changes weekly, lately the changes have been weakly. Cropping and resampling photos is a pain in my arse. (Nah, that's not true)

Sitemeter tells me someone googled something and this, my site, was on the list. Some old post came up so I read it, I usually don't read my own posts, but I read this one.

Sometimes I crack myself up.

My friends will recount stuff I've said in the past and I'll just bust out laughing, usually I don't find myself too funny when I'm saying it the first time.

Usually when I laugh at my own jokes my friends will just shake their heads and walk away.

What?! Sometimes I'm funny.

I'm outta here.

Thieves, I tell you

So, you've seen the picture. The one with my nickname written with a black Sharpie on the white cover of my Poland Springs water bottle. This one here.

It not for reasons of vanity that I write my name on my water bottle. I do it so people other than those named Tim won't drink it. I usually bring two from home and place one in the office frig. Three times now someone has taken one of my bottles of water.

who is holding the rope?

Note to self:

Some causes are like a bottomless pit. They can use up whatever you throw into them. Some folks dance about the edge, some folks jump right in, other folks just happen to step in because maybe they just didn't give the depth a thought at the time or maybe there was a miscalculation.

Sometimes it's good to grab a tether, is what I'm saying, I guess.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

I live my life in letterbox

I don't have Chim-Chim

a tree falls

Speak freely

"I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it."

"The greatest threat to freedom is the absence of criticism."

"Free speech is to a great people what winds are to oceans and malarial regions, which waft away the elements of disease and bring new elements of health; and where free speech is stopped, miasma is bred, and death comes fast."


Miss Y asks if I would like a coffee. I think for a moment and then say "Yes."

"Have you set a date yet?" I was asked.

"No, I'm leaving that up to her"

"Have you given her a ring yet?" I was asked.


"How can she set a date, without a ring?" I was asked.

"She can't pick a date without a ring?"

"Nooo! At least we know it is you that is holding things up" I was told.


I have this urge to write, so I write. I write my usual innocuous post and try to call it a day but the urge remains.

"What? What do you want? Oh, urge of mine. I have nothing to say"

I've been getting ideas lately, ideas about things I've let languish due to lack of ideas.

I think I may be turning a corner or maybe just stopping the sliding backwards.

Maybe, it's the just not caring that is passing.

My mediocre attitude is no longer as tolerated like it used to be.

I want to be great, again.

My great was only ever so so, so don't go spazing out.


The thing about upgrading and/or installing is that there is a lot of just waiting. I have this guy from MIS in the cube across from me upgrading a cube neighbor's machine. The dude is just sitting there yawning and stuff and most likely watching me.

My boss comes over and starts talking to the MIS guy about computers and tries to get me involved in the conversation.

No, thanks, boss. Those MIS dudes need to stay away from my machine. I don't want them to know that I even exist. The last time they touched my machine they deleted all my print drivers just because they didn't think I was using them.


The following is my quote of the day.

Some day, in years to come, you will be wrestling with the great temptation, or trembling under the great sorrow of your life. But the real struggle is here, now, in these quiet weeks. Now it is being decided whether, in the day of your supreme sorrow or temptation, you shall miserably fail or gloriously conquer. Character cannot be made except by a steady, long continued process.
- -- Phillips Brooks

It's what you do when 'it doesn't matter' that sometimes matters most.


okay, that MIS dude is actually sleeping right now.

Who are you?

I don't remember tossing and turning last night so I guess that's a good thing. Usually I'm shifting here and there trying to ease the aches in my back that show up when I'm not moving. Seemingly permanent aches caused by proving I can indeed move a full size sleep sofa into a second floor apartment by myself or such like things.


I do good things but that doesn't make me a good person. That is the latest proclamation.

The good things that I do only remind me that I'm not a good person.

The thing of it is that not being a good person doesn't bother me that much.


Last night at the second office, I was there on an off day, off day meaning I wasn't scheduled to be there. I broke one of my own rules and had to deal with computer viruses. I guess I have those rules for a reason.

Things are clean now and running at a pretty good clip.

I hope to get there early tonight, instead of goofing off and going in late to avoid the other workers. I really need to interact with those folks more, they are forgetting who I am. ...I'm forgetting who I am.

Monday, September 20, 2004

mowed down

after three weeks, I finally mowed the lawn. (yesterday)

the dsl line is in and working on all the networked computers at the second job.

it's a lot quicker uploading stuff.


The lunch place was dead. I walked in at 1:45PM and no one was there, no one but the barkeep and the waitress and the two cooks. I sat at the bar and ordered. I was there for an half hour before anybody came in. The guys that came in were in the service, served in Iraq. The were all about twentyone years old.

They called me sir.

There were in town because they were going to be the color guard for the Red Sox game. Two were drinking beer, the other water with lemon. All were nervous about screwing up on tv. By the time I was leaving they were up to two drinks apiece. I asked if they were going to hang around at the bar for a little longer. They said they were, so I told the barkeep to throw another round on their bill and give it to me.

So if the color guard at the Red Sox game screwed it up, I might be partially to blame.

Them dudes was young and voting for Bush.

Voting for Bush because they have no confidence that Kerry will continue in Iraq. If the US doesn't continue in Iraq then all their efforts would be in vain.

Sunday, September 19, 2004


So, the discussion was about the second job and how some have become fat and lazy. There is just a mutual friend of the owner and myself. This is taking place in my office.

There is talk about a DSL line, networking printers, getting more work stations, ideas for the webpage and training for some agents.

Presently, the network is using an eight port hub, all the ports are full. Presently, there is a sixteen port hub sitting behind my desk where it has been for over a five days. Presently, I'm in the process of updating the webpage.

I mention maybe I'll do a blog which can have all the updates noted. Maybe do a site feed. Maybe upload the ads that I already am converting to PDF on a weekly basis. Maybe video in the near future.

Maybe, ...maybe.

fat and lazy - I know she didn't mean me but that shoe fits.

Fiction, Nonfiction

"I've heard you decided to stay and that made me glad" was what my former big boss said. She's moved on, I'm still here.

Her fingers are somehow still in the pie.

I tell her the decision was more made by the potential new employer than by me. I tanked the interview, an interview I should have aced but didn't, I did tell her this. But I did tell that to the potential new employer.

"And I really don't want to go but if I can't get what I need from here, I need to go someplace else, ...others are interested" I added with an apologetic shoulder shrug. She tells me to talk to her former number two, forget about talking to that guy, she motions to office where the boss to my boss sits, there will be changes she assures me.

She says this exchange never existed.

Mums the word, I definitely won't post this to the internet

So this must be a work of fiction.


Over the past month's time I have gotten a $70 per week raise ($42 after taxes).

I complain too much.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

I'm trying to update some webpage but I cannot connect to the server.

So, I'm having a blast.

into deep

Sometimes, I think she lets me in too deep

Friday, September 17, 2004

good luck

a lack of brightness

As I was sitting down, I was thinking that of all the things that irritate me that sounds are the worst. Once I was seated I pulled myself closer to the desk and cursed the poor overhead lighting and I switched on my 300 watt halogen floor lamp that sits behind me. And then rethought about what irritates me most because poor lighting is near the top of the list.

The thing is I can tolerate, even forget about things if there is no escape from them. If I have to sit at a desk with the incessant humming noise coming from the hallway I can do it. If I have no other lighting available, I can make do with the existing.

And then I thought that what irritates me most is when folks complain about humming noises and a lack of brightness.

Thursday, September 16, 2004


I'm better on defense. I'm a better counter puncher. I'm better at replying. I'm better at repairs.

I'm better when others make that first move, I go from there.


There is usually a constant dialog running in my head.

Sometimes there are arguments.

The bad thing about arguing with yourself is the best you can do is break even, for every win there is a corresponding loss. The good thing about arguing with yourself is that it is all for practice, the score keepers are not keeping score.

Anyway, that's not the point I was going to make.

But right now I feel like being pointless.


I got my receipt from CVS and it has my third quarter spending on it, which is $73.73, it further tells me I've spent $7.45 on Twizzlers (YTD). What I buy at CVS is candy and chewing gum, an occasional beverage, and that cold crap from a few posts ago.

$73.73 per quarter is nearly $300.00 per year. ...And CVS is not my exclusive candy supplier.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Seriously though, thanks

The exchange started poorly, I asked for a plan that he most likely had and he said he probably didn't have anything for that location, right off the top of his head. I don't deal with his plans as much as he does but I know of his plans and what areas usually have plans. This area should have plans. It really should. So, he checks his records and finds the plan I need but he wants to measure stuff and give me his take on the situation, which is fine, I actually like input but the dude is wrong.

So the dude is wrong. He wrong about the scale of the drawing and he's wrong about why I need the plan but I need the plan. I told him why I need the plan, the precise reason but he basically tells me that I need the plan for a different reason.

Chief, I'm the one that needs the plan. Me, not my boss, not his boss, not some consultant, but me, I need it and I'm pretty certain as to why I need it.

I try to be diplomatic about the whole thing because I have to deal with the guy probably once every other month. I want to say "Hey, buddy you're wrong" and show him how to read the scale but I don't. How do you tell some guy who is supposed to be able to measure a plan that he's using the scale wrong? I just said "thanks a lot" and left. He was way off, off like double. I measured the sidewalk, in the field, at eight feet his plan shows the sidewalk at seven feet and he was telling me that it's fourteen feet. The city has very few sidewalks with a width of fourteen feet and this ain't one of them.

Seriously though, thanks for the plan.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Somethings end up moving..

even if they are twelve feet tall and weigh 3 tons.


You get to be a hero if you are the first to comment on one of Angelina's posts.

Me, I'm not that heroic.

I actually think she considers all those who comment to be heroes, not just the first, it's just braver to be first.

title fights

Sometimes I get involved in fights, the good fight type stuff. Most often, the fight gets fought and the number to the right in my win / loss record increases. My managers tend to get us into fights we cannot win. We put on a good show, a damn good show, so if the fight isn't won at least respect is not lost.

Today is different. Today the number on the left increased by one.

So uthie reinvents St. Pe ter: New site, same fortitude
By Brian Ball ou - Bos ton He rald
Tuesday, September 14, 2004

St. Pe ter School in South Bos ton closed last year due to a cost-cutting consolidation by the Arch diocese of Bos ton, but a school with almost the same name opened yesterday five blocks away and the similarities are striking.

The books are the same, and the staff and students are the same. Even the tuition is the same at $3,250.

The likeness of the closed school to the new St. Pe ter Academy is no coincidence but rather a measure of the struggle by the staff and parents to keep the 50-year school alive outside the umbrella of the Cath olic Church.

``I can't find the right words to express how it feels to pull this whole thing off,'' said Jil Sulli van, 43, whose three kids attended the school and now attend the academy.

Shortly after the announcement was made earlier this year by the archdio cese to close the school, the administration and the parents of students worked to build their own private school, said Janice Car thas, the academy's principal.

Without much of a budget, they made it happen. Just three weeks ago, a school board member who is a parent of a student offered up an office building that has more space than the old school, with the only stipulation that the academy pay insurance and utilities. Then, the families went to work whipping the space into a school.

The academy wants to carry one more thing from the old school - $100,000 accumulated through tuition payments and fund-raisers last year. The academy's lawyers will meet with the archdio cese Thursday.

Sunday, September 12, 2004


I'm not really digging the new mouse on the new machine.

I don't think it's going to make it.

current computer count

One at the day job
Two at the second job (soon to be one)
One laptop (various locations)
One at home

Later that Sunday..

I get to the office around quarter til eight and folks are still there, this should not be. It should not be but it is, one person is a friend who I haven't seen for a while and the other person helps out at the front desk.

I says "Hi" with a smile and then add "I don't know what you are doing here but I'm quite certain I don't want to know."

And I was right. They were working on some affor dable housing project that the owner has the office involved in, if folks are still here on Sunday night that means the dealine is tomorrow. I'm glad I'm not involved with this part but I do feel sorry that I'm not helping out. But what the heck I can't do everything. And was busy all day not mowing a lawn.

Anyway the thermostat is timed, so the AC is off, so I turn it on because even at night the office is too warm for comfort, sometimes. The deal with the AC is we try to turn it off at night (normally at 7PM when the office closes) because we have a neighbor that complains. We started talking about the neighbor and I mentioned that he's been complaining for years and that he confronted me one day about the AC being left on and I ended up being rude to the guy. I actually forget what I said to the guy but he kinda got in my face when I was genuinely trying to be nice to him. He wanted me to promise that it would never happen again and I told him I couldn't do that because I'm not the one that always locks up. And really dude just buy an AC and you won't hear ours.

That was about the extent of my story so I left the main office and went to check to see if I had files that I needed to deal with and I overheared the others say that they have never see me be rude to anyone.

I was going to set them straight but what would be the point of that?

The weekend...

Saturday, I had a copy of Red Dead Revolver in the house and a working Xbox so the only thing that got done happened with an assortment of firearms and other weapons.

Actually that is not true, I picked up some turtle food for Money the turtle. I did the picking up late in the day because I forgot that that was the only thing I promised to do that day and the promise was made to Little g so I'm glad I remembered before all the stores closed. I did see one set of closed grates.

I told myself I would mow the lawn tomorrow.

Well, tomorrow was today and the lawn is still unmowed.

There's always tomorrow, right?

Saturday, September 11, 2004

For the story of it all

So, I'm having this phony conversation in my head with Lady G about a friend of hers. Lady G has said in the past and again now that the friend is hard to live with. My reply to that is "Yeah, but she's a hot piece of tail, so most guys would make do", which I would never say in real life because I think a guy would only put up with it for a relatively short while and Lady G would probably say "If she's so hot then why don't you fuck her" which would start an exchange I would rather avoid.

But in this pretend conversation that's what I said and Lady G's reply was "Am I a hot piece of tail?", which I know is a question that is setting me up, but I'm ready for it (because this is all pretend, in my head). So I say "Yes, you are but that's not why I hang around. I hang around because of who you are, your personality, the way you look out for your friends, the way you bring cake to the cakeless on their birthdays, the way you tell a story."

The pretend conversation ended there because I started thinking about how I do love how a story is told. I first really noticed Lady G when she was telling a story to friends of her. I still like to watch her tell a story, she's great at it. And, I guess that is a reason I read blogs as well, for the story of it all.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Fantastic ...I mean stellar stupendous

So, when folks ask me how I’m doing I usually say "Fantastic." I know it should actually be "Fantastically" but that sounds pompous or I should say "I’m fantastic." Well, the word fantastic is becoming too popular, everyone is using it, so I have to change my word. I thought about "Stellar" but with my Bos ton accent, I say it "Stella" and then I sound like I’m in some off Broadway play. So, I’m thinking about "Stupendous."

How am I doing? "I’m stupendous."

I’ll think about it further.

Yeah, that's the day to day I worry about.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

It can't be all my fault

That's my grandfather on the right from my mother's side.

When I'm not reading blogs, I'm giving someone grief

"Can I borrow the supply catalog?" I asked

"Yes, you can." She replied

"Can I just grab it?"


"And move your Splenda container?" I asked to be a bother to her

"My what?"

"Your container with your Splenda. Oh, there's Equal in there too. Which do you like better?"

"What?" she asked

"Which do you like better Splenda or Equal?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Because I care about you"


"Why do I care? Because I'm a caring fellow."

"Splenda. I like Splenda better but why do you need to know?"

"What if I find a coupon for Splenda?"

"I don't buy Splenda."

"What if it were a free box?"

"You always come up with something, don't you?"

Yeah, I usually do.


Here's the deal, I read blogs. I read blogs because often they make me think about stuff, stuff I probably wouldn't think about, otherwise. I could read more books or have more involved conversations but reading blogs is easier, it's more convenient. They also help me pass the time when I need to pass time.

I like reading blogs. And I don't mind throwing a couple bucks around to sorta say 'thanks for sharing.' The way I figure it is that I ask the question "Would I buy that person lunch?" I usually would and I would not just buy them lunch and just watch them eat because the last time I did that the other person was a little weirded out by it, but I would buy myself lunch too. So, that brings the price to two lunches.

Word for word, or probably more likely thought for thought, it's cheaper than paperbacks or a round of drinks.

Plus if you have a question or a statement there is usually a place for comments or there is an email address around somewhere.

Sometimes I don't post stuff

I forget what I was doing but I came across the following. Something that I wrote awhile ago, I forget why I wrote it and I don't know why I didn't post it at the time

...I don't know why I'm posting it now but here it goes.

A hero is a man who does what he can.
- - Roman Rollard

If you read this site from stem to stern you may think there is a lot of hopelessness. Lately, I’ve been in discussions that are akin to defending hope in the face of hopelessness. Seems noble at best but hypocritical at street level.

From stem to stern
Through life I learn

six cents worth

It was raining yesterday morning so like the lameass I am I drove to the public transportation station.

In my truck there is this neat little compartment at the top of the console that holds my cell phone quite nicely. I placed the cell phone in this compartment like I usually do and said to myself "Don't forget to take that." Well I did forget to take the phone and subsequently missed an opportunity for lunch with Lady G.

And I really like lunch.


"That will be $2.94."

That's the price of a grande white chocolate mocha. I've been visiting Starbuck's once a day all week, well, all week except Monday.

I offered a $20.00. I offered the twenty because I had $21.66 in my pocket. The paper money consisted of a single and the double sawbuck.

She asks "Do you have anything smaller?"

I hold up the single as if to prove that I don't and say "All I have is a single."

Maybe I was trying to get my overpriced coffee beverage on the cheap.

Maybe she would say "Today, that's close enough."

I was handed a five, twelve ones, a nickel and a penny.

I tipped the six cents.

In the long run...

sahalie reminds me that the price of silver usually goes up, in the long run.

There’s a line in a movie where someone says he’s sold his soul to the devil. He’s asked what he got for his soul and the answer is that he was taught to play the guitar, real well. And the guy asking about the trade says “And for that you traded your everlasting soul?” and the trader replies with a shoulder shrug “I wasn’t using it.”

There have been times when I was in the middle of doing something and I would think that that something was pointless. And you know what, that activity would turn out to be pointless but often later down the road, I’ll use a skill or a piece of knowledge that I picked up during the pointless activity for something that has a point.

Sometimes my pointless activities are not always without value, I guess is what I’m saying.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004


The new machine is out of the box and about 80 percent setup. It's networked and has all the major programs I use, installed. There are some lesser programs I still need to install but that can wait. That sucker's quick


At work today we had a visitor, a female fourth grader. She starts school tomorrow. She thought it was funny calling my "A doll", as in "Oh, thank you. You're such a doll."


Tuesday, September 07, 2004

I wonder about my exchange rate of soul to silver.

Regina is unemployed - her choice at the moment.

She’s unemployed because she wants music, more music.


There was this point being made, I forget by which means it reached my senses but it was major media. The point was if people don’t like their job, it’s mostly their own fault. The guy said if you don’t like your job then leave. Most people would argue that they have expenses. The reply was that the expenses were all chosen, the mortgage or rent, the car payment, credit card bills, he argued that they could all be reduced or maybe eliminated by most of the people who do the complaining. Is there a smaller apartment you can rent? A less expensive car you can drive? Take the bus, even. You stay for a reason.

The point – be aware of your priorities because that is most likely why you make your choices.
The message – stop complaining because it’s your own choice.

Sometimes, I don’t like my job(s) but the money and security are convenient. I could leave, I still know certain folks that would welcome me but the pay would be less and the job not quite as secure. I could even do the self-employment thing again but...

Sometimes, I trade a bit of soul for silver.

Regina, she’s trading silver for soul. I hope it works out.


So, I try not to complain so much about my job but I still wonder about my exchange rate of soul to silver.

Sore throat, running nose, congestion – all mild.

So, I eat better and keep warm, warmer than I like but I dislike colds. I don't get colds often maybe something mild every other season, usually late in the season. There have been a couple times when it has been worse. Maybe, it was the lack of sleep or the sleeping under a running fan on one of the cooler nights.

Anyway, mild cold symptoms are here. As I was leaving the house I took a half dose of NyQuil, probably not the best way to start the day. I got to work and figured a grande espresso drink from Starbucks should counteract any effects of the NyQuil. Around 11:30am the nose starts to feel like it wants to start running a bit so I go to the drugstore to get some stuff. Stuff got – DayQuil, Cold-Eeze and white chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (on sale). I take a Cold-Eeze and read the package which states that I should not chew it but let dissolve slowly in my mouth.

I chew hard candy. I chew jawbreakers. I chew hard cold drop lozenges such as Cold-Eeze. I chew them all.

I did actually refrain from actually biting all the way through the lozenge, I sort of squeezed it between my teeth. Does that count as chewing? I mean the teeth never met. Never bit through.

I'll let my lawyers figure it out.
I think I have the makings of a cold.

There's always tomorrow...usually

Twice I bought new blades for the band saw. Twice I got the length from the manual. Twice the blades did not fit. So I took the blade out and measured it by hand.

I sent Delta an email letting them know their manual has errors. My original message was "You suck!" but that was changed to the page numbers in the manual with the erroneous information. The "You suck!" was implied.

I forgot about the therapeutic effects of a hobby. Just concentrating cutting on the outside of a hair thin line the brain kinda shuts down and then there comes a time when you realize you're thinking on to a different level. Or at least that's how it works with me.

Of course, I usually then feel guilty that I'm not actually spending my time working on the house.

The new computer is still in it's box. Maybe, Wednesday that will change.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Saturday, September 04, 2004

I was there because I was dropping off Little g for a sleepover, it was her friend's birthday. The house belonged to a friend of Lady G. I'm there making small talk because I have to wait for something. The friend opens the deck door and leans the screen door up against the frame. She explains that her brother walked right through it one day.

I was still waiting and ran out of small talk so I fixed the door.

Old habits die hard. I just hope that I didn't overstep something because her husband was home when I did it.

Friday, September 03, 2004

I'll wait and see...

I was leaving the office for the night, it was a little bit before 11PM. My truck was parked about two blocks away, down by the beach. I had just reached the last intersection I had to cross and I waited for traffic to pass but this traffic was not passing. The non-passing vehicle was a black Mercedes driven by an attractive female. My first thought was "I not turning tricks tonight" but then I recognized the driver. It was the owner of my second means of employment.

"You just leaving now? Was what she asked through the mechanically opening window.

"Yeah, but this is early for me." I said as I looked at my watch even though I knew the time of night. "I sometimes don't leave until three in the morning but I'm hoping the new computer will help with that a bit."

"Oh!, ...I should be coming back soon, 'my daughter' is doing better so I think I can do three days a week. Then we can start kicking butt, again" I think she said 'butt' but I'm certain I heard 'ass' in the confines of my head.

"I've been waiting." I said hoping she was correct.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

sixteen hundred times larger...

This is something I did with the band saw. It's a 1600x1 scale model of a 3-D dragonfly puzzle. It's actually too big to properly cut out on the band saw but I did it. I think from stem to stern he's over two feet long. His wingspan is over twenty-seven inches.

1600 times larger, I think that's funny. It's actually too large to do anything with it. I might hang it from the ceiling. Any future ones will be smaller, maybe only one thousand times larger.

He's one of a kind.

You might be able to make out the small dragonfly on the front wing, he's the green speck.

It's finally happened..

What has happened? I got myself a new system for the second job. My present system which is a Pentium 3 has a lot of crap on it and I ask it to do many things. Things that it sometimes finds difficult to do but it gets them done albeit slowly.

I'm sorry old friend, you have rarely let me down but it's time to go.

The new machine Pentium 4 with a gig of RAM runs at 3.2 Ghz, 200GB hard drive. It will stay in the box until this weekend.


Someone made me cake. Cake is good.


"Hey, guys" I said as I sat down for lunch.

"How come they always ask 'Where's Timmy?' but they never ask for me?" was the reply to my salutation.

"That's because you are always here" I said as I smiled at the one who was asking for me.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

I don't really skip that much.

I don't deal with the public coming in off the street everyday, but where I sit I can hear what is going on. I'll hear things and I just have to take a walk around the cubes to see the type of person who said such a thing. Some of the stuff is unbelievable. Today it was "Who is Public Works?" For those of you who don't know, Public Works are the folks that pick up the trash, install/repair the sideways & roadways, keep the street lights lit, stuff like that.

If you're in the city how can you have never heard of Public Works? Especially, when you're standing in City Hall.

...Of course, it may have been an act, she was a pretty young blonde.


So I get a call.

"Tim, it's me but it's not work related"


"You know 'so-n-so' right? Well he has this partner (business partner, not life partner) who is moving and he has a seven year old rabbit he needs to find a home for and the 'owner' said you might be interested. Would you be?"

"I would say no I'm not"

Sheesh, I took the 'owner's' rabbit a couple years ago as a favor to her. I'm not really in love with rabbits.

I'll probably change my mind though if I'm asked again because I'm a sucker. ...And I'm really in love with rabbits.


"I like your shoes"

"Yeah, I like em too but.." and I show the crack that runs the width of the shoe right in the middle of where my foot bends when I'm walking.

"How did you do that?"

"I don't know but it's both shoes and it's happened to another pair I had too"

"Maybe it's the way you walk"

"Yeah, or maybe it's all the skipping I do"