In part

Part of the problem is that I don’t know if she thinks I’m less petty than I actually am.

Part of the problem is that I don’t know how bad things are for her. I know that things are bad but she always seems to find funding for the things she needs but I also know some important things aren’t getting paid.

Part of the problem is that I’ve sacrificed non-needy friends to help the needy ones; she might be doing the same.

Part of the problem is that I don’t know if I’m being selfish or trying for self preservation.

Part of the problem is that I know I’ll never be fully compensated for my effort.

Part of the problem is that I’ve always suffered from the famines and never benefited from the feasts.

Part of the problem is that I may love myself more than I love her.

Part of the problem is that I don’t know if the effort I’m making matters much.

Part of the problem is that I’ve increased my worth even as my compensation has gone down.

Part of the problem is that I know she uses my abilities as a selling point.