before now

if you met me recently you would wonder why there is so much hype about me in certain circles

but you would have to forgive the hypers because they have known me for quite some time

things were different before

before now

i would have been rattled

She said, "I think one of the funniest things about last night is that you thought I really might have you put up the blinds. Sweetheart, it's not like that round here..."

i would have even shown up with a ladder and a cordless drill and would have been a little disappointed that there were no blinds to hang and then I would have thought "oh, shit. what now? i'll probably have to talk. Are you sure there are no blinds? What about a dripping faucet? Loose railing? rattling window? burnt out light bulb? roofing tar on your carpet?"

I was at the usual place and she had just asked me "So, what's next?"

So, I did that 'Hmmm, I'm thinking' thing and then say "Stoli raz and tonic"

"You want a Stoli raz after four of those?" she asked as she pointed at the glass in front of me that was previously filled with a Disaronno sour.

"How many?!" I asked in disbelief.

"Four" she said, matching my disbelief with her own surprise.

four Disaronno sours after a Tang and tonic which was after four beers

after the Stoli raz I left

"you might have a problem" I told myself

but I wasn't worried because I wasn't fall down drunk I wasn't even 'can't walk straight' drunk. I was walking fine.

"you went from three beers - two or three times a week to six or more beers - five times a week" I further told myself

but I wasn't worried because I wasn't drinking to drink, I was drinking because I liked hanging out at the bar and that's what you do at the bar, you drink.

"isn't the save range for drinking about two drinks a day?" was another question I asked myself

but I still wasn't worried but after that I stopped talking to myself

shadow mode

I don’t like loud parties, they just aren’t really my thing but every once in a while I’ll find myself in some such party.

My gimmick is one liners, mostly dry, sometimes funny, occasionally even mean but then usually they had it coming.

One liners because I don’t have many stories I can just tell off the top of my head.

One liners because I would rather listen than to be listened to

Sometimes, at these parties, when my mind won’t just play alone, I just get quiet.

I’ll watch

do my best to become a shadow

that’s kinda how I feel here

I’ll raise a glass from across the room if eye contact is met

but most likely my effort will continue to be half hearted

until I hear something that piques my interest

lately I’m uninterested

I’ve been trying my best to fade

but I keep getting recoated with a fiery red

I don’t think red is my color

I've been writing

I've been righting

but both with little success

I was stuck doing someone else’s job two days in a row, I only expected to do his job one day in a row but a co-worker conveniently called in sick so I got to cover his coverage as well.

I thought of seeking vengeance but proper vengeance is hard work…

But filling in, I did get to help someone from possibly the best hotel in my fair city. She has only dealt with me three times in as many years but she greeted me with a smile, my name and later produced some chocolate chip cookies and then had some nice words about me to the guy in charge.

She’s incredibly attractive

the ladies like me and it makes other folks jealous and I actually get a kick out of that

folks need to grow up or maybe they need to stop being an ass and possibly folks will like them as well

boat load

yeah

she gave a slight moan as she read the order receipt and rolled her eyes

and then quietly asked to herself “what’s in a blue drop?”

me - I didn’t know

she called one of her barkeeper friends and asked “what’s in a blow job?”

I think “holy shit! did she just say ‘blow job’?”

she said "I remembered the Bailey's" as she held up the already fetched Irish Cream

she poured the two shots into two shot glasses and placed them in the place for pick up

“I’m sorry but what are those called?” I asked.

she smiled and said “Blow jobs”

“Oh, at first I thought you said blue drop but then on the phone I heard you say, what you just said”

and then she placed a shot glass in front of me and asked if I would like a blow job, she explained that she must have 'accidentally' over poured.

I just smiled at all the possible replies but only offered “Sure …but you know I’m telling all my friends”

“You can tell them you got a blow job, you can even tell them you got it from here, just don’t tell them who gave it to you”

it was a deal

and I assumed the deal applied to the time when she accidentally over poured the second round of blow jobs as well

yeah, I fucked up

it was a small slip but at a very bad time

fifteen g’s worth of mistake

but it’s fixable

but now folks know I’m fallible

fifteen g’s worth

.

Posted by: greencatfish.

It was raining

The seat next to me was a rotation of familiar freaks.

I'll talk to anyone who starts talking to me. I may not always stay polite but I'll talk. The freaks like this because usually folks won't talk to them.

The barkeeps like this because when the freaks are talking to me, the freaks aren't talking to them.

The first freak said he was a regular of maybe once or twice a month, I didn't recognize him so I doubted him a bit but then I'm there only at specific times so I don't see everyone.

He was saying he doesn't tip because they don't talk to him. I thought maybe if he tipped they might talk to him. I turned away from him as the talking waned and when I glanced back he was wearing a bandana and then I recognized him as a house painter who used to always show up for the free buffet and he would just stare straight ahead as he slowly worked at his piled high plate of fee free food. He would try to pick up staff members as he was chowing down while stiffing them on tips on his buck fifty drafts.

Freak number two was a loser lawyer whose stated goal is to, one day, stay at the bar from opening to closing, he's working of a method of drinking to accomplish this, but this time around he's telling me he's learned all his social skills from watching a particular sitcom.

I don't doubt him.

"They must like you because they come out from behind the bar to talk to you" he mentioned.

"Yeah, they treat me well." I said as I asked "What do I owe" from the barkeep.

"Nothing. You're all set" was the answer I got. My stool neighbor's mouth just dropped. I couldn't help but smile.

Part of the problem is that she called me on a Saturday

And not just any Saturday but the Saturday that was the first full day of a three day weekend.

She called me with something that could certainly have waited until the next time I was in the office.

She said she was told to call me and even though I knew why she was calling me she still hadn’t actually said why, she hadn’t stated a question or asked for my input.

“I understand all that but I still don’t know what you are asking.”

She replied, but she just repeated what she already just said which was basically – we want to do this and that and some other things we know you’re busy, I was told to call you.

still not a question

she’s not a good communicator but somehow she ends up in the position of communicator

in this instance I really couldn’t care less but I know she’s going to be on the phone with someone soon and things are going to be left unsaid and then shit will hit the fan

“are you busy, this weekend?” I was asked.

“Yeah” I lied from my easy chair angled at the large screen tv that was playing something from the Discovery Channel which was more or less the whole plan for the weekend.


I smell trouble

I think my life would be better with a bass line

the shod foot can be considered a weapon

but I would rather have a .45


we were smoking cigars, macanudo miniatures, the last two in the box, I finished first because I started first and rubbed the stub that was left with my sneaker until I was satisfied that there was no chance of fire. I really didn't want the dry front lawn to start to smolder. She tossed her stub in front of where I was still sitting and asked me to do the same for her.

Her feet were unshod.