Friday, July 03, 2009

I'm pretty certain that I wouldn't read it.

I started making plans the night before and pushed everything into the next morning and when the next morning came, I basically changed all my plans into making a pot of coffee.

You may think that making a pot of coffee is no big deal but I grind my own beans and use a coffee press so it's a bigger effort then an automatic drip.

The coffee from a coffee press is a different breed of coffee; at first I really didn't like it much, but since, I have acquired a taste for it. I think I mostly stayed with it because I paid over fifty bucks for the press and I would feel like a moron every time I saw the press, if I wasn't using it.

I've still been writing a little but I usually cannot muster enough care to post.

What follows is the stuff that didn't make it to this blog previously. I usually will briefly read over a thing to make certain that it makes some sort of sense but I haven't done that with the words below so if you read it, it is at your own risk.

I would recommend that you stop wasting your life and not read what's below but you should know better than me on how to live your own life.


June 29, 2009

I’ve never known what I wanted to do in life. I’ve never really had any long term goals.

I’ve had lots of hobbies, all of which I’ve gotten bored with.

My Dakota truck failed the state emissions test this past Saturday. I guess the check engine light came on and in Massachusetts, you will not pass the state’s emissions test if the check engine light is on. And I knew this before I drove it to the inspection station, the damn little light chose to shine when the inspector turned the ignition.

I’m pretty sure that I just need a tune-up.

I had just fixed the driver’s side window that had been broken since the last time I had it state inspected. I had tired to sneak the fact that the window didn’t roll down or up properly from the inspector but he found out. When he handed me the keys, he said, “You should really get that window fixed.”

I didn’t want to press my luck so I made certain that I fixed the window before I brought it in this year. The trickiest part is usually getting the interior door panel off without busting up any of those clips and finding a way to pop off that retaining ring on the window crank, if you have a window crank. I’m not a fan of power windows, unless I’m trying to roll down the passenger side window from the driver’s side seat, then I think power windows are great.

I’ve got two months to solve the ‘check engine’ light problem before enforcement personnel can ticket me.

I believe it has rained in Boston at some time of every day for the past three weeks and we have another week of rain ahead.


June 26, 2009

I’m not getting important things done.

I’m missing deadlines.

Most of my problems stem from the fact that I don’t know what time of the month it is. I can tell you what day of the week it is most of the time and I can probably even tell you the date if you ask but for some reason my brain isn’t registering when it’s the beginning, middle or end of the month, which are mostly the time frames I have to hit.

There will be times at the beginning of the month when I’ll have to get something done before the end of the month and I’ll tell myself that I’ll get it done next week and then the next thing I realize is that it’s the 29th or later.

I can’t remember when I did things and I’m confusing jobs when I start to talk about them.

My super brain is letting me down. It’s like my brain has gotten tired of being superior to other brains located in other cubes and has reverted to being average and the average brain can’t effectively handle my everyday work load.

Is workload one word or two words when used like it’s used above?

Come on brain, stop just phoning it in. Pay attention. Get your act together. This stuff shouldn’t be hard. You shouldn’t be making these errors.

I try to be part of the team. I try to not to stand out too much. I try to be like one of the guys. But I don’t try too hard. I like to be on the fringe; one foot in, one foot out; known to everyone but not what you would call popular. But I prefer not to be set too far apart, mostly because some freedom is lost when there are a lot of eyes on you not to mention privacy.

It’s a delicate balance.

Lately, I feel like I’ve been incorporated into the crowd.

I don’t like being in the middle of the crowd but I also don’t make an effort to change my location.

I feel like my soul has given up which would be fine if my spirit was onboard with it but my spirit is wondering why my soul isn’t fighting harder, why it isn’t fighting at all.

I think part of the problem is that I think I will survive, somehow. And survive by just taking it day to day, making no big effort. I may come out permanently damaged or changed but I’ll still be around; I’ll still exist tomorrow to exist for a tomorrow after that.


June 25, 2009

So, I’m trying.

But I’m still not doing my best. I’m still not making any great effort.

One thing, that may seem unrelated is that, I’m eating something in the morning and making that first cup of coffee at home. I was hoping for a little bit of an energy boast to get me through the day but I don’t feel more energetic. But I have found that I feel hotter while I’m on the subway; I’m hoping it’s because of a increase in my metabolism.

I’ve lost a pound or two.

It’s a struggle to get out of bed; I have these long debates on when and whether I’m going to toss my feet over the side of the bed.

Isn’t this exciting.


June 24, 2009

He’s been complaining about one of our co-workers for years. I sure that he thinks that he has voiced his opinion to the folks in charge and I’m equally sure that the folks in charge don’t know what he’s talking about because when he’s bringing it up: he never mentions any names or jobs or specific issues. He comes off like a scattered-brained bitter crazy man.

Even if he did articulate his complaints properly, the bosses wouldn’t do anything about it. His main complaint is that he works harder than the other guy and he wants the other guy to work as hard as him. The trouble is: that he doesn’t work as hard ad he thinks he does, he refuses to see the benefits he is allowed that others are not, and that he stressed himself out by doing other people’s job and things he just isn’t supposed to do.

We’ve told him for years that making an extra effort goes unrewarded and making no effort at all goes unpunished, so if his work load is bothering him then he should just do those things that he is responsible for and just work his eight hours a day.

For years he has ignored this advice and his stress levels have increased and I no longer make time to casually talk to him because he has been so negative.

Well lately, he has changed his work habits, he comes in late, he disappears for hours and he leaves early.

I want to call him a hypocrite.

Or kick him in his nut sack.

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