The Tree

I was like: "Dude, stop posing. I hate posed shots, just be natural." but he continued to strike his lame pose. What a bastard! He knows I like to take candid shots.

Coming Soon

He retired from the place about a year and a half ago but every once in awhile he'll give me a call. I overheard my cube neighbor on the phone and I figured he was talking to the guy. I must have been away from my desk at the copy machine or something when the phone rang. My cube neighbor hung up the phone and said, "Green! It's for you."

I picked up the phone and said, "Is this Santa?"

"It's true I will be coming soon but this isn't Santa."

I believe 'Down the Chimney' is the same as 'In the Breezer'.

Into her right ear, he whispered that he loved her completely.

He felt her lower her gaze as she whispered a plea in return.

“Please don’t trust me with your whole heart yet.”


…

I usually have the luxury of having my questions answered without having to ask them.

I had the time and the money so I walked across the street, was greeted by a regular who was smoking, and was told the name of the bartender that was working. I told the regular that his news was welcomed because she was the one I was there to see.

It wasn’t my regular bar but it was one of my regular bartenders. I haven’t been getting out much; I had been telling myself that I was too busy, but sometimes you have to make your presence known.

The bartender told me that a bartender at my regular place was let go. I knew she was gone but I thought she was the one that made the choice. I was then told that one of bartender/managers was let go as well.

The two people that were let go were the only two reasons, I was still going there.

“Well, I guess I have no reason to go back.”

"Yeah, you sure don’t. Now you get to visit me more.”

“Yeah, I sure do.”

I hung around awhile talking with the regulars that I knew and getting to know the regulars that I didn’t; because I’m rather charming, you know.

I had been going to the other place for a very long time. I had seen dozens of bartenders come and go but there were always at least two bartenders that perpetuated my legendary status.

The last two had just left. I guess it’s the end of an era.

I’m certain that the new place will work out.





She said, “Wanting to fuck her brains out,” didn’t count as being interested in her mind.


“Hey, did I ever tell you why Mrs. Claus doesn’t have any children?”

“No, I don’t think so,” I replied with a little bit of dread.

“Well, Mrs. Claus can’t get pregnant because Santa only comes once a year and when he does, it’s down the chimney.”

Seven Year Itch

2004.
2011-2004=7

January 19, 2011 will be my seven year anniversary.

They say that writers write; but is everyone who writes a writer?

fifteen minutes later...
I wonder how much money I have in the bank right now.

five minutes later...
The Christmas tree is up. It's nine feet tall.

four minutes later...
I'm back to work on Monday and Tuesday and then I'm taking Wednesday-Friday off and then I'll do the same the following week. When I'm away, I'll forward my work emails to my personal account, I judge each email. There was only one that I acted on, I left my house, went to where my work car is being repaired, took some No Parking signs out and posted them. The email was sent on Saturday afternoon. Who sends a work related email on Saturday afternoon?

I've known that lady since before I worked for the city. I was the one that composed the memo to have the signs posted, I was the only one she knew to contact, I was on vacation when the signs were supposed to be put up, the shop is pretty good about putting signs up, I wondered if it was my screwup. I found the PDF file of the memo on my flashdrive which means I emailed it out. Shit happens or in this case shit didn't.

I posted the signs and then had a few extras that she could use just in case someone tore down the signs that I had just put up. While I was waiting in the reception area, I read names off the dedication plaque. My name wasn't there but the company name was, I thought, "That was a long time ago. I bet nobody here remembers."

I had thought about ignoring the email, I wasn't going to get paid for hanging signs, it was the weekend and I was on vacation. It's not my job to hang signs.

But if not I, then who?

It was a kind of important issue and a few angry phone calls would have been made if nothing was done, someone's ass was on the line.

(This is the type of shit I usually don't publish)

I was asked why I started blogging.

My first post is January 19, 2004, three days before that on January 16, 2004, I sent an email with "You probably don't give a shit but", in the subject line and the following message.

I like the fact that your journal doesn't involve insightful and original takes on the state of the world. I like the pretty pictures.

I’m just a nobody that found your site while looking for the Official Rules for a Yankee Swap but I don’t think a true asshole would be bothered, that sometime in the world, it’s kittens vs. bunnies.

A true asshole wouldn’t give a damn.

I sent that message to someone I still read. She replied the same day with an email with, "I do", in the subject line, and the following message.

give a shit that is and send you about four hundred and forty four thank yous for what you wrote to me.  cause it's dope and courageous to write notes to peeps you do not know.

what's a yankee swap?  how great is it that you can find a person who doesn't know fuckall about a yankee swap by looking for the official rules for a yankee swap?  i love this internet shit.

thank you, is what i mean to say.  and thank you.

friday kicks ass so far on my end.  hope the same goes for you.

I felt it was unfair for me to read her writings and then to send her emails without her having the opportunity to know something about me, so I started this blog.

Devil's On The Inside.

One of the things I was saying to her was that I was looking to pick up some 4inch cake pans because I think the more common 8inch or 9inch cake pans give you too much cake. They give you cake for days but a smaller cake pan would give you cake just for a day or two. who wants cake sitting around the house for days.

Well, I got the opportunity to get 4inch cake pans but the 4inch pans they had I didn't like and after seeing the size of a 4inch cake pan I thought that a 6inch cake pan would be better and more of the size I had in mind so I got four 6inch cake pans.

But the thing of it is: I know how to bake a cake but I couldn't ever remember an instance where I actually baked a cake and I didn't want to be figuring new recipe ratios out unless I knew that the original recipe works so I got some 8inch cake pans as well.

And the cake I wanted to try was a Devil's Food Cake with Angel Frosting. So I did it.


I couldn't wait for them to cool properly, or at least I didn't wait. They were kind of cool to the touch, or at least that's what I told myself.


Angel Frosting is thick. Or at least mine was and I think I did it right.


It tasted like marshmallow, or at least it did to me.


I don't know what technique you're supposed to use for Angel Frosting so I tried for an even thickness. I'm pretty sure there are supposed to be ears or peaks. I don't even know what you're supposed to call them but I didn't do them.


I liked it. I think it could be worth the effort.


And my update to CorelDRAW X5 came today. I've made people famous using CorelDRAW. It's about five times less expensive than Adobe products. If all your stuff is in-house, it is definitely worth what you pay for it. I dropped $1,700 for Adobe products and I bought the Corel upgrade for $239 and it will do all of the same things as Adobe. The full products is like $500.

Pat MacDonald sings a song about the Wise Guy and Lucky on a blind double date with two sister named Destiny and Fate. I haven't met Destiny yet.

"He's been down there awhile."

"I know."

"Aren't you going to pull him out."

"Nope."

"I feel like I should do something."

"Is he hurt?

"No."

"Is he in any danger?"

"No."

"Then there is nothing you can do. Your job is to keep him from stubbing his toes and so far his toes are unstubbed, so he stays."

"It can't be good for him down there."

"He can get out any time he wants."

"You've always gotten him out before."

"And this time, I'm not. If he doesn't like it then he can started getting himself out."

"I can hear you down here."

"When are you going to start getting yourself out of that hole, so we can get on with this?"

"I'm waiting until you pull me out."

"I'm not pulling you out."

"I think you will. I just need to wait for someone to need something that I can't do from down here and you'll pull me out."

"The funny thing about that is: we all talk to each other. I spoke to all the other agents of Fate and nobody is going to ask you for anything."

"So, everybody's world is all hunky-dory?"

"You're a little full of yourself are you? I didn't say everybody's world would be hunky-dory. I said they aren't going to ask you for anything. If you want to help others, you first have to help yourself."

"I thought preaching was that other guy's job. And speaking of that other guy: why don't you get me out of here? I thought you were supposed to prevent stuff like this from happening?"

"I can guide and protect. I can suggest that you don't go down into a hole but if you choose to do so then there is not much that I can do about it."

"So, you're not much good for me now, are you?."

"I cannot guide, if you are not moving."

"Fuck the both of you."

"I think you hurt his feelings."

"What? Did he raise his feathered eyebrows and drop his cherub jaw?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Now, what if I said, "Fuck, you too," and meant it?"

"I don't think you would ever say that; not to me."

"I can. You shouldn't take me for granted. I'm not as set as Destiny."

"But you won't; not today anyway and I don't take you for granted and I know that you know that or else or would have made things hard for me. I trust you, and I know that you like me; I don't take you for granted."

"It would really moisten my panties, if you would just start getting out of that hole."

"You're too much. What was his reaction?"

"He dropped his cherub jaw again."

"Don't worry, she's just trying to get a rise out of you. She's just joking; she doesn't actually wear panties."

"How do you know I don't wear panties?"

"When I'm following you and Destiny around, I'm not just looking at the scenery."

"Does Destiny wear panties?"

"All the damn time."

"Will you please just get out of the damn hole?"

"Sure. I'll start trying anyway."

Titles are like subject lines and sometimes you just say fuck 'em

In the past eleven years I missed just once in setting up her Christmas tree. It's a well made fake. I'll assemble it and put the lights on, she decorates it.

I set her tree up today and remembered that I agreed to set up a tree in my own house.

We set a tree up so we can take it back down. Me, I rather not set it up but some people love holiday trees and I'm all about promoting love.

Rule One: No multi-colored lights.

Rule Two: Classy not cartoonish.

Those are my two rules for Christmas trees in my house.

These are from May 2010

She knew I was taking photos but she just wanted to get across the street. I hadn't noticed her exasperation until I posted the photo.





My nieces' grandmother has an in-law apartment in my big white house. The nieces used to visit every weekend until my mother moved to their mother's house so that my mom could pick my nieces up from school during the week.

My mom comes home on the weekends but the nieces very rarely come with her.

Which basically means: no photos.

I didn't feel like taking the camera but I did anyway

It had been awhile since I took some pictures of my nieces so I took the camera even though I didn't feel like taking photos.

When the weeds are trimmed they can walk around the entire wall.




The one in the purple is the oldest.








I regret that this is out of focus.


They will ask me which way to go but they never like my suggestions.


I want to go higher.

If it's tit for tat, I chose tit.

I worry about the beeswax in my wings.

…

Sometimes, I’ll write something and then change it from the truth to a little bit of better writing.


I can smell the beeswax on her angel wings.

dreams and homicide

I finished my task and was about to leave. We were in very close proximity. I moved a little closer, close enough to make my intention known. I half expected her to move ever so slightly away but she didn't. I tilted my head slightly to my right and moved closer still, our lips were almost touching.

I wondered what my breathe was like but figured it was too late to back out now. My plan was to kiss she and wait to see her response and then go from there. I gave her a slightly firm kiss and waited, or tried to wait but she replied with a firmer kiss that pulled at my top lip when she broke it. I really didn't have a next step in place if she hadn't returned the kiss so I gave a slight smile in relief before we kissed again.

After the third kiss, I lowered my head, moving my lips away from hers. I knew that no amount of kissing was going to satisfy my desire and I thought reaching for more was too much to ask.

Then I heard, "But it's just a dream. You're allowed to go further. You are allowed to go as far as you want. You are expected not to limit your dreams." The voice in my head was right. It was just a dream and I knew it but I could feel her breathe on my face, I could feel her lips slight tug on mine, I could taste her kiss. Continuing the dream was an option, I could still feel her waiting presence; sometimes I can direct my dreams and the 'camera' was still rolling.

I ended up rolling over which was like as if the electric cord was wrapped around me and my rolling pulled the plug right from the wall. The dream ending in the fading light.

That voice that was in my head just throw up his arms in disbelievement and disgust.

I couldn't blame him.

sponge cake

so, there I was, trading baking tips with her while I really wanted to trade bodily fluids.

What's a Had Hat?

He walked into my cube and asked if I knew so-and-so. I thought for a moment because the name he said wasn't like Harry Williams but more like Dutchy O'Neil and the latter is more like a bunch of other odd ball nicknames that folks from my hometown are refer to by but I didn't know the guy he mentioned and I said so.

"Oh, I thought you knew him."

"Yeah, nope. I don't."

"Well, he took two to the back of the head at M Street beach, this morning."

"Wow."

"Yeah. He was in and out of jail his whole life. I just thought you knew him."

My home was in the neighborhood but I never felt that my hometown was my home, as soon as I left my front steps, I was a foreigner.

I never drank on the corner. I never did drugs. I never tried to completely pound the life out of someone during a fight. I never had any first hand dealings with the mob. I never personally knew most of the guys with the odd nicknames. I never hated someone based solely on race.

One on one, the guys were fine with me but in a group, I was an outsider. I never bought into what was required to fit in. I dropped using double negatives but you can still tell where I'm from if I say something about a hard heart.

I think 'crazy' is contagious

I miss her when she’s not there and I miss her a little less when she is.

...

I certainly wouldn’t welcome it but I’m not certain that I fear death. But then I'm not certain that I brave live, either.

That statement above is not really me. I was just thinking what the opposite of fearing death was and even though braving life sounds like it might not be correct, it is, at least grammatically.

I actually write a lot of things that are not me at the core but they may have a kernel of truth to them. A kernel of something that I wish to deal with and I can see it better if I view it from the outside at a magnified level.

I draw a lot of technically correct drawings; actuate drawings to scale, lines and arcs at precise locations. There are drawing aids that assist in the creation of these drawings but sometimes the drawing aids give you what looks right at a distance but when you zoom in on what is supposed to be an intersection, you can see that the lines don’t actually touch or touch in slightly the wrong place, which makes the drawing technically wrong.

Wrong close up is still wrong at a distance even if it’s unnoticed. Sometimes it doesn’t matter but sometimes it does.

…

So the crazy receptionist told me that next week she is going to buy a new shirt for the bear, one that lights up for Christmas. She then goes on and tells me that I can save the Halloween one for next year or I could give the shirt to her and she would save it for next year. She then assured me that the new shirt would be cute and that the bear is my baby and I can do what I want with it.

I would dress the bear in normal clothes and not dress him up like a holiday freak.

…

So, the crazy guy steps into my cube.

“Hey, you know those playground sign layout guidelines that you came up with?”

“I didn’t come up with them but I know what you’re talking about?”

“What?!”

“I did not come up with them and I don’t want any association with coming up with them, but I know what you're talking about.”

“Well, remember the playground you chose in Dorchester?”

“I remember the location but I didn’t choose it.”

Dude, stop trying to pin that bullshit on me. We were told to do something that we both personally disagreed with and I did it because we were told to, and you’re incompetent. I still don’t agree with it.

“Well, I was out with the boss and he wants to just put up the playground sign on Irving Street without the 20 miles per hour sign before it because there is no place to put it. So, I want to put a 20 MPH sign under it. Can I do that?”

“A regular 20 MPH sign or an advisory 20 MPH sign?”

“There is no place to put a 20 MPH sign before the playground sign because the street is too small and the street lights are the old gas lamp style so there is no room. Can I put a 20 MPH sign below the playground sign?”

“Yeah, I know, but are you planning on using a regular black & white 20 MPH sign under the playground sign or an advisory speed limit sign under the playground sign?”

He stared blankly at me trying to get his brain to work. So, I continued.

“Because, if you use a regular 20 MPH sign, no matter where you put it, you need to give an advance warning for it, so you'll have to put a warning sign prior to it. If you use an advisory speed sign, then you do not have to give prior warning.”

“Oh. I’m going to use an advisory sign, that’s not enforceable,” he said not as a revelation or a declaration but as answer to my previous question.

“Then you can put it below the playground sign.”