Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The manager came over and said, "Man, Timmy, all the crazy just seem to seek you out."


It’s a bit of a let down. There is no drama. There are no last minutes things that need to get done with no time to do them. There are no possibly crazy people making problems at the front desk. All the computers seem to be working.

It’s no longer Rock & Roll.

Jimmy was at the bar on Sunday. He told a joke. And what follows is pretty much word for word how he told it.

There’s this priest and a rabbi and they decided to switch jobs.

The priest says, “You do the confessions and I’ll do whatever it is you do.”

“But how will I know what the restitution is for the sins.”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ve got a book there with a list of sins and what the restitution is for each so you just look it up in the book and if a sin isn’t in the book then just ask the alter boy, Johnny.”

So the rabbi agrees to swap jobs with the priest and he’s sitting in the confessional when a lady enters.

“Forgive me Father for I have sinned it’s been three weeks since my last confession.”

“What is you sin, my child?”

“Father, I kissed a married man.”

So the rabbi looks it up in the book and says, “Okay, say one Our Father and one Hail Mary and your sin will be forgiven.”

“Thank you, Father,” she said as she left.

A moment later, she enters the confessional again.

“Forgive me Father but I more than just kissed that married man, I gave him a blowjob.”

So, the rabbi, looks that up in the book and says, “Okay, say five Our Fathers and five Hail Marys and your sin will be forgiven.”

“Thank you, Father,” she said as she left.

A moment later, she enters the confessional yet again.

“Forgive me Father but there is something else. I also had annual sex with him.”

(I looked over at the bartender at this point and just smiled. Neither of us said anything and just let him continue)

So, the rabbi starts to look up annual sex in the book but he can’t find it. So, he calls out to Johnny the alter boy and asks, “Hey, Johnny. What does the Father give for annual sex?”

“Usually a Snickers bar and a soda.”

(I just rolled my eyes and the bartender just walked away)

“Ha HA HA ha. I love it when the jokes stick it to the priests.”

Jimmy then stepped outside.

“I don’t know if he got the joke wrong and doesn’t know what anal sex is or if he was trying to clean up the joke because you’re a woman.”

“Yeah, what’s annual sex, anyway?”

“That’s the kind of sex I usually have. Annual-ly.”

You always know when you hear the punch line on one of Jimmy’s jokes because he always laughs the loudest.

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