I told her I had twelve inches

A foot more of snow.

The alarm sounded at 4:30am. I hit the five minute snooze button; then five minutes later I did the same.

I had modified my plan to start the snow thrower at 5:00am; I figured 5am was somewhat reasonable.

I finished at 6:22am; twelve minutes behind my regular schedule.

I am no longer enamored by the snow.

I would have made it to work early if the public transportation system was running on time.

This I know

I am pretty sure that with great effort that I could stop the longing, that I could force myself to think of other things but I do not want to stop the longing, I like the strong feelings of desire.

My three year term ended last night. I'm glad to be done with it.

I'm having trouble keeping focus.

My thoughts are on the visit.

My thoughts are on making videos.

...

I don't ask for favors because I don't like feeling that I'm on the hook for a return favor. If I let you do me a favor, that means that I trust you.

There are things that people ask me to do sometimes, things that I can get done if I ask folks for favors. I don't like asking for favors. Although, I don't mind pleading with a certain someone for certain things but that is a totally different story.




Although, I will plead a certain someone for certain things but that is a totally different story.

...

Dates get revised sometimes for the better.

...

I did something the other day that surprised me. It still surprises me. It was rather extreme and not something that I mormaly would do but I did it with ease and I would do it again.

I don't want to wait.

...

It's hard to think of other things.

She fills my thoughts.

She's my one desire.

...

There is more snow; another six inches.

I was going to write a title but I could not remember what it was

"I don't do it often but sometimes I read my archives and I can't remember ever doing some of those things. Like, I wrote about some guy getting rolled-"

"I remember that post and you went back to check on him. That was so good of you."

"I think you're reading that post wrong. It took me thirty minutes to decide to go back. That's not good."

"I think you're the one reading that post wrong."

"Anyway, you would think I could remember a thing like that but I don't."

I wish I could write like this

"You're pupleheart prose in a land of plastic poetry"

That is fucking rich.

Snow also

I think the heavy type of snow is over but there is more on the way.



I did my sidewalk, driveway and a path from the driveway to the front door and then I looked up and down the street. What I saw was clear sidewalks to the left and snowy ones to the right. The folks with the snowy sidewalks have young people in the house, so I brushed the snow off of my snow thrower and brought it into the house. I know you are not supposed to store gas powered machines inside but I'm not going to fight a frozen machine to get it started when I need it later tonight.



I then grabbed the best shovel for today's type of snow and walked six doors up. She was shoveling out a car, only she wasn't who I expected. She was the sister of the person I expected.

"Hi. Can I help you with this?"

"No. That's alright, I can do it?"

"Really? It's free of charge just because I'm a neighbor," I said as I pointed down the street.

She then looked at me, "Oh, you're...that lady's son."

"Yeah, I'm Abby's son."

"I like her. How is she doing? I saw her not too long ago."

"Yeah, she's just around on the weekends now but she is doing pretty good."

"She's nice."

"Yeah, she's good people," I said as I scooped up some snow.

Later someone's husband came out and helped, I don't know if it was hers or her sister's. It took us awhile and they tried to offer me money but I refused as politely as I could.

Walking back to my house I did another neighbor's steps and I noticed that my next door neighbor had walked his snow thrower past my house, past the house on my right and further down the street. It was nice not having to worry about any more sidewalks.

Snow

So, the snow is a little worse than I thought. There is a layer of slushy stuff at the bottom. This is the kind of snow that can get people into trouble because it's so heavy.

But I'm a pro at this stuff, so it's just an inconvenience, there will be no trouble as long as my machine works.

So far the snow storm is uneventful

Large heavy flakes

The Dirty Water Isn't Really All That Dirty Anymore

a

The Christmas shirt had to go

The truth of the matter is: I’m kind of a big deal.

It’s not really me that is the big deal, it’s the job.

There are some other folks who could do what I do and just about any two or three people could do it but someone needs to do it, and that someone, today, is me.

Sidenote: the new oatmeal stuff at McDonald’s is awful. It’s awful even when it’s for free. The serving is too large and it lacks flavor.

Memos on top of memos and phone calls and meetings and emails and field visits and hanging signs and pulling signs down and coordination.

And coming up for air.

It’s not too bad right now but later in the season it will be.

New England Aquarium - http://www.neaq.org/
Funusual - http://www.funusual.com/
Newbury Comics - http://www.newburycomics.com/
Museum of Fine Arts - http://www.mfa.org/
Boston Public Library Main Branch - http://www.bpl.org/
Boston Common - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_Common
Boston Public Garden - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Public_Garden_%28Boston%29
The Skywalk at the Prudential Center - http://www.prudentialcenter.com/shop/shop_detail.php?id=64
Castle Island - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castle_Island_%28Massachusetts%29
Savin Hill Park -
ICA Institute of Contemporary Art - http://www.icaboston.org/

Really? 14 inches of snow?

Scars and baggage

Scars and baggage.

Mementos and life.

There are things that we choose and there are things that we don’t choose.

There are things that we make the best of. Surviving is critical.

Sometimes, there is no making the best of it, there is just the survival.

In extreme conditions, your body will sacrifice other body parts to save your core.

If the heart still beats: there is hope, even if the heart stops there is still hope, you just have to time it right.



...


I was wearing work boots in work today. I wore the boots because I rationalized that I would be going out.




I was wearing jeans in work today. I wore jeans because I was wearing boots.



The boots set off the metal detector. I've been walking through the metal detector since 9/11/01. I know what sets it off and I know what doesn't.

He called me over to the side. I said, "It's the boots," but he asked me if I had anything metal on me.

"Nothing else sets it off except the boots."


"Where are you headed?"


"The seventh floor, just like every other day for the last fifteen years."

"The 7th Floor is closed."

"I work there."


"Oh, sorry, with the boots and everything I didn't recognize you."

When I walked through the front door of my office there was a stranger sitting in the lobby.

So much for security.

Weather is serious business

I was looking up snow fall totals on my iPod when Bob walked in. Bob keeps a watch on the weather and is damn good with the information that he gives so I put my iPod away and just asked Bob.

"About an inch by morning," Bob said.

"That's what's she said," I replied.

I don't think Bob liked it too much but I got a laugh from the waitress.

...


Tonight's side was roasted sweet potatoes, tossed with oil olive, salt, a hint of pepper, finely diced onions and a little bit of cinnamon. It complemented whatever chunk of beef that was on sale, I think it was a top round roast, which doesn't get too tender in the pressure cooker but ain't too bad. There was a Caesar salad too.

Last week it was mashed potatoes, half sweet, half Maine, with a little bit of butter, a little bit of half & half, a little bit of fresh garlic and a good portion of salt, whipped to death.

I like potatoes.

pen and paper

I don't know what time it was but it was a least kind of late. I was standing just like I do most of the time on the subway. Seated in front of me was a guy, probably in his fifties, drawing portraits on sheets of paper no large than 3 inches by 5 inches and next to him was a young attractive black lady. At first she would just sneak peaks at the guy's drawings but later she didn't even bother to try to hide her curiosity. He seemed unaware of his audience. He seemed only aware of the sheet of paper in front of him.  

Naps and warm juice

So, I have a cold. Normally, I would say that I think I have a cold just to at least verbally distance myself from the actual cold but the congestion and runny nose along with the occasional cough is had to deny.

I was being slightly careful about not getting a cold but being just slightly careful and ignoring sleep got the better of me.

There was just enough snow on the ground to the point that I had to address it; not enough for the snowblower but more than I could leave unattended.

I heated up some orange juice and added some cinnamon to it and went to take care of it. I was making excellent progress when I heard my neighbor call.

"Hi, Tim."

"Hey, Kim."

"Happy New Year."

"And Happy New Year to you."

"Do you want to use my snowblower?"

"No thanks. I got mine out back, I just don't think there is enough snow to drag it out," I truthfully said but regretted it slightly because obviously he had just used his.

"I did your walk earlier."

"Hey, thanks. I really appreciate that."

"Yeah, I missed that other big storm so I figured I'll get this one."

"Thanks."

Despite the cold I still think that I'm at least 78 percent immortal.

Home

Sometimes it funny how things work. I got Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros for Christmas.

...

If I’m in bed by 2AM then I’m happy, most of the time, but then I thought about that math: getting to bed at 2 and getting out of bed at 6 means I’m in bed for four hours.

Four hours out of 24 is one sixth of the day, that’s a twenty hour day. That doesn’t seem healthful.

No wonder I’m sometimes tired.

…

Face time.

I don’t get around much mostly because I’m processing all sorts of stuff and I’m not afforded the opportunity but when I do get out, I try to meet the folks that I rely on.

I try to give them some face time because I’m rather endearing.

…

I’ve sent her two emails about the same issue and I have gotten no response, so I worry.

I hear rabbit tastes a lot like cat

My phone rings at quarter past eight and for you young folks that means 8:15, may phone usually doesn’t ring that early unless it’s a co-worker.

“Hello, nuthouse*.”

“Timmy, baby. Chinese New Year – Year of the…?”

“Year of the Rabbit.”

“Thank you.”

A couple moments later he called again; a co-worker from Vietnam says that it is not the Year of the Rabbit. I clarify that Chinese New Year is Year of the Rabbit but that maybe it’s different in Vietnam. I further state that I have in my possession a letter from a Chinatown neighborhood association stating that it is the Year of the Rabbit and I have seen a little girl wearing rabbit ears to celebrate the occasion. He says that he sticking with my information and not the gut from Vietnam.

A couple moments after that, he called again, the guy from Vietnam says that their culture has no “rabbit” and instead use a cat. “So we’re both right,” I said because I’m a diplomat.

Wednesday

Wednesday was a busy day for me. I was away from my desk for most of the day and when I finally got back I asked a coworker if Dick was local. Local is our code word for 'at a bar,' because I could see that he wasn't at his desk. It was his last official day after 37 or so years on the job.

I was told that he went home because he didn't feel well, he had sounded horse when I spoke to him that morning so I wasn't too surprised.

It was a weird ending. He was there and then he was gone. He's gone for good. His desk is empty.

I didn't get to say goodbye which bothered me a little even though we sort of settled that on Monday.

I wish him well.

And tell myself "Good luck."

Brian is Amanda's boyfriend

By the time I take lunch the place is usually empty. Often we just sit and say nothing.

She started whistling and then laughed. I lowered my gaze from the TV and then she smiled her big smile.

"Brian hates it when I whistle," she said.

"And why is that?"

"Because he can't do it."

I shook my head and said, "And I like that you get so much happiness from that."

I looked there and then there and then back again

I knew everyone in the meeting but all the folks that were assembled usually are not in the same room at the same time. The meeting included a field trip so we all piled into an elevator. There were a lot of movers and shakers in the small box and I wondered what would happen if we all were to be incapacitated at the same time.

Then the elevator abruptly stopped a floor above our stop.

I’ve been working in the building for 15 years and I had visited the building numerous times before I ever had work there; I have never had a problem of note with the elevators.

The guy that was behind me has care and custody of all city owned buildings, so he started to make phone calls. We were out in less than ten minutes but that was of little comfort to the lady having a panic attack.

…

She had me in and out of the chair. She was very please with what she saw. My eyes are still healthy and I’ve been taking very good care of my contacts.

She handed me over to her assistants so that I could pick out some frames. I told the blond what style I wore last and we went from there. I picked up a copper colored frame which the blond liked but the brunette didn’t so I went with the gunmetal colored frames.

I tried on five or six styles, they all looked similar, they all looked different. I really didn’t care. I deferred to the young ladies and told then so. I'm not the one that has to look at them.

You might get to see them in five days.

I assume five business days.


She didn't charge me all that she could have, I only paid for my glasses which almost caused me to fantasize about her but I didn't because I sort of agreed with someone that I wouldn't.

"I like that there is lots of hope."

Me too.

today

Five Fucks

It turned out that half the people could not make it, two of them due to head injuries.

16 years, 15 years, 37 years, 24 years, 28 years.

I have the least years and the least height.

I don't know the young lady who took this photo but I bought her and her friend a round.

The guy to my right told me that my photos were too close.

I told him that he didn't know what he was talking about.

This is not too close. His head is not actually THAT big. It looks shopped.

That's Dick and Amanda, she's my favorite bartender.

All things savage

The Mourning Bride 
by William Congreve 1697:

Musick has Charms to sooth a savage Breast,
To soften Rocks, or bend a knotted Oak.
I've read, that things inanimate have mov'd,
And, as with living Souls, have been inform'd,
By Magick Numbers and persuasive Sound.
What then am I? Am I more senseless grown
Than Trees, or Flint? O force of constant Woe!
'Tis not in Harmony to calm my Griefs.
Anselmo sleeps, and is at Peace; last Night
The silent Tomb receiv'd the good Old King;
He and his Sorrows now are safely lodg'd
Within its cold, but hospitable Bosom.
Why am not I at Peace?

Old Dick

I've worked by his side for fifteen years even when he was no longer my supervisor. I've watched his mental health decline as he has let his bitterness consume any joy that he could have.

Tonight a group of us will meet at a bar and hoist a couple of pints to old times and new beginnings, three days prior to his day of retirement. I've spoken to him delicately about what type of gathering he had wished for, he'll get what he asked for, I just hope he was telling the truth.

His name is Richard.

Mostly Myth

A lot of my life has passed over this 8GB flashdrive, there is still a lot sitting on it at the moment.

...

Last Thursday, I ended up staying late at the day job, when I knew I was going to be staying late, I called the second job to see if I would be needed.

"Hey, it's Tim. Do you need me later?"

"Well, I was hoping to get the floor plans to the guy from Peter Street so that the guy doing the construction permits for him can mark them up."

"When did you say, you would get them to him?"

"You don't want to do them tonight?"

"I can do them but when did you tell him they would be ready?"

"I told him A.S.A.P."

"And when does he think that is?"

I heard the hesitation of thinking so I added, "I just want to know what I'm working with. I don't want to know so that I can say that you are mean or anything. I'm not working tomorrow so I could do them then but I need to know when you said they would be ready."

"I only told him A.S.A.P.."

"Fine. I'll be there."

I didn't go directly there, I walked across and down the street to Dunkin Donuts to get two gift certificates. I then reversed my direction and took a right by McDonald's and down three bars and walked in.

Katelyn was the waitress. She came in early because the bartender was going to get slammed with customers before Katelyn was actually scheduled to be working. I had been there for lunch and I passed her on her way in as I was on my way out at 3PM.

The place was crowded. I made my way to my set of regulars which was right by the waitress' station. Katelyn was standing right there.

"Here you go," I said as I handed her a Dunkin Donuts gift card. "Thanks for coming in early." The bar manager looked over from where he was leaning on the bar.

"What's this?" She said looking at it.

"It's for you because you made Amanda happy."

"So all I have to go is make her happy and I get gifts?"

"Yup"

Then I stepped closer to the bar and tossed the other to Amanda, "And this is so you don't get jealous."

"Sheesh, Tim. You're making the rest of us look bad," Bob said.

I just smiled and then bought all the regulars that I knew a round but I only stayed for one.

I took the bus to the second job and had a discussion about the plans. The measurements that I had were incomplete so it was decided that I would remeasure the third floor and measure the first and second as well. Parking sucks in Boston because 10 inches of snow just does that sort of thing. I borrowed the owner's Cadillac and drove the seven blocks but had to park five blocks away. I should have just walked.

I ended up driving home to get my computer, a flashlight and a tape measure. I drove back to the office and then had her drive me to the property. After I had the three floors drawn in AutoCAD. I walked the seven blocks back to the office, made PDF's of the files and then copied them to the server. I then walked to her house to get her SUV to drive myself home.

I was at home and checking emails at a little past 1:00AM.

I stayed late at the day job because some nationals from Morocco where waiting on some paperwork that gets issued from my desk. I was waiting on the folks that would have to handle the issue to get back to me. I had been working on it for a week and half. I finally got enough of an answer to put my ass and my signature on the line a half hour after my normal work day ended.

The balance of my workday was spent answering questions that the bosses usually have to deal with but none of them were around.

My actions on that day reminded me of someone I used to know, someone folks say that I used to be, but I still think that guy is mostly myth.

Lend me your eyes and I'll change what you see

She came running in from the kitchen and stood right in front of me.

"Timmy, can I have your eyeballs."

"Which eyeballs, these eyeballs?" I asked as I pointed towards my sockets, "Or the ones on the frig?"

"The ones on the frig."

"Certainly."

Later, I walked out into the kitchen and saw this.