Sometimes I wish the newspaper was worth reading

People like me. I don’t say that to brag. I say that as an explanation as to why I get attention.

People will come over to my desk and talk and usually I will nod and sometimes even speak my responses. One of the things on my desk is a bottle of Purell which I swiped from an unattended open case. I don’t use it too often but I like to have it around, especially during the extra germy winter months.

A friend from a different department was talking to me and noticed the bottle, picked it up and gave it a squirt. He properly aimed it at his hand but the bottle had other ideas and sent a stream of sanitizer right at his crotch. It turns out, he’s still pretty spry for an old guy and he quickly scooched backwards. It turns out the spout was partially blocked by old mostly dried out Purell.

After laughing at his folly, I helped him look for errant Purell. There was none in his crotch area so we figured he was safe until I notice some had hit his sweater, right above the belt line. He then asked if there was any bleach in it and then explained that this was the first time he was wearing the sweater and that it was a Christmas gift from his wife. He then told me a story how he ruined a sweatshirt type thing while loading the dishwasher. He said he wiped his hand across the lower part of his shirt and didn’t realized that he as dishwashing liquid on his hand and ended up with a discolored streak across belly.

Purell is mostly alcohol.