“Is this the end of me?”

That's the question someone else asked of herself.

My version of that question, that I frequently ask myself, is "Are you done?" usually followed up by "Is that all you got?"

Usually, those questions come after I've done some feat of charity and have just taken a step away, sort of to distance myself from the thing.

I'll usually answer those questions with "Why don't you shut the fuck up?"

I'm rather not polite with myself and I'm more profane in my head than what usually is communicated outward.

It could quite possibly be that my best is behind me, maybe I'll never surpass my past but I know I have better in me whether I try to get it out to the world or not.

My answer to that first question that someone else asked of herself was that this wasn't her end. She's larger than her frame. I said this about her but I had to use the same measure on myself. My mind conspires against me and love to contradict me. I asked myself “How is this different for you? Is this the end of you? Do you really think this is all you have? Do you think you are done?”

I had to answer no for those last three. I'm not seeking out stuff to do but once in awhile something comes my way, some good deed that needs doing. I sometimes wait until no one is looking but I'll usually end up doing it.

I'm still not doing all I can but I'm not walking away from the stuff that crosses my path so for the moment I think I'll stop kicking the shit of myself.