Cool ideal...

I was just online reading stuff and dropped by here to read the last I wrote and I forgot it already.

Anyway, I think that last post was on Friday, but I was thinking it was still Thursday when I posted it because I hadn’t seen a bed yet. But who really cares.

Saturday, I drove around and spent money on stupid stuff. The stuff included things to silk screen t-shirts. I think I dropped over one hundred dollars. I must have been planning some stellar tee’s. I had already spent close to a hundred previously so that brings the total to two hundred.

I turns out my fantastic t-shirt idea was pretty lame. Oh, and yeah, I’ve never silk screened before, oh, wait, yes I have but that was long ago and on brown paper bags.

So, the idea was... let’s say shit-canned. (shit makes it by my spellcheck, I just find that interesting – shit’s o.k. but spellcheck is not).

I don’t tell folks much here because who am I to dole out wisdom but I will say this:
Don’t let your first silk screening project be on a dark colored t-shirt.

So, I end up with all this stuff and nothing to do. So, what do I do, I make t-shirts that proclaim “Official Glow-in-the-Dark Birthday T-shirt” because you see I had some glow-in-the-dark ink. They glow pretty well.
...
I’m wasting my talents...and money.

I don’t know what my goal is but I’m pretty sure I’m failing at it, and I pretty sure I’m failing on purpose.
...

I still have a blank silk screen. I would like to do something cool with it. I just have to get a cool idea. Cool idea. Cool ideal.

Materials on hand:
blank silk screen
screen filler
photo emulsion
red textile ink
black textile ink
violet textile ink
green nite-glo ink
yellow nite-glo ink
white nite-glo ink
homemade jig for screening t-shirts

Items needed:
white T-shirts
good idea.

The brass ring...

it may put a move on me when I try to reach for it this time.

Only time will tell.

I need to change my ways...

So, I end up talking on the cell phone in the middle of the street. I’ve seen folks do this. I’ve always found it lame. I’ve thought that they need to keep their business to themselves. But, now here I am in the middle of the street with my cellie.

I’m in the street because the building I was in has a metal roof. Metal roofs aren’t all that uncommon in certain parts, but here in these parts, they are not the normal. The thing about metal roofs and cell phones is that the metal likes to fuss about with the signal. I didn’t want this signal fussed about with so I went to the back alley but that metal roof had a longer reach than I thought, so out in the street I went.

Whose call is so important? It’s Lady G. I was just figuring out when to call her next, I thought it was too late for today so I was working something out for tomorrow and she calls me. Sweet.

...

Earlier today someone called down the thunder. The lightning was thrown in for free.

...

I’ve been shortlisted.

The commissioner has resigned effective 06-30-04.

I’m getting conflicting messages from reliable sources.

...

Yesterday, there was almost a drunken post right here in this spot at the time I thought I was hilarious.

...but then I sobered up

So I wait...

My problems they stay inside for the most part. Some get posted here in some fashion usually not too bold and not too bare. The big problems are mine alone.

Right now I could use some convincing that things will work out, after all they usually do but only in hindsight. The brass ring, it dogs me but I’m having trouble seeing it at the moment. But then I usually do, have trouble seeing it close. I usually see it in the past, over yonder, in yesteryear.

The new job interview was today. I wasn’t throwing the hard stuff. A few got away from the catcher.

I’m worried about my present position, there is no one to fill my shoes. Things will be left undone. Things will go unfinished.

I was asked during the interview what was my greatest achievement (job related). There was a pause, a lot of what I do I consider bullshit. I said the creation and maintaining of the accident information database. I said the information received from the state has to be converted and joined with the existing information on hand. I’m the only one who presently can do it. I was asked why is that important. I said it enables the department to determine dangerous intersections so they can be fixed, possibly saving lives.

It’s a bit dramatic but it’s true.

If I were to leave an information source will vanish. That’s more of a testament to the sorry state of affairs my department is in as opposed to any grand abilities I may possess.

It shouldn’t bother me but it does. It does a lot. Things will go on without me but the department will be weakened. It’s already weak.

In a different interview I was asked why I came and worked for the department. I said I thought I could make a difference which I admitted sounded corny but it’s true.

In all my life I’ve been employed, fulltime, by three different organizations. I still work for two.

I tanked the math questions during the interview. The answers came after I was back at my own desk. I know both interviewers and both know me, they also know my current associates. It makes an uneasy situation for me. The interviewers have a certain amount of faith in my abilities and there I was having difficulties with simple volume questions.

I was telling myself there are 27 cubic feet in a cubic yard but the part of my brain doing the math wasn’t listening. I was actually telling myself that a cubic yard is 9 square feet times three to make it cubic cause I think like a spaz.

Maybe I tanked the math on purpose. Maybe I made it seem more difficult than it was in actuality. But that brass ring it dogs me, I’ll most likely get the job or a least a second interview in which I’ll answer all the questions correctly. I’ll have to tell folks I’ll be leaving. I won’t be let off the hook. I’ll have to choose myself over others.

Don’t get me wrong I’m rather selfish. I’m kind when I want to be kind, but I usually don’t have to boldly say this is for me, and me alone. Not out loud anyway.

“So long, suckers”...Is really not my style.

At the moment it is out of my hands. There is nothing I can do. Only wait.

The brass ring is dogging me

Sometimes I wonder...

I wonder often, if the things I do make any difference at all.

I wonder how the outside world sees me, sees the things that I do. I wonder not for pats on the back, not for praise, I wonder to know if I even ever make a dent, do I ever scratch the surface even. Would something be different if I weren't around, are my efforts in vain. You, know that whole "Wonderful Life" type thing, the uncolorized version and letterbox if you please.

My answer to most of those is I don't make a difference, if not me then someone else would have stepped up and done something. Someone else would have gotten the call. I'm not necessary. I'm at best only just available.

But then once in awhile...maybe more than I’m willing to recognize, someone says something that convinces me at least for a moment that sometimes I live my life and others benefit.

Why do I care if I make a difference? A lot of good has come my way. I try to pass it along and why pass it along if it does no good.

Sometimes I feel guilty with the easy life I have, that’s probably why I complain here so much. I try to make it look like things are more difficult than they really are.

The brass ring, it dogs me.

I’m certain good fortune, if not in front of me, is just around that corner. I truly don’t believe it’s ever really far.

spiders are every where...

there was this spider you see
maybe slightly larger than one big flea
he stated making his web on me

some cut-out, not certain why a heart, maybe cause it's an easy shape

This is what happens when I'm left along with sharp knives.

Wednesday seems like forever ago...

It's Thursday...

I was just thinking it is a bit of a bother hitting the shift key to capitalize things.

Anyway, Thursday, today I have a lot of stuff done. I'm better off than I thought I would be, I have the table tents done, the magnets are done, the iron transfer sheets are done, the program is mostly done, I have my new suit at the house with the new shirt and the new tie.

My little mouse for my laptop works great. I didn't realize how much I was suffering with that touchpad.

Work ...*sigh*

...work is busy. I prefer it busy because then I can't slack off.

I was asked to give an estimate on producing a certain thing and the time I gave was two days if all goes well, if the printer doesn't break, if I'm not interrupted, if the job doesn't change once I start it, that kinda stuff. I sent that message in a private email to one guy. This one guy replies to my message and CC's three of my bosses and one other guy. His reply was that he cannot see how that request would take two days, "unless I'm missing something". I didn't respond, but I think it might take a little bit longer than two days now. Just because sometimes I'm a prick.

There was some graffiti one the train today, it said "fuck all cowards"

When was this?...

I like writing with fountain pens but only when I’m not in a rush.

I think Caramel Macchiato’s are yummy.

Tomorrow is Miss Y’s birthday.

Sometimes I just like to write. Write stuff down. Presently, there is a torn piece of paper on my desk. Torn into some irregular six-sided shape, upon which are: the words sprechstimme dialectical; calculations on how many songs it takes to fill one GB; and the company name of a cigar manufacturer. The little bits of information align with their respective side of the nonconforming hexagon shape. On the back side is a note to call Marisa regarding some permit issue. The only thing that saves this trash from the bin are those two, first listed, words.
…
The A game is not being played today.

I don’t think I care at the moment and I don’t care that I don’t care. (11:48am)

2:20am that’s the last time I remember looking at the clock before I got home last night.

I gave Lady G the camera. I didn’t get to wrap it. I had the paper. I didn’t have the time. I wanted to gift wrap it because I think it shows greater care than just putting it in a gift bag with a bow, which is what happened.

I was talking with the GLAD guy yesterday, I was entering the building and glanced over because I thought I was being watched. I thought I was being watched because I was being watched, I noticed the guy just sitting there by himself so I said “Not too busy today”, I forget his reply but he took the opportunity to engage me in conversation. I engaged. I think society has greater woes than same sex marriages.

Society needs to get off its ass more. …or shut the heck up.

Monday was rather quiet but there was a crowd. Tuesday, the place was back to normal.

You still have to get a blood test.

I think Fig Newtons are yummy as well

Technically, it's Wednesday...

I get to the r.e. office earlier than usual and there is someone at the reception desk I do not know. It turns out her name is Val.

It's warmer than it should be in the office. The AC isn't working. I try some stuff - nothing, try more stuff - more nothing, so I break out the radical ideas.

If you break what is already broken it really isn't a big deal.

I take off the thermostat and start jumping the connections with a jumbo size paper clip. I do not like jumbo size paper clips. Anyway, I get a noise and the lights dim ever so lightly. I don't know if this is good or bad but I screw about some more, then clean the contacts and put the thermostat back on and the AC starts working. My only witness, who told me the AC has been out for more than a week, said she felt a difference. I told her "That's because I'm a genius".

On my way to the office, I stopped by one of my regular places to get something to eat, and the guy says "I almost didn't recognize you without your Tabasco hat". And I had to think a minute to remember which hat I had on. I usually wear a hat that has the Tabasco Logo on it, I like it, it's a good looking hat. I got it in Texas at the Tabasco store. Today I was wearing a black Nike hat. I didn't think people really cared as to the hat I wear.

I just about finished up the r.e. work and was planning to tie up some other loose ends when the cellie rings. It's Lady G, she was in NY for the day, she needs a ride from the station. Her train was twenty minutes late, no MP3 player, no digital camera, no portable CD player, no paperback book, not even a watch, just me and the homeless. I go to get a soda, I chose root beer and I don't know why and this guy, whose kinda standing out of sight of the counter help asks me for something. I didn't hear what he said so I have him ask again. This time I make out train, which makes sense, I'm at the train station. I'm not going to ask him again as to what he wants, so I offer a buck, he said "Thanks but do you have thirty cents more?" he was holding about five dollars worth of quarters, so if he was hustling me at lest he was working at it, I didn't have any nickels so he got fifty cents and then I got my root beer. Barg's

What dah....

I’ve scheduled to take Friday off.

Tuesday week, I’ve a job interview.

Put date of event on magnets
Get three cases of sparkling apple cider
Work on changing the t-shirt design
Call the kids – go to jeweler, clean rooms
Make table tents for fifteen tables
Get phone number for the Comm unity Mus ic Center

Sunday, my favorite first day of the week...

but I'll start with yesterday. Yesterday I agreed to help a person out by installing window AC's. There are/were 12 of them. Most are stored in the basement. The building is three stories high. I'll let you do the math.

After, the AC's. I mowed the lawns for the first time of the season. I say lawns because there is a front lawn, a side lawn, and a back lawn. My mower is a 20" walk behind or a more apt description push from the back.

Oh, I forgot yesterday was in the high eighties.

This all sounds like a complaint but it's really just me a braggadocio. A wardrobe change was needed. I didn't force fit a haircut into the mix either, oh well.

My lawn area is of the size that I'm not certain I'll look like a loser if I get a riding mower. It's not the neighbor's opinion I worry about it's my own. I'm truly trying not to be a hypocrite.

At the moment I have no place to house a riding mower so I have to get a shed first.

Yesterday, was the first time I stopped and had a beer while mowing the lawn. I'm still not certain how I feel about that, stopping for a beer that is, do I think it's worth it or would I rather just work right through? I'll let you know when I make a decision.
...

Today, I finished a program, a stencil for a t-shirt design and some prototypes for a custom magnet. I made six magnets. It's makes no sense to just make one, your stock is used up either way, really.

I picked up a USB optical mouse for the laptop. And a four port hub.

I picked up a digital camera which I will give as a birthday gift to Lady G, whose birthday was back in February. I snapped a couple self portraits to make sure the camera works okay, they're not too bad, I must have gotten some sleep last night. They're around here some where. Well, not here here.

end transmission...

Bottom line - I'm a player...

It's not your classic, congratulations after the play type player am I. The game I play is subtle, maybe even sly.

After, I voiced my objections loudly early in the week all the upper ups are coming over and being my friend. Why do I have to get all loud and stuff to get folks to realize there is a problem? I've calmly spoke about existing problems before, many times. Nothing happens. I get a little loud, actually a lot loud and then I get a response.

But, after thinking about it, I've done that before, I'll amp-up my feelings and get loud, seem very angry and get results. Why can't I get results without having to seem like a hot head?

Those who truly know me, know a lot of my visible, strong emotions are not actually from the heart and that I'm putting on a show. They will usually wait for an intermission and then ask for what I really think.

Dude, you're braking my cover asking me that in front of them. I'll clue you in later but right now at least play along.

So, yesterday I get this email setting up an impromptu cookout and I’m asked to bring a particular something. I’m further asked to confirm receipt of the e-mail.

My reply:

“I received your presumptuous email”

I let that sit a bit and then followed it with an “I’m joking” and further details

There was a slight mishap with that second email however, I ended up sending it to all the people in address book.

So, now I can no longer make fun of people who screw up email.
…
The cook out went well. One of the things I brought were pistachio nuts. I bring pistachios to the poker games too. The nuts are usually popular which makes me wonder why more folks don’t just buy them for themselves. I always (usually always) have them in the house. But I guess that's just me.

I multiply the difficulty by four...

So, I'm working overtime at the day job and the boss comes over and tells me how I'm appreciated, how the guys in the field respect me, and other things I forget, it goes on for fifteen minutes. I appreciated the gesture but how about if you try to start fixing some of the fixable problems around here? I was actually kind of surprised, usually he has not a good word to say about anybody.

I'm not as angry as I pretend.

Angry people get things quicker than the meek folks. I threw my phone in the trash the other day because it wasn't working properly, which started the process of me getting a new phone. I was still waiting for my request from four months ago to be processed for a new phone before this one hit the trash. I felt guilty, though when someone fished it out of the trash bin. I wanted to whisper "Just leave it there. I'll get it later. I'm just making a point" but it was too late.

I'm a showman. Or is it circus monkey?

Tsk, tsk, tsk...

This was in my "Draft" folder. I thought I lost it. I should look in here more often.

So, today I get this email about an impromptu cook-out and I am asked to bring a certain item and I was requested to acknowledge the email. My reply was "I received your presumptuous email", and nothing else because I'm a smart ass. Then I followed it up with an email that said I was only joking, I would be there, even though I had to work late. So, I sent the second email and I noticed a message which informed me I sent it to everyone in my address book. Great. Now I can no longer be critical of those folks who screw up email. Even though I was in a hurry, I have no excuse. I'm not certain I will ever forgive myself.

In other news, I'm working late at the day job and my boss comes over and tells me how much I'm appreciate, how the guys in the field respect me, and some other stuff I forget, he goes on for 15 minutes. What impressed me most were not his words but that he made an effort to say "Thanks", he usually doesn't do that.

I also realize that I'm a drama queen. I'll inflate the importance or difficulty of a thing so when I get it done I'll seem that much greater.

I also realize that I fake anger a lot. There are times I get hot under the collar but usually not as much as I pretend. I'll be spitting venom at someone and then give a wink and a smile to a friend watching from the sidelines. Or I'll storm out of a room and then go tell my friends I just scared the whole conference room full of people and have a big laugh.

"Tim, are you really pissed or not?"
"You think I shouldn't be pissed off?"
"I'm not saying that, I'm asking are you truly angry?"
"Why wouldn't I be angry?"
"Are you mad, yes or no?"
"...no, I'm just screwing with ya"

So, today I'm helping to spruce up my fair city ...I'm getting paid for it, it is part of my duties. Every Wednesday, I'm supposed to put my other responsibilities on hold and fix signs and stuff out on the streets. The job isn't very exciting but it does get me out of the office and that is a good thing.

I'm making progress in the street, starting to enjoy the day, and the guys in the truck tell me I have been summoned to the Hall to do a map.

Today, the weather is great. Today my street is a good street, in a good location.

So, much for that.

I think I'm called back for some bullshit reason I was clued into before, so I'm not very happy. But, I was wrong, I'm called back to do something important and very ASAP. I get apologies from the big guys.

Today, I'm the man once again.

I'm working on the project, extremely focused. When some shit hits the fan. One whole division in the office is gone either sick, in meetings or whatnot, and I'm the only one who can cover the work load. So, I end up doing the project and covering the other division's work load. And I end up staying late (which means overtime).

So, I was rocking, doing things those other lowly mortals could not do.

The only down side is that I was dressed like a bum.
...
I was talking to Lady G last night. I ran into her at her house, she was sitting in her SUV on the cellie when I drove up. I had told her I would drop something off that day and it was 11:47PM so I had to get to hopping.

When I'm leaving she said "Don't do anything I wouldn't do", I said "I wouldn't do some of the things you do do". Her reply to that - "That's because you are boring", "That's true" I agreed.

She consoled me that boring is not always a bad thing, that she likes boring, sometimes. I don't believe that she likes boring but I do believe that she likes me.

I'm working the second job...

and I get a call at 7:48...

I'm writing this post and I'm interrupted by someone's request for a writable CD. Why would I have a writable CD? I don't have a burner on this machine. Who am I Staples?...

Here, what kind of CD do you want? I have two kinds. You're, welcome.

7:48PM. The call could be a few different people but this time it's the owner of the r.e., she needs something. That something is a half page ad to notify folks of a neighborhood meeting.

Throw that onto the stack of things I already have to do on my normal Tuesday night...

I actually liked doing it.

So, Now...

Now that the machine is quicker I'm using the time I just picked up to read blogs. I think I have a problem.

I am indeed a thief...

So, I'm at the second job waiting for my computer to do the things I want it to, when it hits me that I can steal computer memory here as well. I almost pissed my pants when I saw two memory sticks but that feeling went away when my computer only had one more available slot.

But, hey it quicker now.

Hmmm, Uh...

So, today my public transportation train station is closed for repairs and will be closed for 8 months, which causes a change in my routine. I get to work later than usual and as I'm going through my normal start of day job procedures, I re-noticed these two computers sitting like they are excess. One of these computers is the same make and model as mine. So me being me, I stole the memory from the unused computer and put it in my own.

My computer is now almost no longer slow now.
...
Her hair was if as gravy - just part of one of my dreams
...

Another dream.

I'm involved with a live action war game. New recruits with two tanks are supposed to defend the position. The position is inside the building that used to house a church I used to go to. One tank is in the upstairs function room, the other downstairs in the former sanctuary, miscellaneous troops all around. My job - prove that they aren't that good. The ammo is fake so I'm pretty bold. I take out the ground troops in the former sanctuary but shooting them foolishly looking up the stairway. My cover is nonexistent but not one of them can get a shot off before I shoot them.

The game ends before complete and I'm approached by the officer in charge to be congratulated. The officer in charge is a hot unnatural blonde of the female persuasion. She looks very impressed with my performance. I'm uneasy with this because I was reckless and by all rights should have been shot. But she approaches and puts her left arm around my waist as she is about to say something and doesn't want me to get away but instead of saying something, she kisses me on the mouth, slipped me the tongue even. At that moment I know that she will go as far as I'll take her but I pull away because she isn't infatuated with the real me just the me that won. She doesn't know that my victory came about by careless abandon and in real life, with real ammo, I wouldn't have taken those risks.

I was brave because I was indestructible.

Aces let me down...

Poker night left me 85 dollars poorer than when I started. I was up fifty at one point, but it was a good time none the less.

not too bad...

So, I’m trying to fight the good fight and all that stuff and the day is going much like another day. I get requests and do my best to fulfill those requests. But, today something different happened. My efforts were rewarded in cash on the spot. One hundred dollars worth. Two acts of kindness rewarded with cold hard cash.

I don’t like taking cash because some times people think they own you but this cash was given to me kinda indirectly. I didn’t have a chance to refuse.

I’m playing poker tomorrow with the guys, now I’ll be playing with someone else’s money. Coincidentally one hundred dollars is my limit for playing poker with the guys.
…
I’m at a friend’s house posting this waiting for her to return.

I wish I had my cigars.

Or a cookbook. I need to bring something to the poker game. I would like to do something different this time. Past items: pizza wheels (a couple of times), honey mustard chicken wings, calzones, mini hamburgers, pistachio nuts …I think there was something else but I cannot think of it.

I’m thinking maybe something sweet this time. But, I’m without my cookbooks.

Beer, too, all types. I try to mix it up a bit but some of the other guys do not care for change. They just keep with the Bud lights. Yeah, I’m the exciting one.

I might bring some sour mix with scotch or whiskey.

Smoking always seems to put the period on things for me...

Today there was this meeting. A meeting to tie up some loose ends. Loose ends left by a failure of which I was a part.

The last occupation my father had was a pastor of a church. My father died and the church went on. Went on, and then died. I was a pallbearer. The church had lots of assets, over a million dollars worth closing the church involved this long process. That process pretty much ended tonight.

The assets are going to a church organization that my grandfather was a part of, he help found it. Prior to today the largest single contribution to this organization was one hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Once it's all said and done, properties liquidated and such, what I voted on tonight will make the largest contribution close to one and a half million dollars. Ten times the previous amount. I wish I could find comfort in that but I don't. Many good works will come from that money and it is good to finally have things settled but comfort, well...

Anyway, after the meeting I headed to the r.e. office to take care of some business. On the way I bought some cigars. Eight mini Macanudo cigars. The closest parking spot was two long blocks away so I lit one up for the walk. There is usually no smoking allowed in the r.e. office, maybe even a rule I had instituted but there is smoking tonight. The bottle cap to an Arizona Iced Tea is serving as an ashtray.

Smoking always seems to put the period on things for me. Unfortunately, I'm not a smoker.

Finish sminish...

Bottom line is I care more about others than I care about myself. Or maybe it’s a more accurate statement if I were to say I do more for others than I do for myself. I’ll give you my ticket to the show if I know you would like to go.

I made a surprise visit to the r.e. office and what came up was that I should buy myself a new computer because the one I use is the worst in the office, which is true. I was told that the owner affords to me carte blanche, so I should just pick myself up one, which is true. I don't because sometimes money is tight.

And at times, that is what I have tried to change, to make my life easier but I don't.

I cannot convince myself that I assist other out of kindness. The best reason I can come up with is that I’m a showoff. When you give away a hundred dollar ticket like you were passing on a coupon for a free Krispie Kream donut, I would have to say that is showing off.

The other reason, maybe, is I’m arrogant, or is that part of the same reason. I have a your-problems-are-easy-to-fix attitude, here let me help.

I can accept both of those reasons. The one that I have most trouble with is maybe I’m a nice guy and I don’t know why that bothers me. I’m the namesake of someone’s firstborn, someone who isn't blood, someone who owes me nothing, that should mean something, shouldn’t it?

What it means to me is that I have no excuses for being an ass. Folks have seen in me something I choose not to see in myself. I’m better than I choose to be (or see myself) as of late and that is something I need to change.

So, here’s to change. It’s been happening slowly but at least it’s happening. Maybe, I’ll shoot to have a girl named after me next. It will not be the first girl named Timothy that I know.

Will that be showing off?

I still have time...

So you get more on the suit. I go to where I usually go to buy suits. The fine suits are downstairs. My size is on the back wall. I'm looking for black but not flat black. It needs a pin stripe or a texture or something. One catches my eye just as the salesperson asks if I need help. I think we all know I need help but I'm not certain as to this man's capabilities so I keep with the suit concerns.

"Yeah, I need a suit, black but not solid, flat black."
"You need it in this size?"
"Yeah" says I

Granted I don't but suits more than twice a year or decade but I know my size. So, he pulls the suit I was looking as at and two others both with a pin strips on has more closely spaced stripes than the other.

The suit I prefer most has a faint ribbing. I tell the salesperson, "I like this one". He asks what the occasion is, I say semi-formal and social. Then he gives me fashion advice on shirts and tie, informs me that this suit can dress up or dress down. After, he stopped talking and I stopped having to stifle my yeah, no shit's. I say okay, I'll take this one. And then we stand there, I'm expecting that he will take the lead and show me to the changing room so this suit can get marked-up for tailoring, but nothing happens. So, I ask do you still do tailoring? He says yes and grabs the suit.

Thank you.

I suppose he has seen people flip flop on the decisions before but when I know what I want, I know I want it. You know?

the toniest...

Outside was I today, so the day job was aces. I heard "hey, engineer come here" while striding down picturesque spring blossomed streets.

After the day job the plan was to get a new suit. So, I went and got a new suit. I'm paying for it and the cellie rings. I should let you know right here and now I think talking on the phone while taking care of other business is rude. So the plan was to say I'll call you back. The plan never left the drawing board. The panicked caller tells me the ad has to change. It must. It must. The ad(s) whose deadline has already past, well sort of past.

I try to give the salesperson as much attention as I can. I'm trying to be quick about it on the phone. The salesperson is quicker than I. I leave the store with my receipt and a pick-up date of the nineteenth for my altered black Kenneth Cole two piece while still on the phone trying to offer calming words of assurance.

I finish the call two steps out the door. I was rude. I don't like being rude and if I witnessed someone else do what I just did I would label them a pompous jack-ass, so I did. "You pompous jack-ass", I said to myself.

I felt I left a bad taste. One was to get rid of a bad taste is with Godiva chocolate. The second floor sells Godiva chocolate so to the second floor I went.

I returned to the salesperson and offered an apology with the gift of chocolate. I received a smile in return.

Now, I here sending a modified pdf to the publisher. The absolute deadline is tomorrow at noon but I tell everyone the deadline is Wednesday morning. It just makes my life a little easier.

I down side is that I am eating Cheddar Cheese and Sour Cream Ruffle potato chips with an Arizona Iced Tea with ginseng extract instead of the planned on center cut pork chop with a nice white wine. But, I am really enjoying the iced tea, I got two bottles of the stuff, I have not had it for awhile. I think I need to drink more of it.

I spoke to Lady G earlier she was strolling down the toniest street in my fair city, three streets over from where I was this morning. She was looking for a dress for the same event for which I just bought my suit.

A little something, something...

I feel a need to create. Create something, anything, today. Let the world know that...

let myself know that I not totally void inside.

(pause, for thinking)

I create stuff almost every day and that ain’t doing it for me. So, the something can’t be just anything. It needs to reflect something of me. Something more than a set of lines and arcs, more than figures with descriptions.

It can be argued that anything you do is a reflection of yourself on some level. That, I don’t deny.

I need to do something more free form than the mechanical things I do most very day. Something without reason other than to express something unexpressed.

looks...

He was asked when he was going for a check up.
He said he is working on it.
He was told it isn’t that difficult, just call for an appointment.
He was told she wants a baby and needs to make certain there is nothing wrong with him.
He thinks she is serious.

We'll talk, later...

I don't mind being labeled a fuck-up if I did indeed fuck up but what bothers me is fucking up due to equipment failure.

Normally, I enjoy nothing more than caressing the large scale plotter and whispering all sweet and shit to the temperamental lovely but sometimes I need to get my shit done.

Can we please talk about this later, after you print out the eight maps I need? I promise I will give you all the attention you want after the print job is done.

She gave me four of what I requested, every one had to be begged for, then folks couldn't wait any longer ...and this isn't the normal city neighborhood type crap this is the big time stuff.

Oh, well.

American Cheese, Sharp

Sharp American Cheese is a new favorite of mine. Havarti, Pepper Jack, Super Sharp Cheddar Cheese.

I just really like ording Super Sharp Cheddar Cheese at the deli counter. Try it. It's a hoot.

I like supermarket shopping on Sundays because the deli girl and I have a thing going.

She, unassuming, knows what she is doing.

She finds it equally ridiculous that she needs to get my expressed approval for the thickness of slice. She rolls her eyes towards the manager as she asks then gives me a smile.

If she slices over the requested amount she'll remove the excess, print the label, then put the excess back on. Free cheddar, you gotta love that.

Youngness...

I am making a better effort to get things done. Going the extra mile and all that stuff.

I finished the request and left it on the stoop. It was 3:17AM. Her car was out front. The house lights were off.

"Hell-ow"
"Thanks, but you should be getting some sleep"
"Pardon?" I asked but once I asked I realized through the bad transmittion what she had said.
"You should sleep at night and not be doing things like this. You are only young for a short time"

I can't remember when I was young.
I can only remember being less old.