The brass ring is dogging me

Sometimes I wonder...

I wonder often, if the things I do make any difference at all.

I wonder how the outside world sees me, sees the things that I do. I wonder not for pats on the back, not for praise, I wonder to know if I even ever make a dent, do I ever scratch the surface even. Would something be different if I weren't around, are my efforts in vain. You, know that whole "Wonderful Life" type thing, the uncolorized version and letterbox if you please.

My answer to most of those is I don't make a difference, if not me then someone else would have stepped up and done something. Someone else would have gotten the call. I'm not necessary. I'm at best only just available.

But then once in awhile...maybe more than I’m willing to recognize, someone says something that convinces me at least for a moment that sometimes I live my life and others benefit.

Why do I care if I make a difference? A lot of good has come my way. I try to pass it along and why pass it along if it does no good.

Sometimes I feel guilty with the easy life I have, that’s probably why I complain here so much. I try to make it look like things are more difficult than they really are.

The brass ring, it dogs me.

I’m certain good fortune, if not in front of me, is just around that corner. I truly don’t believe it’s ever really far.