I don't even know what a buoy is.

A true story about a fake story being told as if it were true.


So, Little g is sitting at my kitchen table and she says “I have a true story for you.”

Me, I like stories so I listen.

“I know this is true because there is a picture” she assures me.

“The only reason you think it’s true is because there is a picture?”

“Yeah, and the teacher says it’s true.”

“Okay” I said as I rolled my eyes

“It’s true! So, my teacher says she had this best friend who she met a summer camp. His name was Mark. They both were camp councilors and he really loved the water, he was always swimming or doing something in the water whenever he could. Then one day he wanted to see who long he could stay under water so he went and held his breathe underwater while he timed himself. The first try, he lasted 28 seconds but he felt he could do better so he tried again. On the second try he lasted a full minute, but he still felt he could do better so he tried again and then two minutes and every time he tried he felt he could do better so he kept on trying to stay under longer. Three minutes, five minutes, fifteen minute, thirty minutes…”

“Wait a minute” I interrupted “He lasted thirty minutes underwater, without breathing?”

“Yes. That’s what my teacher said. It’s a true story.”

“I don’t think folks can last longer than fifteen minutes underwater.”

“Whatever. So then he made it to an hour and then he lasted to half a day but he still felt he could do better so he got a news team there to watch him when he was going to try for a full twenty four hours. Everything was going good but then at twenty three hours they noticed he was turning blue so they pulled him out and he was covered in blue scales. He was covered in scales!”

“And there is a picture?”

“Yes. The teacher says we can each bring it home with us but I really didn’t care about it so I’m last on the list. But there’s more. So, he basically ends up living in the pool where this was all happening until one day he removes that… what’s the thing called that keeps the water in a pool?”

“I don’t know. A plug?”

“Yeah, a plug. So, he removes the plug and ends up in the Ontario …ocean? Is there an Ontario Ocean?”

“I don’t think so. There is Lake Ontario.”

“Yeah, that’s it. Is that near Canada?”

“Yeah. It’s one of the Great Lakes.”

“Yeah Lake Ontario because her parents live in Canada and she goes and visits them every weekend and when she’s going to be there they will put out a buoy so that Mark knows when she’ll be by so he can come and visit.”

“Mark the fishman?”

“Yeah! I’m not making this up. How could I make this up? I don’t even know what a buoy is.”

Which was a very good point – I thought

“I believe you’re not making this up I just doubt that your teacher is telling the truth.”

“She has a picture.”

“Of Mark the fishman?”

“Yes!”

“Okay then”