sometimes, I ignore myself - probably not enough

There are times when folks want to talk

There are times when I don’t

…

I usually screw around wasting time until I'll have to rush out the door. Today I sat at the kitchen table and with a mug of coffee.

The purpose was to think, about what I don't know.

There is my usual chair that I usually sit in when I'm just sitting about but today I used a different chair. My first choice was going to be the same chair I took all those bird shots from, it's the furthest from the window, least likely to frighten the birds from the feeders. As I was making my way, I noticed a house finch at the feeder by the window, looking like he was looking right at me. He didn't seem to care so neither did I. I sat where I was.

I sat down and asked myself "So, what now?"

I ignored the question and watched the birds, most of the regular crowd, the chickadees, sparrows, finches, nuthatches, titmouses. I also noticed the same birds in the trees in the distance, I could now identify them by their behavior. There were maybe thirty birds I could see.

I thought "Maybe I should get the camera" then I thought "Can't you just sit and watch?"

The woodpecker showed up and I thought about the camera again, I don't have a shot of him but I told myself today I'm just watching. So I watched.

I watched and what I saw was a brand new feeder with brand new seed hung from a brand new hook and an assortment of birds I could mostly identify due to my brand new book, all totaled, cash out of hand $111.00.

That amount bothered me, there are other things I can spend my money on, things that will make a difference in human life. What followed next was the familiar debate that arises with the self asked question "What about you?"

"What about you" meaning:

What am I doing?
What's my purpose?
Am I making a difference?
Am I obligated to make a difference?

Good luck watching the birds.