"You are too.."

I surmised she was a player hater and told her so.

"You are too", was the reply.

"I would prefer not to be a player but society encourages people to be players, your a sucker if you aren't. If you take religion out of it, I can't win an argument that being a player is not the best for an individual. So I can't say that I hate players."

"Yeah, sometimes the only argument I have for the students is that I want them to be a good person, which isn't easy to be sometimes"

Feast or Famine.

"With you it's, at times, too much and at other times not enough"

Feast or Famine

On or Off

That's me for ya.

She finished the statement with "I guess I have to live with that". I wanted to assure her that things could be ...would be different, that she doesn't have to settle. The reply she received was silence.

I cannot guarantee change.

I would rather be a loser than a liar.

Trust...rust...bust...

I hear Tuesdays are for chances. Before I knew this I actually took a chance and brought someone into my confidence.

His unknown plans, at me he did throw
I think twice then I let him know,
man, don't trust the status quo.

Hopefully, he is not a confidence man running a confidence game.

Everyone get a measure of trust from there it goes up or it goes down. The betrayers never seem to get a large allotment of trust before they are found out. I've been lucky like that. I'm famous for turning my back after I have passed out knives. Just checking. I would rather get some folks out of my life quicker than later. The scars aren't visible from my point of view.

The flip side there are a few I trust, I will trust, I have trusted my life to.
...
I was going to be an ass but I think I filled my quota for today. Or technically yesterday I filled it.

hmm...

My worst problem is..

I'm not dissatisfied.

At least not enough to do something about it.

satisfied?...

I would like to change the world but I want the change to happen within my present reach and on my own time and terms.

I am pretty sure I could cure you of your self-assuredness. But would that be for the best?

I think most people want it easy. Dreams are often within reach but they require effort to obtain. Is your desire for your dreams greater than your desire for ease? For me, today I say “No”. For most of my life I would have to say the answer has been the same.

I think I do not wish to obtain my dreams because I fear that my dreams will not be fulfilling.

I’ve been told I am never satisfied.

Married life.

Lady G left something for me last night, it was in a GAP bag so I guessed it was something from the GAP. It was. Well, one item was from the GAP the other item was a card.

The card looked like one of those award certificates only this was a smaller version. The size of a card. The small sized certificate said something like “Happy Birthday to the world’s greatest husband, from your greatest fan in Massachusetts”. It was signed by Lady G with my surname added to the end of hers.

I thought they must be a big hit with the polygamists. There must be such cards for most every state. I don’t know why the makers of the card thought it was a good idea to place a state name on a World’s Greatest Husband card. And what’s the deal with the greatest fan reference?

Yeah, I’m a stranger to you but I noticed you and your wife in the grocery store and thought, what a great husband, and just had to send you this card. I’m a huge fan of yours!

It’s all very odd but I did like the card, even though I’m not married and it’s not my birthday or even close to it.

Lady G calls.
“Did you get the package”
“Yeah, I liked the card”
“Yeah, I thought it was cute. And the shirt might be a little warm to wear now but I liked it”

The shirt is a little bolder than I would have picked out but I’ll wear just about anything especially if I can put the decision making onto someone else.

“What’s the deal with the shirt?”
“My girlfriend picked it out”
“Oh…”

The chase...

for me it's all about the chase. The goal has to impress whether it impresses just me or it is impressive to others. The goal is important, obtaining the goal is not.

There are often times when the goal is nearly obtained, I'll pull up short. Pull up short because it's about the chase and not the goal. I don't need the prize to prove I can win. I just need to prove that I can win. Prove it to myself, I'll let other witness it, I'll sometimes line up witnesses. They will say "You had it, why did you let it go?". Well, for that very reason, you saw, you know, I could have had it. It's about the chase not the goal.

Some chases are longer than others, some seem impossible. Sometimes the impossible becomes possible.

When the possible arrives from the impossible, the chase is cheapened. Ordinary. Normal. Average.

The finish to that race, sucked ass..

Not much has been making it to this space there has been some typing but there has also been that much deleting.

I'll type a bunch of stuff then delete it because towards the end I don't feel that I actually believe it.

On the other hand some stuff just sucks worse than what actually makes it to here.

...

Little g was hanging out with me yesterday and I forget who started it but she put up her dukes and said something that made me laugh. I laugh so much I couldn't defend myself and she got some shots in on me. Later, we're sitting in the living room and she asks if I'm okay. I asked why wouldn't I be okay and she replied because you got beat up by a little girl.

Done...

12:17AM the r.e. banking is done.

I just have to drop off the postcards and they will be all set.

After the day job I think I'm going to have a few.

I forgot to write myself a check but I'll worry about that later.

Postcards...

finished! I counted 108 good ones and qc found four only printed on one side.

Wish I would, wish I might...

tonight I need to finish 100 custom postcards so they can get into the mail tomorrow.

I also, have a bit of banking to do for the r.e.

I got a note back from the agent who forgot and he apologized.

I always worry when I take a stand that I may be wrong. So, I try to be certain.

Yesterday, someone I don't really care for was short some dough due to a lost paycheck, not lost by him, and his buddy wouldn't help him out so I did. I think I helped just to make his buddy look bad.

I think it's my lot in life to help out when I can, it bothers me when I don't. But lately, I've been able to put limits on what I will do or when I will do it which makes my life more enjoyable.

I need to buy a new suit by May 21.

It was take your daughters to work day and I got a large hello from one of the regulars. I was also asked by Lady G why I didn't take Little g with me, maybe cause I bore myself never mind a ten year old.


I think I'm ready to start making my wishes come true.

calmness...well, almost...

so, I'm doing what do and I have this request to advertise this property which the agent says is Wideass Avenue only I know it's Wideass Street and there is a wideass difference between the two but I didn't let it get to me. Even though I think if someone will be getting paid thousands of dollars to sell a place they should at least get the address right.

That was the easy one.

The hard one was a request for payment for a property on which I couldn't confirm payment on. I couldn't confirm because I believe that the agent made the deposit himself and didn't leave me a copy. I only know this because I searched the records for about 25 minutes. So he doesn't get paid until he can prove the funds were received. He will not like it but it isn't my fault. But that didn't upset me much either.
...
I almost bought another box of girl scout cookies but then remembered that I still had one in the truck which I found making room for a passenger. I think I bought seven boxes this year, all totaled.
...
Coming back from my lunch, this dude wearing a backpack bigger than he, asks if he could get a dollar from me because he got stuck down here due to the marathon. I gave him two because I noticed he had company.

I didn't believe his story. You have to be a real screwup to travel to the big city and not have a plan on how to get back home ...unless that was your plan. Anyway he got two because that pack was huge. His girl's pack was big too. I got tired from looking at them.

I don't really need a story particularly if its bullshit, I give a buck or two just let me know. And If I give you a buck don't tell me you will repay it if you really won't. Just keep it. It's no big deal.
...
the permit desk worked out okay, I offered to help but the dude said he had it covered but he would need help tomorrow and that he would get someone else to do that. So, I look like a nice guy but actually had to do nothing.

insert title here...

Today I'm trying to be
A model employee

The boss comes around
And questions abound

I'm not ready for this
And the questions I dismiss

It's too early for you
Find something else to do

Today you're not late
And your manner I do hate

But you are indeed right
And account for my deeds I might

But, please, you need to try to relax
Give a minute and you'll get the facts

Wound up, it seems you truly are
But calm down the answers are not far

So the answering is done
Today, will it be fun?

Fun, most likely not
But the fight will be fought

Is goodness over rated?
My thoughts on that are bifurcated

It matters not
Even if it's all for naught

I need to remain true
For there is still work to do

...
I am rather restless today, hence the rhyming.
...
It looks like I will be the default for covering the permit desk due to poor planning on the part of others but I am determined not to let it bother me. It shouldn't bother me because I would do it if asked, so am I such an arrogant prick that I need to be formally asked?

I'm am trying to demonstrate that I am not.
...
Something else that might be bothering me is that I believe I am a morning person but for quite some time I been on a night person's schedule.

Today's going well...

I set some goals today and accomplished them.

I'm better at mudding than I remember. Maybe because I was being patient with it. Its coming along nicely.

I got some reading in as well. I was in the yard, reading and from where I was there was nothing that could be seen that I hadn't done, the double french doors, the bay window, the double hung window, the deck, the sideing, everything - done by me and it was good, thank God.

I got to air out the house too, all the windows were open.

Missing...

Yesterday, I took the day off from mostly all working anywhere. I was in the yard reading a book for the greater portion of it.

I got word that the neighbors wanted to talk to someone about cutting down a tree, that someone was me.

So to my driveway, posthaste, I went,
before in my truck, they put a dent.

"We would like to cut down this tree here" followed by several good reasons.
I said "It was going to come down anyway, I just do not have the motivation to do it right now"
"Well, we have the motivation"
"Well, you're welcome to it" I replied and stepped back

What I witnessed next where two men, who are also lovers, discuss what their plans were with a few honey and sweeties thrown in. I was in disagreement with most of what I heard and saw but for the most part the plan would work without too much of a risk of injury.

With the help of me yanking on a rope the tree fell neatly into my driveway. A little bit of a spat ensued and I was told I was no longer needed and that they would clean up. I left informing them that they knew were to find me, and they cleaned up quite nicely.
...
The niece was also over and I would love to find out the beat she composed in her 18 month old head that caused her to sing and dance.
...
After I let the neighbors take down one of my trees, I sat for a bit doing nothing but thinking. Thinking that I miss doing great things, things that inspire awe. The things themselves don't necessarily need to be great, sometimes just the timing of a thing makes it great. I used to keep an eye out to do things of merit, just because they needed to be done. Somewhere along the way I stopped. Well, I actually didn't completely stop looking, I just stopped a lot of the doing.

I usually didn't know during the doing of a thing that it would be noteworthy or not but I would seize upon something, get an idea, do the right thing and greatness would follow.

It was usually never a solitude event, most often I was helping someone else out so it wasn't for my own glory, but I miss it.

I want it back.

I'm not too far removed from things, I'm still in the game, I just need to get more at bats.

And that was yesterday, and today I still miss the great things. So my quest is to be great again, even greater than I was. Those who were witness to the me of the past talk about deeds in the past. Those who know me in the present don't talk about any of my deeds.

I'm not looking for the praise of man, I want the peace I get knowing that I will be doing what I can. Whether I think the results are worth it or not. My greatness comes to me in hindsight so I need to stop thinking about the future results and focus on the present doings.

Maybe greatness is too much of an exaggeration but some of my past is worthy of note.

Maybe that is part of my problem. My past haunts me not for the bad I have done but for the good I'm not doing. I've have made myself busy to have an excuse to avoid some things. Maybe its those things that bring me joy.

I'm told I've changed, I want to change back.

Party's over...

I'm back from the 60th birthday party. It was good. There was a balloon malfunction and I sprung into action and fixed it. I'm good like that.

Lady G didn't get the help she expected but she did get my two hands. She went out clubbing with some of her girlfriends. She has some steam to blow off and it's better if she does it without me

Do you smell that?...

Last night I had a headache I just couldn’t shake. It started right after my tax forms were placed in the envelopes.

I finished everything I think needed to be done.

I was setting mouse traps last night, for a lady friend, also had to take care of a mouse trap that served its purpose.

The stench of dead mouse likes to stay high in your nostrils. It just lingers there, really quite a bit of a nuisance.

bad-ass-ed...

you can be the biggest bad assed squirrel but you are still going to get jacked by the scrawniest cat.

this end under

Ring...Ring...

"Tim did you do *those things*?
"aargh..no"
"Yeah, I know or you would have given them to me already"

Sheeeit. My memory and focus are both...



What was I talking about?

whatever...

Yesterday a had in my hand four tickets to the sox's game. The game got rained out, so I had no plans. My mother asks if I can drive her somewhere so, I figured I had no plans what the heck.

So, I'm driving my mom to her destination and my cell rings. It's Lady G, she has scored owner box seats to the professional basketball game. The game starts in 20 minutes. I can't make it, so I say I can't make it. I had to keep telling myself I was doing the right thing because I'm rather petty at times.

I got over it.

I still have the tix, though, saving them for a sunny day.
...
I took today off just because I could and I've been busy, too busy. I had to get my taxes done anyway. I shouldn't have waited so long but hey, sometimes I do not care.

I still have two carryover vacation days I need to use before the end of June.
...
I was typing other stuff but I just erased it because I don't even care to see it.
...
Long weekend starts tomorrow after 4PM, for me anyway.

So...

I was up early today. I woke early and couldn't get back to sleep due to the rummage in my head so, I checked my email and hit a blog.

Things seem more right with the world today.

I need to pay attention more...

Last night things were going well. I got all the real estate done fairly early and was making good time on the magnets.

I had fixed some minor flaws, tweaked things here and then and then printed to stock, laminated them and affixed them to the magnet backing. Things were great. So I’m hand cutting them into squares or rather about to, and then I remembered something. The event that magnets are for is on Friday, the sixteenth of April. I put the date of April 15, 2004 on the magnets and forgot to make that change before I printed them.

So sixty uncut custom magnets went into the trash. The requested quantity was fifty, I like doing extras. Fortunately, I had extra stock, plenty of magnet backing, plenty of laminate, what I didn’t have plenty of was the silver paper I was printing on. I had only four sheets left, four out of the eleven I had purchased. Four sheets would only be enough for forty eight magnets, two short and no extras.

So last night my trash was filled with a lesson learned…hopefully. Although, not too long ago I ended up with 250 invitations with the year 2003 instead of 2004, maybe someday I will learn. Someday. Maybe.

More Bullshit...

The new magnets got the nod. I did actually get a flood of ideas which involved the purchasing of some tools and supplies but then ended up just changing the stock on which the original design was printed. I also reversed the border so the border was clear and the field was colored.

I ended up printing on silver stock to a color laser printer so all the colors looked metallic. It came out pretty cool.

Interesting stuff, huh?
...
I've discovered that there are days in which I cannot will myself to think lecherously. I know there are some lecherous thoughts there, some where but I just cannot get to them.
...
I'm thinking I should stop yelling out "That's bullshit" maybe exclaim something more diplomatic.

...Yeah, I dunno I like the "bullshit".

...
I think I need a vacation. A real vacation.

12:47pm Monday...

I've just lost all motivation to do the things I should be doing.

None of it is important, it's just stuff that needs to be done like ...whenever.

Whenever ain't right now, for me anyway.

It would be best if I just went to lunch, but here's the deal, someone needs to cover the permit desk, I'm the only one that can do it at the moment, it really is the responsibility of the most senior engineer to make certain the permit desk gets covered.

I found out today that people are letting screw-ups happen at the permit desk to make the most senior engineer look bad. People want to stick it to the most senior engineer and instead of looking him in the eye and doing it they are sneaking around behind his back. ...Not cool.

It turns out my warped sense of honor has been throwing a monkey wrench into the works. I keep stepping up to make sure stuff gets done when other folks keep trying to get things to screw up.

So I haven't been able to isolate the most senior engineer to let him know what I know so I will still cover to make sure things get done.

I dislike it when people aren't up front with things.

...
I went to lunch. The most senior engineer actually has more stroke than anyone else and he said I could go to lunch, so I went.

Lunch was good I went with my supervisor, I told him I was put in for another job. He thinks it will screw my current department but it will be good for me. When I first told him he said "I'll help you move" not because he wanted to get rid of me but because I'm not be helped out where I am. No hard feelings

I've spoken with the new department and they said if I get a counter offer than good for me, no hard feelings.

Things should be sweet. I hope I just let things be and don't screw them up.
...
In other news I still have to do my taxes.

The custom magnets need to be reworked, I wasn't crazy about them anyway. I was told it wasn't my best work and I agreed.

Sometimes I'll just spit stuff out so I can better think about it.

I found that if I don't do anything and just wait for ideas to come, I sometimes will run out of time but if I do something, even something I don't particularly like, I will analysis it and come up with better ideas.

Which isn't dissimilar than to what I do here. If I'm having trouble working stuff out I'll type what is going on in my head whether I agree with it wholly or not, because for some reason once some of it is out of my head I can get a better look at it.

I'll guess I'll find out...

Today I updated the resume and finished the second custom magnet request, well the design anyway. The design has to be approved.

The resume hasn't been updated since 2002. I was reading it today and found two typos. One a missing 's' the other I repeated 'and related duties' twice.

Is that redundate repeated twice?

I'm still not certain if I want out because it is good for me or because I want to stick it to others.

Some things are more important than silver and gold.

With some things it's important to have silver and gold. Some honorable things.

Work well at good work.

You can't buy happiness but what about buying peace of mind?

Change is good.

Better the devil you know.

This change is good.

fun times...

"Tim, I need a favor"
"Sure"
"I'm running late and I need to find another dress for the birthday party"

it's a sweet sixteen birthday party and all the friends of the birthday girl will be wearing the same type of dress.

"Okay" I said.

So my quest is to find a purple dress like all the others in the size of small.

I need to search around in, what turns out to be, the junior girls department to find a dress. A purple dress with spaghetti straps and all glittery-like.

Great.

Where is the sales help when you need them?

But I did it and actually found the dress in about 9 minutes. Nine long uncomfortable minutes. The checkout wasn't much fun either.

Ahhh ...permits

You need a permit to do anything in the street of my fair city. Permits are a two stage process, my department then a different department.

I get stuck doing permits off and on because I work with a bunch of donkeys. Well, sometimes they appear to be a bunch of donkeys

The permit desk isn't visible from the lobby, so to see people waiting you have to get up and take five steps to have a look. Or you can just sit there and yell "Next, whose next for a permit?" and when someone doesn't answer immediately throw your hands up and shout "I guess no one wants a permit".

Me, I prefer to get my lazy ass up and look.

Score...

sometimes I score free tickets to sporting events.

Folks in my personal life throw me gratuities. A thanks for helping out.

I will usually give these free tickets to someone who may enjoy them more than I. Today I was thinking the next time I score tickets I will keep them for myself.

Today I scored tickets.

Which is very sweet indeed.

research...

I've been doing research and my prelimiary results are that I'm a happy drunk and that I can get giddy after three 16oz's if I don't eat.

It's a Bunn...

the new coffee maker is, the kind you find in roadside diners. I got to the store 20 miles away 6 minutes before they were to close at 9pm, I thought they closed at 9:30. I wasn't going to go in because I was there so late but I said screw it let then throw me out. I got what I wanted and was out at 8:58pm.

...

Driving the 40 miles round trip, I was thinking. I think I like the attention I get from being angry. How screwed up is that?

I wasn't going to post this but hey, it's me...not a good me...

11:48AM - So, I'm pissed off of the world class variety.

I told folks the way it was going to be and got rebuffed.

Pissed off attitude for all those around.

If you got something to say it's going to be to the back of my head because I'm not even going to look at you. Later, when I calm down a bit maybe I'll give you my death stare, daring you to say something.

In the mean time there will be spitting venom for the guilty and the hapless.



Okay, I'm better not even 100 words later. I'm not done with some folks yet, but my concerns will be delivered in a calm rational manor. Or, maybe not.

I think three more pounds of flesh will fill my quota.

I have to be careful. I want revenge but I'm no longer angry, that means plotting, sometimes that is dangerous.

Shit, now I don't even want revenge, but I will communicate my displeasure further.

Damn, I was kinda looking forward to a fight. Now I'm thinking too rational.

It's sort of funny at the moment, people are trying to find out if they are on my shit list or not. Earlier, I let the immediate world know I was quite irritated. There may have even been cursing. Actually, I think I kept it clean but it was heated.

Right now, show's over. It may run again tomorrow.

But, I think my message was received.



Blessed are the peacemakers or something like that. ...Make peace with myself.

Right now, things are quiet. Too quiet. Quiet, like after a storm. I don't let loose often but when I do the windows rattle.

So, when I'm super mad I won't even look at the person because if I see any fear or apology in their eyes it will usually defuse my anger and when I'm super mad sometimes I like to stay that way. When I'm just regular mad I will look you right in the eye and dare you to challenge me.

I'm an arrogant prick.

...
So that was me from like 10am to noon.

I also left job applications lying about my cube. Oh, Well.

I was better after lunch and folks were trying to make restitution. They should have just told me to pound sand.

It's ironic that I was so mad I was just waiting for someone to say "boo" to me so I could go off on them, nobody said anything while I was mad but the commissioner did actually say the word "Boo!" to me later in the day.

But, I was done with my tirade.
...
I have eight o'clock pm and I have to go find a new coffee pot.

I really need to simmer down in general

I wish I would choose to be happy because it really is just that easy.

New posting for a job...

The new posting went up today. Someone from distant parts in where I work caught me on the subway today, he asks if I've seen the posting. I tell him I haven't but I know about it. He asks who's better qualified than me for the job. I can only discount folks. I have nobody who fits the bill better.

It's more money. It's with people I respect. I could enjoy just having one major responsibility. But am I happy about it? Let's just say I don't feel like dancing.

Leaving where I've been for the last eight and a half years doesn't sit well with me. The kicker is I'm not happy where I am. Some folks have helped me the best they can. I think there are feelings of guilt leaving cohorts behind. Things are going to change if I leave, hardest hit will be those who helped me the most.

The Scoop...

Someone tells me "I have the scoop, because I couldn't wait for you. *The barkeep* is twenty-four and they are fake".

I didn't know I was suppose to obtain this information but I knew she was twenty-four.

I was going to deny that I have ever shared information about whether "things" were fake or not, but I remember once the issue about someone else came up and I did share what I had known ...but I heard those were real.

One day the guy next to me, asked, point blank "Are those real?" to a different barkeep. The answer given was 100%. And, I believed it. I still believe it.

Here's how the prior story went.

"I wonder if those are real"
"They're real", I said
"How do you know?"
"She let me feel 'em"

Which ain't such a wholesome answer, come to think of it.

Wholesome...

So, I'm no longer wholesome.

wholesome adj.

1. Conducive to sound health or well-being; salutary: simple, wholesome food; a wholesome climate.
2. Promoting mental, moral, or social health: wholesome entertainment.
3. Sound; healthy.

I wish I could say I never was, wholesome that is, but I know that to be untrue.

I wish I could say I didn't care that my wholesomeness level has waned.

I wish I could say that I don't worry that I have succumbed to unwholesomeness.

There are still lines that I haven't crossed but others I have bounded over.

succumb intr.v

1. To submit to an overpowering force or yield to an overwhelming desire; give up or give in.
2. To die

Those definitions, as are all the definitions which I include, are for me, hard, fast, unchanging.

Do I promote mental, moral, or social health, in myself or in others?

For good or bad, the answer maybe memorialized in this very space.

Perhaps, maybe is not the most correct adverb.

But, wholesomeness is for suckers, isn't it?

Change.

“You’re no longer good and wholesome”
“Maybe, I never was wholesome” I replied
“No, you were. That’s why I liked you”
“Maybe, I kept stuff hid”
“I think you’ve changed, …but I still like you”

Time...

So, I'm sitting in a public place, sitting because I don't feel like doing anything else and these three teenagers end up standing next to me and one of them asks if I have a watch.

I thought about saying "Yeah" but instead I looked at my watch and said quarter past one. There was silence for a moment then one teenager asked another teenager "What does that mean?". The answer given by the one that originally asked was one forty five. So I said "Actually it's one fifteen, ...sorry".

I worry..

So the cellie rings once and I pick it up and the phone shuts off, like it does sometimes. So, I think "shit".

I have this big worry that someday I'm going to miss a call and it's going to screw up people's lives.

Anyway, I did get a glimpse at the number calling me, only the last two digits though and I know two people who have those last two numerals. My first try was wrong but the second was right on.

It was Little g, she asked where I was, she called three times. The r.e. office has a metal roof which isn't always cell phone friendly.

I got the goods...

A fellow worker comes into my domain and asks for a sticky back, which I take to mean a Post-it Note. I offer him two sizes. He tells me that I'm important to the department and that he comes to me when he needs something because he knows I'll have it. He's sort of joking or at least I think he is.

"If I'm so important, show me in the paycheck"
"Some things are more valuable than a paycheck"
"Yes, some things are worth more than dollars and cents" I agreed
"Just to let you know, I appreciate you"
"Hey, thanks for letting me know, now I feel better"
"Sometimes, there is not enough good things said about people"
"Yes, there are too many kicks in the ass and not enough pats on the backs"
my cube neighbor acknowledged this little pearl of wisdom with a Hmmph, so I let him know he could use that if he wished.

I added the s onto back because I was trying to rhyme with ass. Hey, I was just being a smart ass. It was off the cuff what do you expect.

Anyway, alliteration is my inclination.

I have no time to figure rhyme.

I give a hoot I don't pollute.

Two full days...more on the ways...

Two full days of rain and I'm tired of it. A third is on the way, then more next week.

I was driving near one of my hangouts so I figured I would swing by to see if they had any customers because this rain sucks, and I hadn't seen the barkeep since forever because she works Tues and Thurs nights which are the nights I work so I miss her. Anyway, I don't stop because I can look in and see she doing okay with patrons so she really doesn't need my tipping. I would have stopped if I could have sat at the bar but I didn't see any seats and I really didn't want to park the truck and get wet.

I'm only so much of a hero.

I'm really having trouble with my typing and I hadn't any drinks. Maybe a few would have straightened me out.

Someone's gotta..

So, I'm at the r.e. office and I'm left a bill for a special ad that ran. Special ads are part of what I do and I actually knew this ad which I didn't do ran awhile ago. I was a little pissed that I was not asked to do it, anyway, I see the folded ad attached to the bill and notice it's the same ad as last year, so I don't fell so bad. But, I unfold the folded ad and notice that there had been a revision. A revision in a font height that is too large for the rest of the page as well as being uncentered and lopsided.

Oh, well.

I have more here on my desk than I wish to do.

Oh, well.

So, I'm listening to Rodney Crowell's cd, his newest, the other day, and I'm asked "Is that Rodney Crowell?!", and I say "Yeah, you got a problem with that?" and I'm told "No, I think someone should listen to him".

I'm listening to him now.

She was Irish Spanish mixbreed I was southeast Texas hayseed
..
Cool as a rule you don't learn in no school
You don't brown nose the teacher from the dunce cap stool.
..
The funny feelin' comes around when you're in love with everyone
and all your races have been run or laid to rest
Get this freakin' anvil off my chest
Come on funny feelin'

yeah, I know...

I got holes in both my shoes and a guitar full of blues and a one way ticket to Birmingham.

Only half of one of those things is true. There is a hole in my left shoe. This hole, more of a split in the sole, likes to lap up the rainwater.

That's a line from a song and when I first heard it I thought the guitar was full of booze which is probably better than the blues when you got holes in yo shoes.

Ever google your name? I got a blast from the past. On the neusfa.org site, a top ten finish mention for the 1998 Pomme de Terre, which is probably New England's biggest and best fencing event. I forgot I finished that high that year. I remember finishing sixth one year, I have a medal to prove it.

I rocked in 98.

...
Sheesh, I can't even rate a mention in the company phone directory there are even a couple dead folks listed.

Looking busy, busy looking...

I “tossed some peanuts” yesterday, while I was soaking in the rain. This project I’m working on has me in the field making decisions and writing stuff, sometimes I have to wait for others finish their part. While waiting, sometimes I’ll scrape the stickers of the street furniture but there are no stickers to scrape, so I stand/walk around doing my best to look busy.

I run out of all my busy looks, I really don’t have a lot of them, but during my looking busy, I passed a panhandler twice. It’s raining lightly and he looks like a good guy, just down on his luck so I do my best to peel off two singles without being noticed. I don’t mind strangers catching me passing money to those in need but I’ll be damned if I let my co-workers catch me.

So, I have the singles hidden and my hand and slip them into his cup while I mention the weather. I make like I’m just talking about the weather and not trying to slip him money because as much as I dislike talking about the weather it’s better than acknowledging that this guy is down on his luck. The guy plays along tells me the forecast, I look him in the eye, he’s doing alright, he’s doing his best with what he’s got, he’s alright with it, so so am I.

Without looking, he relocates the bills to his pocket. My message of desiring avoidance has been received.

He reminds me of some guy who used to hire me to mow his lawn, the guy remembered always gave me more than I asked. If I didn’t take it he’d mail it to the house and then I would feel like an ass that I caused this guy to go through the effort of mailing me stuff, so now I just take that hand-off/hand-out. My foolish pride is not worth the effort of mailing cash to my home address.

The guy remembered widowed his wife.

I wish this new guy good luck. And thank the guy remembered.

CAUTION - another squirrel story...

The other day, I had some time before I had to leave the house for work so I sat down and put my feet up. As soon as the feet were up I was worrying about a loaf of Pepperidge Farm bread that I had bought a couple days before for the purpose of toasting but I hadn’t made time for toasting any of it. Pepperidge Farm white bread is the best for toasting, without a doubt. Anyway, I’m trying to calculate the life span of the loaf and my toast consuming abilities and I fear the two don’t jive. I will have to throw some bread away. And there I was sitting with my feet up while I should have been eating toast.

So today I guilted myself into eating toast, I had a banana too, with a cup o’ joe.

I’m sitting there at the kitchen table and look out onto the second day of rain and notice one of my squirrel friends all wet. I have a banana to eat so I tell my buddy he’s own his own, no peanuts today and feel a little guilt. Then this other squirrel shows up, he looks in rough shape, he’s loosing his tail hair, he doesn’t look good at all, and I swear he’s looking right at me from his little top of the post seat. So I look at the clock, look at the squirrel, look at the peanuts, I cannot really make a case that I don’t have the time to toss some peanuts out the window, and the damn peanuts are right there.

So I’m tossing peanuts so I might as well toss a bunch, so I toss a bunch.