Missing...

Yesterday, I took the day off from mostly all working anywhere. I was in the yard reading a book for the greater portion of it.

I got word that the neighbors wanted to talk to someone about cutting down a tree, that someone was me.

So to my driveway, posthaste, I went,
before in my truck, they put a dent.

"We would like to cut down this tree here" followed by several good reasons.
I said "It was going to come down anyway, I just do not have the motivation to do it right now"
"Well, we have the motivation"
"Well, you're welcome to it" I replied and stepped back

What I witnessed next where two men, who are also lovers, discuss what their plans were with a few honey and sweeties thrown in. I was in disagreement with most of what I heard and saw but for the most part the plan would work without too much of a risk of injury.

With the help of me yanking on a rope the tree fell neatly into my driveway. A little bit of a spat ensued and I was told I was no longer needed and that they would clean up. I left informing them that they knew were to find me, and they cleaned up quite nicely.
...
The niece was also over and I would love to find out the beat she composed in her 18 month old head that caused her to sing and dance.
...
After I let the neighbors take down one of my trees, I sat for a bit doing nothing but thinking. Thinking that I miss doing great things, things that inspire awe. The things themselves don't necessarily need to be great, sometimes just the timing of a thing makes it great. I used to keep an eye out to do things of merit, just because they needed to be done. Somewhere along the way I stopped. Well, I actually didn't completely stop looking, I just stopped a lot of the doing.

I usually didn't know during the doing of a thing that it would be noteworthy or not but I would seize upon something, get an idea, do the right thing and greatness would follow.

It was usually never a solitude event, most often I was helping someone else out so it wasn't for my own glory, but I miss it.

I want it back.

I'm not too far removed from things, I'm still in the game, I just need to get more at bats.

And that was yesterday, and today I still miss the great things. So my quest is to be great again, even greater than I was. Those who were witness to the me of the past talk about deeds in the past. Those who know me in the present don't talk about any of my deeds.

I'm not looking for the praise of man, I want the peace I get knowing that I will be doing what I can. Whether I think the results are worth it or not. My greatness comes to me in hindsight so I need to stop thinking about the future results and focus on the present doings.

Maybe greatness is too much of an exaggeration but some of my past is worthy of note.

Maybe that is part of my problem. My past haunts me not for the bad I have done but for the good I'm not doing. I've have made myself busy to have an excuse to avoid some things. Maybe its those things that bring me joy.

I'm told I've changed, I want to change back.