"What?! Are you going to tell me that I won't because I never have when I've said it in the past, like you always do?"

"I didn't hear what you said."

"I said I'm going to die."

"Do whatever you want but I think you're a survivor."

…

"Help me play a joke on her," I said as I pointed with my chin to her sister.

"What's the joke?"

"I have a frog in my pocket—" I said which caused her got this excited look on her face, "…it’s not a real frog. It's a wooded frog magnet. I'm going to give it to you but sometime tonight give it to her."

She nodded in agreement. I was sitting at the end of the bar by the taps so when her sister came by, I started my show.

"Bridget, you're right I was ignoring you at lunch so to make it up to you I got you something."

"Oh, you did?" She had trouble opening the bag using one hand because she had a fork in the other but one she opened it she held it up and pulled the sting that made its legs spring out.

I was watching her sister who was getting made and twice wanted to say something but didn't. She wouldn't even look at me. Bridget then stepped behind her and mouthed "Oh my God." I smiled and turned away before I laughed.

"Timmy can I give it to her?"

"It's in your hands."

"No! I don't want it. He bought it for you. It's yours," Lauren said as Bridget passed the frog beneath the taps.

"He bought it for you—"

"I just thought it would be funny to give Bridget a frog in front of you because I know you like frogs."

"You like frogs?"

"Yeaaah, I like frogs!"

My buddy left for the men's room and Bridget left to wait on a table. I was sitting quiet because I didn't know if I had went too far when I heard a quiet "Thanks for my frog."


I'm an asshole sometimes because I think it's funny.