The thing is...

"The thing is' is just a longer version of the way I open up a dialog with the word 'so.'

So, the thing is that I know I'm more virtuous then I like to believe. So, even though I will sometimes kick the crap out of myself, deep inside I know it's mostly baseless.

See ya at the strip club.

...

She was the first girl that I had a crush on who was close to my own age. I found perfection in her imperfection. A slight overbite. A little cockeyed. She was taller than the other girls but not by much.

I never did speak to her.

She was sometimes teased. I wanted to be her hero but chivalry took a back seat to my father's instructions of no fighting. And besides, she wasn't in my second grade class and if I were to stick up for her, we would have been married in the eyes of the other seven year olds and I wasn't ready for that type of commitment.