Unfortunately, this is the best me I've got

if we're being honest with each other there is something I think I should tell you.

I sometimes will eat sunflower seeds at my desk

not the shelled ones

the ones with the shells on

I eat then one at a time splitting them open with my front teeth and then I will suck the spit off the shell and either spit or drop the empties into a paper cup

that's not the worst of it

today I was doing such as described

when you eat the seeds one at a time the shell stays hard and sometimes will splinter

sometimes the splinters will shoot to the back of your throat nearly at the place of no return which forces you to do a cat-with-a-hairball routine or you can swallow it wondering if this pointed piece of shell will make it all the way down

well, when that situation arose recently I couldn't get the piece to move forward so I decided to swallow it and take my chances unfortunately I somehow got it to stick into some back part of my tongue, right past the gag reflex spot

That splinter in my tongue was there for two and a half hours


and I don't think I have learned my lesson yet