it’s memorial day
just the latest to be memorialized
“To speak the name of the dead is to make them live again.”
—Ancient Egyptian inscription
Robert
Monday, May 30, 2005
this morning I made coffee grabbed my camera, my phone and my pda and went to the yard. The endless rain has seemed to ended
one neighbor’s tree fell into another neighbor’s yard, well only half the tree fell the other half is still up right. I think it pissed off the resident squirrels, they seemed a little feisty today.
I looked at my memos in the pda and the latest was from April ninth. It read “I’ve been so concerned with the climb that when I reached the summit, I felt uneasy.”
I did a lot of nothing, read a little, ate a little, watched tv and then got restless so I went to the bookstore.
I don’t know why I find a certain amount of solace at the bookstore.
one neighbor’s tree fell into another neighbor’s yard, well only half the tree fell the other half is still up right. I think it pissed off the resident squirrels, they seemed a little feisty today.
I looked at my memos in the pda and the latest was from April ninth. It read “I’ve been so concerned with the climb that when I reached the summit, I felt uneasy.”
I did a lot of nothing, read a little, ate a little, watched tv and then got restless so I went to the bookstore.
I don’t know why I find a certain amount of solace at the bookstore.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
finally mowed all the lawns this past Saturday morning
got the oil changed in the dodge Dakota as well
pretty much called it a day after that and showed up at a favorite place
may presence had been requested
my plan was to hang around a bit and relax but there was trouble, someone was refused entry and took offense
a window broke but management jumped on it right away
at the time I did know but the offended was part of a pub crawl and the offended’s crawl mates took offense too
I noticed the management was taking too long to return so, I went outside, what I saw first - four high performance motorcycles. I got a bad feeling. Next I saw the manager in charge keeping tabs on the one who broke the window and they were both surrounded by quiet a large number of people, people not too keen on what the manager was doing. The commotion was happening in the middle of the street. I stepped from the doorway to the curb. As I got to the curb, the assistant manager grabbed some guy from behind who had just approached the manager from behind and then three guys looked like they were about to rush the assistant manager.
I thought “Shit”
As I was stepping off the curb, I tried to think of the best way to protect everyone. The pub crawlers were all wearing green t-shirts, I counted nine of them in the street and more on the sidewalk. There was too many. I was worried about the mob mentality effect so the first part of my plan was to approach slowly. By the time my foot hit the roadway, things were over, the situation diffused as quickly as it had got ready to explode.
which was good because I really didn’t want to get my ass kicked that day
got the oil changed in the dodge Dakota as well
pretty much called it a day after that and showed up at a favorite place
may presence had been requested
my plan was to hang around a bit and relax but there was trouble, someone was refused entry and took offense
a window broke but management jumped on it right away
at the time I did know but the offended was part of a pub crawl and the offended’s crawl mates took offense too
I noticed the management was taking too long to return so, I went outside, what I saw first - four high performance motorcycles. I got a bad feeling. Next I saw the manager in charge keeping tabs on the one who broke the window and they were both surrounded by quiet a large number of people, people not too keen on what the manager was doing. The commotion was happening in the middle of the street. I stepped from the doorway to the curb. As I got to the curb, the assistant manager grabbed some guy from behind who had just approached the manager from behind and then three guys looked like they were about to rush the assistant manager.
I thought “Shit”
As I was stepping off the curb, I tried to think of the best way to protect everyone. The pub crawlers were all wearing green t-shirts, I counted nine of them in the street and more on the sidewalk. There was too many. I was worried about the mob mentality effect so the first part of my plan was to approach slowly. By the time my foot hit the roadway, things were over, the situation diffused as quickly as it had got ready to explode.
which was good because I really didn’t want to get my ass kicked that day
Friday, May 27, 2005
!
just a warning
if you mill about my cube or my cube area without any real purpose i will get the desire to knife you
if you mill about my cube or my cube area without any real purpose i will get the desire to knife you
Thursday, May 26, 2005
I’m bored waiting on stuff from so-n-so
so
a few days ago I was at the bar having lunch
Danielle said “I was home the other day and saw a nice recipe for Veal Milanese. I think I’ll try that later”
“Whose show was it on” I asked
“I could not make out her name, it was something that began with g”
“Was she kinda hot?”
“Yeah”
“Giada” I said confidently (Gee-ah-duh)
“Yeah, that’s it. I’ll tell you, I'ld like to jump on that”
Danielle's the one on the left in case you forgot
...
so-n-so just basically said he won't be finished tonight so I'll be on call for tomorrow. I guess i won't be doing any memorial shots after work
so
a few days ago I was at the bar having lunch
Danielle said “I was home the other day and saw a nice recipe for Veal Milanese. I think I’ll try that later”
“Whose show was it on” I asked
“I could not make out her name, it was something that began with g”
“Was she kinda hot?”
“Yeah”
“Giada” I said confidently (Gee-ah-duh)
“Yeah, that’s it. I’ll tell you, I'ld like to jump on that”
Danielle's the one on the left in case you forgot
...
so-n-so just basically said he won't be finished tonight so I'll be on call for tomorrow. I guess i won't be doing any memorial shots after work
So, I get to the second job earlier than usual, the owner is there.
Some of the things I need to do get put in her office, mainly so people don’t screw around with it.
I went in to get my stuff. She was on the phone. I glanced in her direction so I could catch her saying hello and noticed she was wearing a skirt with no stockings. The skirt looked like it was on the shortish side. She has been dressing better since the divorce. She’s over forty but she still has a set of legs and I’m all like I gotta work here.
Anyway, I go to my office and do stuff and five minutes later she asks to see me, I went down the stairs and she has this high end proposal in her hands and I notice that the skirt isn’t that short after all but it is a couple inches above the knee, and she tells me some secret stuff and said we need a proposal, we will need five copies, and we are stealing the photos from this and shows me the aforementioned proposal and we need them bound. She then looked me in the eye, I give no reaction other than to say “okay.” “And”, she continued “I need them by tomorrow.” She was still looking me in the eye for a reaction. I just shrugged my shoulders, and asked “Just by tomorrow?” because usually her deadlines are borderline ridiculous. She further tells me that we’re just waiting on so-n-so to bring by about two pages worth of copy.
That was at 7:00 PM it is now 10:40PM and so-n-so just showed up.
Some of the things I need to do get put in her office, mainly so people don’t screw around with it.
I went in to get my stuff. She was on the phone. I glanced in her direction so I could catch her saying hello and noticed she was wearing a skirt with no stockings. The skirt looked like it was on the shortish side. She has been dressing better since the divorce. She’s over forty but she still has a set of legs and I’m all like I gotta work here.
Anyway, I go to my office and do stuff and five minutes later she asks to see me, I went down the stairs and she has this high end proposal in her hands and I notice that the skirt isn’t that short after all but it is a couple inches above the knee, and she tells me some secret stuff and said we need a proposal, we will need five copies, and we are stealing the photos from this and shows me the aforementioned proposal and we need them bound. She then looked me in the eye, I give no reaction other than to say “okay.” “And”, she continued “I need them by tomorrow.” She was still looking me in the eye for a reaction. I just shrugged my shoulders, and asked “Just by tomorrow?” because usually her deadlines are borderline ridiculous. She further tells me that we’re just waiting on so-n-so to bring by about two pages worth of copy.
That was at 7:00 PM it is now 10:40PM and so-n-so just showed up.
so
i rehash everything over in my mind and today in the elevator what pops in is "I don't consider myself a writer" which is what i typed into a comment box over at the anonymous haledjian
which i think is true but the issue i had with that statement is that i write real estate ads, i write a company webpage, i write brochures, i write here - i'll even rewrite stuff people give me
i've had writers i respect tell me what i do is writing
but still, i don't feel like i'm a writer
maybe i don't want to be called a writer because then i'll expect certain things from myself
i rehash everything over in my mind and today in the elevator what pops in is "I don't consider myself a writer" which is what i typed into a comment box over at the anonymous haledjian
which i think is true but the issue i had with that statement is that i write real estate ads, i write a company webpage, i write brochures, i write here - i'll even rewrite stuff people give me
i've had writers i respect tell me what i do is writing
but still, i don't feel like i'm a writer
maybe i don't want to be called a writer because then i'll expect certain things from myself
leftovers - things that didn't make the cut - or things i said 'aw, screw it' to
i don't have to generate sales or hits or readers, i have nothing to live up to, i have no reputation to defend, nothing is expected of myself
...
I love bar food, the cheesy fries, the potato skins, the buffalo wings all that crap that gives me quick satisfaction but there are times when I need to eat off of a nice plate using silverware for a meal that consists of more than just an appetizer
...
my classic at work move
at work I sit with my back to the entrance to my cube and if i notice that someone has just approached to talk to me i'll reach for the phone like i'm about to make a phone call and then 'notice' them with the phone still in my hand and ask them what they want it's usually a short request
timing is key
...
I love bar food, the cheesy fries, the potato skins, the buffalo wings all that crap that gives me quick satisfaction but there are times when I need to eat off of a nice plate using silverware for a meal that consists of more than just an appetizer
...
my classic at work move
at work I sit with my back to the entrance to my cube and if i notice that someone has just approached to talk to me i'll reach for the phone like i'm about to make a phone call and then 'notice' them with the phone still in my hand and ask them what they want it's usually a short request
timing is key
three bucks equals some dough
"what are you doing tonight?"
"i have no plans"
"well, i think it's your turn to drive to New Hampshire and get the tickets"
"ok"
i thought i was going to get a date not a hour and a half round trip drive to a neighboring state.
when the powerball jackpot is over 100 million one of us will drive to get lottery tickets
it's a routine she started. i'm happy waiting for my own state's lottery to get to over 100 million
it was raining, it's been raining since it's stopped snowing, or at least it seems that way
i really wasn't looking forward to the drive but i grabbed some CD's and made the best of it.
i got in the truck, took off my jacket, turned on the heat just a little, the temperature was the high forties and did i mention the rain.
i timed things right, i left as soon as i got home 4:27PM, i was ahead of the rush hour traffic.
the me time was good
a friend won three bucks
i won three bucks too
"i have no plans"
"well, i think it's your turn to drive to New Hampshire and get the tickets"
"ok"
i thought i was going to get a date not a hour and a half round trip drive to a neighboring state.
when the powerball jackpot is over 100 million one of us will drive to get lottery tickets
it's a routine she started. i'm happy waiting for my own state's lottery to get to over 100 million
it was raining, it's been raining since it's stopped snowing, or at least it seems that way
i really wasn't looking forward to the drive but i grabbed some CD's and made the best of it.
i got in the truck, took off my jacket, turned on the heat just a little, the temperature was the high forties and did i mention the rain.
i timed things right, i left as soon as i got home 4:27PM, i was ahead of the rush hour traffic.
the me time was good
a friend won three bucks
i won three bucks too
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
so, i'm not crazy about the gray which is actually called silver but seeing the sidebar all one color all the way down the page does make me happy
previously, the sidebar in my Firefox browser would only be colored in the exposed portion of the opened window
it bothered me but i didn't care enough to fix it
previously, the sidebar in my Firefox browser would only be colored in the exposed portion of the opened window
it bothered me but i didn't care enough to fix it
watchout for that bus
so, i did get the boneless buffalo tenders for lunch
one of my buddies later joined me for lunch
after work we both went back
after work there is a free buffet
first put out were nachos
then boneless buffalo tenders
my buddy then asked how much did i pay at lunch for those and mentioned seven or eight dollars. he then went and fetched himself some. while he was getting them the cook came up from the kitchen, he made this batch extra hot and came up for the show. my buddy starts in on the buffalo chicken and starts what looks like a some performance art piece.
the chicken was hot
i asked if he wanted any water, he couldn't speak. i know water is not the thing to drink in such a case but there was no bread or bread like substitute to offer. once i was certain he wasn't going to die i said "i would pay seven dollars any day just not to do that" and then i asked if i could try a piece. i popped the thing in my mouth and ate it without incident.
it was hot but it wasn't putting-on-a-show-worthy hot.
one of my buddies later joined me for lunch
after work we both went back
after work there is a free buffet
first put out were nachos
then boneless buffalo tenders
my buddy then asked how much did i pay at lunch for those and mentioned seven or eight dollars. he then went and fetched himself some. while he was getting them the cook came up from the kitchen, he made this batch extra hot and came up for the show. my buddy starts in on the buffalo chicken and starts what looks like a some performance art piece.
the chicken was hot
i asked if he wanted any water, he couldn't speak. i know water is not the thing to drink in such a case but there was no bread or bread like substitute to offer. once i was certain he wasn't going to die i said "i would pay seven dollars any day just not to do that" and then i asked if i could try a piece. i popped the thing in my mouth and ate it without incident.
it was hot but it wasn't putting-on-a-show-worthy hot.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
here, here, hear, hear, hair, hair
"Did you hear me bad mouthing you" he asked jokingly
"Yeah, but..."
"And you didn't say anything?"
"Well, I kinda agreed with you"
"Yeah, but..."
"And you didn't say anything?"
"Well, I kinda agreed with you"
i don't have any large psychological problems or at least i don't think i do
but there are sometimes where i can eat the exact same thing for lunch everyday for a month
not only can but do
not only do but want to
sometimes it is BBQ chicken thin crust pizza
sometimes it is a smoke turkey breast with lettuce tomato on dark rye sandwich
sometimes, like now, it is boneless buffalo chicken tenders.
"How would you like them: mild; medium or hot?" I'll be asked if they don't know how eyes likes 'em
I'll say medium even though i like them better hot
just because usually those who get them hot do so because they are trying to prove their manhood
sometimes, i hurt myself with my own judgments which is pretty damn stupid
but there are sometimes where i can eat the exact same thing for lunch everyday for a month
not only can but do
not only do but want to
sometimes it is BBQ chicken thin crust pizza
sometimes it is a smoke turkey breast with lettuce tomato on dark rye sandwich
sometimes, like now, it is boneless buffalo chicken tenders.
"How would you like them: mild; medium or hot?" I'll be asked if they don't know how eyes likes 'em
I'll say medium even though i like them better hot
just because usually those who get them hot do so because they are trying to prove their manhood
sometimes, i hurt myself with my own judgments which is pretty damn stupid
so, i was asked for a favor - cover the desk at 11:30AM
11:30AM comes - i go to the desk
"Now it's not until noon" i was informed
"I'm going to run for a coffee then. Do you want anything?"
the answer - no
it's raining, it's be raining for days and will rain for more days.
I stand by the door and think about making a run for it. "You did say run for a coffee" I think.
I run
When I run back there is this dude looking lost. He says something to me in Spanish.
He wants the train, from the lobby door of where I work one can see the subway station, I move to where there is a direct line of vision and point, but he doesn't quite understand. The station has both the blue line and the green line so i say verde because i'm the catfish verde. (only on the ride in the elevator up do I remember blue is azul)
I'm just glad he didn't ask me where the library was because that's four blocks down the street.
11:30AM comes - i go to the desk
"Now it's not until noon" i was informed
"I'm going to run for a coffee then. Do you want anything?"
the answer - no
it's raining, it's be raining for days and will rain for more days.
I stand by the door and think about making a run for it. "You did say run for a coffee" I think.
I run
When I run back there is this dude looking lost. He says something to me in Spanish.
He wants the train, from the lobby door of where I work one can see the subway station, I move to where there is a direct line of vision and point, but he doesn't quite understand. The station has both the blue line and the green line so i say verde because i'm the catfish verde. (only on the ride in the elevator up do I remember blue is azul)
I'm just glad he didn't ask me where the library was because that's four blocks down the street.
Monday, May 23, 2005
possibly a gratuitous shout out post
later today, if i were to see xtx online, i would probably think about sending her an instant message but then i would think against it because most likely i will be bored with my work day by 10:30am (EST - 7:30 PST) and then i just try to talk to her all day and then she would have to politely tell me to stop bugging her because some people really have to work for a living
and also because if someone were to catch me 'talking' online i would possibly say "screw you, i quit" which really wouldn't be the correct response because it is a very good job i have and there is no reason for me to be bored because all i really have to do is just pick any stack of piled papers on my desk to find something to do
but this is all just speculation because it's only 7:17AM (EST - 4:17AM PST)
or possibly xtx might IM me and she'll say "Hi" and I'll say "Hi" and we'll make some quick small talk and Lady G will call me just like she did when i was talking with Radiohumper, and i might say "sheesh, she did that the other day too, when i was talking to Radiohumper, maybe she can sense another woman" and then xtx might say "She has ESP" and we'll both laugh and laugh and laugh and the convo will be shortish and nobody will be none the wiser and i'll laugh my sinister laugh at how crafty i am
and then i'll be putting away the candy i had purchased earlier in the day when i was buying Sootherbs because I might be getting a cold and i'll notice that the bag contains 33% more and thirty three is xtx's favorite number and i'll snap a shot of it and email it to her because the rumor is that sometimes i'm a nice guy.
and then i'll wonder why i have a hard time commenting on comments left by simpleton, The Anonymous Haledjian, longdays
and then i'll wonder how to put links to:
Bring The Beef even though I've been missing from there for awhile
the detox - the reason I started reading blogs
True Boy - because I don't know why anyone links me, especially her
chicana on the edge
Hun
fighting verse
Lisa's
Unrat
big tanky even though she says she has flown that coop
Speedy
tony pierce who links links like no other
but I'll let you know what really happens later because like i said before it's only 7:17AM
...
there is a five* hour time difference between Boston and Amsterdam just in case you were wondering because I was when Bicyclemark IM'ed me Saturday but I felt like too much of a dumbass to ask
* it's a six hour difference. i am a dumbass
and also because if someone were to catch me 'talking' online i would possibly say "screw you, i quit" which really wouldn't be the correct response because it is a very good job i have and there is no reason for me to be bored because all i really have to do is just pick any stack of piled papers on my desk to find something to do
but this is all just speculation because it's only 7:17AM (EST - 4:17AM PST)
or possibly xtx might IM me and she'll say "Hi" and I'll say "Hi" and we'll make some quick small talk and Lady G will call me just like she did when i was talking with Radiohumper, and i might say "sheesh, she did that the other day too, when i was talking to Radiohumper, maybe she can sense another woman" and then xtx might say "She has ESP" and we'll both laugh and laugh and laugh and the convo will be shortish and nobody will be none the wiser and i'll laugh my sinister laugh at how crafty i am
and then i'll be putting away the candy i had purchased earlier in the day when i was buying Sootherbs because I might be getting a cold and i'll notice that the bag contains 33% more and thirty three is xtx's favorite number and i'll snap a shot of it and email it to her because the rumor is that sometimes i'm a nice guy.
and then i'll wonder why i have a hard time commenting on comments left by simpleton, The Anonymous Haledjian, longdays
and then i'll wonder how to put links to:
Bring The Beef even though I've been missing from there for awhile
the detox - the reason I started reading blogs
True Boy - because I don't know why anyone links me, especially her
chicana on the edge
Hun
fighting verse
Lisa's
Unrat
big tanky even though she says she has flown that coop
Speedy
tony pierce who links links like no other
but I'll let you know what really happens later because like i said before it's only 7:17AM
...
there is a five* hour time difference between Boston and Amsterdam just in case you were wondering because I was when Bicyclemark IM'ed me Saturday but I felt like too much of a dumbass to ask
* it's a six hour difference. i am a dumbass
how big is a step? depends on the stepper, i guess
there are times i'll be standing on the yellow safety line and think of how instantly a life can end because i'll be either looking down the tunnel at the oncoming train or down at the third rail
just a little bump
just a little stumble
just a little step
that's when I go stand by the wall
and wonder how many want to take that little step
just a little bump
just a little stumble
just a little step
that's when I go stand by the wall
and wonder how many want to take that little step
"You let people take advantage of you"
we've had this discussion before
"I don't see it that way"
"How do you see it?"
"I see it as helping folks out"
"but that help never gets returned"
that statement isn't true and that statement wouldn't matter even if it were true.
she doesn't get
I help because I can and if I need help in return, it's there if I need it.
...
"Why aren't you doing things like this for money?" she asked after i gave her something handmade.
because i can't work for myself, i've done that. it doesn't work for me
and there are few people i would actually work for
also, with money comes obligation, with money you have to do a thing
...
i work two jobs and there are times when i don't like either of them but i stay at both because i don't need both, working the two gives me an out. if things get really bad i can say adios to either job and make do at the other.
but if i were ever to quit one, i'm certain i would hate the other even more because i wouldn't have an out.
we've had this discussion before
"I don't see it that way"
"How do you see it?"
"I see it as helping folks out"
"but that help never gets returned"
that statement isn't true and that statement wouldn't matter even if it were true.
she doesn't get
I help because I can and if I need help in return, it's there if I need it.
...
"Why aren't you doing things like this for money?" she asked after i gave her something handmade.
because i can't work for myself, i've done that. it doesn't work for me
and there are few people i would actually work for
also, with money comes obligation, with money you have to do a thing
...
i work two jobs and there are times when i don't like either of them but i stay at both because i don't need both, working the two gives me an out. if things get really bad i can say adios to either job and make do at the other.
but if i were ever to quit one, i'm certain i would hate the other even more because i wouldn't have an out.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
I do good, sometimes
I usually get a smile, a real smile, I welcome them, that night I got a phoney one. It was a good try but I could tell she wasn’t having a good day.
She was working upstairs, I’ve only been upstairs twice, I’m a downstairs type of guy, before I left I went upstairs. Walking up the stairs I notice a couple of the barkeeps hanging out in some no public zone. I asked “Is this where the cool kids hang out” I was told “No, this is where the professional cocksuckers hang out.” Good to know, I thought.
The one I went to see poked her head and smiled for real this time upon seeing me.
“You want a shot?”
“Will it make you happy?”
“Yes”
“Then I’ll do a shot”
I walked to the front of the bar and she started pouring shots for me, herself and the ‘professional cocksuckers’
“I came up because it looked like you were having a bad day”
“I was”
“Anything I can do?’
she actually thought for a moment, interrupting her shot pouring and then said a quiet “No” and then finished pouring.
we did our shots at the bar, she delivered the rest to the professionals.
“How many of those do I get to pay for?” I asked
she held up hand with her forefinger and thumb making a circle and looked through it at me and then said “none.”
someone then asked for four draft beers, she poured and then placed them in front of the guy. Then he started trying to figure out how he was going to carry four draft beers in plastic cups to where he was going. He asked for a tray. “We don’t have trays up here” he was told. He then tried to do some configuring of the cups but he couldn’t figure it out.
“I’ll help you carry them” I said
he didn’t want my help but he didn’t want to leave any beers at the bar either, I had just given him a different problem to solve.
there was a pause.
“He’s a good guy” the barkeep told. I’m not certain whether she was assuring the guy that my help was good or if she was making excuses on why I was interjecting myself into his dilemma
he let me help
I said goodbye and then left but then returned with a three dozen cookies from the Chipyard, a dozen of which were the oatmeal raisin chocolate chip kind, which I know are her favorites.
Sometimes, I am a good guy
She was working upstairs, I’ve only been upstairs twice, I’m a downstairs type of guy, before I left I went upstairs. Walking up the stairs I notice a couple of the barkeeps hanging out in some no public zone. I asked “Is this where the cool kids hang out” I was told “No, this is where the professional cocksuckers hang out.” Good to know, I thought.
The one I went to see poked her head and smiled for real this time upon seeing me.
“You want a shot?”
“Will it make you happy?”
“Yes”
“Then I’ll do a shot”
I walked to the front of the bar and she started pouring shots for me, herself and the ‘professional cocksuckers’
“I came up because it looked like you were having a bad day”
“I was”
“Anything I can do?’
she actually thought for a moment, interrupting her shot pouring and then said a quiet “No” and then finished pouring.
we did our shots at the bar, she delivered the rest to the professionals.
“How many of those do I get to pay for?” I asked
she held up hand with her forefinger and thumb making a circle and looked through it at me and then said “none.”
someone then asked for four draft beers, she poured and then placed them in front of the guy. Then he started trying to figure out how he was going to carry four draft beers in plastic cups to where he was going. He asked for a tray. “We don’t have trays up here” he was told. He then tried to do some configuring of the cups but he couldn’t figure it out.
“I’ll help you carry them” I said
he didn’t want my help but he didn’t want to leave any beers at the bar either, I had just given him a different problem to solve.
there was a pause.
“He’s a good guy” the barkeep told. I’m not certain whether she was assuring the guy that my help was good or if she was making excuses on why I was interjecting myself into his dilemma
he let me help
I said goodbye and then left but then returned with a three dozen cookies from the Chipyard, a dozen of which were the oatmeal raisin chocolate chip kind, which I know are her favorites.
Sometimes, I am a good guy
Friday, May 20, 2005
7:19AM
if it weren't 7:19AM and I wasn't just about to leave my house and it was really 1:12PM and I was already in work for 5 hours and eleven minutes I would so want to leave right now
really
but it's only 7:19AM
so no worries
really
but it's only 7:19AM
so no worries
circus peanuts
"Circus Peanuts?! I don't like Circus Peanuts."
"Who doesn't like Circus Peanuts?!"
which was a stupid question because he had just told me who
"Who doesn't like Circus Peanuts?!"
which was a stupid question because he had just told me who
new, newish, newest
so, yeah she did get me a little hot and bothered while talking to me on my work phone, I'm sure her talking while she was getting a pedicure had something to do with the hotness of d' situation.
I changed the subject then was asked to get four new ten dollar bills.
fifteen minutes later, I called her back
"I can't find new ten's but I have four ten's that look almost new"
"I need new ten's"
"Nobody has them. I went to five different banks" - I lied it was four banks and my credit union.
"I'll find them. They are usually some place that you don't expect, like CVS or something"
"awe-right" I said doubtfully "So I can spend these four ten's?"
"Yup"
"Great!"
I changed the subject then was asked to get four new ten dollar bills.
fifteen minutes later, I called her back
"I can't find new ten's but I have four ten's that look almost new"
"I need new ten's"
"Nobody has them. I went to five different banks" - I lied it was four banks and my credit union.
"I'll find them. They are usually some place that you don't expect, like CVS or something"
"awe-right" I said doubtfully "So I can spend these four ten's?"
"Yup"
"Great!"
um and yeah
it seems all i have is stories from the bar
it seems i've been at the bar every weekday for two weeks straight
i finished that custom money holder card at the request of Lady G, she wasn't at home when i left it by her door
i haven't actually set eyes on her in over three weeks
i should take either tuesday or wednesday off next week just so we can hang out
but i probably won't
panic at the R.E. office. i would love it if we would get a real IT guy instead of some faker like me. i would rather worry about ad layouts than network problems. i would rather worry about brochure design than interoffice email.
"I dump everything on you" - the owner
(i call her a boss sometimes but she is more of a friend)
i just shrugged my shoulders, because who else is there?
an old employee was by the office last night, her sister and sister-in-law are both back to working at the office.
"Hey!" i said let her in the locked front door because it was after hours. i haven't seen her in over six years.
"Hi. I'm surprised to see you still here."
where else do i have to go?
Radiohumper asked if my ridiculousness comes naturally.
yup
her question made me laugh.
i am ridiculous but she and others read me anyway.
ridiculously yours,
Tim
it seems i've been at the bar every weekday for two weeks straight
i finished that custom money holder card at the request of Lady G, she wasn't at home when i left it by her door
i haven't actually set eyes on her in over three weeks
i should take either tuesday or wednesday off next week just so we can hang out
but i probably won't
panic at the R.E. office. i would love it if we would get a real IT guy instead of some faker like me. i would rather worry about ad layouts than network problems. i would rather worry about brochure design than interoffice email.
"I dump everything on you" - the owner
(i call her a boss sometimes but she is more of a friend)
i just shrugged my shoulders, because who else is there?
an old employee was by the office last night, her sister and sister-in-law are both back to working at the office.
"Hey!" i said let her in the locked front door because it was after hours. i haven't seen her in over six years.
"Hi. I'm surprised to see you still here."
where else do i have to go?
Radiohumper asked if my ridiculousness comes naturally.
yup
her question made me laugh.
i am ridiculous but she and others read me anyway.
ridiculously yours,
Tim
Thursday, May 19, 2005
I don't think I'm keeping them all that well
I was probably on my way to ‘you’re-going-to-be-sorry-tomorrow-ville’ when she came over and asked how I was getting home.
“the train”
“the train? where?”
“South Station”
“That’s kinda far isn’t it?”
“I think the walk will do me good”
“Well, I’m taking a cab if you want to join me for the ride”
I paused because I was trying to think on how to say that I really really think that the walk will do me good and that I don’t want to chance vomiting in a cab.
She saw the wheels turning so she continued
“Don’t worry. I won’t try to seduce you. You keep your morals. That’s important. I just want you to get home safe. Let me know later”
“the train”
“the train? where?”
“South Station”
“That’s kinda far isn’t it?”
“I think the walk will do me good”
“Well, I’m taking a cab if you want to join me for the ride”
I paused because I was trying to think on how to say that I really really think that the walk will do me good and that I don’t want to chance vomiting in a cab.
She saw the wheels turning so she continued
“Don’t worry. I won’t try to seduce you. You keep your morals. That’s important. I just want you to get home safe. Let me know later”
"could be"
she was sitting on the cooler where the bottled beer is kept, talking to me when she stands up quick turns half way from me and does her best to look at her own ass, which is now pointed mostly at me.
Me – I look too.
“Is my ass wet?”
me – I look to see. And then I realize that I’m staring at her ass. I usually try not to stare at their asses or their chests because they get that enough from others.
“Is this some trick to get me to check out your ass?” I asked.
she looked me in the eye and smiled as gave me a wink while she said “Could be”
Me – I look too.
“Is my ass wet?”
me – I look to see. And then I realize that I’m staring at her ass. I usually try not to stare at their asses or their chests because they get that enough from others.
“Is this some trick to get me to check out your ass?” I asked.
she looked me in the eye and smiled as gave me a wink while she said “Could be”
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
I so maxed out Simpleton's voice mail
sorry simpleton
here's the transcript of what I was reading or rather trying to read
Greencatfish: pssst
Ttothe33: hihihihihi
Greencatfish: I'm working
Ttothe33: SHHH
Ttothe33: HI
Ttothe33: HI TIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Greencatfish: hi
Ttothe33: yay!!!!
Ttothe33: :-)
Ttothe33: worky worky!
Ttothe33: me too!
Ttothe33: it's 7 fuckin am!
Ttothe33: kill me now!
Ttothe33: how mr tim???
Greencatfish: I'm good I was just looking how to shut off this sounds
Ttothe33: oh...go under preferences
Ttothe33: its on your buddy list menu..not this window menu
Ttothe33: setup
Greencatfish: thanks
Greencatfish: it's quiet noe I think
Greencatfish: now
Ttothe33: setup/preferences
Ttothe33: is this yer first IM?
Greencatfish: other than the one I sent to myself last night, yes
Ttothe33: oh wow!!!!!
Ttothe33: im so excited!!!
Greencatfish: oh and other than when I was on AOL
Ttothe33: right!
Greencatfish: this could be dangerous for me
Ttothe33: haha
Greencatfish: but I like to live on the edge
Ttothe33: hahaha
Ttothe33: you do
Ttothe33: i can tell
Ttothe33: mr poker man
Greencatfish: that's was bad but I had money to lose and I ummm did just that
Ttothe33: yay!!!
Ttothe33: i mean, oh no
Ttothe33: too bad
Ttothe33: :-)
Ttothe33: you dont have much of an accent on aim
Ttothe33: i miss the accent
Greencatfish: I've been meaning to call simpleton but I keep on chickening out
Ttothe33: why?
Ttothe33: i am the biggest chicken and i did it!!!
Greencatfish: nothing to say I guess
Ttothe33: make shit up
Ttothe33: read from a book
Greencatfish: I just might do that
Ttothe33: i almost did
Greencatfish: Green eggs and ham maybe
Ttothe33: YES!!!!
Ttothe33: OR FOX IN SOX!
Greencatfish: hop on pop
Ttothe33: hop on pop is GAY!
Ttothe33: FOX IN SOX IS BADASS!
Ttothe33: OR THE LORAX
Greencatfish: I thought horton was somewhat gay too
Ttothe33: dont diss my horton
Ttothe33: i love horton
Ttothe33: he saved that bitch's egg
Ttothe33: she was super mean
Ttothe33: and he saved her dang egg
Greencatfish: that's true
Ttothe33: take it back
Greencatfish: one can be both gay and nice but I take it back
Ttothe33: hahahahaha
Ttothe33: true
Ttothe33: i've known gay nice people
Ttothe33: so, now, i take it back
Greencatfish: so we both learned something today
Ttothe33: did we?
Greencatfish: at least admitted to it
Ttothe33: ha
Ttothe33: hi tim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Greencatfish: helloooo tracy
Ttothe33: :-)
Ttothe33: call simpleton and recite this AIM convo
Ttothe33: hahahaha
Ttothe33: you can do a falsetto for me
Greencatfish: I just copied it
Ttothe33: hahaha
Ttothe33: that would be funny
Ttothe33: can i ask you a personal question?
Greencatfish: sure
Ttothe33: how old are you
Ttothe33: ?
Greencatfish: 38 - 10/11/66
Ttothe33: 10/11? that's kinda cool
Greencatfish: I play those numbers during keno sometimes
Ttothe33: yeah, my bday is 7/10 and it's a split bet on roulette ...iplay that one
Greencatfish: cool
Greencatfish: my boss' birthday is the same - boss at the R.E. but she was born in 54
Ttothe33: wow
Ttothe33: my bosses bday is in june
Ttothe33: um...and i dont care
Ttothe33: just kidding
Greencatfish: so plush toy makers get a jump on the day?
Ttothe33: THIS toy maker does!
Ttothe33: i work 7-4
Ttothe33: makes doing after school stuff with the kids, like practices and homework, easier
Greencatfish: I used to work a 7 to 3 shift and loved it there was enough of day left to still do whatever
Ttothe33: right
Greencatfish: i'm 8 to 4 now
Ttothe33: lucky!
Greencatfish: isn't that a nine hour day?
Ttothe33: no
Ttothe33: is it?
Ttothe33: ::counting on fingers:::
Ttothe33: that's like 8
Greencatfish: I have extra fingers sorry
Ttothe33: ew
Ttothe33: really?
Greencatfish: I wish
Greencatfish: no sir
Ttothe33: that would be cool
Ttothe33: maybe
Greencatfish: you would have to wear mittens all the time instead of gloves
Ttothe33: oh...true
Ttothe33: never woulda thought of that
Ttothe33: it might be confusing when you flip people off
Ttothe33: they might not quite know you were mad
Greencatfish: true
Ttothe33: but maybe your girlfriend would be happier
Ttothe33: hee hee
Greencatfish: has my girlfriend be saying she is unhappy again?
Ttothe33: hahah
Ttothe33: no
Ttothe33: she loves you
Greencatfish: but then who doesn't
Ttothe33: true!!!
Ttothe33: i heart green catfish
Greencatfish: I heart xtx but i'm just one in a crowd
Ttothe33: but you are a SPECIAL one!!!
Ttothe33: yay!
Greencatfish: yay, indeed
Ttothe33: indeed!!!!
Ttothe33: super....
Ttothe33: I LOVED WHEN YOU ATE A SUNFLOWER SEED!
Greencatfish: i thought that was so stupid it would be funny
Ttothe33: it was!!!
Ttothe33: my kind of humor!
Ttothe33: so i did my stupid sig roy thingie film
Ttothe33: yay!
Ttothe33: equally lame!
Greencatfish: i thought we agreed you outlamed me. you can say it. i know you want to
Ttothe33: hahahaha
Ttothe33: we were EQUALLY LAME!
Ttothe33: I SWEAR
Greencatfish: thank you
Ttothe33: :-)
Ttothe33: im hungry
Greencatfish: any bagel bites to steal?
Ttothe33: none at all
Ttothe33: :-(
Ttothe33: but i have to run downstairs to get orders
Greencatfish: okay
Ttothe33: so, i regret, but i must leave you
Ttothe33: :-(
Ttothe33: a hundred sad faces to you
Ttothe33: :-(
Greencatfish: i'll try to carry on
Ttothe33: please try
Ttothe33: know that i would aim all day if i could
Ttothe33: aim me later !
Ttothe33: i'll add you to my buddy list
Greencatfish: sure and thanks, buddy
Ttothe33: hee
Ttothe33: yay!
Ttothe33: (i say yay a lot)
Ttothe33: (even in real life)
Greencatfish: yay, dude
Ttothe33: lol
Ttothe33: dork!
Ttothe33: k
Ttothe33: i'm gonna run
Ttothe33: smooches!
Ttothe33: call simpleton!
Greencatfish: okay
Ttothe33: :-D
Ttothe33: ttyl
here's the transcript of what I was reading or rather trying to read
Greencatfish: pssst
Ttothe33: hihihihihi
Greencatfish: I'm working
Ttothe33: SHHH
Ttothe33: HI
Ttothe33: HI TIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Greencatfish: hi
Ttothe33: yay!!!!
Ttothe33: :-)
Ttothe33: worky worky!
Ttothe33: me too!
Ttothe33: it's 7 fuckin am!
Ttothe33: kill me now!
Ttothe33: how mr tim???
Greencatfish: I'm good I was just looking how to shut off this sounds
Ttothe33: oh...go under preferences
Ttothe33: its on your buddy list menu..not this window menu
Ttothe33: setup
Greencatfish: thanks
Greencatfish: it's quiet noe I think
Greencatfish: now
Ttothe33: setup/preferences
Ttothe33: is this yer first IM?
Greencatfish: other than the one I sent to myself last night, yes
Ttothe33: oh wow!!!!!
Ttothe33: im so excited!!!
Greencatfish: oh and other than when I was on AOL
Ttothe33: right!
Greencatfish: this could be dangerous for me
Ttothe33: haha
Greencatfish: but I like to live on the edge
Ttothe33: hahaha
Ttothe33: you do
Ttothe33: i can tell
Ttothe33: mr poker man
Greencatfish: that's was bad but I had money to lose and I ummm did just that
Ttothe33: yay!!!
Ttothe33: i mean, oh no
Ttothe33: too bad
Ttothe33: :-)
Ttothe33: you dont have much of an accent on aim
Ttothe33: i miss the accent
Greencatfish: I've been meaning to call simpleton but I keep on chickening out
Ttothe33: why?
Ttothe33: i am the biggest chicken and i did it!!!
Greencatfish: nothing to say I guess
Ttothe33: make shit up
Ttothe33: read from a book
Greencatfish: I just might do that
Ttothe33: i almost did
Greencatfish: Green eggs and ham maybe
Ttothe33: YES!!!!
Ttothe33: OR FOX IN SOX!
Greencatfish: hop on pop
Ttothe33: hop on pop is GAY!
Ttothe33: FOX IN SOX IS BADASS!
Ttothe33: OR THE LORAX
Greencatfish: I thought horton was somewhat gay too
Ttothe33: dont diss my horton
Ttothe33: i love horton
Ttothe33: he saved that bitch's egg
Ttothe33: she was super mean
Ttothe33: and he saved her dang egg
Greencatfish: that's true
Ttothe33: take it back
Greencatfish: one can be both gay and nice but I take it back
Ttothe33: hahahahaha
Ttothe33: true
Ttothe33: i've known gay nice people
Ttothe33: so, now, i take it back
Greencatfish: so we both learned something today
Ttothe33: did we?
Greencatfish: at least admitted to it
Ttothe33: ha
Ttothe33: hi tim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Greencatfish: helloooo tracy
Ttothe33: :-)
Ttothe33: call simpleton and recite this AIM convo
Ttothe33: hahahaha
Ttothe33: you can do a falsetto for me
Greencatfish: I just copied it
Ttothe33: hahaha
Ttothe33: that would be funny
Ttothe33: can i ask you a personal question?
Greencatfish: sure
Ttothe33: how old are you
Ttothe33: ?
Greencatfish: 38 - 10/11/66
Ttothe33: 10/11? that's kinda cool
Greencatfish: I play those numbers during keno sometimes
Ttothe33: yeah, my bday is 7/10 and it's a split bet on roulette ...iplay that one
Greencatfish: cool
Greencatfish: my boss' birthday is the same - boss at the R.E. but she was born in 54
Ttothe33: wow
Ttothe33: my bosses bday is in june
Ttothe33: um...and i dont care
Ttothe33: just kidding
Greencatfish: so plush toy makers get a jump on the day?
Ttothe33: THIS toy maker does!
Ttothe33: i work 7-4
Ttothe33: makes doing after school stuff with the kids, like practices and homework, easier
Greencatfish: I used to work a 7 to 3 shift and loved it there was enough of day left to still do whatever
Ttothe33: right
Greencatfish: i'm 8 to 4 now
Ttothe33: lucky!
Greencatfish: isn't that a nine hour day?
Ttothe33: no
Ttothe33: is it?
Ttothe33: ::counting on fingers:::
Ttothe33: that's like 8
Greencatfish: I have extra fingers sorry
Ttothe33: ew
Ttothe33: really?
Greencatfish: I wish
Greencatfish: no sir
Ttothe33: that would be cool
Ttothe33: maybe
Greencatfish: you would have to wear mittens all the time instead of gloves
Ttothe33: oh...true
Ttothe33: never woulda thought of that
Ttothe33: it might be confusing when you flip people off
Ttothe33: they might not quite know you were mad
Greencatfish: true
Ttothe33: but maybe your girlfriend would be happier
Ttothe33: hee hee
Greencatfish: has my girlfriend be saying she is unhappy again?
Ttothe33: hahah
Ttothe33: no
Ttothe33: she loves you
Greencatfish: but then who doesn't
Ttothe33: true!!!
Ttothe33: i heart green catfish
Greencatfish: I heart xtx but i'm just one in a crowd
Ttothe33: but you are a SPECIAL one!!!
Ttothe33: yay!
Greencatfish: yay, indeed
Ttothe33: indeed!!!!
Ttothe33: super....
Ttothe33: I LOVED WHEN YOU ATE A SUNFLOWER SEED!
Greencatfish: i thought that was so stupid it would be funny
Ttothe33: it was!!!
Ttothe33: my kind of humor!
Ttothe33: so i did my stupid sig roy thingie film
Ttothe33: yay!
Ttothe33: equally lame!
Greencatfish: i thought we agreed you outlamed me. you can say it. i know you want to
Ttothe33: hahahaha
Ttothe33: we were EQUALLY LAME!
Ttothe33: I SWEAR
Greencatfish: thank you
Ttothe33: :-)
Ttothe33: im hungry
Greencatfish: any bagel bites to steal?
Ttothe33: none at all
Ttothe33: :-(
Ttothe33: but i have to run downstairs to get orders
Greencatfish: okay
Ttothe33: so, i regret, but i must leave you
Ttothe33: :-(
Ttothe33: a hundred sad faces to you
Ttothe33: :-(
Greencatfish: i'll try to carry on
Ttothe33: please try
Ttothe33: know that i would aim all day if i could
Ttothe33: aim me later !
Ttothe33: i'll add you to my buddy list
Greencatfish: sure and thanks, buddy
Ttothe33: hee
Ttothe33: yay!
Ttothe33: (i say yay a lot)
Ttothe33: (even in real life)
Greencatfish: yay, dude
Ttothe33: lol
Ttothe33: dork!
Ttothe33: k
Ttothe33: i'm gonna run
Ttothe33: smooches!
Ttothe33: call simpleton!
Greencatfish: okay
Ttothe33: :-D
Ttothe33: ttyl
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
My Home Town
this is the neighborhood i grew up in
this is five blocks from my childhood home
this neighborhood prides itself in its pride
this is one of the reasons I no longer live here
this photo was taken today
it was a king and a three
the game ace-y duce-y
I wasn't counting cards but it was early in the deal, I calculated about two and a half in my favor.
I was drinking scotch
I pulled all the cash I had left from my pocket
It totaled sixty seven dollar
I said "thirty bucks" but before I tossed the cash, which for this table makes it official, I caught a look at the dealer.
I knew I had just made a mistake. I tossed the twenty and then the ten anyway.
The dealer will peak at the following card if it's not his turn, I've never actually caught him doing so but I could tell be his expression that he knew.
The dealer flipped a king of hearts and said "Pay it"
the game ace-y duce-y
I wasn't counting cards but it was early in the deal, I calculated about two and a half in my favor.
I was drinking scotch
I pulled all the cash I had left from my pocket
It totaled sixty seven dollar
I said "thirty bucks" but before I tossed the cash, which for this table makes it official, I caught a look at the dealer.
I knew I had just made a mistake. I tossed the twenty and then the ten anyway.
The dealer will peak at the following card if it's not his turn, I've never actually caught him doing so but I could tell be his expression that he knew.
The dealer flipped a king of hearts and said "Pay it"
so, I was by the plotter and dude sees me just drop his plan into the catch bin.
Dude says "Don't just drop my plan like that"
Me - I take his plan from the catch bin crumple it into a ball and then stomp on it, three times and then the secretary, walking by, stomps on it once for good measure.
Dude's mouth drops
"Relax, it didn't print out right" I told him that's why I was by the plotter, the paper got misaligned.
Dude says "Don't just drop my plan like that"
Me - I take his plan from the catch bin crumple it into a ball and then stomp on it, three times and then the secretary, walking by, stomps on it once for good measure.
Dude's mouth drops
"Relax, it didn't print out right" I told him that's why I was by the plotter, the paper got misaligned.
I forgot
the poker update:
I lost at least $120 sitting at the table so over the last three outings I think I'm about even. I may even be a little ahead.
but
I did help finish off a full bottle of scotch (Glenlivet)
I did help put a dent in the 72 bottles of beer that were brought
I did finish off a little hand rolled something
I did probably overeat
I did have a good time
I brought what I wanted - Coors Original, Killian's Red, Bud Light, pistachios, a steak and cheese calzone, little cans of ginger ale
(all bottled beer, I don't like drinking beer from cans)
I brought what I thought the host might want - a bottle of scotch (Glenlivet), three decks of cards
I just leave my poker chips at his house, he enjoys them more than me
I lost at least $120 sitting at the table so over the last three outings I think I'm about even. I may even be a little ahead.
but
I did help finish off a full bottle of scotch (Glenlivet)
I did help put a dent in the 72 bottles of beer that were brought
I did finish off a little hand rolled something
I did probably overeat
I did have a good time
I brought what I wanted - Coors Original, Killian's Red, Bud Light, pistachios, a steak and cheese calzone, little cans of ginger ale
(all bottled beer, I don't like drinking beer from cans)
I brought what I thought the host might want - a bottle of scotch (Glenlivet), three decks of cards
I just leave my poker chips at his house, he enjoys them more than me
a post a day late about a message a day late
I was having trouble hearing Little g, I don't know if it was her phone, my phone, the background noise or my ears.
"I like the way you say that" she said
"Say what?"
"I'm sorry"
when I couldn't make out what she was saying I would say "I'm sorry"
I called her, when I got back from lunch, my cell phone indicated I had two voice messages waiting. The first message was from Lady G and she needed someone to pickup Little g at 3:00PM, Little g's father had failed to show. I looked at my watch it was 3:30PM. The second call was from Little g, she was asking if I was going to pick her up at a particular location.
I work until 4PM on most every weekdays, I can occasionally cut out early sometimes because sometimes I give an extra effort but I can't always cutout. I was concerned that I was expected to just leave but I was glad she knew I would. I was concerned I couldn't reach either of them by cell phone, I left messages and waited.
At three forty five, I called the house for a second time, Little g picked up the phone. "That was yesterday" I was told.
My voice mail sent me the message a day late.
We chatted about all sorts of things.
"I hate teachers" she told me
"You hate all teachers? *My sister* won't like to hear that. There hasn't been one teacher you liked?"
"No... Well except for my fourth grade teacher because she was funny when she was yelling at me."
"How was she funny?"
"She was from Jamaica and she would say things like 'Sit your butt back down in that chair'" which Little g said with a Jamaican accent.
I laughed.
It was funny.
"I like the way you say that" she said
"Say what?"
"I'm sorry"
when I couldn't make out what she was saying I would say "I'm sorry"
I called her, when I got back from lunch, my cell phone indicated I had two voice messages waiting. The first message was from Lady G and she needed someone to pickup Little g at 3:00PM, Little g's father had failed to show. I looked at my watch it was 3:30PM. The second call was from Little g, she was asking if I was going to pick her up at a particular location.
I work until 4PM on most every weekdays, I can occasionally cut out early sometimes because sometimes I give an extra effort but I can't always cutout. I was concerned that I was expected to just leave but I was glad she knew I would. I was concerned I couldn't reach either of them by cell phone, I left messages and waited.
At three forty five, I called the house for a second time, Little g picked up the phone. "That was yesterday" I was told.
My voice mail sent me the message a day late.
We chatted about all sorts of things.
"I hate teachers" she told me
"You hate all teachers? *My sister* won't like to hear that. There hasn't been one teacher you liked?"
"No... Well except for my fourth grade teacher because she was funny when she was yelling at me."
"How was she funny?"
"She was from Jamaica and she would say things like 'Sit your butt back down in that chair'" which Little g said with a Jamaican accent.
I laughed.
It was funny.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Friday, May 13, 2005
sometimes I think I can still smell her on me
part of the problem was that in the back of my mind I thought she was using me as a conquest, a notch on her gun
I don’t mind helping folks out, if I think the win means more to you than it does to me, I’ll let you have that win but there are times when I need to make certain that you know I could win if I wanted to
it was one vice that saved me from another
part of the problem was that in the back of my mind I thought she was using me as a conquest, a notch on her gun
I don’t mind helping folks out, if I think the win means more to you than it does to me, I’ll let you have that win but there are times when I need to make certain that you know I could win if I wanted to
it was one vice that saved me from another
Thursday, May 12, 2005
I'm a faker
Last night I was mowing the lawn for the first time this season. I like mowing the lawn because it gives me time to think. I don't like mowing the lawn because to do the front, side and back lawn it takes about an hour and a half. Despite some of my hillbilly ways, I'm a city boy, that's too much lawn mowing for one house for a city boy.
Anyway, I was thinking, thinking about my lame posts, thinking way would anybody read this stuff, wondering why I still write this stuff and then I heard my own words from earlier in the day. The words were "I'll do it tonight." The time was 6:45PM, the sun was still shining brightly, I had only been mowing for about twenty minutes. I calculated the amount of time I needed to finish the mowing. I didn't like my answer.
I only mowed the front lawn and then kept my promise to made a phoney wedding invite for a friend so that that friend can take the phoney wedding invite to their place of employment and say "I have a wedding to go to that day" and get the day off.
It was a damn good fake.
Anyway, I was thinking, thinking about my lame posts, thinking way would anybody read this stuff, wondering why I still write this stuff and then I heard my own words from earlier in the day. The words were "I'll do it tonight." The time was 6:45PM, the sun was still shining brightly, I had only been mowing for about twenty minutes. I calculated the amount of time I needed to finish the mowing. I didn't like my answer.
I only mowed the front lawn and then kept my promise to made a phoney wedding invite for a friend so that that friend can take the phoney wedding invite to their place of employment and say "I have a wedding to go to that day" and get the day off.
It was a damn good fake.
radiohumper got me curious with her link to How to be a hero
My Inner Hero - Warrior!
I'm courageous, straightforward, and charismatic. I'm a born leader, but I'm also not afraid to face danger on my own. Nothing stands between me and victory... nothing that lives to tell the tale, anyway. If you need someone to charge into battle for you, call on me.
How about you? Click here to find your own inner hero.
I was told I might need to find a Paladin and a wizard
My Inner Hero - Warrior!
I'm courageous, straightforward, and charismatic. I'm a born leader, but I'm also not afraid to face danger on my own. Nothing stands between me and victory... nothing that lives to tell the tale, anyway. If you need someone to charge into battle for you, call on me.
How about you? Click here to find your own inner hero.
I was told I might need to find a Paladin and a wizard
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
sometimes, I think I'm a riot
I left without saying goodbye and it bothered me a bit so I called down there. The plan was to say "Sorry I left without saying goodbye but you know I love you"
Before I did leave I had left a pretty large tip for the lunch I had but I knew I wasn't coming back and things were kind of slow and she did leave an item off my bill (on purpose), and she knows I like the squatty ketchup bottles instead of the tall ketchup bottles and she actually went down into the kitchen to see if any of the squatty ones were around, the place had people but the sox game was on so folks weren't really drinking or eating. She noticed the tip, said it was too much, made change and gave it back to me. I left most of it anyway.
Then on the fourth ring she picked up the phone and the plan changed.
"Hello, *Tim's normal lunch place*"
"Listen, I know it's not that busy there. You need to pick up the phone quicker"
There is silence.
I'm waiting to see if she recognizes my voice even though I have never called there before.
There is more silence and then I laugh because I know she pissed off right now so I thought it was time to let her off the hook so I say "Hey, its..How angry are you right now?" more silence which means she's very angry. "It's Tim, I sort of just disappeared, I didn't want you to think I forgot about you, but you were talking with someone"
She wasn't having a good day but I got her to laugh.
"I bet you could have just pictured my face right then. I knew it wasn't the owner so I thought something was up. I just could figure out what. You did just vanish so I did figure I must have been talking with someone. When are coming in next?"
"I'm taking Friday off but I might be there tomorrow."
"Okay. Hey, you have a great day. Thanks for calling."
Before I did leave I had left a pretty large tip for the lunch I had but I knew I wasn't coming back and things were kind of slow and she did leave an item off my bill (on purpose), and she knows I like the squatty ketchup bottles instead of the tall ketchup bottles and she actually went down into the kitchen to see if any of the squatty ones were around, the place had people but the sox game was on so folks weren't really drinking or eating. She noticed the tip, said it was too much, made change and gave it back to me. I left most of it anyway.
Then on the fourth ring she picked up the phone and the plan changed.
"Hello, *Tim's normal lunch place*"
"Listen, I know it's not that busy there. You need to pick up the phone quicker"
There is silence.
I'm waiting to see if she recognizes my voice even though I have never called there before.
There is more silence and then I laugh because I know she pissed off right now so I thought it was time to let her off the hook so I say "Hey, its..How angry are you right now?" more silence which means she's very angry. "It's Tim, I sort of just disappeared, I didn't want you to think I forgot about you, but you were talking with someone"
She wasn't having a good day but I got her to laugh.
"I bet you could have just pictured my face right then. I knew it wasn't the owner so I thought something was up. I just could figure out what. You did just vanish so I did figure I must have been talking with someone. When are coming in next?"
"I'm taking Friday off but I might be there tomorrow."
"Okay. Hey, you have a great day. Thanks for calling."
Iraqi Insurgents Go on Rampage, Kill 61
I understand about fighting for your beliefs
I just think that they are going about it all the wrong way
I would soft sell the issue. I would be patient.
I would welcome the change.
I would welcome the 'democratic process'
I would get the people used to previously unknown freedoms, get them punch drunk on all the new liberties, get them so they think things are good, get them to think that they can just sit back and let the government run itself.
All the while I would casually gain a majority in the form of government that rules, I would keep telling people that "I'm with you. I believe what you believe" that my way is the morally correct way all the while scratching the back of those with greasy immoral palms and then before you know it I would have control over the government, democratically, without a fight. Of course I would have to sell a large part of my soul but it would all be for a good cause.
My cause
you know, similar to what happened in America
I understand about fighting for your beliefs
I just think that they are going about it all the wrong way
I would soft sell the issue. I would be patient.
I would welcome the change.
I would welcome the 'democratic process'
I would get the people used to previously unknown freedoms, get them punch drunk on all the new liberties, get them so they think things are good, get them to think that they can just sit back and let the government run itself.
All the while I would casually gain a majority in the form of government that rules, I would keep telling people that "I'm with you. I believe what you believe" that my way is the morally correct way all the while scratching the back of those with greasy immoral palms and then before you know it I would have control over the government, democratically, without a fight. Of course I would have to sell a large part of my soul but it would all be for a good cause.
My cause
you know, similar to what happened in America
I'm mostly a nice guy despite what I sometimes say here
and sometimes, that niceness gets me handed cash and/or prizes which I usually refuse but sometimes I don't
I'm going to be gambling this weekend with money that a church lady gave me because I helped her out with some banner for her church.
I hope God doesn't mind.
and sometimes, that niceness gets me handed cash and/or prizes which I usually refuse but sometimes I don't
I'm going to be gambling this weekend with money that a church lady gave me because I helped her out with some banner for her church.
I hope God doesn't mind.
I play both parts
I know this father who, with his wife, adopted two young girls. The youngest girl has some difficulties, hyperactivity is one of them. One day, when she was about five years old, the father is serving breakfast, things were not going smoothly and the youngest tossed her bowl of Cheerios and it got over everything in an eight foot radius. The father flipped and started yelling. He yelled for a bit. He kept asking "Why did you do that?" I almost told him he needed to chill out a bit but at that moment I didn't think it would really help, but after he settled down his youngest daughter said "Boy, I'll never do that again" and I got the impression that her concern was more that she didn't want her father flipping out anymore and not because she caught the blunt of it but because she didn't think it was good for him.
Sometimes, I'm like that with myself
Sometimes, I'm like that with myself
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
government cheese changed me
the used to help pass out the government cheese
i was asked to help
i learned some people help because they want pats on the back
i learned that some Americans will spend half a day to get five pounds of cheese so that they might have something to eat at the end of the week
i learned that those who complain the most are not the ones with the most need
i learned that certain aspects of this land of plenty sucks
i learned that trying to cure the disease is more important than just treating the symptoms but to still treat the symptoms if that's the best you can do at the moment
i learned not to look into certain people's eyes so that i can avoid seeing brokenness and despair
i learned sometimes i need to look
i was asked to help
i learned some people help because they want pats on the back
i learned that some Americans will spend half a day to get five pounds of cheese so that they might have something to eat at the end of the week
i learned that those who complain the most are not the ones with the most need
i learned that certain aspects of this land of plenty sucks
i learned that trying to cure the disease is more important than just treating the symptoms but to still treat the symptoms if that's the best you can do at the moment
i learned not to look into certain people's eyes so that i can avoid seeing brokenness and despair
i learned sometimes i need to look
at times i think too much
there are times i think i'm squandering my live
i think about the things that i've been able to do without much effort and wonder how things might have been different if i actually applied myself
i think about the opportunities that have come my way and i've taken a pass on
i think i'm rather wasteful
i think of what i'm lacking instead of what i possess and it has nothing to do with possessions
i think about the things that i've been able to do without much effort and wonder how things might have been different if i actually applied myself
i think about the opportunities that have come my way and i've taken a pass on
i think i'm rather wasteful
i think of what i'm lacking instead of what i possess and it has nothing to do with possessions
so, she's had a working copy of the thing since Sunday. i made two of them and left them on her desk with a note of the things i did and didn't like about them.
i don't like the cover, i won't be hand cutting a window in future ones,
the second page is okay,
the third page is okay,
pages four through six are kind of 'just there',
i like the last page,
i don't like the satin tape binding, i like the paper binding
on Monday she had two second versions to look at
so yesterday I asked
"any word on these?" i picked up the brochure type things as i asked
"i love 'em" the owner replied
i rolled my eyes a bit "that's not what i was looking for"
"*the client* loves them too"
still not what i was looking for so i asked "so there's nothing at all you would change?"
"i think the square footage should be included"
that's what i'm talking about, i thought.
"i'm going to have *the listing agent* look at them" she continued
"i can't go any more pages than it is now, and still have it bound with the rivets but there is room on the existing pages to fit stuff"
"i was thinking we could just rewrite the text"
"maybe you could punch a hole and use a ribbon to hold it together" someone else chimed in
"i actually thought of that but i thought it would be too feminine" i replied.
"if you haven't noticed, i am a female" - still the same someone else
"i did kinda notice that but i didn't think it would be a good idea to alienate a whole gender type of client"
i don't like the cover, i won't be hand cutting a window in future ones,
the second page is okay,
the third page is okay,
pages four through six are kind of 'just there',
i like the last page,
i don't like the satin tape binding, i like the paper binding
on Monday she had two second versions to look at
so yesterday I asked
"any word on these?" i picked up the brochure type things as i asked
"i love 'em" the owner replied
i rolled my eyes a bit "that's not what i was looking for"
"*the client* loves them too"
still not what i was looking for so i asked "so there's nothing at all you would change?"
"i think the square footage should be included"
that's what i'm talking about, i thought.
"i'm going to have *the listing agent* look at them" she continued
"i can't go any more pages than it is now, and still have it bound with the rivets but there is room on the existing pages to fit stuff"
"i was thinking we could just rewrite the text"
"maybe you could punch a hole and use a ribbon to hold it together" someone else chimed in
"i actually thought of that but i thought it would be too feminine" i replied.
"if you haven't noticed, i am a female" - still the same someone else
"i did kinda notice that but i didn't think it would be a good idea to alienate a whole gender type of client"
Monday, May 09, 2005
sexy awkward
a bottled blonde was crossing the street, wearing low rise jeans and showing midriff, i looked, she reminded me of someone but she didn't look like that someone so i kept looking hoping to recognize what was familiar, i drove passed her without turning my head.
"do you think that is sexy?"
my mom was in the car. my mom was asking the question. she must have noticed my look.
"do i find what sexy?" i asked because i wasn't committing to anything i didn't have to
"those..." mom sort of trailed off looking for the word(s), i knew she was going to mention the low rise jeans but sometimes she zigs when she should zag so i waited.
"...when they show..." she continued, still having trouble finding the words but i feared what she might say so i asked.
"the low rise jeans?"
"yes. i think they would be awkward"
i was going to give my mom my opinion on low rise jeans but my opinion is that: i certainly like to see certain midriffs but i also think that low rise jeans give an illusion of a flatter ass than what is actual, but instead i said.
"as awkward as talking to your mom about what sexy is?"
"do you think that is sexy?"
my mom was in the car. my mom was asking the question. she must have noticed my look.
"do i find what sexy?" i asked because i wasn't committing to anything i didn't have to
"those..." mom sort of trailed off looking for the word(s), i knew she was going to mention the low rise jeans but sometimes she zigs when she should zag so i waited.
"...when they show..." she continued, still having trouble finding the words but i feared what she might say so i asked.
"the low rise jeans?"
"yes. i think they would be awkward"
i was going to give my mom my opinion on low rise jeans but my opinion is that: i certainly like to see certain midriffs but i also think that low rise jeans give an illusion of a flatter ass than what is actual, but instead i said.
"as awkward as talking to your mom about what sexy is?"
there is no 'd' in pigeon
i always want to put a 'd' in the word pigeon
that marketing piece was finished yesterday, it was also finished the day before. i think it might be finished tomorrow as well.
another finished piece that's a work in progress.
the first version went to the owner with a note of all the things i didn't like about it. you would figure i would change it to my liking but as is sometimes the way, i know my dislikes better than my likes.
i know the owner saw it but I didn’t get the feedback i was looking for, i redid it anyway. i like the redo but the whole feel of the piece maybe a tad too casual for a million dollar property. this morning i realized i can change the feel simply by changing the shape of the custom cut page, it would not increase the amount of custom paper i need to put it together too much, either.
i say 'eee'ther and opposed to 'eye'ther if you were wondering, well sometimes i say 'eye'ther if i'm making fun of folks.
i like this page the best. it's printed on vellum and it folds out. people like things that fold out. it makes it seem like a surprise
that marketing piece was finished yesterday, it was also finished the day before. i think it might be finished tomorrow as well.
another finished piece that's a work in progress.
the first version went to the owner with a note of all the things i didn't like about it. you would figure i would change it to my liking but as is sometimes the way, i know my dislikes better than my likes.
i know the owner saw it but I didn’t get the feedback i was looking for, i redid it anyway. i like the redo but the whole feel of the piece maybe a tad too casual for a million dollar property. this morning i realized i can change the feel simply by changing the shape of the custom cut page, it would not increase the amount of custom paper i need to put it together too much, either.
i say 'eee'ther and opposed to 'eye'ther if you were wondering, well sometimes i say 'eye'ther if i'm making fun of folks.
i like this page the best. it's printed on vellum and it folds out. people like things that fold out. it makes it seem like a surprise
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Phoney Mother Lovers
Phoney Mother Lovers
I was driving with mom and the sisters and I asked my mom if she wanted to go out to eat today, which started a discussion that a lot of people would be out today and I referred to those other people as ‘phoney mother lovers’ and I had to think for a moment on whether or not a just swore.
phoney = not a swear
mother = not a swear
lovers = not a swear
but still ‘mother lovers’ has a certain profane ring to it, at least it does to me.
…
so after some debate it was determined that I would only kill a guy if I, or a loved one, was in immediate danger. I wouldn’t just plug a guy in the heart.
Sorry if I mislead you.
…
I lost my cell phone. I last place I had it was in the R.E. office, I went to the R.E. office and it wasn’t on my desk where I sometimes leave it. I was driving around in someone else’s car so I then went home and checked my truck because sometimes the thing falls out of my pocket or I leave it in the console but it wasn’t in my truck. I called the phone to see if I could hear it ring, it went straight to voicemail which happens when I’m at the R.E. office so I went back to the R.E. office and searched for the thing. I lifted up papers and everything, still no phone. So then I checked every desk I was at, by the copier, by the color laser printer, in the upper bathroom, on the boss’s desk, in a bag from Staples I had on my office floor, in the bag on my desk from Charrette’s and then in the bag from A.C. Moore’s and there it was, battery worn out.
But that’s not the point of this story, during the search I went by the window that has a pigeon’s nest and there was the mother pigeon feeding her two little hatchings, the way most mother birds do and I said “Awwwe” to myself ‘cause it was kinda sweet, this being mother’s day and all.
Happy Mother’s Day
I was driving with mom and the sisters and I asked my mom if she wanted to go out to eat today, which started a discussion that a lot of people would be out today and I referred to those other people as ‘phoney mother lovers’ and I had to think for a moment on whether or not a just swore.
phoney = not a swear
mother = not a swear
lovers = not a swear
but still ‘mother lovers’ has a certain profane ring to it, at least it does to me.
…
so after some debate it was determined that I would only kill a guy if I, or a loved one, was in immediate danger. I wouldn’t just plug a guy in the heart.
Sorry if I mislead you.
…
I lost my cell phone. I last place I had it was in the R.E. office, I went to the R.E. office and it wasn’t on my desk where I sometimes leave it. I was driving around in someone else’s car so I then went home and checked my truck because sometimes the thing falls out of my pocket or I leave it in the console but it wasn’t in my truck. I called the phone to see if I could hear it ring, it went straight to voicemail which happens when I’m at the R.E. office so I went back to the R.E. office and searched for the thing. I lifted up papers and everything, still no phone. So then I checked every desk I was at, by the copier, by the color laser printer, in the upper bathroom, on the boss’s desk, in a bag from Staples I had on my office floor, in the bag on my desk from Charrette’s and then in the bag from A.C. Moore’s and there it was, battery worn out.
But that’s not the point of this story, during the search I went by the window that has a pigeon’s nest and there was the mother pigeon feeding her two little hatchings, the way most mother birds do and I said “Awwwe” to myself ‘cause it was kinda sweet, this being mother’s day and all.
Happy Mother’s Day
Friday, May 06, 2005
Mother's Day is Sunday
"What are you getting your mother for Mother's Day?"
"I hadn't thought about it, maybe some flowers from the subway" (I was joking)
"Well what does she like?" (man she's serious)
"She tough to buy for"
"Does she like to go out to eat?"
"Yeah, kinda, sort of. She sometimes goes to Lord and Taylor's"
"Well why don't you make one of those cards like you made for me and stick a couple different gift cards in it" (I'm thinking what card? and she's my mom, I'm a little old to be making her cards) "I still have that card, it’s nice, all the money is gone but I still have it" (oh that card)
"Yeah, that sounds good"
"I hadn't thought about it, maybe some flowers from the subway" (I was joking)
"Well what does she like?" (man she's serious)
"She tough to buy for"
"Does she like to go out to eat?"
"Yeah, kinda, sort of. She sometimes goes to Lord and Taylor's"
"Well why don't you make one of those cards like you made for me and stick a couple different gift cards in it" (I'm thinking what card? and she's my mom, I'm a little old to be making her cards) "I still have that card, it’s nice, all the money is gone but I still have it" (oh that card)
"Yeah, that sounds good"
Thursday, May 05, 2005
a little different than pretty pink tulips
Ever see one of those movies where there comes a point where the normal everyday good guy who is forced to fight the ultimate evil guy has a gun pointing right at the ultimate evil guy and the ultimate evil guy tries to talk he way out of the situation by saying to the normal everyday good guy that the normal everyday good guy doesn’t having killing in him, the normal everyday good guy is just too good to kill and then the normal everyday good guy agrees with the ultimate evil guy’s point and lowers the gun and then stuff happens and the evil guy gets away only to be gotten some other way?
If I was ever in that situation and I was the normal everyday good guy and had the gun pointed at the ultimate evil guy’s head and he started with the 'you're too good routine', I would listen to his point while I casually checked the safety, I wouldn’t have to worry if there was a round in the chamber or if the hammer was back because I would have already taken care of that as the gun barrel was making it way to line up with his head, then I would make like his point was getting to me, like maybe I didn’t have killing in me and I would lower the gun a bit but what I would actually be doing is lowering my aim to his chest, closer to center mass, and I would then go over in my mind that the Pledge of Allegiance is said with your right hand over your heart which puts your heart off center to your left and that his left is opposite my right, so aim a little off center of his chest to my right and then I would slowly squeeze the trigger which is actually something very hard to do when you have a target lined up, the impulse is to pull the trigger but that pulling motion can jerk the gun just enough to make you miss your target so you have to squeeze and it sometimes seems like your squeezing forever and then there would be a flash of the muzzle and then a small hole would be blown into the front of the ultimate evil guy’s chest and a lot larger one blown out the back.
And there would be no real investigation because I’m a good guy and the bad guy needed killing.
And then I would have regret, regret so strong that I might not be able to function effectively for quite some time and friends would be reassuring me that I did the right thing, that I had no choice. But the regret would remain because the regret wouldn’t be there because I killed a man but because I killed a man so calmly and coolly, so determinedly, easily pushing my sense of right and wrong aside. It wouldn’t be the wrongness of the thing that bothers me, I would be bothered by the fact that wrongness was so welcomed.
Which is probably why I stopped my fist fighting at one, there was a desire to hurt when hurt wasn’t necessary.
It must have been my father that taught me gun safety, it may have been my uncle, one rule is never point a gun at something you aren’t willing to kill, whether you think the gun is loaded and/or ready to shoot or not and that would have been the ultimate evil guy’s mistake. I would have already decided on the killing part the moment I pointed the gun at him.
He was already dead.
He should have either ran or rushed me for the gun.
If I was ever in that situation and I was the normal everyday good guy and had the gun pointed at the ultimate evil guy’s head and he started with the 'you're too good routine', I would listen to his point while I casually checked the safety, I wouldn’t have to worry if there was a round in the chamber or if the hammer was back because I would have already taken care of that as the gun barrel was making it way to line up with his head, then I would make like his point was getting to me, like maybe I didn’t have killing in me and I would lower the gun a bit but what I would actually be doing is lowering my aim to his chest, closer to center mass, and I would then go over in my mind that the Pledge of Allegiance is said with your right hand over your heart which puts your heart off center to your left and that his left is opposite my right, so aim a little off center of his chest to my right and then I would slowly squeeze the trigger which is actually something very hard to do when you have a target lined up, the impulse is to pull the trigger but that pulling motion can jerk the gun just enough to make you miss your target so you have to squeeze and it sometimes seems like your squeezing forever and then there would be a flash of the muzzle and then a small hole would be blown into the front of the ultimate evil guy’s chest and a lot larger one blown out the back.
And there would be no real investigation because I’m a good guy and the bad guy needed killing.
And then I would have regret, regret so strong that I might not be able to function effectively for quite some time and friends would be reassuring me that I did the right thing, that I had no choice. But the regret would remain because the regret wouldn’t be there because I killed a man but because I killed a man so calmly and coolly, so determinedly, easily pushing my sense of right and wrong aside. It wouldn’t be the wrongness of the thing that bothers me, I would be bothered by the fact that wrongness was so welcomed.
Which is probably why I stopped my fist fighting at one, there was a desire to hurt when hurt wasn’t necessary.
It must have been my father that taught me gun safety, it may have been my uncle, one rule is never point a gun at something you aren’t willing to kill, whether you think the gun is loaded and/or ready to shoot or not and that would have been the ultimate evil guy’s mistake. I would have already decided on the killing part the moment I pointed the gun at him.
He was already dead.
He should have either ran or rushed me for the gun.
sometimes the word grass makes me think of
a different certain blogger
on a side note
Mike seems noncommittal
edit: yeah I centered this post even though I was originally too lazy to do so, after four hours or so I just could stand it not being centered any longer
edit: the keep off the grass sign is blockquoated. Thanks Anti, I like it.
I know it shouldn't be mixed with center justification like I have here I just wanted folks to see the difference.
The bottom one is just regular left justify
Band banned from playing Louie Louie
a marching band, just playing the tune, not singing the lyrics
in a related item the ballad of the Kingsmen
42 years later folks still are hung up over this song and they don't even know why
a marching band, just playing the tune, not singing the lyrics
in a related item the ballad of the Kingsmen
42 years later folks still are hung up over this song and they don't even know why
Back in February I posted this insert your own title here
not for nothing but where the heck have I been since.
Iraq War, Aid and Public Relations
not for nothing but where the heck have I been since.
Iraq War, Aid and Public Relations
"Hey, Sunshine"
"hello"
then she leaned in a little, for secrecy's sake, and said "I wasn't certain I would see you this soon", she was there Monday night, the night I shared the cab ride.
"I figured I would just get it over with" I said as I smiled at her while I leaned back as if to let her now I'm okay with speaking openly about it.
"Lauren was disappointed she didn't see you yesterday, she really would have been asking you questions." Lauren was also there Monday night.
She then changed the subject.
I like sitting at the far end of the bar, near the taps, I like the attention, the activity. One of my hobbies is spotting cracked glasses. I'm mister excitement.
If you sit by the taps and if the barkeeps like you, they will chat with you whenever they pour a beer, also the waitress working the floor also has to come by to get her customers' drinks, so the area is busy. It's less of a social strain on me if things are busy. I'm not a big talker.
There was a new hire working the floor, so Danielle turned to her and said "This is Timmy. Timmy's funny. We like Timmy."
"Yeah, I'm a real riot."
"We like getting Timmy drunk" was further explained to the new comer.
"By the way" I interrupted "Do you know what was that red shot you gave me?"
"Yeah" and then she turns to the new one and says "It looked like things were about to get interesting so Lauren gave him a shot…"
"Lauren said it was from both of you!" I interjected.
Ignoring my comment she continued "It was one of the big shots, filled with vodka, peach Schnapps and a splash of cranberry, so you wouldn't know how much alcohol was in it" she said rather pleased with herself as she finished the sentence with her attention towards me.
"Well, now I know who my friends are"
"There was dancing and singing…" she continued.
and then the manger chimed in "And it's all on tape" he said as he motioned to the surveillance cameras.
"Can you get by the phones?" I asked as I motioned down the stairs. I was pretty sure he could not.
"No" he said a little disappointed.
"Then I'm okay with it"
"hello"
then she leaned in a little, for secrecy's sake, and said "I wasn't certain I would see you this soon", she was there Monday night, the night I shared the cab ride.
"I figured I would just get it over with" I said as I smiled at her while I leaned back as if to let her now I'm okay with speaking openly about it.
"Lauren was disappointed she didn't see you yesterday, she really would have been asking you questions." Lauren was also there Monday night.
She then changed the subject.
I like sitting at the far end of the bar, near the taps, I like the attention, the activity. One of my hobbies is spotting cracked glasses. I'm mister excitement.
If you sit by the taps and if the barkeeps like you, they will chat with you whenever they pour a beer, also the waitress working the floor also has to come by to get her customers' drinks, so the area is busy. It's less of a social strain on me if things are busy. I'm not a big talker.
There was a new hire working the floor, so Danielle turned to her and said "This is Timmy. Timmy's funny. We like Timmy."
"Yeah, I'm a real riot."
"We like getting Timmy drunk" was further explained to the new comer.
"By the way" I interrupted "Do you know what was that red shot you gave me?"
"Yeah" and then she turns to the new one and says "It looked like things were about to get interesting so Lauren gave him a shot…"
"Lauren said it was from both of you!" I interjected.
Ignoring my comment she continued "It was one of the big shots, filled with vodka, peach Schnapps and a splash of cranberry, so you wouldn't know how much alcohol was in it" she said rather pleased with herself as she finished the sentence with her attention towards me.
"Well, now I know who my friends are"
"There was dancing and singing…" she continued.
and then the manger chimed in "And it's all on tape" he said as he motioned to the surveillance cameras.
"Can you get by the phones?" I asked as I motioned down the stairs. I was pretty sure he could not.
"No" he said a little disappointed.
"Then I'm okay with it"
I build walls not windows
I build walls not windows
…
usually there is a plan that has been thought out, a series of points and counter points, a series of if-then loops. I don't like unknown variables.
…
usually I'm more careful than that
…
I'm the drunk friend that will make certain you get home safe.
I know my limits. I know the point of no return.
I know how to buy a round and without buying one for myself. Timing and precise -subtle hand movements are key.
I'm usually a drink or two behind but my friends don't know it.
I worry about others more than I worry about me.
…
usually there is a plan that has been thought out, a series of points and counter points, a series of if-then loops. I don't like unknown variables.
…
usually I'm more careful than that
…
I'm the drunk friend that will make certain you get home safe.
I know my limits. I know the point of no return.
I know how to buy a round and without buying one for myself. Timing and precise -subtle hand movements are key.
I'm usually a drink or two behind but my friends don't know it.
I worry about others more than I worry about me.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
I walked in, she was at right end of the bar, the only seat taken was towards the opposite end, she was engage in a conversation.
I purposefully caught her eye and smiled, the genuine smile, the smile I can't fake, I was actually glad she was there, although a little surprised. I take my lunch kind of late so when I return to work I only have an hour to go, she usually takes her lunch earlier. Normally, I arrive as she's leaving.
I was talking with Tony, a retired guy, a regular. I ordered the chicken quesadillas. Tony was to my right so when I was talking to Tony, she could see me if she leaned forward just a bit. She leaned forward just a bit, I could only she her left eye but I knew she was looking at me trying to get a read. I gave smile and a hint of a wink. I made a plan to catch her elbow before she left. I needed to talk to her. We both went back to our conversations and later as she was leaving she stopped by my stool which saved me the trouble of approaching her.
Her lip had a small noticeable abrasion.
"Your lip looks pretty okay. I was worried"
"Yeah, there is a little damage under the lip but it's okay." She paused a little before she said "I think you were right, the other night. I'm sorry"
"There's nothing to be sorry for"
Then we assured each other that things between us were alright between us.
"I'm glad. …I was surprised at my will power" I offered.
"Yeah, I am too"
I purposefully caught her eye and smiled, the genuine smile, the smile I can't fake, I was actually glad she was there, although a little surprised. I take my lunch kind of late so when I return to work I only have an hour to go, she usually takes her lunch earlier. Normally, I arrive as she's leaving.
I was talking with Tony, a retired guy, a regular. I ordered the chicken quesadillas. Tony was to my right so when I was talking to Tony, she could see me if she leaned forward just a bit. She leaned forward just a bit, I could only she her left eye but I knew she was looking at me trying to get a read. I gave smile and a hint of a wink. I made a plan to catch her elbow before she left. I needed to talk to her. We both went back to our conversations and later as she was leaving she stopped by my stool which saved me the trouble of approaching her.
Her lip had a small noticeable abrasion.
"Your lip looks pretty okay. I was worried"
"Yeah, there is a little damage under the lip but it's okay." She paused a little before she said "I think you were right, the other night. I'm sorry"
"There's nothing to be sorry for"
Then we assured each other that things between us were alright between us.
"I'm glad. …I was surprised at my will power" I offered.
"Yeah, I am too"
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
“I’m not the person you think I am”
a rather strong statement from the likes of me
usually I’ll soften it with a ‘probably’ or a ‘most likely’
what’s unknown is the selfish me that I keep hidden from most of the public
hidden away with the lazy, mean, dishonest, profane, arrogant, self-righteous, stubborn, vengeful, I-think-I’m-better-than-you me
(actually it’s not ‘I-think-I’m-better-than-you’ it’s more like ‘I-think-you’re-no-better-than-me)
the few, the true - friends have all been a victims of the real me or at lease been witness to the victimization. Yet, they believe there is something there worth the effort, something I can only hope is there. When I look for it, it seems to be scurrying elsewhere. fleeting. temporal. vaporesque.
poof
a rather strong statement from the likes of me
usually I’ll soften it with a ‘probably’ or a ‘most likely’
what’s unknown is the selfish me that I keep hidden from most of the public
hidden away with the lazy, mean, dishonest, profane, arrogant, self-righteous, stubborn, vengeful, I-think-I’m-better-than-you me
(actually it’s not ‘I-think-I’m-better-than-you’ it’s more like ‘I-think-you’re-no-better-than-me)
the few, the true - friends have all been a victims of the real me or at lease been witness to the victimization. Yet, they believe there is something there worth the effort, something I can only hope is there. When I look for it, it seems to be scurrying elsewhere. fleeting. temporal. vaporesque.
poof
not a play by play but...
The regulars were there, the regulars come in different groups, she's in a different group from me but sometimes our groups become one bigger group.
At that time I was my own group, sitting at the bar alone, a non-requested beer was placed in front of me and I was told it was from her, she just bought the regulars at the bar a round. I thanked her and did likewise when I got a chance. After awhile she sat next to me like she sometimes does. Karaoke night had just started and she was singing along, we all started signing. The place was loud so whenever either of us had something to say we had to lean into each other, we were talking in each other's ear, she asked how I was getting home, I told her "I take the train". She said "Don't take the train, share a cab with me" we live in the same neighborhood maybe six blocks from each other. I was having trouble hearing her so I had to lean in more than once to make out what she was saying, then she kissed me.
I thought just a quick kiss was in progress but then I felt a tongue. I should have stopped there but I didn't. I did likewise when I got a chance. I heard her say "Let's go pee" the bathrooms are downstairs, we went down the stairs, we didn't pee. There was more kissing, greater touching, negotiations. I tried to slow things down but things didn't slow down.
The cab ride to our neighborhood started with us both sitting up, we weren't always sitting up. I should have stopped things there but I didn't. The cab went by her street. I don't know how she noticed but she got close to the pass-through window and asked "Where are you going?" the cab driver stopped quick and she hit her lip, her lip split.
We decided to get out of the cab right there, one half block from her house, her lip was bleeding what seemed to be a lot. The cab door was opened she was bent over, sitting on the edge of the cab seat with her feet resting on the street, more surprised than hurt. The driver said "take your time" she said "Yeah, with the meter running". The driver offered three paper towels which he pulled from a roll he had on hand. I folded the towels into something more managable and handed them to her.
I paid the driver.
It started to rain.
I walked her to her house then up to her front door and then to her apartment door.
Her apartment key doesn't work well, she fiddled with it.
I should have stopped things there but I didn't. We both had too much to drink and now she was bleeding and wasn't able to get into her home so I didn't feel right about just leaving. The plan was to open the door and stay on the outside, in the foyer, until I knew she would be alright. The plan went awry.
She couldn't get the door open, so said "Here you try" as she motioned towards the door.
She was concerned about her bleeding. I was concerned about her bleeding and a lock with that key that didn't seem to work.
I tried all my tricks and nothing worked. I pulled the key out a bit and tried, I wiggled the key, I pushed the key as I turned, I lifted the key, I pushed down on the key, I jiggled the doorknob and I worked the key, nothing worked and then I just turned the key very delicately and the cylinder turned like some proverbial finely made watch. I opened the door and stepped aside. She staggered a little, I helped her in, we made it to the bathroom mirror.
"Are you alright? Do you want some ice?" I asked.
"I'll be alright if I can pee"
She started to undo her pants, I took a step to leave but she urgently asked for help with whatever clasping device was holding her pants up. I helped her with what turned out to be a small beige button, assuring myself that I was just helping her pee and not actually undressing her.
After a small struggle the button came undone and I left the room. A moment later, she opened the door, she was wearing only a large t-shirt. We were both in the narrow hallway. She grabbed my waist. I should have stopped it there but I didn't. I did likewise to hers.
"Are you staying?"
"I don't think that will be best"
"It will be alright"
"I'm not so sure"
"I want you"
"I can't"
she wanted to know why, I tried to offer possible reasons: we're both drunk, you're involved, I'm kind of involved, what will we think about this tomorrow?, and other forgotten reasons.
She turned and took a step, she had a quarter size bruise on the left cheek of her nicely shaped ass. She turned back and asked "So, you aren't going to have sex with me?"
I was trying to think of what to say, I could not find any charming way to say it, any soft way to say it, any way to make it sound less like a rejection because it really wasn't but the delay was getting to be too much. I thought "How can you just walk away? She was just pleading with you for sex."
but I just slowly lowered my head
and said
"no"
At that time I was my own group, sitting at the bar alone, a non-requested beer was placed in front of me and I was told it was from her, she just bought the regulars at the bar a round. I thanked her and did likewise when I got a chance. After awhile she sat next to me like she sometimes does. Karaoke night had just started and she was singing along, we all started signing. The place was loud so whenever either of us had something to say we had to lean into each other, we were talking in each other's ear, she asked how I was getting home, I told her "I take the train". She said "Don't take the train, share a cab with me" we live in the same neighborhood maybe six blocks from each other. I was having trouble hearing her so I had to lean in more than once to make out what she was saying, then she kissed me.
I thought just a quick kiss was in progress but then I felt a tongue. I should have stopped there but I didn't. I did likewise when I got a chance. I heard her say "Let's go pee" the bathrooms are downstairs, we went down the stairs, we didn't pee. There was more kissing, greater touching, negotiations. I tried to slow things down but things didn't slow down.
The cab ride to our neighborhood started with us both sitting up, we weren't always sitting up. I should have stopped things there but I didn't. The cab went by her street. I don't know how she noticed but she got close to the pass-through window and asked "Where are you going?" the cab driver stopped quick and she hit her lip, her lip split.
We decided to get out of the cab right there, one half block from her house, her lip was bleeding what seemed to be a lot. The cab door was opened she was bent over, sitting on the edge of the cab seat with her feet resting on the street, more surprised than hurt. The driver said "take your time" she said "Yeah, with the meter running". The driver offered three paper towels which he pulled from a roll he had on hand. I folded the towels into something more managable and handed them to her.
I paid the driver.
It started to rain.
I walked her to her house then up to her front door and then to her apartment door.
Her apartment key doesn't work well, she fiddled with it.
I should have stopped things there but I didn't. We both had too much to drink and now she was bleeding and wasn't able to get into her home so I didn't feel right about just leaving. The plan was to open the door and stay on the outside, in the foyer, until I knew she would be alright. The plan went awry.
She couldn't get the door open, so said "Here you try" as she motioned towards the door.
She was concerned about her bleeding. I was concerned about her bleeding and a lock with that key that didn't seem to work.
I tried all my tricks and nothing worked. I pulled the key out a bit and tried, I wiggled the key, I pushed the key as I turned, I lifted the key, I pushed down on the key, I jiggled the doorknob and I worked the key, nothing worked and then I just turned the key very delicately and the cylinder turned like some proverbial finely made watch. I opened the door and stepped aside. She staggered a little, I helped her in, we made it to the bathroom mirror.
"Are you alright? Do you want some ice?" I asked.
"I'll be alright if I can pee"
She started to undo her pants, I took a step to leave but she urgently asked for help with whatever clasping device was holding her pants up. I helped her with what turned out to be a small beige button, assuring myself that I was just helping her pee and not actually undressing her.
After a small struggle the button came undone and I left the room. A moment later, she opened the door, she was wearing only a large t-shirt. We were both in the narrow hallway. She grabbed my waist. I should have stopped it there but I didn't. I did likewise to hers.
"Are you staying?"
"I don't think that will be best"
"It will be alright"
"I'm not so sure"
"I want you"
"I can't"
she wanted to know why, I tried to offer possible reasons: we're both drunk, you're involved, I'm kind of involved, what will we think about this tomorrow?, and other forgotten reasons.
She turned and took a step, she had a quarter size bruise on the left cheek of her nicely shaped ass. She turned back and asked "So, you aren't going to have sex with me?"
I was trying to think of what to say, I could not find any charming way to say it, any soft way to say it, any way to make it sound less like a rejection because it really wasn't but the delay was getting to be too much. I thought "How can you just walk away? She was just pleading with you for sex."
but I just slowly lowered my head
and said
"no"
Monday, May 02, 2005
sometimes, I don't succeed in being a hardass
she said "Good job with the ad"
There was no emotion in her voice, I didn't know if she was serious or not so I played it cool and asked "Which one?"
"*the weekly trade*, you shortened stuff but everything is there by you just changing around some words"
I smiled because sometimes that ad is a heck of a thing to do, to get all of what everyone wants into it, so I rewrite things, rearrange photos and ad placements, sometimes folks don't like me rewriting their ads but my priority is to make things fit, sometime fluff gets cut out. I was glad she was reading the ads, not all of the workers do.
The owner was sitting right there and she looked over at me and made a comment about me blushing, maybe I was, and if I did blush, it was brief, she caught me off guard, I thought she was going to complain.
There was no emotion in her voice, I didn't know if she was serious or not so I played it cool and asked "Which one?"
"*the weekly trade*, you shortened stuff but everything is there by you just changing around some words"
I smiled because sometimes that ad is a heck of a thing to do, to get all of what everyone wants into it, so I rewrite things, rearrange photos and ad placements, sometimes folks don't like me rewriting their ads but my priority is to make things fit, sometime fluff gets cut out. I was glad she was reading the ads, not all of the workers do.
The owner was sitting right there and she looked over at me and made a comment about me blushing, maybe I was, and if I did blush, it was brief, she caught me off guard, I thought she was going to complain.
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