Thursday, December 23, 2010

She’s married and has at least two children and seems quite happy with it.

One of the things she said was, “Your brain has forgotten how to see.”

That may sound rather profound.

“Timmy, your sadness has tired your soul and you’ve forgotten how to see things as they truly are…”

But she was my eye doctor and she was being literal.

They can determine your prescription by using an electronic device. I don’t know what the thing is called or even the principal of how it works but they have you look into this little window and they move a picture around until it comes into focus.

She then sat me down and moved that large mechanical device that comes to mind whenever someone thinks of the eye doctor and flipped and rotated the lens to my prescription. She then started asking, ‘This one or this one.” It got to a point where all my answers were neither. I told her I couldn’t even see that they were numbers or letters.

She said, “That’s not good.”

She did some other tests and told me that my eyes were very healthy.

“Your brain has forgotten how to see.”

Ho-ly Fuck!

“And if you were a child, it would stay that way.”


“But because you’re an adult, it will go back.”


My eye doctor is very beautiful. It’s a casual beauty; the kind that slowly seeps into your being when you’re in the vicinity. It’s like a slowly moving river, big and wide, that looks quite calm but it can carry your whole house away and there is not a damn thing that you can do about it.

I hadn’t been there since 2004. I was worried that she would be angry with all my bad behavior so I took a deep breath and summoned my charm. Not the charm that I can switch on and off, that’s a cheap version of what I needed. I needed the one that floats up from my core and I don’t actually summon it, I just open the gates and let it come forth. It’s a quiet, unspoken charm; it’s pure and honest; it has the same feel as the doctor’s beauty.

The problem is: sometimes it’s not at home.

But it was there today and it was potent. She smiled at me at least three times while I briefly answered her questions.

She gave me contact lens and my brain started to remember. I read the doctor the line on the chart second from the bottom. She smiled a smile of relief and of pleasure that she was able to help me.

She wants to see me in two weeks.

I'm not used to having to pay women to look into my eyes. Usually, they pay me.

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