"But then I can't say much because they just busted a cristel meth lab three hundred feet from my house."

"So where you buying now?"

"Some place I actually have to drive to but as long as they don't shut down the whore house, I'll be okay."

"Do they have men there?" she asked.

"Yeah, but they're men for men, so you're out of luck."

"But that works for you."

"They're just gay for pay, or at least that's what they tell me."

"Will you shut him off" my homophobic buddy to my left said.

...

"Hello" I said into my recently ringing phone. My greeting was met with a beep, so I transferred the call to someone I know who speaks beeps, the company fax machine.

The cover sheet did indeed indicate that the fax number they wanted to fax to was my desk phone.

The second page of the fax mentions a thirty-three year old with right knee pain due to patellofemoral dysfunction.

As the name infers, patellofemoral dysfunction is an injury...

I faxed back with a note that the fax number was wrong.

...

If I do ever write a screenplay, I'm going to include a scene where one of the characters, holding a four dollar cup of coffee, notices a guy hosing off the sidewalk of an outside cafe while the cafe's sound system is playing "Eye of the Tiger." He will then laugh at what he thinks to be irony but then wonder who is enjoying life more.

...

He was discussing something on my screen and he pointed at something with his greasy little finger. The point wasn't the worst of it though because then he touched the screen and left his oily little mark. I started to reach for a nearby rag with which to remove his recently self-establish memorial but then decided to wait until he left my area to wipe his presence out. I actually had to fight the urge twice.

Hands off the screen, if you ain't me.

I can touch my screen all I want.

...


"Not everyone squeaks of clean as much as you do."

...

She looked like she wanted to tell me a secret so, I turned my head and leaned a little towards her. Instead of the soft breathe of a whisper entering my ear, I felt the moist and slightly rough touch of her tongue.

"Surprised?" she asked as I my instincts pulled me away.

"Yeah, a little bit."

...

some of those girl weatherpixies are hot