I've always had trouble seeing myself as part of a scene mainly because my point of view is looking out from my eyeballs. I see what's around me, I don't see me around.

It's usually most evident when I'm the only white dude around. I won't see any white dudes but everyone else does. But that's a different story.

I haven't been hanging out at the bar like I've used too. Not too long ago, I was sitting in my usual seat, all the seats at the bar were taken and for some reason I started to look around. I wondered where I fit in.

To my right was a guy with a beer in his left hand. I wondered where his right hand was. I wondered what cause his right arm to end in a stub.

To my right, the rest of the bar, starting with some new found friend whose name I still don't know but he knows mine, he has a moustache that he should shave off. The age of the patron increased in direct proportion to the seating arrangement. I was the youngest and I ain't too young.

In the seats around the bend, were K and her group. She being a busty blonde usually surrounded by men.

Not one person was unfamiliar to me. Not one person would I have gone out of my way to have a cup of coffee with.

Freaks and losers is how I summed us up. I wondered where I fit in. How freakish? How much of a loser? I thought that even if I listed as the best there, it was still a list that I didn't want to be on. I wondered how the bartender viewed me.

I tried to picture myself in the scene to see if I blended in with the rest of the crowd of if I somehow shined a little brighter. I couldn't visualize that third party view and it seemed to be just as dark by me as it was by anyone else.

I then stopped looking around.

...

I've stopped repeating myself. I mostly just sit quiet. All his complaints are the same. I tell him why things are the way they are and he will agree with me but then the very next day he will make the same complaint and say he doesn't know why things are the way they are.