Nuts

“Hey, Brian,” is what I hear from behind me and it’s directed at me, and if you’re new here: I’m not Brian.

The guy talking is a bit of a-hole but sometimes it’s just his disability and not his choice.

“I’m not Brian,” I said while keeping my back to him and only turned around once he got my name right.

I couldn’t help him with what he was asking anyway so I might have well as been Brian.

He could have walked back to his cube thinking: “That Brian guy don’t know shit.”


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He doesn’t make mountains out of molehills he just calls molehills mountains.

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Please someone just kick me in the crotch the next time I consider buying a nut mix with pistachios in it. Pistachios don’t play well with the other nuts or vise-versa.

I’ve actually only done it twice and I think I’ve learned my lesson.

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The proper etiquette for taking nuts from a container that is shared by others is to shake or poor the nuts into your hand.


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So, I had to shake hands with someone from the public and when I got back to my desk I Purelled my hands because I was still using them for eating nuts and not that that is an interesting story but I felt a little bit guilty about.

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Another thing that I came to a conclusion on is: 34 degrees Fahrenheit is still classified as cold and that a scarf can be used without ridicule as long as it isn’t being worn like a woman unless you are indeed a woman.

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I wonder about
The delicate deli cat
Whose tail is missing