This is why I have a problem with me.

I forget what I was going to complain about.

A friend just told me she has mouth cancer, its eating away at her molars which is the best I can tell from what she showed me. She told me it spread from the top of her jaw. She referred to it in the past as oral surgery, I hadn't know it was cancer.

She hands me stuff so I can do what I do as she lets me know the news. Her composure breaks a bit and she apologizes. I want to hug her but I don't. I don't make the move of compassion because I'm selfish. I worry that if I console her more emotion will come, some great release I won't be able to handle. What if my composure breaks?

I'm a selfish ass. She apologizes a few more times, I say mostly nothing.

As I was writing this, another person drops by my office, I actually have an office at the second job, and asks how I'm doing. "Okay, I guess" was my reply. She lets me know that her designer bag was stolen from her car. The expensive bag had a blank, unsigned $50K banker's check in it along with paper work worth five month's worth of dealings. I think "yeah, that's bad but at least it ain't mouth cancer".

My biggest worry/problem today was that I was interviewed by a local news team asking me about buying lottery tickets for the estimated prize of $220 million dollars. I worry that someone will see it and ask why I was buying lottery tickets while I should have been working. Hey, I get a fifteen minute union break.

I was working outside today, outside on this sun shiny day.

I even got free sodas at lunch. Lauren hooked me up. Thanks, Lauren.

Yesterday, I got to see my new niece and the screening of the t-shirts worked out great.

After tonight, if I don't hit the lottery, my biggest worry will be trying to make time to cook the steak I have in the refrigerator. And, I have no plans after work tomorrow so I really don't see a problem with that. But I do have to choose a side dish.

Boy, I have it rough.

That's the problem I have with me, all the work-for-free stuff I do, (hell, even when the work costs me out-of-pocket), all the helping hands, all the seemingly there when you need him, all the paired up single dollar bills going into coffee cups, all the thirty percent tips on a slow day, all of it is shit.

Money means very little to me. When asked by the newsteam what I would do with the money, I said pay the mortgage, pay some friends mortgages, pay college tuition for friend's kids, not ever work again. Never work for money again.

I'm a good guy when it doesn't cost me much or when the payoff is large. The payoff is usually bragging rights. "Hey, look at me! Look what I've done".

But put a friend in need that only needs a hug, at the moment, which will only cost me the chance of showing emotion and I will take a pass. "Hey, be careful using the stairs on the way down, out my door. Have a nice fourth of July."

This is why I have a problem with me.

Looks like I got a complaint in after all.

Oh, yeah, and there is too much chicken in my chicken cutlet sandwich.

what's that sound?

I've been told that thirty percent of my life is weird noises.

I think it's more like 5%.

I have hope.

I dropped off the first try at the t-shirt with the logo I do not like, the version with the three logos on the back. The ink over saturated the t-shirt, the screen is too open. Solution – use a screen that is less open. So, I take step one to prepare a new screen. After step one I go to the second job, get delayed and don’t leave till after 11:30PM.

Step one of the process has a shelf life of six hours, so time is running out. I have to finish the screen before I go to bed.

Step two doesn’t take too much time but I’m still trying to hit the timing and exposure level right. This time I get it right, seven minutes with the light 20 inches above the screen which is way out of whack with the directions.

Step three is washing out the open part of the screen which took about thirty minute at the kitchen sink.

The screen looks great. I hope it handles the ink like I want it to.

The thought process...

unliked logo

So I'm into this silk screening thing probably over four hundred bucks, I want to get my money's worth so I've been thinking up how to use all this stuff.

I'm working on making a screen for the logo I don't like, I'm changing stuff up because when you work for free you get a certain amount of f.u. rights. And also because I was asked to do white on red and red on white versions and some times you have to fuss with the art work to make it work right.

I had three versions of the same logo on one screen and I was originally going to mask off the two I didn't want and just print the desired one on individual t-shirts over where the breast pocket would be but I decided that would be too many t-shirts.

The new plan - print all the versions in a horizontal line on the back of one t-shirt. But I hadn't lined them up on the screen in a line so I would have to screen each shirt three times. That would be too much work.

These are just prototypes, after all.

The next new plan - print them (on the back of the T) as they are on the screen which is vertically, one off center to the left, one off center to the right and one off center to the left. A little funky but I think it will look good, pretty good even.

(Which is what I did but I'm doing a different screen, certain lines were too fine for the openings in the screen I was using.)

Lining stuff up on the back made me think that the three logos lined vertically would look good. Then I thought about repeating the pattern of the three logos, shrinking them in size and running them all the way down the back of the t-shirt like a spine.

I liked the idea of the spine but didn't think it would fit this school. So I tried to think of where I could use the spine idea. I thought about running circles with letters down the spine but the name had to be relatively short. My first thought was what you see below but then I thought about instead of thedetox.com what about dragon(s) which is the mascot for the school where my sister works and she has been asking for t-shirt ideas.

My sister usually will do iron t-shirts but she wants screen the ones for this year, she has this very nice dragon logo. She was asking for ideas and she was using this snake-like asian dragon which is nice but I suggested to go to an English type dragon like the knights used to fight and do it in a wood cut style. She drew something impressive. I like it a lot. I'll post it once I get a scanned copy of it.

But anyway this is my vision for the back of some t-shirt that most likely will not ever exist so picture it saying dragons.



I get other marketing ideas for other things besides thedetox.com. I came up with this idea for a bookmark after I got my laminator but I still can't think of anybody that would want it. The best I could think of is Condom World but that doesn't seem right either.

I forgot...

That thing that the big boss had for me, it was the photo I guessed it was. The photo of me getting an award for outstanding constituent service, the big boss, me and the Mayor.

The big boss shows me the photo comments that I've changed a bit and then asks if I want the Mayor to sign it for me. I laughed a bit because the photo is almost six years old and the Mayor doesn't know my name to my face. I laughed because I'll have a photo that's signed by the Mayor, like we're chums but he only knows me, by sight, as the guy that hangs around that other guy, or by deed, as the guy who does all the maps for that other guy, and here he'll be signing a rather disingenous saying on my photo.

Well, I think it's funny.

That plaque I got, someone screwed up the job title, the title engraved doesn't exist.

I think that's funny too.

I think I need to lighten up.

wow...

Did you read that title?

"before my soul died?"

wow. and what about those other posts?

You might think I was having a bad week.

It actually wasn't that bad.

I still don't like that logo and the screen I did didn't make it past my quality testers so I washed the screen out and made a new one.

I did a couple different versions, it's a one color, line art logo, I tried inverting some elements to see what would work best, best on a light colored background and best on a dark colored background. I thinks what works is the logo I was given as is but I did have to beef up the lines.

I having trouble getting the right ratios down for the photo emulsion. I try again tonight.

I'm happy, real happy with the paint/ink for the t-shirt. It has great coverage.

before my soul died...

I did the screen for the logo. The logo I do not like. I like it even less now.

...

There was this after work going away party for the head honcho. I got a five pint jump on most the rest of the party goers. I sort of bailed because I had the second job thing going on. I can't remember how many beers I had in total but after the five pints, I had two full bottles and then at least three times after that I had a beer in each hand. Folks kept buying me beers. I would be holding a full beer and would be handed another.

Dude, I gots to go, no more beer please.

The food could have been better.

The big boss, the one going, said she had something for me and I could get it tomorrow.

I found out later its a picture of me "when I looked twelve". The only picture that she would have is when I was awarded something by the Mayor. I wondered where that picture went because I never saw it. I'll find out sure tomorrow.

That must have been taken before my soul died.

Did I mention I have a day job? this just happened...

Tim?

Yeah?

If I get you a red polo shirt can you put the logo on it and have it by tomorrow at 7:00PM?

(uncontrolable laughing)

I know, we're reacting to things. Can you do it?

Well,...I could, ummm...No. The answer is no. To have it by tomorrow I would have to do an iron-on and the iron-on's have a white background which will look stupid on a red shirt.

How can we do it then?

Well, you can't have it by tomorrow but I could silk screen it on. What would you use white ink?

Yeah, white ink. Could you have it by next week?

Possibly

no, just the things you do..

That emblem. It kinda sucks.

Those colors. They kinda suck.

That name. It sucks that you abbreviated that first word.

But other than that - great job.

...

Tim?

Yeah.

Are you going into the office?

(me pausing) I'm actually there now.

I need a letter printed on letterhead and you need to make the letterhead.

(me pausing)

I need it by tomorrow morning.

(me pausing)

Can you do it?

Who many copies?

About one hundred, with colored letterhead and envelopes, one ivory colored paper.

(some twists and turns omitted)
...

Folks, this ain't the minor leagues and we've only one shot so can you please bring your A game. Please. Thank you.

...

"Do you hate me?" I was asked

"No" was the honest truth. But I do hate some of the things you do.

Today, I got an email from Tanya. Last year I took care of a request Tanya had, an extra mile was went. I never actually met Tanya, I only spoke to her on the phone. The email was friendly and a little too causal which confused me a bit but then I remembered something.

The something remembered was that after I hooked Tanya up last year, she ran into the other Tim that works with me. The other Tim came back one day and asked if I knew Tanya, I said I spoke to her on the phone and dropped some stuff by her non-profit office but I never met her. The other Tim tells me while he was eating lunch, in his work car, that Tanya approached him, asked if he was Tim and thanked him for stuff he didn't do, he further said that he didn't see the point in telling her that it might be a different Tim that she should be talking to. The other Tim said Tanya was worth talking to, meaning that she's cute.

Whatever, you prick.

So I let Tanya know that we can possibly hook her up again and that she ran into the other Tim last year, and that I'm the original Tim. I think she was slightly embarrassed by her email.

....

Why are these "no left turn" signs up? (asked all pissed off like)

I don't know. If you really want to know you need to write a letter, so we can research it.

Why don't you know? Who else would put up signs?

There could be two different groups of engineers.

Why would there be "no left turn" signs?

My guess would be that the city doesn't want you making a left turn, probably due to a conflict with other traffic.

Let me talk to so-and-so.

So and so doesn't work in city hall, he works at a different location.

Do you have his number?

I'll have to look it up. (I look it up and realize he's been transferred). Sir, he doesn't work as an investigator anymore.

What does he do?

He works taking care of inventory.

What inventory?

It's a special project gathering sign information.

So he would know.

No, he doesn't work in that part of the city. If you want to know you need to write a letter.

Who do you work for? (his tone wasn't asking for my boss's name but a setup for what follows)

The city.

Well, I'm a citizen and I pay taxes so I pay your salary.

Sir, you need to write a letter.

Why?

So, it can be researched.

Why can't you just look it up on the computer?

Because most of our records are still on paper.

Why don't you update the way you do things?

Sir, I really don't have the time to explain everything to you? (I had another line ringing)

Why don't you know?

Sir, you don't ask a plumber an electrical question.

(some sound of exasperation) Don't give me that, let me talk to your supervisor then. How about that?!

Fine. (I get my supervisor)

My supervisor hangs up the phone after five minutes with the guy and said you just talked to the craziest guy I know. And he really does know the guy. He was told he needs to write a letter, like my supervisor has told him before.

Usually, phone calls of this nature start with "Who am I speaking to?" Not so they can address me properly but so they will have a name to complain about. They always get my full proper name.

yeah, it's seems crazy now.

I was asked if I had any of the bacon wrapped shrimp. The answer was "No, I'm not a fan of seafood". I was told that I grew up in the wrong location, I should have grew up in Chicago. I would have to agree that the capital city of the Bay State is probably better suited to those that enjoy seafood.

The conversation continued further and it was revealed that I used to fish the ocean as well as lobstering for a few years but I never ate anything that was caught. It was all for fun.

I told the listeners that when I was about six that my dad had this rubber raft on which he put a motor. I assured folks that it was a good rubber raft much like the armed forces use. Nevertheless, my dad had all his young children in this boat of rubber, everyone with fishhooks. We fished with droplines so we sort of had to hang over the side. It seems a bit crazy looking back on it now.

bumped...

I have this stuff just sitting about waiting to be used. Stuff I have seen in the past and thought "Hey, that might be useful someday". One piece of this stuff was a floating frame, I had it awhile and wasn't using it so I used it just to use it. I used it to hold some photos of Lady G, photos I had just sitting in my cd holder that holds no cd's. The photos fit nicely, job well done. But then someone asked for something and great things would be if the something happened to be in a frame of the floating kind. So, Lady G got bumped. I do feel guilty about it, so I'll buy her a special frame. One just for her.

Oh, and yeah great thing ensued.

Sometimes, I wish I could confirm the flavor of your tatoo.

the wake.

Yesterday at the wake, I walked right by didn't even glance, made a b-line to the family. Johnny's wife is called Chickie, I stood in front of her and she said "Johnny always loved Timmy". "He always had a smile for me" was my reply.

I was trying to play it cool, I should have kept my mouth shut, my reply was too much for me. I made it through the rest of the family, pausing briefly at each one. I wasn't saying much just concentrating on my escape. I was about to lose it.

I made it passed the primary family members, I could sense the freedom down the stairs and out the door, I had to walk the length of the full parking lot but once I was outside I would be better, or so I thought. But on the way another relative fell into view, more chit chat, more staving off emotions.

I finally made it to the sidewalk and across the street to the side I was parked on when the tears came. The sunglasses went on.

I really don't know what was the cause for this show of emotion.

During my brief appearance I was thanked for several things by several people. I felt the love of this family, love given to me.

Maybe, I have a problem being loved.

to me this reads way too dramatic for the actual

Smile the smile

This post was going to be more of the same. More complaints that are in actuality me being a braggart. Prideful of the fact that I actually do feats of wonder on short notice, sometimes.

I phrase my arrogance as gripes because arrogance is unbecoming, although complaining is rather lame.

Nevertheless, no complaints today or at least not right now.

Yesterday I got word Uncle Johnny died. He wasn’t my uncle Johnny. He was the owner’s, of the r.e. office, uncle. I called him Uncle Johnny, I called him that because everyone else around called him that. I’m afforded family status because I afford family status.

I would only see Uncle Johnny of the bigger less private of his family occasions. The thing about Uncle Johnny was that whenever he would see you he would beam this big happy smile, like seeing you was the best thing that happened to him all day. The guy was full of life. A few years ago he suffered a stroke, it robbed him of some motor skills but he refused to lose his smile. He couldn’t say much well after the stroke but the smile said all he had to say.

So, Uncle Johnny my world would be a darker place at the moment if I couldn’t remember the brightness of your smile. Thank you.

Because...

because I will be using the idea on t-shirts, magnets and print ads, as well as any other thing I can think of. I thought I owed something to someone for the idea I stole.



first magnet of this style

Uncle part too

7:08pm I get word I'm an uncle. That brings the total of nieces to two.

9lb something, twenty something inches long, girl.

I took today off from the day job and I'll be damned if I go into the second job. I was at the second till 1:30am last night / this morning.

I took the day because little g had a graduation ceremony, fifth grade style. Part of the production included a Chinese Silk Ball dance. Lady G was sitting by my side and said she has seen too many silk ball dances. Two minutes into the dance I believe I have seen too many silk ball dances and get busted laughing.
"What are you laughing at?"
"I just love the silk ball dancing"
"Are you going to be okay?"
"Just give me a moment" I said as I wiped at a tear that wasn't.

"That's little g's teacher over there" she said pointing two seats and an aisle over.
"She's kinda cute" was my honest opinion, cute and leggy.
"Are you trying to get someone beat up? ...She's a bitch. ...You can have her if you want her"
"That's good to know"

I had an attractive fourth grade teacher, Miss Newton. I tried to seduce her by being the best at four grading. It didn't work.

...It didn't work in the nine grade with Ms. Grey either.

It's the past for me, now...

I ran into the owner of the second job, she said the presentation looks great and that the rest of the office has been assembling them, still 24 hours later. 24 hours after I was done with my pieces.

A lot of things came to mind to say but I offered a defense to the office staff and said it is not a simple thing to assemble. For documents, it's a good size and I know the rest of the office has never handled a document of this size and magnitude. The owner and I have done documents larger with similar magnitude, to me its old hat. I've been there, survived that.

understated.

In the elevator I hear this one guy say
"I thought things were going well until the Mayor spoke against it"
and his buddy says
"Yeah, that really wasn't a good thing"

No freaking shit.

sleep, I hardly knew ye..

Whenever I work long hour I loose track of time's depth perception. The stuff I did between leaving the day job and starting the presentation seemed to happen last week.

Driving home I saw a bag on the floorboard with t-shirts in it that I had gotten 10 or 11 hours prior but I was thinking I had left them in the truck since the weekend.

...

I think I need a nap.

...

12:12pm - it's like my body doesn't want to do anything but the mind is still going. If I had something important and/or pressing to do, I would be right on it. But, nothing important, nothing pressing. As always there are things to do but I have a hard time mustering up some care, but I press on because that's why I get a paycheck.

My worries...

I'm short on laundry this morning just like the last four mornings because I still haven't done laundry, but I find a clean pair of black slacks and like a dark maroon shirt. I have trouble finding black socks so I say screw it and grab dark blue ones. I'm not too happy about it but not enough to find different socks.

I'm walking to the train station and look down and you know what? The slacks are dark blue not black. So, I'm happy about the socks matching but now I'm uncertain about the shirt.

Oh, well.

Yeah, that's the shit I worry about.

whatever...

I just typed in Just when I wanted to type in Yeah so I'll try it again.

Yeah, so working till four twenty eight in the a.m. is not...

Ya, know today I don't even care to hear it.

The reason...

Tim, is there a reason there is a lot of suckage within these confineds?

Probably, because the way I see my life there tends to be a lot of suckage which I can change but I choose not to.

But I hope that there really is some deeper meaning to it. Riding on a Ghost Train.

edit - I really don't believe this to be true. I just like using the word 'suckage'

finished -

4:35am - it's getting lighter outside.

also up at four

the plan continued, some more...

It's past two o'clock, I'm not finished.

I have everything printed and cut and laminated. I just have to put the tabs on the index pages. I have one set done, nine to go.

I think there is a chance I'll be done at three.

the plan continued...

I have all the stuff in hand. It's 11:51pm. I still think I am screwed. If I get done by 2:00AM I'll be happy.

I've finished hand embossing the covers, I have to do the cutout (window), and the covers will be done. The cutouts are easy.

The tabbed index pages will take some doing. The tabs are riveted onto a clear page with unique pictures on each tab page. There are seven tabs. There are ten presentations. There are two rivets to each tab. If my math is correct that's 140 rivets. Who was the jackass that suggested rivets?

The riveted tab does look sweet, though.

The Plan...

The plan was to have stuff in hand when I arrived after the day job about 5:15pm. The plan when awry when after the day job I didn't have stuff in hand. But I had things I could do, like sent the mortgage payment overnight and get something from the store I needed for the project. I had those things completed at about 6:30pm. Still nothing in hand. But someone else dear to my heart starts talking to me about some layout that Alice wants by tomorrow. I'm thinking folks best get to cracking. Also thinking I'm glad I don't have to worry about it. Then I get so and so said you could help.

There was this pause that seemed to go on for days.

I have until 7:00am tomorrow to get all the stuff done. I have nothing in hand and now I have a new half page ad layout with five photos that need to be placed along with 1500 words for text.

I did a mock layout which will last until I can do a better job.

I get a call to meet somewhere to get stuff in hand. I go there and get just a little bit of stuff. The rest will follow. It is now 10:11PM.

I think I am screwed. I tell someone "I'm screwed. You know that don't ya".

I'll let you know how it goes.

Oh, also someone needs a check so I have to do that as well.

seven bucks, big deal...

The bar is slow today ...hmmm, maybe I do have a problem, anyway it's slow. I'm there with thee other guys, solo, solo, pair. I'm a solo. I don't feel like eating, I don't really feel like drinking, so the tip will be huge (relatively, proportionally). 233 percent - sounds impressive but it only costs me seven bucks.

The barkeep is commenting about a rush of people that she wishes would come in, I say I just increased your customers by 33 percent. She didn't seem too impressed.

Hamming Cheese...

I know fantastical isn't a word. I first coined it when I was talking about the author Dean Koontz. I forget the book title but I enjoyed his character development and his writing style but then at the end, I just thought it was too fantastic to be true. Fantastic as 'based on or existing only in fantasy; unreal'. But fantastic didn't seem to instill that too unbelievable feel that I had of the ending, I didn't want fantastic to be confused with 'wonderful or superb; remarkable', so I said fantastical. Too science fictional type stuff.

But maybe that's just me, so sue me.

Unless your Mr. Koontz, then I loved everything and please don't sue me.

I read another book of his which had similar characters, the main character even had a dog just like the other main character. I thought I was reading the same book.

The first book was "Seize the Night", now that I remember. I forget the second book.
.....

The second book was "Midnight", now that I checked Amazon.

....

I found the pens I like, again. I've been using the same type of pen for the past eleven years. I was having trouble finding them but I found them over the weekend while doing something else.

So now I'm happy.

....

This morning I got this message in an email

THE MAYONNAISE JAR AND COFFEE
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar...and the coffee...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, " I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things-your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions-things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else-the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal."

Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."


All profound, cutesy and stuff right?

So later I sent this reply:

"So, are you saying I have no balls?"

....well, I thought I was funny.

....

Did I mention Dick Blick dot com.

I got my stuff on Saturday, all of it save one item. The packing slip says I got it, the way I count things I did not.

I ordered two pairs of hinges, I got one box with two hinges which, if you are keeping score, equals one pair. I called on Saturday and I was told their system was down. I told them I could call Monday. I called Monday and explained the problem. I said possibly that there was some confusion that the hinges are sold in pairs and not as individual items. I was told that another pair would be shipped today.

Right as rain.

....

I had this urge today to threaten "to ham someone's cheese", as in "I gonna ham your cheese!" (said while shaking my fist in the air). I don't know what that is all about.

I don't even think it's all that threatening.

Sounds rather helpful/generous/tasty.

"You're gonna ham my cheese? Oh, thank you."

I don't think I'm getting enough sleep.

....Maybe I'm not getting enough ham and cheese.

Fantastical...

I've taken to saying that "I'm fantastic" when folks ask me how I'm doing.

I was asked the other day and I said "Fantastic! How you doing?" and the reply was "Fine". I said "Sorry to hear that, I wish you were fantastic, too". She said "Maybe my fine is your fantastic".

Maybe my fantastic isn't too fantastical and that's fine with me.

It is out of my hands, I spoke my piece...

Saturday little g was with me. We had just gotten back from the supermarket, we bought a lot of fruit. She points at the blender and asks if we can make smoothies. "Hell No!" was what I heard in my head but what came out my mouth was "Why not". I'm not a big smoothie fan, especially the homemade kind but it did turn out pretty good. I was probably just happy that little g went home with all her fingers because she was cutting the fruit

...

Sunday, I'm doing preliminary work on a presentation to make a school independant and private. I do the design elements, the cover, index pages, all the fluff. I used to do everything but others can do the report writing and the chart making. I'm usually never satisfied with what I produce. I always think I could have done better, it's usually good but not as good as I would like. But lately I'm happy with what I've been producing.

I've probably lowered my standards.

They changed the color of the school from blue and white to beige/tan and red/maroon. I'm not a fan of the new colors. The new color scheme will make ever thing harder than it has to be. What about letterhead how costly will that be?

It is out of my hands, I spoke my piece.

untitled...

I was talking to a friend the other day. A friend who I met during a time in my life where I cannot recall being happy about the situation I was in. This friend said when choosing a name for his firstborn son he considered those he knew with the same name as mine and he concluded that the name was a good one.

I asked him "wasn't I a miserable prick most of the time back then?" He said "Maybe, but not to me, and despite of what was going on whenever you saw anyone of us, you always greeted us with a smile. There were times you looked super pissed but if anyone needed something, your attitude would change, you would stop what you were doing and help."

The point? The way I remember that time is that I was a prick but the way some remember it is a bit different. Which is most accurate?

Most likely both.

But I often forget the good.

will today ever end?...Don't I have work to do?...

On the second job I get a flat rate so if I screw around I just have to stay later to get stuff done.

today, I was working late covering someone else's shift. One of the higher ups came by he looked troubled. I asked him how he was doing. His reply was that he is worried all the effort will be in vain if this event doesn't take place.

The event is in danger because of a picket line. A picket line which other unions will not cross. A line that if not crossed will prevent work from happening. Work that is most necessary.

Build it and they will come, don't build it and they won't.

My first reply was "When don't we work in vain?" but being a smartass wasn't a course to be taken today, so that went unspoken. This guy is usually unflappable and here he is all flapped like. I said I think what might help a bit is that the paper's are turning from the picketing union. He agreed and said that the union is looking like a collective ass (my words not his). He left, still with his worry, I stayed still without them.

I think things will work out but there will be damage. ...But things will have to happen in less than five days. Or so me thinks.

My favorite book?

My favorite book is "A Spy In The Ointment" by Donald E. Westlake.

It's my favorite because it made me want to read books.

It's out of print. I found my paperback copy of it awhile ago. It's in good condition and has the orignal price tag on it. $3.95 I think. I checked ebay and I think some guy bid $25 for a copy.

I like the scene when the FBI approaches the main character of the book who is a small time activist. They say "We like you because you don't tear up notes into little pieces that say screw the FBI and throw them into your trash" so once the feds leave he gets a small piece of paper and writes screw the FBI on it, then tears it into little pieces and then throws it away.

And another, Oh...

I may have had a couple.

Oh...

Did I mention Dick Blick dot com?

I'm avoiding work, so here's another...

"Is that a kid's book" I asked (I'm being an ass for the fun of it)
"Don't worry about it"
"But I do worry about it"
"Why?"
"Because I worry about you"
"Why?"
"Because I care about you"
"Why?"
"Because I'm a caring fellow. ...So, is it a kid's book?"
"No, it's not"
"What are you going to tell me it's a young adult's book"
"No"
"Is it a novella?"
"A what?!"
"A novella" (she is actually has a hearing problem, so I don't know if she faking or not. I sometimes tell her it's more of a listen problem)
"A who?"
"A NO-VEL-LA, you know a short novel"
"No, it's not"
"What how many pages are there? 96?" I asked
"No, there is more than 96"
"Oh, yeah? Can you check it for me?"
"What?! No"
"Come on, I want to know how close I was"
she thumbs to the back of the book, there are four blank pages so finding the 'last' page takes longer than either of us likes"
"One hundred and thirty-three"
"Oh, I guess I was wrong. Thanks"
A client comes in and I have to go to work.
"I'll be back later" I assured her.

I would just like to say...

dick

blick

dot com

I just like saying dick blick.

But seriously Dick Blick.


They shipped my stuff the very same day. Its on the way. That ain't hay.

Was there rain today? I dunno...

Before I headed out to work at such a time that would undoubtedly make me late I took time to find the cap I wanted to wear, rain was the expectation for today. I was late, I might as well get the hat I wanted.

The regular trainmates were on the trains ahead of me so today there were these new train users.

The pair that caught my attention consisted of a very attractive lady and a less attractive guy both were African Americans. The two where separated by a seat occupied by someone neither of them knew. He was doing most of the talking. She couldn't have looked more disinterested in the exchanged but every once in awhile she would offer a reply. The conversation - mostly politics. He had opinions on a lot of things, but mainly on why minorities aren't in office. She asked him if he votes. His reply - never in my life.

My city is a majority minority. A very good voter turnout is something like 22 percent. I think the last go round 12 percent of those eligible to vote showed up.

I was going to pipe up but he was all over the board. I don't think he was in the frame of mind to listen. He ended up saying that the star shaped badges that are worn by the sheriffs are a sign of the devil.

But dude, you gotta vote.

...

I have this hook on my pencil cup for holding rubber bands. By hook I mean a bent and twisted paper clip, jumbo size. Today the hook was empty so I go to the drawer with my rubber bands and lift the resealable bag from it resting place. I lift the bag but to my dismay the rubber bands pretty much keep the same elevation as before. The bag is opened and the rubber bands have distributed themselves over the contents of the drawer.

I look at the bag to figure out what went wrong. I usually grab the bag at the top just in case it isn't sealed properly. The bag is sealed properly at the top anyway. Someone has opened the bottom. Someone other than me. These are my rubber bands bought and paid for, requesting rubber bands from the supply clerk is too much of a hassle for me to deal with so I buy my own, and get what I want.

Why do you need rubber bands? We don't ever order that size. Why do you need them again? Get that form and fill it out and have your supervisor sign it and bring it back.

Normally some snide remarks would be offered to this situation of mine but today I just smiled and taped the bag's bottom and rebagged the rubberbands. I'll wait for the bigger fish to fry.

...

The printer I usually use is busted. The replacement printer I'm using is by the office of the big boss. So, to get my print jobs I have to pass by the secretary's desk, today the ladies are talking about babies and vasectomies. They see me and say "Tim, come here miss Y needs another baby" so I roll my eyes and say "Alright, come on into the big boss's office".

I was only half joking.

it's a mute point...

I’m having trouble commenting but…

I guess dignity has nothing to do with it.

Some of what was written reminded of something in my past, something with my father.

Situations where I didn’t fuck dignity and in hindsight I think I may have missed something.

There are many reasons for making decisions but I think maintaining a sense of dignity, particularly if I costs me something of value, is not the best reason.

But if there is nothing of value to gain, or if something of value might be lost this is all a mute point.

I thought for a moment, there was a hint, that something was desired. It turns out it was my desire for a do-over in for something in my past.

I don't mind being told what to do just don't tell me how to do it. Remix

So I wrote a post under this title one post ago. As soon as I posted it I realized that one of my more persistant problems is that in life I have been given a blank canvas and I don't know what to do with it.

I never really have.

a title? how about some substance?...

The latest request was for invites to an eightieth birthday party but I wouldn't have the info until Monday night. Monday night I have no info so I attempt to get the info. No info to be had but while I'm there I get another request.

The new request is for labels for those fundraising cans. The fundraising cause - Save Our School.

I've done labels for the cans in the past but I need one of the cans on hand to get the measurements correct. I can get a can two city blocks away. I walk the two blocks.

"Hi, I'm Tim. I'm here for a can"
"Hi, Tim. I'll get you a can"
She gets the can and asks "Can you have them in two minutes? ...I'm just joking. Can I have them sometime tomorrow?"
"I can have them in about 30 minute" I wasn't joking. I ask "You have about one hundred can?"
"Exactly one hundred cans" she replied.
I tell her where I'll leave the labels which will need to be cut. She asks if I can leave them in her mailbox. I can. I tell her I'll try to get two labels to a sheet of paper but I think the can is an odd size and ask if the label can be short. She says "Sure". She mentions that cutting them may be difficult. The students will be applying the labels, kinda a craft project. I commit to cutting them.

Only one label fits on a letter size piece of paper. I think they came out nice. I didn't have my camera or else there would be a photo. I could jpg the label but it looks stupid if it's not on a can. Maybe I'll do it later.

I have the invites to do tonight. Hopefully, I'll have all the info.

...

Often when I send an email I worry that it might be taken the wrong way.

I send them anyway.

I don't mind being told what to do just don't tell me how to do it.

If you give me a blank canvas I will give it a blank stare.

But if you give me two different color paints, limit the work space to the lower left corner, tell me it should make people think of key lime pie then I can do wonders.

I do better with limits. When the sky’s the limit all I give is dead air.

"Oh, my God!"

Another thing I'll say with conviction is that if you see a toddler falling from a chair, it is never best to scream "Oh, my God!".

This just frightens the child and maybe convinces him/her into thinking the situation is worse than they think and causes them to cry louder/longer.

You might think that screaming such a thing could alert others to the danger and possibly danger could be averted but I say something else should be shouted. Something like "catch the baby" same amount of syllables and folks know what's going on.

But maybe that's just me.

Why the macaroon?

“Hi Tim, I’m so and so, thanks for all your help in the past”
“Hi” I responded with a slightly puzzled look.
“Your help with the fundraising” she explained
me – still sporting the puzzled look.
“The invites and stuff”
me – now I get it. I remembered the invites but I hadn’t known she knew it was me. I try to keep on the down low.
“Yeah, and remember that poster you did? It really helped in the court case” a friend of mine said.
me-thinking what poster.
“The poster with all the kids in front of the school saying “Thank you” to all the people who helped”
In my mind that’s an ad. It was in the local paper and we printed a large color version of it for some of the big donors.

All that stuff is still saved on my computer somewhere but I forget most of it.


That exchange happened on a corner of my old neighborhood. I agreed to help the friend with something but I couldn’t reach her but then I saw her on the corner. She was there with her daughter and a friend with her daughter. The daughters were selling baked good to raise money to help keep their school opened.

I got the sales pitch from my friend’s daughter. I was told if I were to make a donation I would get the goods but if I want a napkin that would cost extra. I asked if I could just buy the napkin. I was told I could but it would cost thirty dollars. I peeled off two bucks and picked up a macaroon. I passed on the napkin. As my transaction was taking place I believe my friend was letting her friend know who I was because once I had the macaroon in hand, that’s when I got the “Hi, Tim”.

I’m not a big macaroon fan. I should have went for a brownie.

I did this t-shirt for shits and giggles. It glows in the dark.

A first...

Translation:

I attempt to get home but I'm afraid I'm going to hurl on the train, so I get off the train and sit in the Common writing this note on the back of an ATM receipt.

I stifle a hurl and wait for folks to walk by before I make a deposit into a trash can. Some guy walking by mentions that its nice to have a day that isn't pissing rain. I say "Wait until tomorrow" as I wait for my next barf fest.

End Translation

This note was written after five more pints (total pints = most likely nine)using the back of a bench as a desk. More beer than usual for me but folks kept buying me pints.

I think the guy mentioning the weather thought I was enjoying the scenery but I was just waiting to puke in semi-private.

I find it interesting that I originally spelled 'fest' correctly but convinced myself it was incorrect and spelled it 'feast' instead.

Unedited...

thedetox.com mentions

operation: you. were. here

I used to work with a construction crew. I used to build stuff to let folks know I was here.

I do

operation: you. were. here

Is that a subsidiary of

operation: you. made. a. difference ?

...even if it's one pillbug at a time?


Pill bug story Is the little guy actually safer


The effort is more important than the success

I've had a few.

I actually don't remember the exact amount but I think it was more than four over an hour and a half.

We return from where we were and there is this uproar.

I got a call from Lady G after number three. She mentions something about a problem. I say I don't see it as a problem. "I bet you don't" was her reply.

I've been trying to avoid upsetting Lady G regarding my drinking habits but sometimes you need to bond with the guys. I consider it a social investment. She sees it as a drunken stupor.

I'm impressed that I spelled 'stupor' correctly although it did take me four tries on the 'correctly'.

Okay it was five tries but whose counting.

I've really nothing important to say but how is that different than another day?

Lauren was the barkeeper. Her 'boyfriend" is flying in from Cali next week. He told her that he loves her. She said "I love you" but then retracted it. She's worried that he has stronger feelings for her than she has for him. We were giving her all sorts of advise that is sure to screw up the relationship.

As I'm writing this I get another call from Lady G. She was trying to call someone else and go me and she let me know that I'm slurring my words.

you have one new voice message

"Hi, it's me. Thanks for going to that thing today. You came through again. I didn't know she was going to win all those awards. I guess that's why they wanted a parent or somebody there."

"They should have been your kids. I don't know what happened but they should have been yours."

"I'll talk to you later, ...I guess. Thanks again"



I know what happened.

Something I don't understand.

I was at a funeral today.

I was at a memorial service not too long ago.

Both were held in Catholic churches.

Both times I felt like I wanted to stick around.

My beliefs differ from the Catholic church.

Yeah, freaking adorable

“Can you change the picture?”
“Yeah, but change it to what?” I asked looking out the window to see it there is still enough daylight to take a decent photo.
“I dunno, a view shot? Don’t you have a photo database?”
“I’ve saved all the photos but to get a view shot I have to look through all the photos”
“…We can change it next week then”

…

“Are you going anywhere?”
“I’m walking to so-and-so’s house”
“Can we take a new picture?”

I took a new picture in failing sunlight.

On the way to take a new picture I’m asked what I did over the weekend.
“Nothing much. I silk screened some T-shirts”
“Oh, how adorable”

Yeah, freaking adorable.

No small effort...

I read in the online version of the paper that a friend of mine is suing the Arch diocese over the closing of a school.

The story says that through fund raising efforts the school has been self sufficient and if it closes then the money raised for the school should be returned.

I agree.

I did the invites for some of the fundraising efforts. I was asked to create 250 custom invites, then the total was raised to 500, then 1250. They needed to be inexpensive the last invites had a price tag of $1.25 a piece and they weren’t much to look at. The invites I did fit into a business sized envelope which was crimped for style and matched the invites with cost four cents a piece in materials to make. They were labor intensive but I work for cheap, if the cause is just.

Over two years almost a quarter million was raised. The powers that be want to close the school. I smell a fight... And probably more invites.

"It hurts but I'm walking"

"Can I ask you a favor? Can you pour a little of that in here to make it look right? If you know what I mean."
I smiled.
I knew what he meant.
He was pointing at my diet coke which was by my side, sitting on the same granite stairs as I.
His container's label indicated that it was a 12 oz. Pepsi but the clear liquid inside indicated something else.
He was about five foot seven, light brown hair, 150 pounds, steel blue eyes and a lived in look.
I started pouring and said "Say when"
I poured some more and he said "That should do it"
The finished product looked more like ice tea than cola.
He told me he did two tours in Vietnam.
He told me he has been shot all over his body.
He told me the doctors said he would never walk again.
He said "It hurts but I'm walking"
He told me last night he punched a cop.
He told me it was either be punched or do the punching so he punched.
He told me vodka sometimes gives you the hiccups.
He was hiccupping.
He told me he committed 157 armed robberies, the first time the law caught up with him was seven years ago.
I wasn't certain if he was telling me I was going to be the 158th.
It’s the guys that aren't that big that give you the most trouble.
They seem to have a need to prove something.
I wasn’t worried but I took a quick inventory of my carried possessions:
digital camera
about $48
cell phone
credit cards
keys
pocket knife
pen
I would give him the money if he asked nicely or if we were to come to blows.
Forty eight bucks is not worth an ass kicking to me, either his ass or mine.
The other items, save the pen and the knife, weren’t leaving their assigned pockets while I was conscience.
I was calculating damage to him and to me if I had to defend myself when he continued with the informational session.
He told me he could cure his hiccups.
He pardoned himself as he tried the cure.
He was quiet for a while as he held his breath.
I could see him still hiccupping.
Five times he hiccupped while holding his breath.
He told me sometimes that they don't go away.
He pardoned himself as he went to try a different remedy.

Good luck.