This is why I have a problem with me.

I forget what I was going to complain about.

A friend just told me she has mouth cancer, its eating away at her molars which is the best I can tell from what she showed me. She told me it spread from the top of her jaw. She referred to it in the past as oral surgery, I hadn't know it was cancer.

She hands me stuff so I can do what I do as she lets me know the news. Her composure breaks a bit and she apologizes. I want to hug her but I don't. I don't make the move of compassion because I'm selfish. I worry that if I console her more emotion will come, some great release I won't be able to handle. What if my composure breaks?

I'm a selfish ass. She apologizes a few more times, I say mostly nothing.

As I was writing this, another person drops by my office, I actually have an office at the second job, and asks how I'm doing. "Okay, I guess" was my reply. She lets me know that her designer bag was stolen from her car. The expensive bag had a blank, unsigned $50K banker's check in it along with paper work worth five month's worth of dealings. I think "yeah, that's bad but at least it ain't mouth cancer".

My biggest worry/problem today was that I was interviewed by a local news team asking me about buying lottery tickets for the estimated prize of $220 million dollars. I worry that someone will see it and ask why I was buying lottery tickets while I should have been working. Hey, I get a fifteen minute union break.

I was working outside today, outside on this sun shiny day.

I even got free sodas at lunch. Lauren hooked me up. Thanks, Lauren.

Yesterday, I got to see my new niece and the screening of the t-shirts worked out great.

After tonight, if I don't hit the lottery, my biggest worry will be trying to make time to cook the steak I have in the refrigerator. And, I have no plans after work tomorrow so I really don't see a problem with that. But I do have to choose a side dish.

Boy, I have it rough.

That's the problem I have with me, all the work-for-free stuff I do, (hell, even when the work costs me out-of-pocket), all the helping hands, all the seemingly there when you need him, all the paired up single dollar bills going into coffee cups, all the thirty percent tips on a slow day, all of it is shit.

Money means very little to me. When asked by the newsteam what I would do with the money, I said pay the mortgage, pay some friends mortgages, pay college tuition for friend's kids, not ever work again. Never work for money again.

I'm a good guy when it doesn't cost me much or when the payoff is large. The payoff is usually bragging rights. "Hey, look at me! Look what I've done".

But put a friend in need that only needs a hug, at the moment, which will only cost me the chance of showing emotion and I will take a pass. "Hey, be careful using the stairs on the way down, out my door. Have a nice fourth of July."

This is why I have a problem with me.

Looks like I got a complaint in after all.

Oh, yeah, and there is too much chicken in my chicken cutlet sandwich.