What do I try to hide?

My doubt

My lack of empathy

My worry

My affection


...

She came up to my office and handed me my check and asked about websites. I pulled up several pages and ran a few searches.

"You're quick"

I just smiled because I didn't think saying 'You should see me looking up porn' was a proper response.

...

I was struggling to stay focused on the job at hand. The job wasn't important or pressing but I was pretty certain that if I lost focus, I will not be gaining it back. My desk phone rang, I looked to see which line was lit up even though I already knew because the lines ring differently.

My direct line was the one that rang but it only rang once, then moments later my cell phone rang. Lady G was on the other end.

"Are you in the field?"

"Nope."

"Good. I'll be at the trolley station in fifteen to twenty minutes. Can you meet me there?"

"Sure."

"And can you bring me a small French Vanilla with three sugars?"

"I will do that"

The line went silent after that and within fifteen minute I was standing was a small coffee of the platform where the middle of the two car light rail train would stop. I stood in the middle because I didn't know which car she would be driving. A few minutes later I saw her driving the front trolley. As she was driving past, she opened the window and said you were supposed to meet me on the other side.

"What did she just tell me?" someone waiting for the trolley asked.

"She said you were supposed to meet her on the other side." someone else waiting for the trolley answered.

There was a little bit more of the exchange between the two perplexed people, who then seemed to be a little bit irritated so I told them that the message they heard was directed at me.

I used the last door to enter the train and then walked up the middle to the front and stood in the stairwell.

"What other side?"

"Over there" she pointed to the inbound platform. Fortunately, the station was a turnaround station so I caught her after she turned around.

"Nice coat" she said referring to the black suede jacket I was wearing which she gave to me a couple years ago.

"Thanks, I do have some nice things."

"I think it's time for a new one. Your present's there." She pointed between the coin box and the front panel of the trolley to a large Old Navy bag.

"Oh." I grabbed the bag while trying to balance in the stairwell having let go of the railing. She drives the trains a little bit fast. I took out the black wool early Spring jacket. "Nice." I then folded back the sleeves flat and rolled the jacket loosely.

"I can't believe you just did that."

"Did what?"

"Just rolled it up like that" and she reached over and pulled it back from the bag as I wondered how much attention one needs to pay when driving a trolley.

"What?! I rolled it loosely."

"No you didn't." She then folded it much like you would find it folded at the retail store and put it back in the bag.

I watched us approach the next station as she finished packing my gift to her liking. She then looked up did some trolley stuff and brought the train to a gentle stop.
"I'm never going to remember who to fold that" I lied. It wasn't that I wouldn't remember, it's just that I really didn't care. I think you get less wrinkles with a roll than you do with a fold but she really knows more about that stuff than I do.

"Were you busy?"

"No. Well, yeah but it wasn't anything that I couldn't stop."

I like watching up front as the trolley travels underground. I think it's quite a view, the lights of the train illuminating the rails, the flutter effect of the fluorescent lights which keep the same beat as the old wooden ties as they are passed by. It reminds me of some cheap special effect used to pretend time travel.

We might have traveled through time a little because before I knew it I was six stops from work. I headed back at the next stop and the trip back seemed to take twice as long.