Red is not my color

“Hello”

“Timmy, it’s me the pain in the neck.”

“Hi” the person calling is the owner’s aunt

“What are you doing Friday night?”

“Errr, nothing.” Friday is her family’s Christmas party which I’ve been invited to but most likely am not going to. I’m playing it cool.

‘Well, we need someone to be Santa. Can you do it?”

My first reaction – “Holy shit”
My second reaction – “Hell, no”
My third reaction – “Whad d fuk? Do I look anything like Santa?”
My fourth reaction – “I’ve heard Santa’s a Nazi” from raymi talking about this
My fifth reaction and only spoken reaction:

“I would be really uncomfortable being Santa”

“Oh, okay I will ask *so and so*.”

“Yeah, he’ll be a much better Santa.”


How the heck did I ever get asked that question?