I, the first guy standing out of frame

Like when that chair in the hallway that nobody uses get moved, you kind of remember something was there but it really doesn't get missed.

After four days away, just one note requesting one item. Before I left for most of the week, I mentioned to someone that I wouldn't be missed, that folks would just do without.

Folks did without.

I wasn't lamenting my own plight. I was just using myself as an example that he wouldn't be missed either. We will both end up being a hazy memory.

"Remember that guy that we used to call, the one that used to always try to help us out?"

"Who? Pete?"

"No. Who's Pete? No, not Pete, that other guy."

"I don't remember. It must have been before my time."

...

I draw lines for most of my living.

...

"Hello" I said into my cell phone which was met with a pause.

"Hi. Which Tim is this?"

"Tim Catfish, I work with *the real estate company*."

"Oh. It's Sue. I just wanted to let you know that my paying the owner back some of that money I borrowed, but could I get a new summary of what I owe?"

"Sure."

"I just want you to know that I'm not trying to hurt anyone and that I'm doing my best to treat everyone fairly. All I have left is my name."

I am always apprehensive when people start explaining things to me when those things have to do with how they are perceived. I consider such explanations as one shoe dropping and I'll keep an ear out for that other shoe. I didn't bother to try to find out why she was explaining things to me. "And your good looks" I said. She seemed a little down trodden so I figured I would work on her vanity to brighten her day and she is an attractive woman (and I sometimes wonder why I've never lusted after her, 'cause sometimes I do lust after women)

"What?"

"Your name and your good looks." I explained which was met by another pause.

"My good looks? You're the best." She then started to reflect on her life and she mentioned her only child and how that her daughter is the only things that really matters and will be the only thing of worth that she leaves in this world. She then asked about my own family legacy. I mentioned that so far my branch ends with me.

"I think you would make a great father. I think if you were my father, I could have been president of the United States." It was then my turn to pause.

"Thanks" I finally said to break the silence. I was afraid she was going to say something even more awkward to reply to.

...

So, I had the inspector for the insurance company come out on Thursday so, I had to button some things up. I didn't button up all I wanted to and he seemed more concerned with things I wasn't so concerned with but things are out of my hands at the moment.

...

Some dude got busted selling crystal meth from a house that I can see from my kitchen window during the fall and winter.

It's what you do when you don't have to that shows your true measure. Three times I said no to three different people and then later I said yes because my original answer was just me being in a pissy mood.

...

"You're in early. How come?"

"Cause I want to be done with this place early." I had my own worries this week and someone else's worries were assumed as well. I let it put my in a foul mood. She then asked what was causing me concern. She knew the main reason although she may have not known about the things that came from that main problem. I said that I merely have just had enough for the time being.

"Is there anything I should be doing different?" She asked. There was nothing I could say, part of her philanthropy had caused the current difficult situation. I wanted to say "Screw the needy. Take care of yourself. Focus on the business" but then I would also have to say "Forget your family." I've been down this road before, this road seems to get rougher each time I'm on it. In the past I've asked myself what would I have done in her shoes. My feet would lead me to the same road, so there is nothing I can say, we wear the similar shoes.

I hung my head which she couldn't see over the phone line but she could probably hear it in my voice as I said "No."

I just wish things were different.

I wish there was less shit to catch.

I wish I didn't become a world class shit catcher by so much hands-on experience.

I wish just because I can didn't mean I have to.

I wish I didn't always feel like the last defense.

I wish she didn't know that I would make the same decisions as her.

I wish she didn't know without a doubt that she can take me for granted.


"Tim, I hate to call you but you get things done." the publisher said.

"Yeah, I think I'd be happier if I was a goof-off, but then I would be unhappy because things wouldn't get done."

...

"What would you do if I wasn't here right now?"

She thought a moment and gave an answer.

"Then why don't you do that?"

Even though at times I do my best to be mean to people they also seem to come back.