See my new glasses? I thought she meant pint but she pulled out eye

"What did you do before you started coming here?"

"I actually didn't drink that much, just on Fridays."

"Yeah, we're everybody's downfall."

...

"I know I'm on a diet but where's the candy. This is ridiculous" some hot Latina said.

I haven't been buying the candy like I used to, so I went and got some mainly because I like candy and partly because I like pleasing the ladies. She was on the phone when I got back so I laid out the booty in front of her. She picked the Sweetarts just like I thought she would and then she blew me a kiss.

I'm a sucker for shit like that.

Later, she came by my desk and said "You made me very very happy."

She sent a thank you email as well.

It may have been the best seventy seven cents I have ever spent, (they were on sale).


Every time I buy reese's peanutbutter cups I think of what someone once said, which was similar to, if not exactly:

"I would blow my grandpa for those reese's peanutbutter cups"

I think my internal reply was "Listen, I ain't doing your grandpa any favors"