Is it getting dark in here?...

Once, before I worked for the city, I was in the real estate office most of the time keeping the construction part running smoothly and a snag was hit.

I trusted a contractor to do his job and found out that on that day the trust was misplaced, so a problem arose and I had to fix it which caused much consternation on my part. The owner found out there was a problem and I gave her the run down, by then I had things mostly under control but she asked “did you yell at him?” my response was a question “will that make things better?” to which she said “no”.

The owner knows me, she knew by that time I had several different scenarios for vengeance, and there could be two outcomes, I would explode all over him or tear up his card in my Rolodex. I choose the latter, the explosion would have been grand but I wasn’t going to use him again so what would be the point.

There are a lot of times certain responses will come to mind but I usually will ask ‘will that make things better’ the answer is usually ‘no’. But there are those days when the high road is not taken, I allow myself a little release. In hindsight I sometimes marvel at the things I say, once the juices get flowing, but then there is always a bit of guilt. Is the world a better place? Has a lesson been learned? Is that the image I should be displaying? Was that the right thing? I answer to all those questions is consistently, no. But I do get a bit of a buzz off the power of the poisonous verbiage I sometimes spew forth. I have actually brought grown men to tears, which after the buzz wears off brings greater guilt.

There is no gain in trading a man’s pride for a demonstration of my inner evil.

When I talk the talk but hold off walking the walk it’s not because I can’t, not because I don’t want to. But because I can’t identify the gain.

Evil’s easy, the default, it’s the good that’s hard. So if you ever see me slowly smirk my sly little smile after someone thinks they just played me, beware because evil is afoot.